Goblin Thread

I prefer serious goblins but i once made a joke story for goblins that got adopted by one of our GMs as canon in his setting.

All goblins have a sever addiction to pumpkins and pumpkin spiced foods that rivals that of any stereotypical white girl. The settings version of Halloween is actually a ritual where townsfolk leave pumpkins decorated and filled with treats. Once a year a wave of savage goblins come and roll through the countryside. And if they can't find any treats they tear the town a new on as a trick. After a knight of massive sugar fueled partying they carry off the pumpkins to use in various foods and spices until the next years harvest.

This. Goblins are pretty awesome creatures right out of the package. You don't need to do much to them.

I either use them as either random encounters or as npcs.

Like Jerry who went to law school and practices Goblin Law, which is basically a copy of Hammurabis code but more campy. "if a carpenter builds a house and it falls on you, the carpenter must be hung upside down until he turns red"

user just be like and admit you stole WoW's goblins. Nothing wrong with that, WoW's goblins are great.

fantasy ottomon empire

>How are the goblins in your campaigns unique?
They're just 13% of the population and they're responsible for over 60% of murders.

Minor spirits that scavenge equipment from the dead, usually timid but can be roused into a frenzy by an angered spirit and become a major threat for small, poorly defended villages.

I usually keep my monster races generally standard on the surface. For goblins, little green bastards who attack in packs, steal, live in little tribes, ect. It's when you actually find a way to talk to the guys on peaceful terms when you learn they're honestly not all bad. Just some weirdos with not a lot of prospects in life, partly due to their own actions, partly due to the world at large, and a lot of them wind up taking the violent asshole path. Give the players some chances to set the goblins on the right path if they want to go down that route, for whatever reason. Or they can just kill them all, that's fine too.

My DM fluffled goblins into a world-ending threat. They've got a collective INT score of about 5, but they come in such massive waves that they've buried entire castles under their corpses.

They're also the reason the gods aren't allowed to interfere directly in worldly affairs anymore.

Okay. What do you get to guiltlessly murder then?

I wanted a bit of a fairytale-esque feel so I gave them the appearance of really old people.

Shortstack groupies

Good taste

an off shoot of gnomes, a pseudo-nomadic people, typically live in their own kind of ghetto due to goblinoid bigotry from other races. Dwarves use them for cheap labour, but they're clever which means the ones that do learn magic or a craft tend to be pretty good at it. They mature quickly but have a lifespan of about 3-4 centuries.
Fuck as I'm writing this I'm realizing I basically made them Jews, even down to the big nose and greedy stereotype.

well thank God it was censored

Go full Corruption of Champions with it; they're femdom-y shortstack sexpots who want to drug you and make you their sex slaves.

the world I made used these

orcs, goblins, and ogers -
gnomes, dwarfs, halflings -
trolls, elves, dark elves -
imp, teiflins, and wow ogres/Gronn -

A friend of mine wanted to use wow races for their first game and to specify the chaos/law good evil thing, so I made 4 gods that made 3 races each, and a ~4 hour campaign.

It's been good at showing my friends who play wow the game and letting them know what to expect, but I wouldn't play it just to play it.

Otherwise, I just use them as is goblin slayer style.They don't need much explanation unless you want to play one.

Forcibly domesticated and uplifted. They run the gammit from poor gangers who freely join various criminal enterprises as meat for the meat grinder to sophisticated individuals in various vocations

Some are traditional gangs of dangerous little bandits. But quite a few live in the city, in organized clans.

Short lives mean the city gobbos have a big focus on family continuity. A clan will own a restaurant, for instance; building up resources collectively is the only thing that works when individuals don't live long. They're big into arranged marriage, too, though their non-reproduction sexual mores are pretty loose.

Their food is spicy as hell.

Shorties are my fetish. My wife is playing a goblin. Life is good.

Does your wife know she's in your magical realm?

Mine tend to be a bit taller and thinner than is 'typical' (though still about the same height as a dwarf. See pic related, only decent example I can find of what they look like).
They are arguably even more successful and adaptive than humans being able to live in any environment (including underground) and breeding very quickly (despite having short life spans).

They're not, honestly. They live in caves, rob the weak, everyone hates them, they breed fast, they make traps, and they're tiny.

Not sure. But we also just got into Wildstar, and she's playing an Aurin.

I THINK she just likes playing small, cute, impulsive characters. But good god. Ok, fuck it, I'm going on Amazon right now and ordering some bunny ears.

They're the not!China of my setting, a massive bureaucracy build around a never-seen immortal emperor with a fondness for revisionist history. They invented the monk class as a reaction to strict laws against philosophers carrying weapons. They're more technologically advanced than any of their neighbors because they usually just stay out of all the wars and catastrophes that trouble the rest of the world. They're big on crafting constructs in the shape of animals, but it's never the animals that you'd think. Their supply train is giant millipedes and roaches with ticks to carry the drinking water, once they built a hundred-foot-tall camel with a pagoda on its head that shot lasers, and there's at least one warship whose prow is a seahorse that shoots exploding baby seahorses.

Is she small, cute and impulsive IRL? Either way you're a lucky beast.

They are small fey creatures who tend to make life miserable for anyone who pisses them off. In less civilized and enlightened lands that don't worship the True Gods(tm), peasants often make small sacrifices to the goblins, hoping the mean little bastards will protect their homes, or at least take their cruelties out on someone else.

A hobgoblin is a goblin that likes a certain family (or house) so much that it moves in permanently, and takes up residence in the hob (that is, the stove).

mexican banditos, with charcoal drawn moustaches and potato sack ponchos

They're not. They're exactly the same. Every. Single. One. Exactly the same. Down to the scar over their left eye.

If I ask to be a goblin to a dm do you think I would be shot down instantly? I really enjoy stereotypical crazed cave goblins with a heart of gold. Like is it that far out there? I am very hesitant about asking for something that's a creature instead of a regular race.

I'd say it's worth asking - it's not like you are asking to be something which a) unusually powerful, b) not humanoid or c) radically smaller or larger than standard PC scale to the point where it would be awkward adventuring with them, so I'd be inclined to say yes.

Jesus Christ, you're right, I'm so lucky. I really love her. Seriously, she's the coolest person I've ever met. Had a crush on her since I was 10 years old.

Anyway, back on topic: goblins make decent mages, but they tend to be scarred or questionably sane.

Elven wizard colleges are all
>"over the next 50 years, you will gain a subtle understanding of the fundamental poetry of elemental integration within..."

Goblins be like
>"Here, shout these words! Nothing? Ok, eat this mushroom! No, no, you're not actually doing anything, it's just in your head. Now stare at this crazy pattern and cross your eyes! Your hair caught fire, now we're getting somewhere!"

Some might say no, but I don't see a problem. It's a common race in most settings, no real reason why not. I've got one in my game.

I just hear so many terrible character requests and I don't want to upset any possible dm in the future.

I guess I shouldn't worry so much. Sorry dumb question.

"Goblin" I don't think would be especially unreasonable by itself. "Magical realm fetish goblin" or "ridiculous edgelord goblin" or whatever, that might be different depending on your DM's tastes.

Nope. Just an unrelenting dumb goblin that wants to help at every possible turn.

Only potential pitfall I can see is that "comic relief" concepts can get annoying to some people.

Ok maybe child like is a better descriptor than unrelentingly dumb. That way tragedy could hit easier. Like say an someone dies and the goblin would be like simba during the mufasa's death scene or something.

Anyways I still have to think about it. Probably not best place to go over this kinda stuff. Sorry for shitting up the thread.

Entire race is made up of clones of one goblin?

I'm very partial to wow goblins. One of the warcraft universes better developments, IMO. Making them maniacal mechanics gives them something to do besides being numerous, gives some additional depth to their classic feud with dwarves, and makes them individually more interesting as PC's and NPC's.

>Goblins are pretty awesome creatures right out of the package.
Right out of the package, they're just a synonym for orcs. You've got to do SOMETHING with them.

>Fuck as I'm writing this I'm realizing I basically made them Jews, even down to the big nose and greedy stereotype.
No you didn't. That pic is a malifaux gremlin. They don't have noses at all.

>"Here, shout these words! Nothing? Ok, eat this mushroom! No, no, you're not actually doing anything, it's just in your head. Now stare at this crazy pattern and cross your eyes! Your hair caught fire, now we're getting somewhere!"
So warhammer goblins then? Nothing wrong with that. I always thought WH was one of the first universes to give goblins some actual flavor (if not a particularly good one, according to in-universe ogres).

Top kek, those goblin boys dindu nuffin. They wuz turnin they life around.

Goblins in my setting are fey, formed by children abducted by goblins and fed goblin brew and goblin treats. Their bodies warp into a wide variety of greenish skinned ape like creatures. They are sadistically mischievous and delightfully childish. They vandalize, brutalize, steal and molest, traveling through secret passages only children know.

They are ruled by the Goblin King. A king is born every 988 years and on their 12 birthday they are to challenge the current king to a round of games to the best of three. The winner is crowned the new King while the loser is torn apart by the goblin horde. During this time the goblins lose any loyalty to the current king and run wild.

The Goblin King is one of the most powerful magic wielders in the world, equal to the lords of hell and the council of witches but bound to silly, childish rules and their own eternally juvenile mind.

Wasn't this the premise of that movie with Fred Savage where howie mandel is a goblin or something?

I admit it's a mashup of little Monsters, Labyrinth and something else I can't quite remember right now,.

Gremlins Goblins.

... Don't feed that after Midnight.

(Turns out, Midnight is a state of mind...)

Goblins.
I use them as something to terrify my players with, not because they are powerful or that smart but because they are cunning vermin. They laugh and slaughter Goblins until someone gets cocky and does a sloppy job killing some lookouts or scouts and suddenly hordes of goblins appear.
Goblins know their lairs, some scouts become really sneaky, but their real threat lies in their ability to trap and tame wild beasts and monsters.

Just the other month the party (5th level) was tracking some goblins to their lair when the paladin (drow NOT! Drizzt clone) decided to charge ahead and ran into the lookouts.
He failed to kill the three of them fast enough and the party had to do a 180 and run because a whole heap of scared and very pissed NOPE just appeared.
They eventually escaped but it was a close thing.

They're all French 'Might makes right' styled nomads, basically. It's mostly the French part that makes them unique, but they're far more partial to diplomacy than most setting's Goblins and they aren't purely insane.

Not it, but I like that. No it was where I got the child sorcerer of immense power but bound by childish game rules that I can't remember.

>French styled nomads
I'm confused yet intrigued.

Basically they're Cajun

I liked how Lorwyn goblins, for no apparent reason, reproduced by binary fission.

They're only female, and they have strong urges to join groups of adventurers to be helpful in any way they can.

They are very Egalitarian and romanticize the ideals of Napolean era France, speak in a thick French accent, and travel in groups living off the land - they're also basically unheard of in the civilized world as they live on an uncharted continent.

I use Labyrinth Goblins. Every group is part of a local unseelie court ruled by human looking Goblin Kings based off of famous musicians. The antagonists for an arc of our campaign were the 'Beetle Kings'

the hilarious part is, the players didn't even realize what was going on until they got an audience with them and I did the voices.

The second and third choices for the role of Jareth were Sting and Michael Jackson. I want to see those guys' kingdoms.

Toe fetishists. They like dominating others by making defeated foes like their toes, but will willingly serve halflings who let them lick their toes in turn.

>How are the goblins in your campaigns unique?
They're all dead

In my setting goblins are very shifty and fearful, and nearly always run away and disappear, only attacking when it favors them entirely. They have massive eyes like a cats and large ears. They are basically savages but very clever and creative with camoflage and remaining hidden. Tribes are ruled by seers who are basically witches and always female. They rarely speak their own language in the presence of non-goblins, instead making terrible catlike screeches.

In ancient times all the sapient races were ruled by vampiric creatures they used them as slave labor and chattel, feeding on them and using them in any way they wished. The sapient races in their servitude had a monoculture and a single language they shared, and thought of themselves as a common people under one name, the Greymen. There was an underground movement amongst them to gain their freedom for the first time, but up until a certain event it was merely a fantasy. A goblin household slave found a spellbook unattended and understood that it was powerful, and stole it and secreted it away until it came into the hands of a very wise man who became the first wizard once he studied the book for years. It was this wizard who started the uprising, having learned some of the vampiric overlords weaknesses.

The Greymen slaves rebelled for decades at great personal cost, depopulating the entire land, but at last they were victorious and the vampiric creatures went into hiding. In the centuries that followed the Greymen began to stratify and subcultures began to emerge that truly divided them on racial and religious lines. Fast forward a thousand years and goblins are savages and the proper, civilized races don't even remember that they were equals at one time, much less that a single goblin set into motion a chain of events that would free their entire world.

The only goblins that are tolerated to exist are slaves that have been raised in servitude for generations. They have human names and only understand human languages and cultures. They are submissive creatures that serve households as servants and always keep their head down and are too fearful to even attempt to escape, it is the only life they have ever known, and wild goblins terrify them, and would devour them as punishment for their imagined betrayal.

They are completely loyal out of fear and indoctrination. They are allowed to have families and their children are raised to take their parents place. These house goblins are even trusted to care for children of slave owners and serve them as well. A child going out to play in the nearby woods would no doubt be accompanied by a quiet, probably eldery goblin with a butler like reserved attitude. Goblins come of age by 7-8 years and begin to deteriorate by age 40-35. Children often interact more with their goblin caretakers than their own wealthy parents, and can even grow to love them as if they were pets, and mourn their loss.

The world is a replica of a destroyed world made out of dreams by the Gods.

Each race was fashioned by the gods and given gifts, and none were left for the Goblins. So the gods of the Goblins decided that if they could have no special gift, then they would last forever.

Goblins are impulsive, short on logic and almost devoid of empathy. As a consequence, they lead short lives. They are fully mature at 8 years old, and breed in relatively large numbers.

Goblins die of accident, murder, combat, or misadventure very quickly, but they are actually like lobsters, in that they can technically live forever. They also never stop growing. A goblin that lives 25 years is the size of a dwarf. A goblin that lives 50 years is as tall as a Man. A goblin that lives 100 years can tower over both. There are legends of the Big King Under The Mountain, a 2000 year old goblin deep in slumber.

In addition to their immortality, they are also of a guaranteed minimum population. If Goblins ever hit a low enough population, new goblins spring fully formed from dark and still places somewhere safe.

>How are the goblins in your campaigns unique?

Apparantly my players are ok with torture, not cool with rape. I don't DM anymore.

I like the sound of these gobbos

>They took monk girl
They can have the wizard cunt for all I care, but monk-chan and HOT BLOODED PROTAGONIST-kun were cool

That's pretty similar to my take, except mine are aggressively mercantile and view everything as a transaction of power. They can also spawn more traditional, shitty idiot goblins using the a trick they conned the Fey out of, which the latter originally used to make elves

So she didn't die but got the typical fantasy hentai treatment and has post rape PTSD?

What did you expect from "The MC is just as stupid as everyone else but everything ignores him" The Manga.

>The MC is just as stupid as everyone else but everything ignores him
Pardon?

>Wears an Iron helmet to "Protect against rocks"
>Rock traps used by goblins throw fucking boulders

>Uses a fucking teleport scroll synched to the bottom of the sea to flood a place
>Flooded caves is fucking dangerous and retarded.

Goblin Slayer would die in his first interaction with Goblins if they didn't just ignore his head with heaving the rocks.

Not him, but the safest, most efficient method of goblin removal would be to take better paying quests and use the money to hire a small army to clear out each nest with you in your free time. Would both kill more goblins and remove the bulk of the risks involved.

Going solo is just as fucking dumb as what the first party did, even if you do have 'muh practical armur' and 'muh plots 'n strategies', eventually something will surprise you and you'll end up hogtied in a cave with a goblin tribe running a train on you.

They are extremely political

youtube.com/watch?v=9kAEoCHANYY

Not always, but often enough to have it be a school.

Sexual reproduction happens as well.

... I guess lorwyn had two plant like races.

I'm really not sure what your trying to say here. The helmet won't stop boulders from smashing his head, so he clearly shouldn't wear a helmet at all?

That's obviously a zombie.

kills herself l8r

So I found these while browsing rule 34 stuff. So would this be poor taste to bring into a regular D&D game. Or is this more an ERP game thing. I mean it's always assumed in most fantasy settings that Orcs are already really rapey as a race. So if I was to run a GoT like setting with these kind of npc races do you think it would work or is that too much 'GM magical realm'?

BTW, what D&D setting and edition do these stats for the races go with? Is it D&D 5th edition? I have been out of the D&D loop for awhile.

they have a king that, should he be left to his own devices, could create a global goblin empire. The generic cultist god of chaos gave this goblin a key that could open up a space hole and just let all kinds of nasty shit bleed in, and fall under his command.

Thoughts?

Set the universe on fire.

>Wow I've seen a fe pages posted before but I didn't think it was that kind of manga
>Macabre urge to see for myself how fucked up it gets
>Wind up reading all of it

Well I'm fucking sad now. Can we go back to a happy world where goblins are cute tricksters that run away with the clothes you left out to dry and nobody gets gang raped to death as the childlike wonder fades from their eyes in piles of shit and human carcasses?

Goblins and hobgoblins are already statted out in 5e, and those look like really powerful homebrew monsters.

I would say just use statblocks that already exist. Should just be in the 5e monster manual.

>Macabre urge to see for myself how fucked up it gets
Put it into words perfectly.

Jesus, that first chapter was proper dark fantasy, wasn't it? Hot damn. I'm not sure whether I want to read the rest or not.

Well, I WANT to, but I'm gonna regret it later.

A somewhat civilized society of chaotic neutrals. Half of them have realized that non-stop warring with the adjacent kingdoms will eventually result in their destruction, and are trying to negotiate a begrudging alliance for the sake of survival. The rest still cling to grudges from wars past, and actively advocate the genocide of every non-goblinoid race. The two factions are currently on the verge of a civil war,

Also the "mascot" of my current campaign is an overly friendly lawful-good goblin that operates a dubious magical doodad shop out of his the slums of a human city.

Quote from a goblin general: "Kill the men, make the women breed, and feed their children with their flesh!"

Holy christ this author holds nothing the fuck back.

oh my sweet summer child, let me tell you the tale of Scringus Bingus of Pickledale.

>be me, playing human fighter and looking to have some keks
>come up with the idea to play a goblin side character as a joke
>dm actually agrees because it is 2am and we're all losing our sides over my goblin voice
>stay up all night making fully fleshed out backstory and every detail of this precious needle toothed soul
>be Scringus Bingus of Pickledale
>live entire life down in shitty cave being bossed around by bigger goblins who always talk about how they get to eat babies from the raids on the humans
>forced to be a pickle farmer for entire life
>be very proud of your pickle farm
>it is a handful of cucumbers growing out of a muddy puddle
>I don't need any dang baby meat I have my pickles
>fashion many different unique consumables with the pickles
>one day get confused by guard for being a water fetcher and get a bucket
>it's the only other job that gets to go to the surface besides the guards and raiders
>doesn't even want to but if you go against them you get an extremely crude and rusty spear head through the noggin
>at the ripe old age of 8 so you say fuck it
>immediately get lost because you have no idea what a stream is or where it could possibly be
>find way to full party of humans while being nearly dead from starvation/dehydration
>the pickle wine only lasted so long
>the pickle chips were the first thing to go
>annoy them nearly to the point of being murdered
>they let you come with because lol pc
>steal food from the cart and book it to the sewers because the character had already overstayed his welcome

Canonically he has now erected a fighting arena for stray goblins underneath the primary city and their blood will hopefully appease the gods enough to show them all the way back home to his pickle farm.

you cannot unscring what has been scrung

if someone brought these into a game i was apart of i'd laugh and then leave. thats some erp shit, user.

>global
What do you think the tile 'King of the Darkstorm Galaxy' means?

>How are the goblins in your campaigns unique?

>How do you ruin language by taking a word that points to a common signifier and instead making it mean something else?

I don't.

My dwarves liver underground, my elves have long ears and live in the forest and my goblins are short tricky fuckers that'll stab you for a nickel.

That his advice was pointless and he's just a worse goblin slayer than them

ours have a totem like religion. think simple minded mischief caused by wildshape. they see that rabbits run fast so if they carry rabbit's feet they can run fast too. squirrel tails make them more agile. so on and so forth. we made it so if they consume a lot of a select type of food they take on it's aspects as well. more sea food means they start to either grow gills or become more squid/Octopi like.

they breed by making a giant pit in the ground and a bunch of them go in. chaos ensues and more come out that came in. we joked at one point that they were like the gremlins from Gremlins, with a bit of water...

heavily influenced by Nekrogoblkon, M:TG and 40k Orks.