A mad mage has turned your entire party into sapient birds. What's your next move?

>A mad mage has turned your entire party into sapient birds
I Wild Shape back to human and slap his shit in.

>A mad mage has turned your entire party into homosexuals. What's your next move?
I Wild Shape into a bird and claw his eyes out.

Go get some cloaca.

I shit on his most prized/expensive things and try to gouge an eye out

B-b-but our party already consisted of sapient birds.
Thank you OP for not confusing sapient and sentient. I fucking hate when people do this.

Depends on the type of bird.

If cassowary, have some fun with destruction, trample and kick the shit out of everything, it's probably an upgrade for the melee class anyway (note: probably not actually an upgrade)

If bird of prey like hawk or eagle, start doing lethal dive-bombings. Consider making a quick buck by delivering messages for people while you wait for the spell to wear off (assuming it does wear off).

If superb lyrebird, start mimicking the sounds spellcasting, preferably powerful or illegal spells, maybe a scream or two, make everyone panic until someone figures out that it's just some asshole bird mimicking sounds.

If parrot or other speech-capable bird, just chat up locals, maybe even try to communicate with other local avian life, translate for the Human-Pigeon Shit-Related Non-Aggression Pact conference, that sort of thing.

If penguin, take advantage of new swim speed to inspect any nearby large bodies of water for interesting contents.

If vulture, just sit on his rooftop brooding until he changes you back. Be sure to be as obnoxiously ominous/edgy as possible.

If pigeon, shit on his house, his wife, his familiar, his mail, his lab, his crystal ball, his car, his food, and just about anything else. Swear to god, pigeons.

If songbird, plague the villagers with incidental music whenever something dramatic or comical happens.

If kookaburra, wake the mage up every time he tries to go to sleep by being obnoxiously loud.

If stork, get a bundle that looks relatively baby-like, fly past the village children while carrying said bundle. They'll go home and tell their parents, who will be extremely uncomfortable. Bonus points if the kids watch you fly the bundle into someone's home. Rumors be vicious.

Really, there's a lot of things you can do as a sapient bird. I assume the spell wears off on its own after a while, in which case, might be nice to just enjoy living a little differently for a few hours or days, have some laughs, make some pranks.

my PC already is a sapient bird

Save the world.

sing that song till the DM fix's or kills us all.

>so wot we gona do?
>I don't know, wot ya wanna do?

So what you're saying is...

A Mad Mage Made a Malodorous Mockery of our Meet by Making us Mouthering Macaws using his Mysterious Magical Motions?

I restrain him with Kelpstrand since I was already a Druid with Natural Spell.

Then I shit on his belongings and in his hair.

Further suggestions:

If flamingo, stand on someone's front lawn as still as possible, startle passerby- wait, shit, plastic lawn flamingo probably isn't a thing in this setting. Nevermind. Instead, go eat some whatever-pigment-rich-food-the-species-in-question-eats. If new pigments replacing existing ones aren't treated the same way by the spell, your hair will be dyed pink when you change back. Every time someone asks why you have pink hair, give a little infomercial-tier speech about the benefits of baleful polymorphing for natural hair dyeing, and direct further inquiries to the mad mage in question.

If pelican, assist local fishing boats or alternatively piss them off by hoarding their fish. Have fun with all that beakspace either way.

If heron, idfk just fish or something. It's not like anyone pays attention to herons.

If ostrich or emu, nip at people's long hair and such, target individuals in public speaking scenarios for maximum disruption. They can't get mad at you for it, it's a thing that these birds just like to do.

If large owl, chug a live mouse just so you can say you did. It's the sort of thing you really won't get many opportunities to do, y'know?

If seagull, steal anything that looks tasty. Everyone knows that's what seagulls do when anyone carries food outside.

If turkey, pheasant, grouse, etc, just fuckin' hide, you ain't anyone's dinner.

If chicken, just generally be a sassy little shit. People seem to be fond of sassy chickens. Not really sure why. If male, maybe wander into the tavern just so all the drunks can start making jokes about that huge cock. You could even be some lucky bastard's wingman.

If peacock, strut around town looking pretty. Keep an eye out for anyone doing artistic work, hang around them, they might dedicate something to you. Free press is free press, right?

If canada goose, shit on everything the pigeons shit on, plus every public bench you can reach. Swear to god, geese.

No real shortage of shenanigans.

Fly south for winter
Rally up an army of geese and ducks
Fly north to fuck his shit up

Poop on his tower

>mfw Druid
>mfw I managed to convince the GM to allow me to wildshape into what's basically a Haast eagle once we got into later levels
I all but evolve before his very eyes into one of the only avian predators of man and proceed to peck his shit apart until he decides to turn us back into humans. After that I'll more than likely finish the job to prevent this from happening a second time. You don't fuck with a man that can turn into the equivalent of a dire eagle and expect to just walk away.

>Everyone knows that's what seagulls do when anyone carries food outside.
Some of them don't want to wait for someone to bring the food outside
youtube.com/watch?v=Kqy9hxhUxK0

We take the fucking ring to Mt. Doom and drop it in.

Well done, sir.

underrated post

>Fuck a female bird
>Start a family of sentient birds
>Create a sentient bird civilization
>Conquer the world

What changes?

>Planet of the avians
I'd probably watch it tbqh.

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> everyone works in sync but then there's That Guy

"Don't start tha' again."

Allow me to sing you the song of my people....and the Finch people, and the Cardinal people, and Sparrows, and the Grackles, the Swallows, the Bluejays, the Robins, the Car Alarms, the Chickadee's, the Red Shouldered Blackbirds....

I relish the chance to become the perfect avian killing machine. SQUAK

peck their eyes out

nobody can defend against a mass of pecking birds

Only one (you)? No sir. You deserve more. That was gold.

It was wicker at best.

It was for the birds.

My current character is literally a Psychic bird right now.

So business as usual really

This deserves a screencap

Cassowaries aren't THAT murder-happy unless they're enraged at you for some reason.

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Human isnt an animal form by dnd rules. Your wild shape fails.

We shit on peasants.

>XCOM terrorists harass innocent viper

Being turned into a bird is enough to enrage me into a murder frenzy.

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>Natural shapeshifters (lycanthropes, dopplegangers, higher level druids, etc.)
are affected for but one round, and can then resume their normal form.

that is 2.5 rules. I checked the 1st ed rules and they don't have this exception however. Not sure what 3rd edition rules are but I'm sure the spell is weak sauce in later editions.

Agonize over whether it's just a coincidence or the result of the DM somehow gaining access to my Google Docs account.

>Owls
>Can fly completely silently
>Fantastic hearing and eye sight
>Talons the size of daggers

>Falcons
>Can divebomb with pinpoint precision at over 100 miles per hour
>Again, massive fuck off talons

>Eagles
>Big fucker
>Like, how shit can you imagine trying to wrestle away an angry eagle

It is simple. We spend our new lives ambushing our foes and ripping their pathetic throats out. The only thing that stops raptors from taking over the world is the fact they are dumb as fuck.

Made me chuckle

Does species match class or race

FOOL! WE WERE ALREADY PLAYING AN ANCIENT GREECE CAMPAIGN!

Jesus. They're like winged Mustellids.
>Did that thing move? Better kill it.

What would each class be as a bird?

>Cleric
Dove
>Fighter
Goose
>Mage
Owl
>Thief
Kea
>Monk
Crane
>Druid
Woodpecker
>Bard
Parakeet
>Paladin
Swan
>Ranger
Falcon
>Sorcerer
Crow
>Barbarian
Eagle
>Warlock
Vulture
>Warlord
Dodo

>warlord/warlock

>Power word: Bird

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youtube.com/watch?v=pVeqRVxI8Iw

I guess "birdgirl" replaces elf in all our wat dos.

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What's the problem?

>paladin
>not a vulture the eater of the undead.
One job user.

beat me to it

Shit on the head of some bald guy

Brilliant!

Hey, I know that bird! It's a Loggerhead Shrike!

That snake is going to be impaled on a thorn next, probably a Mesquite thorn

Swap Swan and Vulture. Swans are pure evil.

Also, Owls are actually not that bright, they would be Thief due to.beong a living stealth fighter. New Caledonia Crow would be the wizard

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