Three women approach the party, and declare that they are ancient goddesses...

Here you go user, you forgot this in the other thread

slay them and devour their hearts in hopes of gaining their divine power.

This. I'm not falling for that shit again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me 7 times, shame on you still

>torn asunder into three parts

Declare the single female PC in the party the winner. See what happens.

>each goddess attempts to bribe the party

All three are disqualified, the party's luggage donkey is declared the winner by default.

Here's some compensation

Tell them I'm gay and that Ares wins.

Get the goddess of love to get you laid with the hottest women in the world, then start a gigantic war where you bitch out of doing anything while watching everyone die

Tell them that I have to have sex with all three of them to truly decide the winner.

I won't survive, but I will have fucked three goddesses before I'm turned into a constellation or some shit, which basically means that I automatically win any "Manliest hero in mythology" arguments.

After failing to judge their beauty with their clothing on, the three goddesses stripped nude to convince Paris of their worthiness. While Paris inspected them, each attempted with her powers to bribe him; Hera offered to make him king of Europe and Asia, Athena offered wisdom and skill in war, and Aphrodite, who had the Charites and the Horai to enhance her charms with flowers and song, offered the world's most beautiful woman (Euripides, Andromache, l.284, Helena l. 676). This was Helen of Sparta, wife of the Greek king Menelaus. Paris accepted Aphrodite's gift and awarded the apple to her, receiving Helen as well as the enmity of the Greeks and especially of Hera. The Greeks' expedition to retrieve Helen from Paris in Troy is the mythological basis of the Trojan War.

According to a tradition suggested by Alfred J. Van Windekens,[8] objectively, "cow-eyed" Hera was indeed the most beautiful, not Aphrodite. However, Hera was the goddess of the marital order and of cuckolded wives, amongst other things. She was often portrayed as the shrewish, jealous wife of Zeus, who himself often escaped from her controlling ways by cheating on her with other women, mortal and immortal. She had fidelity and chastity in mind and was careful to be modest when Paris was inspecting her. Aphrodite, though not as objectively beautiful as Hera, was the goddess of sexuality, and was effortlessly more sexual and charming before him. Thus, she was able to sway Paris into judging her the fairest. Athena's beauty is rarely commented in the myths, perhaps because Greeks held her up as an asexual being, being able to "overcome" her "womanly weaknesses" to become both wise and talented in war (both considered male domains by the Greeks). Her rage at losing makes her join the Greeks in the battle against Paris' Trojans, a key event in the turning point of the war.

But user's... Two members in my party are Athar.

So hera is what /r9k/want in a women
Pure, modest, hot, and faithful
But she's also a cuck

I tell them that as a mortal I can not possibly, and indeed do not have the right to, pass judgement on goddesses.

>Paris turned down ruling the entirety of Europe
What the fuck was his fucking problem?

Hahaha no, nope, nope, no

I throw up my hands and walk away. Nothing good ever comes of mortals getting involved in divine squabbles.

The joke's on everyone anyway since Eris held the contest to fuck with the other goddesses

Tell them that the most beautiful goddess is actually Persephone/Kore. I'm gonna die no matter what, so I might as well start sucking up to Hades as soon as possible.

He wanted to get his dick wet and most likely didn't want to piss off zeus

I declare that they shall face "trials of loveliness" to determine who is the most beautiful. After all, there are many aspects of beauty. I then use this to stoke their competitiveness and hold increasingly-saucy "trials".

Near the end of the trials, I secretly shall take each of their bribes, promise that they will each be winners, and extract promises from each that they shall do no ill toward me if they should win. I then declare them all winners, and explain that it is meaningless to quarrel and hate when they should be enjoying their own beauty as I have done.

paris was known as a fair judge. that is why the goddesses went to him. he did not judge them based on their bribes, he judge them based on their actual merits.

a rarity in societies at a time when probably 100% of them were horribly corrupt

also, hera was just a bitch.

>born into family who owns shrine to hades
> was killing sacrifical lambs before i could speak
>always oray to hades every night
>everyone calls me a weirdo hermit but i don't care
>hades makes me stinking rich for my service
>now own entirety of the island and get to hang out with my idol when i die
>exact samething but for zeus
>he cucks me and gives my wife a divine STD

> play a paladin
> determine their souls are black and hideous
> deus vult or die trying

Or just nope out of the campaign.

walking a razor's edge my friend, i like it.

>I secretly shall take each of their bribes

How the fuck are you planning to keep the fact that you're the newly-crowned king of a nation secret from two goddesses?

Give them a week to make their cases and showcase all their beauty and charms, then delay my decision for as long as I can and make them all sweat it out.
Then I just pick the one I like the most and hopefully get the bribe anyway.

Tell them they too old and fat...

Rolled 1 (1d6)

>what do
Take a die, roll for it (both IC and OOC).
The winner is:
1-2 goddesses A
3-4 goddesses B
5-6 goddesses C

Chaotic Neutral, bitches!

Goddess on the right DESU.
I'm screwed anyways, so I'll just answer honestly.

Throw an apple at them and tell all three to piss off.

Are you sure? Because she's the one posing right now, the other two might be better if they were the ones putting out.

Vote for one with biggest tits, probably.

Nigga no he'll just get jealous. Hades don't fuck around when it comes to his waifu.

Man, people put waaay more effort into their hentai back in the day.

>Handing off the decision to the Fates

Smooth.

I'm just going on what I know. You might be right, but if I were dealing with them I'd just pick the one i thought was hottest.
If they were all equally hot I would probably go with the war goddess. The other two are goddesses of authority/love respectively, so if I picked the kingdom I'd get killed and the waifu I'd also get killed and my waifu taken away. Better to walk the earth as a lonely badass to die son grorious battle one day.

Well back in the day you couldn't just sketch something up quick and slap it on the internet, and there was no comiket so everyone just spent years on a single pic eventually selling it to some rich dude who would put it in the medieval equivalent of a fap folder.

> relying on impartial arbitration to resolve a completely subjective disagreement so that you can spare the goddess' feelings

Congratulations, you're lawful good.

Nah, he's manipulating the goddesses so they'll be mad at other gods, not him. Chaotic Neutral.

Skill in battle, which I'll use to get kingship and women.

If we're literally talking about the Greek goddesses in question, then I pick the first one, Hera. This is not entirely because she's the most beautiful, but because you never, ever, fucking EVER cross Hera.

If it's just three goddesses, then has the right idea.

Probably the best plan.
Don't worry, in three thousand years people will start changing the story to make you the hero because we love beautiful people.

Even better: she held the contest on the request of Zeus.

>Paris did nothing wrong
Nice try, Troyfag.

Oh, I think he'll be able to pull it off. They may even admire him for it, for a while.
But eventually, Sisyphus is going to have some company on the boulder-rolling hill.

Little would the upcoming generations know about the true purpose Library of Alexandria had...

T.butthurt troy fag
The upstarts deserved everything they got

>tfw we miss out on a bunch of high level ancient pornogrophy for no reason
Why won't the uncultured barabarians let us fao in peace?

>what do

Most of the party would start discussing the contest. Not that it matters. Before we come to a decision, the other member of the party would try to seduce one/all of them. Ever time he's tried that in the campaign so far has gone badly for him, often leaving him nearly dead. So this will go badly for him. Worse still, we might not be able to get to a safe distance this time.

OF COURSE only Athene has any fucking clothes on, holy fucking shit the Greek goddesses had no modesty.
I'll take the battle boon, TYVM. I can get the other things with that.

who the fuck is the little kid and why is it there.

Yeah
But you can gain a lot from beign the king of 2 continents

This is fucking bullshit though. Athena can't strip for a mortal male, he'll go blind from the wisdom overload like the seer, Tiresias.
Source: Bathing of Pallas, Callimachus.

Fall on my sword to spare my people the inevitable retribution that will come from me choosing one over the others.

user I think Athena blinded him in a rage and not due to a wisdom overload. She then gives him the gift to see the future when she regretted her outburst.

With a party of unparalleled fighters we can serve as the backbone of a massive worker's revolution. What is two continents compared to the utopian union of the whole world?

...

the one with clothes is probably hera, see the peacock next to her?

Pretty sure in this picture Aphrodite is showing off right now, (not sure which of left ones is which) the leftmost has done it already and the middle one is waiting her turn

>Implying you can see bewbs of wisdom without going blind with clairvoyance
>Implying gods regret anything ever
I don't care how this was rationalised by the primitive Greeks; science says that looking at Athena's unidentifiable body leads the observer to a quantum collapse of transapience, and so it is confirmed by experiment.
The only way Paris could've seen her naked body and still chosen Aphrodites offer is if he had a worm-level intelligence.

The second. Kingship of a nation sounds like a trap - I'm either going to get made king of some war-torn African country that'll get conquered or some tiny island in the South Pacific. I already know the third is a trap, based on historical precedent. But skill is skill, even if it turns out she's just referring to a board game or something.

Choose female Zeus.

Divine STD being a demigod bastard?

the one on the right is aphrodite, because of the cherub thing next to her.
the one with clothes is hera, because of the peacock next to her and her crown.
the one on the left must be athena

Well she was married to the chad of all chads

Fuck, you might be right.
Shit artist, then. I don't see any other identifier which one is which.

That's Cupid, Aphrodite's son.

I drop trow in front of them, cut off my own dick, shove it up my ass, and scream in their faces, "ITS MEEEEEEEEEE! IIIIIIMMMMM THE PRETTIEST LADY!" Of course this is followed by riding off into the sunset, to travel the lands creating more beautiful women.

I then give the DM a smug look, self congratulating myself that I've once again foiled his shitty plans

>No gorgonion
>No helmet
>No aegis
>No Paris and the painter going blind
No respect for the goddess of fucking weaving, olive oil, civilization and strategy, I hope this "Enrique Simonet" faggot got eaten by owls.

Burly owlbears are dispatched to severely admonish him.

T. Athenian
Athena is the edgy donut steel of the greek pantheon

What the fuck was his problem?

Divine STD being Hera's wrath.

Was zeus always drunk?

Zeus is either scheming or in fratboy mode like half the time

>he did not judge them based on their bribes, he judge them based on their actual merits.
>chooses the most beautiful woman in the world to have sex with over conquest and wisdom

I literally have not read such rubbish on this website and I've been here for 8 years!

In one way you will invoke all three of the Goddesses wrath as no woman, let alone a female goddess is going to ever feel she is of "equal" status in beauty to another.

You done guffed user.

You're only fucking shitposting on this Thracian fishcleaner board because thousands of years of civilization led you here. Show some gratitute, knave!

>she's a godess of war but better than ares because she's smart
> no you don't understand she's better than him you guys she can totally beat him in a fight
>she has no mother and came out of zeus's head
>one day she will usurp zeus
>my pure godess waifu can do bo wrong
>fuck you everything you made is because of her
>take us seriously you fucks
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Shut the fuck up Pericles no one likes your shitty godess

Lmao this subhuman titanfucker doesn't even know, Diomedes and Odysseus owe their accomplishments to the Virgin Goddess and that she's also the Mother Mary so it's not her who will usurp Zeus, it's her son and your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Just as planned.

>This is not entirely because she's the most beautiful, but because you never, ever, fucking EVER cross Hera.

Also "And then this guy cucked Zeus" is the best way to be eternally remembered.

You accept the 3rd goddesses subtly marriage proposal because 1.) You don't turn down a goddess' proposal, that shit will get you cursed. 2.) once deities are involved (especially capricious Greek deities) you are fucked one way or another, so just ride the train for as long as you can. and 3.) Maybe you'll get turned immortal eventually, and made the deity of deftly protecting one's own skin.

>implyass hera would cheat
It would just be "this guy said zeus's wife has a nice ass"

Zeus would turn into a Ram or some shit and fuck your wife, make you raise his bastard, then curse you with blindness so that may never look up beauty ever again. Then drown you in the Aegean for good measure.

Zeus may have cheated on Hera all the time, but he was just as much of jealous mofo as she was.

...

This is prolly the safest bet

She gets turned into a tree or some shit

>Gay best friend of the Gods
>Not willing to give harsh judgment on their appearances
I didn't think I could be more disappointed in my gay son.

Sorry, but the Queen of heaven is Astarte, who is the Hellenized version of Ishtar. Athena shares her virgin status with a whole bunch of greek goddesses and can't claim to be Mother Mary in good faith with virginity as her only qualifier.

>make demand to three goddesses
>as a mortal
>expect no punishment by demanding deities to do anything