Things you can say to a rogue, but not your girlfriend

Things you can say to a rogue, but not your girlfriend

GIVE ME THE BOOTY YOU FUCKING CUNTWAFFLE!

Shove that dagger up my ass!

If you don't get your hand outta my pants, I will cut you!

I wouldn't be able to survive without you.

"I'm in love with you"

Factually correct, and I don't have a girlfriend, can't really say that to her then eh?

Check out that chest.

I love you for who you are.

"I sure am glad you have so much past experience with traps."

Damn, you're agile.

"Stand back, I'm going to use my '10 foot pole' to check for traps"

I love your nimble fingers.

kek

I SAID NO! I don't care how well they fit in my hands, you keep both those chests over there until a professional checks them for traps.

Is that your hand in my pocket or are you just trying to pickpocket me?

We bring you along just for the chests

This what I came to this thread for

That was a hell of a trap

>I need you to hide in that closet

"I'll move around back, to flank."

>If you want to buy a bunch of stupid shit, how about you stop taking my money for it and use your own!

I have to say that I appreciate the premise, even if not the execution.

I don't want other people seeing you.

Alternatively, "I want you to see all of them on a regular basis, and then to tell me all about it."

>I know how it sounds, but I need you to seduce as many guards as you can manage within three hours, and keep them busy until sunrise.

Heh.

...

Show me your expertise

Stop taking all my money

Wow, you surely know your way around. You took my sack and I felt nothing at all!

"I'm watching you, don't you dare stick that in me from behind."

"We'll explore your dungeon in the afternoon, but you're going to have to get us in."

...

/thread

...

>This happens while on the moving airship above the ocean

Guess the series

You fucking backstabber.

"Get your hands off of my coin purse"

"Wow you're skilled."

Can you check if that's a trap

No, you don't look good in that tight leather outfit...

Please let me be the one to attack the rear tonight, im still sore from the last match we had.

Strip down, the wizard has prepared grease & we need every advantage to squeeze in

Look it was a fun adventure & all, we both had some laughs, but you need to go now

Try wearing a red wig this time, it might work better

So... about that guy tied up in your closet...

Let's split up

I need you to seduce her so that we can get what we need from her. We all drew straws and you're the one who came up, don't whine about it.

/thread
Show's over, nothing can top this.

...

"Enchanted items you wouldn't expect to find in a Dragon's horde."

Give my ring back.

Potion of fire breath

Sword +3 dragon slaying.

>that_one_oglaf_comic.jpg

My wife

Why not? It keeps the sword from falling into the wrong hands (anyone but you) & you guard it. Anyone who can take you out with out the sword doesnt need the sword.

A scroll to change someone into a dragon

A +1 daughteru

KEEK

A waterhose.

(or maybe yes, if the hoard is at least partially flammable, I guess)

Sneak in through the back door.

Amulet of Mighty Fists

Nice to meet you

A sailor uniform

fuggg :DDD

All four of us are sharing that booty later.

A scroll of Exploding Run-

THE SPANISH INQUISITION

Okay, I'll go into the front, you sneak into the back while I have them distracted.

Is this girdle plus one or is it just happy to see me?

No man's sky, with all its promises.

Holy crap, someone on Veeky Forums who's had an actual girlfriend.