Gellar Field Inspection

Rolled 31, 46 = 77 (2d100)

*fucked up the rolls*

IMPRESSIVE
ISNT THAT MEANT FOR USE IN FIREWORKS SHOWS?

>A floating bubble of warp energy burst revealing hideous figure
SCREEEEECH

Rolled 91 (1d100)

>Rolling to warp lightning this fucker

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>studying his most trusted companion and only friend.
Fireworks? this device works by using the subjects own mass against it, reversing gravity for you stupid people.
>Claps hands together, and looks into the cogskull of the gravity weapon, coined, Vicenlle.
How the mighty have fallen, my dear imperium.
>Looks at the Warp spawn
A welcomed test subject, it's simple, just depress the ionized trigger and release.

SCREEECH
>Slaps the Magos
SCREEEECH

*enjoys it massively*
AGAIN
AGAIN!
ARE YOU SURE THAT WORKS?

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>Grabs eletromaul and starts wacking Pawn with it
Bad daemon bad, submit to your betters!
>the flash of the mark of tzeencth appears on the powermaul
Taste the power of magical science!

Rolled 9 (1d100)

SCREEEECH
>Pawn tries to grab the magos
>50+

Hey guys what goin on here

>Tired of this nonsense Pawn opens up a portal and leaves

>Just as planned
Ahahaha! daemon you have missed, time for a mechicinus sanctioned victory dance!
>Does robot.
Now time for you go to wounc...
SPACE MARINE WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT SISTER!?!? 1010101011001010101010101
>Grabs sides of head
Does not compute.
>Does funky chicken

Nothing she isn't enjoying.
Are you allright?
Do you need a gear change?

>shoots myself in the head.

Rolled 45 (1d100)

>puts gravgun away and holsters powermaul
A gear change, no but I'd like to change that senorita's oil if you catch my drift,
>Pulls gun away and pulls out the bullet saving the armsmen.
Not today punk!

I think I do.
*spreads the sisters legs and continues thrusting*

Yo, any of you fags know which way the Circle K is? A nigga got a craving for some Skittles and ice tea

Its past the pit of solemn screams and left at the daemonette den.

>Grabs her face and angles it towards in crotch.
The omninessia insists that I give you a blessed oil transfusion...orrally.
>Sticks robodick in her comfy mouth.
>Tosses a pack of sour skittles and a Crisk riced tea
Here on the house!

Alright, radical my guy

*whilst thrusting violently*
So what brought you here?
How did you get into the warp friend?

>Thusting away, muffled moans escape the senorita's mouth, the metallic tool hitting her uvuala
This is actually an ark mechanicus, you're all just bumming a ride on, you know? and I'm sure it's now properly infest if you lot are here.

Hey I work here too you shit dick.
You better not get any stains on the floor

There is only a mild amount of abominable taint here. Which is good for the warp.

>grabs two power swords
>Torso starts spinning while head and legs remain facing forwards
>Torso spins faster
>Torso now a blur of blue and steel
>Skitarii is now a beyblade

LET IT RIP FOR THE OMNISSAH

>Runs into the nearest crowd of people

>A rak'gol with a pirate hat comes out of the wents
Nah matey, yarrr, you're most likely dead harrr.
Like me!
And this guy over here yarrr.
>He crawls over to Vander
>Slaps him a the back of his head
Arrr Remember me? Ye still owe me for that titan, yarr

Hey that wasn't my fault some asshole covered in in slime then another asshole blew it up

If you admit your mistakes now they are easier to deal with in the future

Yer couldn't stomp a ,yarrrr, giant, walking blob while piloting a titan!

>Spies the skittarii
Hey you, you there whats your designation, come on pal you can tell me, 101010? 01010101?
>loud beeps and boops.
you are still covered in slime amigo.

It's not slime it more like... juices.
Juices are a good sign

Hey I didn't do shit this time.
I was trying to get the cd player to work

What do you mean by "this time" my friend?
*continues thrusting*

>Steve stops running and faces the adept, still spinning

I AM THE BEYBLADE OF THE OMNISSAH

>he continues on down the corridor, bisecting all in his path.

A cd player? where is it, give it to me you imbecile.
>scuttles over to the techpriest, a servoskull nudges vander in the head.
He does this alot, also we're relocationing this, closer to vander and his device.

Well this one time I shot myself in the eye when a laser reflected off the inside of a servitor's head and this other time I crashed a limo and this other time I broke a priceless archeotech plasma gun and this other time I abandoned my post to go on a wild space pirate adventure which led to my death
Blown up on Hoth my guy, if you want it you can dig through Titan ruins

Arrr, he doesn't have it, it was on a titan that was destroyed because of his incompetence, herrr.
Also yer most likely dead with everybody one this ship, harrr

Hey you were driving too

I was trying to ge yer attention on the daemon, yarrr, the titan only had one drivers console and seat that you were using

Rolled 6 (1d100)

>Grabs the skitarii and scans his barcode
Alright lets see...101010110100110010101.
>His eyes go blue for a second then go back to their purplish glow.
Now I see, now I know... Hello Steve unit 55, I love the number five by the way, also give me those powerswords I shall upgrade them!

Dead? me, hohohohohhoohohoho, Science never dies my fair watson...
>Eyes glow green for a second
death is but an illusion in a cruel world, noone cares enough to fight it.

Where exactly did this titan come from and how were you even in a position to pilot it?
*thrusting intensifies with an ass slap*

Hey I'm not that incompetent

Arr it was modified...by orks I presume, since I found it on their yarrr ship.
I'm harrr very proud of it and have pics
>He gets the picture from his coat
Here
>Shows pictures of the reaver titan, with him and Vander, and hrut

You found a fully functional reaver titan on an ork ship?
How did you get it down?

We threw spare change into a rip in space and time

From what this servoskull had shown me, you are relaibly incompentant.
>snatches a stray servoskull out the near the ceiling
You eat pizza for machine's sake!

Hey pizza is fucking rad, maybe if you'd chill out for a second and smoke some of these holy oils you'd see that

>Rog'alen looks at him in silence
Arr that's a neat story, yer see yarrrrr Vander was piloting and the ship also, somehow had an eldar webway portal, which was invisible because the eldar wana-be pirate who send us on this adventure accidentaly turned the invisibility on

This corsair chap sounds like a great guy and an incredible pirate.

Where are all the daemons?

Circle K

He's a corsair, not a pirate yarr, there's a difference. Also the best thing he found were some sponge tubes who are only valuable to stryx.
Also this, harrr.
>Gives a picture of Osirius putting his dick inside a squig while drunk
He can't take more than a bottle of rum
Hallls! How are ya matey? When did you die?
>Gives a pic of Osirius trying to kiss

I have utmost certainty that all of those images are faked. Also corsairs are definitely pirates.
*thrusts in slow, powerful rhythms*

Trust me, they're not.
Here's one of when we shaved his pubes and stuck them to his face

Oh, well, I suppose I blew up when casting a psychic power. I killed at least 200 people in doing so.

Radical my dude

Arrr nay, there's a difference, ya see corsairs are, yarrr mostly fancy pirates, like they shave and care about hygiene and adventure, and romance.
While pirates arrrrr are grizzled men and women who are in this only for loot and murder, and they rely on brute force instead of those fancy schmancy tactics
Better way than I died, I'll tell ya that, harrr

Vander, would you perhaps like some Tequila?
>I'd open the door to my hell mobile, a DeLorean with a shit ton of spikes on it

Drink driving? Count me in.

Let's ride to hell.
>I'd cock my double barrel shotgun, while putting a pair of aviators on
youtube.com/watch?v=cixW6rogZ48&t=20s

Hell?
No
Let's.
Go.
To.
IKEA!
*punctuates each word with a rough thrust, earning a plethora of moans from his partner*

youtube.com/watch?v=WUcWUWusc80
Wow, what a fun trip through the warp. Who knew they had such a well maintained highway system

Mmmmmm, I love their meaty balls, but there are two in particular that are far more delicious
>Reaches for the Chapter's Mastercrafted Geneseed bombs
See a Warhammer Rollplay thread, be all WARP YEAH, Scroll to the bottom, get incredibly confused, require reading the whole thread through to get the full story

Nice, what story did you gleam from all this?

Ohhhh, the stories I could tell you about this venerable Dreadnought
>Because the equivalent of a cripple in an armoured wheelchair is sexy
I was mostly focused on finding out how a Space Marine got in bed with anyone, but I'm going on the assumption that there is a high amount of Slaaneshi in this corner of the Warp that is making everyone debauched but cavalier enough to pass for adventurous and cavalier in the 41st millenium

My dear sister it is in fact worse than that.
this was once a mighty mechiancus vessel but now we're lost in the frackin warp with these arseholes.
>Levels gravgun at the sister
You ain't one of those daemonettes are you?