>I have never played Dungeons & Dragons before, but my friend decides to start a new campaign and I ask to join because I want to get into it. All of our discussion takes place over online chat because there are seven of us scattered across North America, plus our DM who lives in Norway. I’ve never met any of these people or heard their voices before I joined the campaign group. These are the highlights of our first session.
>(4:30pm:)
Friend #1: “What’s everyone up to?”
Me: “I’m eating spaghetti and I got marinara sauce on my t*tties.”
Friend #2: “How…?”
Me: “I’m eating shirtless so I don’t get marinara on my shirt, OBVIOUSLY.”
>(5:00:)
Friend #1: “[Friend #6] said she’ll be at work late so we can start without her.”
DM: “Oh, god. That means I have to get started. I’m not prepared.”
>(5:10:)
DM: “The tax collectors came from the east.”
Friend #2: “So if we want to follow them, we head west.”
Friend #3: “Wait… what?”
Me: “The opposite of east is west.”
Me and Friend #2: *at once* “Never Eat Soggy Waffles.”
Friend #4: *who is in Canada* “…what do they teach you people in America?”
>(5:30:)
Me: “Be right back, my roommate has company over so I have to put a shirt on.”
Friend #1: “Marinara t*ts.”