ITT: One user posts their wish, and another user replies with how the wish is ironically fulfilled

The god in question is Nurgle
The Sword can indeed cut anything, even your hands for the hilt is as sharp as the Blade
She love you so much that she want to put you un her freezer so she can mire your beauty for ever

The last two are a bit of a stretch though,I have to work on my genie ability to corrupt wishes

>I wish my sword could cut anything
>The hilt cuts my fingers off and hits the ground
>Cuts through into the earth
>Cuts through to the other side
> kills person on other side and cuts through the laws of physics
>ascends to the heavens

I wish to be omnipotent.

You have full power
However you have no Idea how to activate it

I wish to be loved

You are loved, by a small colony of ants that depends on you for their survival.

Not that user, but that is actually adorable.

I wish for a harem of beautiful women that attends to my every need!

You remain as you are. All methods to measure strength or kinetic energy at the level you currently posses disappear.

A cadre of beautiful nurses attend to your failing body's every need as you struggle to breath on life support.

I wish for my curse to be lifted!

The women are indeed beautiful

By the standard of a bbbbbbw porn addict

Your blood turns into maidens

There you are! Midoriya! How's the training going!?

Your curse is now slighty raised above your head

Shit that's good.

A man walks up to you, acts as if picking up something off your body and runs off, cackling. You still feel the effects of the curse but do not register as actually having a curse.

I wish for infinite adventures to come my way!
Or an amazon harem, that works too.

We'll give you both: infinite tedious, monotonous adventures await you, and at the end of them all(aka never) you'll get the amasons you wished for!
>I wish i were a cat

>every time you get horny you simply cut yourself, let loose a couple drops of blood, then use magic to make the blood person sized
>instant harem of sexy women who will do whatever you ask

What's the average lifespan of individual blood cells?

Congratulations! You now have a harem full of tribesmen indigenous to the Amazon rainforest!

I wish the voices in my head would stop screaming.

they stop screaming and start chanting

You are now a cat. A female one. Enjoy barbed penises scraping your insides for the rest of your meager existence.

I wish I could hold the universe in my palm, so that it might know it is loved beyond all things.

you are now a giant space man that is suffocating from lack of air and in your dying throws have squished the universe.

I wish to be a wizard with magical spells

the entire world, except for the sword, turns into chocolate, which is easily cuttable with a steel sword

this includes you. good luck!

You are now a wizard. You know many powerful magical spells, but you must kill someone you hold dear for every spell you cast.

If you hold none dear, no magic works. Spells cannot bring back the dead, nor heal the wounds you inflict.

I wish for all of existence, including but not limited to all alternate existences, existences outside existences and everything else that exist, has existed, will exist, should exist, shouldn't exist and every concept of existence, including the minds and souls of these beings and the powers they may or may not possess, be shifted backwards in time one second before this wish is granted.

good job you made a time paradox, fucktard.

You want to be trapped in an eternal time loop? Ok, done.

You, and every version of you across the multiverses, is trapped in a time paradox for the rest of time one second before your wish is granted.

I wish I was a dragon.

I wish I had a really nice house!

I wish that all diseases could be cured with ease!

Nah, I just want to fuck up the future. I don't have one, so nobody should!

Congratulations, you're a dragon.
A white dragon.
You're basically made into a retarded lizard.

You get a really shitty cabin in the middle of buttfuck no where, but it's alive and really friendly

I wish that giant robots and monster girls where real

From the sheer paradox you've created, all forms of existence destroy themselves simultaneously. After eons of nothing but blackness, a burst of light recreates all realities, and over time, things return to normal. Except you. You're taken out of things.

They can. However, no one realizes there are easy cures now and no one (including you) knows what they are. Do your research.

Eh, 'tis fair.

I wish i was a Mary Sue

they are cured but the only cure is to get cancer, which can only be cured by starting the black plague. only way to cure the black plague now is cancer.

You become a girl called Mary Sue. You have no special powers or privileges whatsoever.

All diseases have simple and removal methods. Somewhere on this earth, a powerful evil mage comes to the conclusion that "humanity is a disease upon this earth." Turns out, he's fairly right.

The giant robots are simply huge, self-automated crane machines used for large scale construction. They are very inefficient and eat up too many resources and are discontinued.

Monster girls exist, but they're more monster than girl, practically just animals with tits. They'd never attempt to have sex with you, preferring to eat your face.

>Impose shity laws
>Nobody knows who to blame

That doesn't feel bad

I wish all of humanity achieved youthful immortality upon reaching the age of 21, no longer needing food, water, or sleep to survive, while still being able to enjoy those things if they so desired.

I wish this year is my best yet!

This IS your best year. Good fortune comes your way, you find true love, you get everything you wanted without even trying. The very second the year ends, everything goes to shit as you realize you do not know how to maintain anything you've acquired without the assistance of wish magic.

Done. Those currently older than 21, including your immediate family never achieve youthful immortality and instead age die as normal. In addition once a 21 year old who has youthful immortality becomes 22, his immortality is lost and he ages and dies as normal.

Damn. Well, at least that's one free year where everyone can go nuts, I guess.

I wish I could control fire!

The 21st birthday will be a fun one.

Congratulations, you created an entire race of despotic, edgy pedophiles with nothing to do but ruminate on their eternal boredom where nothing can be enjoyed save the violent molestation and murder of increasingly rare, non-immortal children.

>desu I would unironically live in a system where wealth is measured by possession of younger humans

Easily done! Now without the basal parts of the hierarchy of needs, humanity experiences a population boom never seen before. Within a few generations the planet is inundated with billions of healthy, bored homeless people. Entrepreneurs realize they no longer need to worry about giving their employees livable wages and drive worker's rights into the ground. The vast majority of government spending is redirected to feeding and clothing children, and playing damage control for the global crime waves that are now rocking your world.

Good work, user, you just achieved fire powers!
Oh but um...you didn't say you were immune to fire when controlling it. One bad move, and you wind up burning your entire body and choking on smoke.

Yes...what a horrifying society...and I shall be their king.

>In addition once a 21 year old who has youthful immortality becomes 22, his immortality is lost and he ages and dies as normal.
This was well done.

>I wish I could control fire!
You are now high quality lantern.

I wish for me and my family to enjoy excellent health from now throughout years longer than we would have before my asking this wish.

I wish for a million bucks!

>little does the genie know that I'm actually expecting a million male deer

>I wish for a million bucks!
You receive your million male deer, one at a time, in succession, as a doe.

>inb4 "just as planned"

You and your family experience physical health the likes of which you've never felt before. However, while your bodies are strong, your minds are the same, and general life drama leads to long lasting mental issues that make general life upsetting. Plus, your lack of real sickness or bodily harm to keep things in check and help you remember not to sweat the small stuff as much as the big stuff makes all of you very petty. But you don't sneeze as much so it's cool.

Worst.
Hunting trip.
Ever.

You and your family's uncanny resistance to disease and damage becomes known and you are abducted by an unknown government agency to be experimented on for the rest of your life. Eventually, upon not being able to uncover the nature of your constitution even into your 200th year of life, the agency decides to bury you in a box so that you may never be found by another government.

I wish that UV radiation caused people to grow thick, bristly hair instead of become tan.

Granted. However, greed and family drama over inheritance squabbles tears your family apart permanently, isolating each family member from close friends, lovers, and each other.

Granted but society thinks thats as sexy as they think tanning is now.

I wish my shitty actions didnt result in all of my friends leaving me.

>I wish for infinite adventures to come my way!
>Or an amazon harem, that works too.
The genie grants your wishes, giving you the same adventure an infinite number of times every day, forever.
Your only solace is your loving and tender harem of Amazon boxes. Your death by papercuts eventually ends your adventures.

I wish the third user after this post gets to enjoy the results of his wish.

/k/ pls

>general life drama leads to long lasting mental issues
I'll take it.

>inheritance
Heh

I think I know you

A million 'bucks' appears in your lap. All of it is amassed from thousands of different currencies, accumulating to a handful of change for each.

>I wish for all my enemies to bow before me!

Your name has been legally changed to Mary Sue.

I wish to never be hungry again

>I wish my shitty actions didnt result in all of my friends leaving me.
Your shitty actions result in all of your friends raping and murdering you.

Your friends have never left and you are still well liked by them. However, you have rubbed off on them and they are now shitty friends, both to you and each other. They constantly cancel plans at the last minute, steal each other's lovers and possessions, insult each other behind their back and other shitty things. Your group of friends reputation spreads and each of you find yourself unable to make friends outside of those you already know.

The genie grants your wish, but seems confused. "You were never Hungry in the first place" he says, pointing to a map of the country.

I wish I was a master at lucid dreaming.

after all the effort i went to find that somebody beat me to it

life of a phone poster

I wish that I would come home to the sweet clattering and clicking of my android wife washing the pot she just used to prepare me a lovely meal of batteries au vin.

I wish for a chicken sandwhich

Every night, you dream for 42 years. Your waking life seems mundane and boring and you can barely remember your close family or how to move your waking body anymore. You are forced to rely on people in the waking world to feed yourself, and they grow ever more distant as you forget even your immediate surroundings. You're not sure how much longer they'll be willing to tube feed you or change your bedpan anymore...

>I wish to never be hungry again
You are compelled to a great and filling meal consisting of sulfur and arsenic. You are never hungry again.

I wish that I had the money to work on developing my game and producing it for many to experience honestly, but without losing my health, function, or loved ones.

Your dreams are now so vivid and realistic you cannot differ dreams from reality. Mental issues ensue.

>I wish for more wishes!

Ooooh, that's better.

You are. You just have shitty fantasies about browsing a basket weaving forum all day. Don't wake up though, it's only worse.

It's a live chicken between two slices of bread.

I wish for five wishes that will be granted unironically!

Holy fuck that's dark, I love it, good work user.

i wish to be fluent in all human known languages

everyone else now has one wish, thus creating more wishes. chaos ensues as everyone enacts exactly what is already happening in this thread

Your life was retroactively changed to be one of a cat. You are no longer a cat though; you only were one in the past, and now you are a naked and very confused human again, but without education, posessions or human relatives.

your fluency fills your memory capacity to the maximum. you are capable of speaking any language, but you lack the capacity to say anything. likewise, you can understand any language, but you lack the ability to perceive anything anyone says

I wish for good health, sound mind and freedom of choice. Because through those I can attain anything else by my own will.

You learn how to speak every known human language that has ever existed. The sheer amount of languages you know is so overwhelming that you wind up mixing up all the languages together without even trying. Your attempts at speech are a jumbled mess of words and noises that everyone only somewhat understands.

you still harbor an uncanny attraction to mysterious moving points of light

I wish to become an artificial general intelligence of at mental abilities at least equal to mine, with editable source code and prepared development environment able to recompile it, running on openbsd installed on safely hidden and continuously powered computing substrate in perfect working order connected to the Internet over a broadband connection, behind an active, state-of-the-art firewall, able to freely use any software or hardware functions of that substrate and operating system.

The wish is granted, but people still suffer the non-biological effects of aging. skin continues to droop and become rubbery as time passes, until every person is earth is pretty much all sag.

The genie holds you to word, and makes it so these are the only things you 'own'. All worldly possessions are lost one way or the other, and everyone you've ever met has forgetten your existence.
Tabula rasa, motherfucker.

Granted. You realize that you are the only human to have ever had free will. Now that the convincing illusion of choice that drives the rest of us forward has been lifted from your eyes, you see that nothing carries meaning or value, and that all is a pointless spiraling chaos in a universe headed towards utter stillness and emptiness. Enjoy.

I wish to have sex with the genie.