Gentlemen, how do we fix elves...

>implying elves in general need fixing
Really depends on the setting, there are far too many different elves out there.
>implying what you posted is an elf
Stupid anime "elf" poster.

>Gentlemen, how do we fix elves? Should we just erase all retarded subtypes and exclusively make them hippy treehugger woodland dwellers again?

Erase the JRPG trope Elves.

Elves were fine until the Japanese turned them into donkey-eared rape victims instead of a race of super-Americans screeching freedom and their arrogant superiority at everyone.

>Fluff wise
Make them minor nature deities/spirits (as they originally were). An elf is not an almost human, it's the personification of nature that humans(Sentient beings) can understand. Elves don't summon dryads,sylphs,salamanders,etc. Elves ARE those things. and in fact, wood elf, wind elf, fire elf, are called properly by their elemental names, as an elf is naught but an elemental made flesh.

Drow don't exist as the "dark elf". Myrkalfr are elves of night time/darkness/dusk.

Dwarf is an improper name for for a Gnome, which is a dirt/underground/cavern elf. These are more swarthy, and only slightly shorter than average elves. Keep miner motif going on, but whole scottish midget thing dies.

Midgets are midgets, faerie are something else completely. All are human sized unless transformed.

>Crunch
There are different types of elves, wood elves, snow elves, light elves, dark elves, but it ain't just a +1 modifier to something.
Elves are closer to their original class-race status than anything. So if there is a class based system, elf is their class and race, and it shows. It should be like dragons, or vampires in Ad&d. Age makes them monstrous, and they are natural casters/fighters/skilled.

For all intended purposes, elves are a nordic nature deity, not unlike the kami for japan. As kami are to yokai, Elves are to faerie folk. The top tier.
How doth one balance that for gameplay? Ad&d did it by separate experience, but I think that having something like a mandatory class until mastered can do it. Like, multi classing, or choosing another route outside of the racial class/skills/whateversystem halts one's progress and it is extremely hard to start back

As far as abilities they gain, it should be spellcasting first, with their environment-element dictating what spells they naturally get (Ala druid circles/Cleric Domains)
Then, physically, they are pretty human-like, but as far as technique, being ageless+ naturally more mental gives them a crazy edge.

Idk user, why don't you do some dmt and ask them yourself?

>Elves that live underground and want to rule everybody and eat their children?

What you describe is the original mythology of Orcs

>something like a mandatory class
Oh you mean like RACE AS A CLASS

You just want to make them hippy tree people because original traditional 'superior tech and culture' Elves stomp on your HFY boner.

Make them more fat

Servants of the Old Gods, not cthulhu but the gods worshipped before the human religion took over, think pagans from europe. so vikings i guess, with honour bound warriors who are constantly seeking knowledge on their lost gods and on magic in general, which is why they are the most magic in the setting, since they are all sacrificing eyes and hanging from trees and shit for spells.

However bad pointless Elf spam might be, you are a hundred times worse.

I like the idea of the servants of the old gods, as well as for dwarves, gives a good reason for the fall from grace usually associated with this race without them having to shit up their own once great civilisation and all the bad tropes that come with this.

I said race as a class multiple times.
I meant mandatory like monk. As far as some of the editions go, you could take racial class levels, or some other bullshit (Looking at you 3.5), but you could still multi class.

Yes, Multiclassing is only a thing for humans in AD&D, but it is not for other editions.

But yes.
Racial Class: Elf

Kill all those people who sexually fetishize Elves and act retarded about things. The world would be a much better place if we did this.

...

I like my dwarves being fucked up; megalomaniacs, a little rapey, and obsessed with smiting because they are hobby obsessed autists with no social skills.

Why would the only good thing about """traditional fantasy""" need fixing? We should be fixing dwarves or humans or all those faggy half-X's first

>one post in a shitpost thread vs 10,000+ elf shitpost threads
You're a bit wrong there, kiddo.

If Witcher 3 taught me anything is that heavy grimdark armor fits High Elves like a glove.

I don't think they need to be hippies, but high elves and consequent off-shoots were a mistake even when Tolkien wrote them. Wood Elves and Dark Elves are all you need.

Focus on what makes you and your group happy, not the meta perceptions of an entire fantasy race. The best way to fix elves is to fix yourself and your way of viewing the games you play.

Do what Dragon Age and TES did, don't make elves exempt from having filthy peasants like everyone else.

BUT IT'S GOT POINTY EARS

ITS AN ELF AMIRITE?

"Everybody knows you never go full meme."

"What do you mean?"

"Check it out. LIIVI, 'Love Can Bloom.’ Look meme, act meme, not meme. A human trained from birth to hunt aliens ends up fucking an alien. Autistic, sure. Not meme. You know Grendel, ‘Dark Heresy.’ Fat, yes. Retarded, maybe. Had a shitty knife. But he killed a daemon prince with that knife and won a hot Sororitas waifu. That ain’t meme. You went full meme, man. Never go full meme."

The attitude of getting upset about elf threads to the point of proposing a blanket ban, even for harmless ones like this one, is indeed worse than elf threads.

>how do we fix elves?

A catch and release strategy should probably work, you'll have to pay attention to how much of a fight they put up when they're taken, not all of them can be socialized so they can be released back into the wild.

The more passive/friendly ones can be given away for adoption, and the sickly ones should be put down (really, its for their own good, poor things)

Either way, the Elves get fixed and their population brought under control, the tame ones go to good homes, and the wild ones can be used to cull the adventurer population. Really, its the only solution that makes sense

Make them predatory.

Wood Elves should also have savagery in their MO.

Get rid of "wood elves" and "high elves". Bring back light elves.

stop giving them blonde hair all the time

Elves are great. No fixing needed.

Half orcs, halflings, and gnomes, on the other hand...

I never understand the hippy treehugger woodland dwellers stereotypes. Most of inspiration of elf I know of is about asia and their ideal of harmony. Sorry for bad english.

half orcs are fixed by getting rid of halfbreeds, halflings are fine in that they are just hobbits, id make them more common, maybe even more than humans. gnomes are fucking weird, they need to go.

like in og phantasy star. cat women but beastly cat women, set to inherit the earth after humanity destroys itseooh wait oh shit this is Veeky Forums i thought i was in /v/ lmao

More thicc elf waifus, ban male elves.

>54812680
The cancer that is killing elves.

>Gentlemen, how do we fix elves?
Make them even sexxier.

>Should we just erase all retarded subtypes and exclusively make them hippy treehugger woodland dwellers again?
....NO.

>male is more feminine and attractive than female

This is not how male blood elves look at all. Reminder that the male elf = faggot meme is used by people that hate elves, and people that want elves to be the feminine race hate them as well.

I kind of have to agree with this guy. I made the decision to completely cut all standard non-human races out of my next setting, or push them into the background, and I noticed the quality of my writing dramatically improved as I was actually being forced to write characters and cultures, instead of trying to justify how my elves and dwarves were totally different from everyone else's elves and dwarves while still obeying the same stereotypes.

>male is more feminine
Not really. The female's face is still rounder and her eyebrows less sharp. The only parts of the male that're more feminine (or rather more neotenous) are the larger and rounder eyes, as opposed to the woman's more almond shaped ones. Given these traits, elves are probably one of those weird species where the women are bigger and stronger, and the men are either killed off or left to die after fulfilling their reproductive purpose.

>Given these traits
It's not canon art of anything.

>Implying anything is canon
That's the beauty of TTRPG: it all
~*depends on the setting*~

>~*depends on the setting*~
If there is a setting in which this is canon then it's canon for that setting. This is why I said
>It's not canon art of anything
There is no serious setting in which males elves look like girls. It's a meme.

>a race of super-Americans screeching freedom and their arrogant superiority at everyone.
Isn't that only in Warhammer Fantasy though ? In LotR they're pretty much ultra-isolasionnists who party hard all day every day in their woods/secret cities.

The best wood elves I've seen (in my limited knowledge) are in Warhammer and The Elder Scrolls.

I have this vision of wood elves as hunter/gatherers who are constantly in conflict with farmers (and some times lords) for ressources found in the woods (fruits, game, honey, nuts, etc.). Making them extremely territorial and ready to just put heads on spikes and wear ugly helmets to terrify people so that they don't trespass on their territory.
They would still be pretty nice and decent people, but you should not fuck with their woods.

In turn, that would give people an actual reason to hate elves. It's stupid to hate people because of their pointy ears, but it makes sense to hate the pointy eared fucks who shot and stole one of your pig when you were taking your pigs out in the forest for acorns last autumn.

I like this. Giving the myth and magic back to elves.

get rid of the ridiculous lifespan. cut it down to an average 120 years

Well given how there are so many interpretations of "elf", you can't fix anything if there's nothing to be "fixed". Ideas aren't like machines and coding.

Orcs don't have an original mythology

Don't use them.
It's fantasy. Literally anything is possible.
Why you gotta refer to established stuff every damn time? If it feels like things are getting old maybe that's the reason.

Have to disagree wit you there. The idea of immortal supermen slightly beyond our ken was a nice touch, especially when it was on the periphery like LoTR. While I was happy that he filled everything in with the Simarillion, anything fantastic will lose its luster if the density is so high you can't help but trip over some supernatural being.

orcs are inspired by various folklore critters that were described as being night-dwelling, ate children, and live in cave
like goblins, kobolds, germanics elves and dwarves, ogres, etc

By giving them different cultures that are not sub races. I always found it weird that all elves of a certain subrace had the same culture meanwhile humans had plethora of different cultures.

>Gentlemen, how do we fix elves?
With a crusade. Racewar now, gas the j- I mean elves!
But in all seriousness, use a different race in their place or take them back to their mythological roots

>implying something that works needs fixing
No one cares of your personal tastes.

I like it also if the WElfs also have a symbiotic relationship with nature and can manifest its various facets of it (the brutal, wild and more sinister sides of it especially).

...should be returned to what they were in 4e?

Literally make them the vessels of nature/magic that molded themselves into a shape similar to humans because it's the easiest form to interact with other beings. The vary presence of forests (perhaps the densest areas of biodiversity outside of the ocean itself) fuels them and they'll wipe out anything that threatens that.

No, that's stupid.

So TES Wood Elves

>Should we just erase all retarded subtypes and exclusively make them hippy treehugger woodland dwellers again?
So instead of three possible personalities elves can have, there would just be one?

i desire to fuck this elf

Posting this in every elf thread until you like it

How about elves (faster, smarter, prettier immortal) being a result of noblemen of ancient human empire making their children more than human with powerful dark sorcery?

Like many others, you're only basing that on the surface-level facets of elves. You're not looking at what they actually mean.

Because if you call niggers "Jungle Humans" and give them -1 INT people get uppity.

Agreed

When people only glossed over Tolkien's work.

>how do we fix elves
>balkanizedslavicelvesscreencap.jpeg

Fixing elves is literally as difficult as making them objects of terror first, and lust second.

For some reason, elves have basically just become liberals over time, everyone sees them as these pathetic art-major wishy washy hipsters who live in the forest and drink pumpkin spice lattes.

This firstly tells me that most people have never lived in the fucking woods before, and secondly that nobody has ever cleaned and skinned a hart before. Elves are permanent woodsmen. Their entire premise is antithetical to how they are portrayed now, they aren't supposed to be cosmopolitan hipsters, they're rural gentlemen, barbarians living in the backwoods or in small communities in the sticks. Up until we wiped out all the wolves and turned all the "forests" in this shit country into theme parks, being a woodsman was sort of like being an Iraq veteran, except more dangerous and you don't get a jam packet with every meal. Elves stereotypically live in one of the harshest environments possible: Northern European Forests. If they were living in the tropics I might understand the perspective, but have you ever been to a forest in winter? Have you ever been to the Nordschwarzwald? I have. I camped there for two days. My father brought matches instead of a wind-proof lighter and we almost fucking froze to death, this was in the 70s.

That's these fuckers' environment. They're basically living the pre-Carolingian German lifestyle to a T, the fact that they have pointy ears and don't die of age doesn't detract from this at all, if an elf got his hands on any of you he'd break you like a dragonfly in a hydraulic press, these are WOODSMEN. They are BARBARIANS WHO LIVE IN CURSED ELF-FORESTS.

Elves are scary. Stop touching elves or they'll kill and eat you.

>Elves are permanent woodsmen
Disregarded when they live in their magical fairy dimension where everything is better because magic.

In WHAT? Like, The Witcher?

In The Witcher, the elves are from a dimension that produced Big Largehuge over here, and also most of the monsters you fight. The elves aren't from some paradise dimension, they're from fucking HELL.

Read a book, faggot.

>That description actually made elves hotter
You're right, making them objects of terror first and lust second IS difficult!

Marcille posters are cancer now.

i live in the geographic center of north america and i fucking laugh at the spring weather you jackasses call a winter

I've been taking my setting in a totally opposite direction. "Elves" are the common ancestor of a variety of different species, a progenitor race with a semi-magical physiology that has over time been warped and molded by various different sources of magic into various different forms. While they are now are now almost entirely distinct (beyond their basically humanoid frame), they still recognize their shared blood.

>how do you fix a nonexistent race for a fantasy setting you can define yourself and/or exclude from

We need more cow tit elfs. Like that pic you posted? No more bee sting titties, elves need a minimum of 4x the boobs, which can either be the normal number or 4 more sets that size. Really, not picky. Or maybe make elves 100% boob, and they're boobs that walk around and swing from trees and shit. Elfboobs, think about it.

It's not ridiculous at all. We can argue whether it's the drow or the surface elves who should logically have darker skin, but large phenotypic differences between historically geographically separate groups of people is exactly what constitutes "race" in real life. Whether those differences manifest as skin-deep as skin-color, or in things such as relative strength, intelligence, and even fertility, is both possible and even realistic.

Aen Elle are from a wonderful world that is only fucked up by the elves themselves due to them enslaving/hunting all the humans and going to war with unicorns, a race who's only goal is to fight evil things. Then there's the white frost shit which is basically just an impending magical ice age that threatens every world. All the monsters you fight are from various scattered worlds unrelated to the asshole elf dimension.

People praise witcher elves too much for being jacked pricks in skull armor. They're just blatantly evil bad guys. Nothing special besides having pointy ears stuck on them.

Either settle on elves as super awesome mages or elves as super awesome archers. One or the other. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Since Veeky Forums is autistic and won't shut up about their own super special elves in their homebrews, I'll have my go at it. My elves live in the untamed forests of the south-western continent (think Southeastern Asia) and are famed hunters and trackers. However, the five clans that make up the continent only open up their borders to foreigners every fifty years. Sometimes rebellious elves wander off from their homeland (thus becoming exiled from their ancestral home) out into the northern human lands where they usually become smugglers, bounty hunters, or thieves. It is quite common for this exiled elves to take up roles as monster hunters as well.

I made elves emotionally dulled. Basically, sociopathy became a common elven trait. It made them far more interesting as societal levers and the conflict with dwarves and humans finally made sense.

You know this works both ways right?

How can one man be so wrong?