What characters are indisputably the best at what they do by class? If Carmen San Diego is the best Thief...

is Jesus a bard or cleric?

Doesn't Carmen get her stolen items recovered by metropolitan-area 90s kids at around 4pm on a weekly basis?

The best skill with the class. Things in class that no one else is capable of achieving. There are caveats to this like doing something and not living to tell about it however.

con artist

Wizard: Elminster
Warrior: Ultimate
Cleric: Father Tom

So did Groo

Robin Hood's really more of a bandit.

More like letting the kids take them back to teach them a lesson they should've learn in school.

Shit, meant to reply to

Cleric, probably 15th level, probably with the Weather domain. Hang on, let me reach back in time to 2013...

Ever notice how all of Jesus' miracles that don't involve healing, involve water in some way?

Clerics were originally made because someone in Arneson's group wanted to be a vampire hunter if I recall correctly. So archetypally it's probably Van Helsing. If we're talking about a holy warrior in general and ignoring paladins, probably any amount of christian saints like Saint George or Saint James when conceived by the Spanish as Santiago Matamoros

For Gru, stealing the Moon was the dream of a lifetime, a project he had spent years working towards.

For Carmen, it was Tuesday.

>there is no archetypal cleric

are you really gonna sit here and say that when so much of the cleric's spell list is based off of biblical prophets?

>create food and water
elohim does this shit constantly. Either with fish and bread or with Manna

>blindness/deafness
elisha cast this against syrians

>continual flame
elijah and the prophets of baal, god made a flame that lasted burned even through wet wood. Could also be a reference to Hannukkah or the burning bush

>magic stone
David and Goliath

>spiritual weapon
Elohim is like the OG when it comes to magic swords

>enhance ability
Samson, anybody?

>animate dead
ezekiel raise them dry bones

>true ressurection
do I really have to say it?

>bestow curse
Elohim does this more often than he blesses people I think

>tongues
Jesus

>water walk
Jesus

>control water
Moses

>contagion
Moses

>insect plague
Moses

>find the path
Moses

I could keep going

>>find the path

Dude wandered in a desert for 40 years and didn't even actually reach the Land of Milk and Honey himself. Find the Path was NOT on his list of prepared spells. I'm not saying it wasn't available, I'm just saying that the guy never used it.

She only has them recovered because she allows them to be recovered. Yes, the clues she's leaving are deliberate. She's that good.

Meh.
Gutz barely cuts it when true demons and Gods show up to a fight.
Conan treats it like "Just another Thursday"

Not sure I'd want to say Conan is "The best" just yet, but Gutz is actually probably first cut from this running.

in his defense, he had to fight through quite a few armies of mudslimes on his way there. The "shortest path" was to topple a couple civilizations who had many many more times the number of fighters than the jews had.

Alright so which of the half dozen biblical figures you listed is the archetypal cleric?
It can't be all of them

You missed the part where I said it was precisely because of real world religion that one couldn't exist. You've just sort of proved my point.

>Dude wandered in a desert for 40 years and didn't even actually reach the Land of Milk and Honey himself.

If you actually read the bible, that has much less to do with Moses's ability as it does with shit God said they had to do.

Wandering for 40 years was so the generation would turn over and all the older people who still had slave mentalities and were saying "go back to Egypt" would die off.

Not getting in himself was punishment from God for disobeying him and trying to look good.

...is there more of this kind of stuff with Conan cuckolding other action heroes?

asking for a friend.

So what would Wally be?

Assassin.

>Gutz
Guts. Jesus. I did it twice.

>If you actually read the bible, that has much less to do with Moses's ability as it does with shit God said they had to do.

Which in either case means that Find the Path wasn't used, which means my point is made.

Illusionist

It's either Moses or Jesus, depending on if you think Jesus can count as a Cleric or if his more direct connection means cheating.

Moses is probably the most iconic. When I think "THE Cleric", I think of this guy.

Pretty sure Jesus was either the DMPC Cleric with additional abilities thrown in at the DM's whim with super fudged rolls or the character of the DM's girlfriend using some OPplznerf homebrew class.

That was after the 40 years actually.

The 40 years happened because Moses sent 10 spies to scout out the promised land, who then came back and said that the people living there were giants and they had no hope of defeating them and should probably just head back to Egypt.

Everyone heard that and freaked out and a lot of them wanted to turn back. God got pissed and killed all the spies and their families and commanded everyone to wander in the desert until everyone that had been born in Egypt had died naturally.

Only 2 of the spies said they should try, Joshua and Caleb, so God spared them and kept them alive until the people were ready to leave the desert.

The 40 years was about getting rid of the Hebrew people's ingrained slave mentality.

Find the path doesn't work if your deity decides the path goes in circles through the desert for a generation.

Fighter: Achilles
Thief: Arsene Lupin
Wizard: Gandalf
Cleric: Moses

Paladin: St. George
Barbarian: Conan
Ranger: Aragorn
Sorcerer: Loki
Warlock: Faust
Monk: Sun Wukong
Druid: pic related

>When you fail your check and your flock drowns

Yeah but van helsing in the original text isn't a vampire hunter he's a doctor that is aware of vampires

OP... that's not Carmen San Diego

Is Sun Wukong a monk or a weird blend of monk-druid-fighter?

And Faust as the Warlock is a stellar pick

>Warrior: Ultimate

my dude!

Pure Monk

Rogue: John Cena

Weirdo.

I'd prefer just more sexy Teela

>ctrl f Rincewind
>no results

For real? You guys don't recognise a lvl infinity Wizzard when you see one?

Well my dick says it is Carmen Sandiego.

I was looking around for more Carmen and saw this. What's Alucard's class?

muh dick

Summoned Monster honestly.

>lvl infinity Wizzard
He's also the worst lvl infinity Wizzard there are ever been.

Yes, but through his role in the story he's become synonymous with vampire hunters in popular culture. If you ask someone in the street about vampire hunters Van Helsing is bound to come up, possibly as the only one

Your dick has good taste, but it's actually Paul Dini's wi-- ahem, I mean, Madame Mirage.

Cunt, with a few dips into bored.

Who is it then OP? Looks like the Cover of that Where-in-world reboot comic to me.

>It's a 'we made a overpowered vampire class' expansion book.

reminder that gandalf was a fighter who splashed a few levels in wizard

see

Fuck I hate Alucard, babby's first edgy vampire

What classes are we looking at for these two?

>not cleric

hmm, that's fair.

He sure wasn't a wizard though.

Reminder that Gandalf was a demigod who could do decent magic in a low-magic dimension.

>babby's first edgy vampire
wouldn't that be Blade? (though technically he's half-vampire)

>bounty hunter

Blade gets cool Wesley Snipes points for the majority of the modern audience.

Alucard is a dopey looking John Lennon motherfucker

Not this Dagon shit again

>decent magic
>never casts anything higher than first level

As you wish.

He was a wizzard not a wizard.

Again, low magic setting.
Imagine someone with Gandalf's abilities appeared in our world, he'd be hailed as the biggest wizard of all time.

...

He's an lunar exalt

>Carmen San Diego is the best Thief

I chose Gandalf because he mirrors the archetypal wizard, AKA a wizened old man, regardless of whether he is strictly the most powerful spellcaster ever (or a divine being for that matter). I was going to choose Odin for this originally since he was the inspiration for Gandalf, but he's not who comes to mind immediately when I think of the word "wizard"; that will always be Gandalf.

Also I forgot bard, so let's go with Shakespeare.

A list of things Carmen Sandiego has stolen.
>The Khyber Pass
>The Steps To The Tango
>Uluru
>The Baton Used To Lead The Vienna Boys Choir
>The Fish From Half Of Lake Titicaca
>The Plans For This Year’s Carnival
>The Silver Pagoda
>The Game Winning Puck From The First Stanley >Cup Championship
>The Strait Of Magellan
>The Keys To The Forbidden City
>Havana’s Best Cigars
>Hans Christian Andersen’s Writing Desk
>The Nile River Delta
>The Gargoyles From Notre Dame Cathedral
>The Keys From Beethoven’s First Piano
>The Olympic Flame
>The Best Coffee
>All The Goulash
>Geysir
>Gandhi’s Glasses
>The Island Of Bali
>The Presidential Palace’s Finest Rug
>The Salt From The Dead Sea
>The Sistine Chapel’s Ceiling
>The Snow From Atop Mt Fuji
>Nairobi International Airport
>Every Last Drop Of Salsa
>Casablanca
>The Abominable Snowman
>The Dykes
>All The Kiwi Birds
>The Delta Of The Niger River
>K2
>The Controls For The Panama Canal
>The Headwaters Of The Amazon River
>A Monkey-Eating Eagle
>The Trans-Siberian Railroad
>The Middle Of The Trans Arabian Pipeline
>The Statue Of Sir Stamford Raffles
>The Cape Of Good Hope
>The Secret Recipe For Kimchee
>The Bulls From Pamplona

Fighter

Gilgamesh, Achilles, Thor, King Arthur, fighter has so many great options.

Edgelord 10/Plot Device 20

Bard

youtube.com/watch?v=qaCMpiOhzps

Mary Sue

That's true. The old Robert E. Howard stories have Conan fighting all kinds of weird shit.

This is why she'll always be the best thief. Her priority is, obviously, never value, only the act of theft itself. She steals things that are basically arbitrary, and suit her fickle moods for the day. She steals to steal, and for no other reason.

>She literally stole a dance

Yeah, best thief.

You're both wrong, the best fighter is Diomedes.

>The Dykes
All of them?

You somehow forgot "a fucking language."

That's like exactly what it says. A lvl infinity wizzard.

Name a wizard who has saved Australia even once, let alone the whole world multiple times. You can't. Worst lvl infinity wizzard >>> best lvl infinity wizard. He's. Just. That. Good.

A fairly decent bard?

This.

Why does everyone remember fucking Achilles who was an invincible mary sue rapist, instead of Diomedes was a decent enough guy (by Iliad standards) and was able to defeat gods with just his mortal strength and fighting prowess

>>Every Last Drop Of Salsa
Chaotic Evil incarnate.

Diomedes was Athenian self insert faggotry of the highest order.

Whizzard?

Druid is probably the most difficult to choose because its modern portrayal is almost entirely made up and its actual historical function is more or less aligned with what we consider a cleric.

Because everyone knows of the medusa (and who killed it) but the Iliad is not required reading in high school.

She said it best in the cartoon

"To take what others have"

It really is as pure as that.

Because the story is about Achilles being a figure of a god-like mindset coming back to humanity. Diomedes was capable, but Achilles is a better character.

>mary sue

Oh do grow up.

Rincewind is the anti-Vorbis. Vorbis would take a moment out of his daily schedule of murder, see a tortoise and put it on its back to see what would happen. Rincewind would come running by from something that's undoubtedly about to kill him, but always stop and turn that tortoise back on its feet.

Sergio Aragon e's Groo the wanderer?

>against fucking and breeding with other races
That's like, anti-bard

Achilles didn't kill the Medusa, it was Perseus