Why do you pretend to dislike elves, Veeky Forums?

Obligatory

I consider myself elf neutral. It really annoys me when people go out of there way to make them weird unrelateable shit though

You keep responding.
And quit spamming Mar while you shitpost.

...

Luthandriel speaks the truth, after a while sex just gets boring and elves live for millennia.
Talking about stars is probably they closest he can get to an erection.

>You keep responding
And so does everyone else, so me not responding doesn't matter.

I don't, I like them.

The length

I'm a full-blown unironic elf-fag, don't attempt to speak for me.

I have an actual fetish for pointy ears. Catgirls also do it for me, but I literally can't get it up for anything that doesn't have them.

I don't, I play dark eldar

I don't dislike them, I'm just tired of them. I was around for the boom in the 90s and early 00s when there were a hundred thousand varieties of elves all over the place in every setting. Sky elves, cloud elves, winged elves, high elves, low elves, middle elves, swamp elves, sea elves, ocean elves, water elves, dark elves, shadow elves, cave elves, wood elves, forest elves, tree elves, leaf elves, dirt elves, earth elves, ground elves, mountain elves, hill elves, plains elves, light elves, sun elves, moon elves, star elves, magic elves, and so on and so forth into infinity. And each and every variety of them is better than humans at everything, because of course they are.

Everyone had to make their own fucking snowflake elves that were different (but not really) from all the others. In my heart, there are and always will be only two kinds of elves, ever: high elves and wood elves.

I don't. Elves are fantastic. I prefer playing elves to humans. I think that may be my autism making them more relatable/interesting than they are for most people.

Half orcs, gnomes, and halflings are shit though. They can get fucked.

Human
High elf
Wood elf
Drow
Hill dwarf
Mountain dwarf
Duergar
Derro
Hobgoblin
Bugbear
Goblin
Mountain orc
Orog
Thayan orc
Grey orc

Much better list.

it's fun to be pretend racist

>elves over gnomes
Gnomes have a more interesting difference to dwarves than elves do to humans. My opinion is fact.

Warning; you're not going to like it.
wakfuta academy

...

>futa
This is even better than I tought.
Thanks user, +10 internets for you.

Elves are icky

If Elves we're real, a bunch of people would fetishize them, but a fuckton of people would hate them by virtue of them being inhuman. Xenophobia combined with a possible inferiority complex.

All in all Veeky Forums has both responses so it's reasonable.

>we're
Goddamn phoneposting

Stupid meme runs contrary to all the elves I can think of on fiction.

Here, have some examples:
Araevin teshurr
Seiveril miritar
Fflar starbrow melruth
Legolas
Nuada
Nuala
I level miritar
Elaith craulnober
Amnestria moonflower
Amlaruil moonflower
Kymil nimesin
Zaor moonflower
Durothil

So, what kind of bitch ass elves are you talking about?

I like them.
I want them to sit on my face.

Is legolas inferior because of his living much longer than humans, or his superior senses and dexterity?

What, neither.

Oh. Fuck my reading comprehension. That'll teach me to skim.
I was listing elves who are not insecure or intimidated by their superiors, but confident and capable of standing behind their decisions.

Same reason I pretend to dislike huge breasted blonde girls at the beach. Sour grapes.

I read the "the" as "they" and thought dude made an editing error and missed the subsequent "are".

>The insecure are intimidated by their superiors. Traditionally speaking elves are objectively superior to humans.
I read it as:
>They are insecure are intimidated by their superiors, even though traditionally speaking elves are objectively superior to humans.
Hence my refuting that elves are meek little bitches.

Why would you want to have giant tits, bro?

How else am I going to have giant tits in my life?

Fair enough, I'm honestly glad that's a misunderstanding because it's apparent that you know far more than I do about elves in this context, I didn't know like 75% of that list. Thought I was about to get embarrassed on the internet again.

The context of that image isn't questioning elves and you know it.

I pretend to dislike elves because I dislike elves.

You take out a big-bosomed girl out for a nice date

The shared character flaw of elves is that they're overconfident and arrogant, and prone to underestimating their nonelven opponents (not that they're cowardly and meek, because they're definitely not that)

But I disagree with the assertion that they're objectively superior to humans, for that reason. I find them more interesting than everyday stock humans, but they're not objectively superior.

That racist superiority complex (hubris) , and a lot of squabbling and infighting which leaves them distracted and vulnerable, and overthinking problems when immediate action is necessary, are the problems with elves. They're awesome, and they let it go to their heads.

Frankly I don't understand how anybody doesn't find elves more interesting than boring everyday humans.

Generally

Elves
>live in woods
>archery
>pretentious
>spooky magic

Whereas humans
>live everywhere
>use anything
>generally nice
>spooky magic

Generally elves are just kind of "meh"

I HAVE MY REASONS

Cause are the kind of people who like elves.

Name ONE setting in which Elves aren't assholes.

>LotR
Assholes

>Warcraft
Assholes

>TES
Gigantic fucking assholes

Nah. That's an incredibly common flaw in fantasy. Hell, it's probably the most common trait for sapients.

The problem with evles is that they don't "think" they are better than humans: they are. Shit should be re-defined taking that into account.

The only thing better with elves is a higher lifespan and better dexterity

Give me a team of geneticists and 2000 years and we can make humanity far better than elves

Sigh.

user, I meant in fiction.

More beautiful, more wise, more attuned ot nature, more magical.

Who gives a crap about nature.

For their long lifespans and "superiority" elves sure don't do a lot

I hate you because I can't disagree with you.

D&D says Elves don't reach maturity for 100+ years.
>20-30 years of potty training
>60-80 years of whining screaming CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIN angst

>live in the woods.

Wood elves stick to the woods. That's why they're called wood elves.

Elves: stuff to make them interesting.
Humans: bland modern day american personalities.

Because people who like elves skim stuff and miss details sometimes? You're gonna need to explain why that matters, user.

Faerun? The asshole elves exist, but are the minority.
You could argue also the witcher. The local elves are fine, better people than the humans, in a shitty world. The wild hunt elves are assholes.

Humans don't need different races like ice humans.

The humans who live in the north typically have their own culture, whereas snow elves are just elves but cold

Because I'll never be drowned in slender cow-titted nympho elves. It hurts, user.

I'm just honestly bored with generic fantasy races as a whole. 20+ years of playing and running games will do that.

I hate knife ears just as much as the next guy, but the high elves in lotr are pretty based, in the end.

I don't dislike elves. I dislike elves drawn with disgusting animu horizontal pig ears.

Enjoy your Oinkers.

That's what I was thinking about the xenophobia, and I would think that would also apply to monstergirls.

>>humans
>generally nice
Humans are usually either hostile or want to fuck your ass. Seldom are there generally nice ones.

Slow maturity is generally seen as a liability in survival unless you can make up for it with development potential. Humans mature slowly because they have brains that trade instinct for knowledge absorption and retaining, also the fact that big heads are really hard to give birth to, so it is all made easier by having the baby start off dumb.

Anime elves are heresy that is made to pander to otakus. See shit like

What about that one time they started a reality altering war to retrieve some magic gems of fuckwad, which ended with Beleriand being slammed into the sea by the Valar?

Fucking Feanor.

You only need 4 kinds of elves.

Wood.
High.
Aquatic.
And Drow.

The cultural differences are the reason.

They are also physically distinct.

Woodelves are your hearty nature types. High elves are your frail intellectual magic using type.
The aquatic ones breathe water instead of air. And only come up in an aquatic or seafaring campaign.
And Drow are stealthy assassin types with infra vision and magic.

Theyre both physically distinct and culturally distinct.

If you have humans living under water, they're gonna be more than "a different culture".

But user, I love elves

>you will never give oral sex to a smoking hot three thousand year old elf while they gaze at the stars through a telescope and teach you about cold fusion

I'm just curious, but do you get it up for vulcans? What about ferengi?

>Humans
>Nice
Half the time they're genocidal xenophobes who do nothing but kill other races

You see, this is why dark elves exist. Eventually the vanilla stuff gets boring so they get into other stuff. Other stuff leads to light bondage, light bondage leads to BDSM, BDSM leads to hard BDSM, and hard BDSM leads to... Whatever you call that.

The only acceptable kind of elf is the Harlequins. I love my clownpussi.

>LotR
Elves are the objective good guys in that. Sure there are some moments of dwarf levels of greed and pettiness but not a single elf has ever served Sauron.

>Warcraft
K

>TES
Only the Thalmor and Ayleids could be considered assholes and even then they're not assholes. Half of the Ayleids helped the humans before being killed in Alessian order pogroms. The Thalmor also aren't that bad from an objective standpoint, they only want peace on Tamriel.

That's how long it takes them to become physically mature, but that doesn't mean they remain infantile for their entire lives.

Drizzt was old enough to begin his weapons training when he was only ten years old.

And he was already considered a young adult by humans when he reached the surface around the age of 60.

Magic humans with crazy spells

That's a pretty distinct culture.

Why did they move there?
Why do they live there?
What is their architecture like?

With water elves it's like, I dunno they have gills.

Humans have to deal with other climates through ingenuity, elves deal with other climates by being totally different races than elves.

I mean why even have elves in the first place, just have a bunch of different races that fill the same shoes but are unique

But that's a Harvin.

You're forgetting that in a setting with elves, there's also bound to be fucking magic.

They are all the exact same species, as well as race. The differences exist only because of magic. Not genetics. Humans can use spells to breathe water instead of air. Does that make them a different species? No. It makes them able to use magic.

Elves just figured out a way to first make it permanent on themselves. Then figured out a way to pass the magic on to their biological children.

Find a way to strip off all those layers of inherited magics from a Drow, and they will be indistinguishable from any other elf "race".

This, in order to adapt humans use and create tools to alter their environment.

In order to adapt Elves use magic to alter themselves.

>Elves are the objective good guys in that. Sure there are some moments of dwarf levels of greed and pettiness but not a single elf has ever served Sauron.

Yes, because evil elves are called Orks in setting. If they flip to evil, they're no longer called an Elf.

>No elf joined sauron
Sauron was an elf.

Actually Sauron merely took the form of an elf because he desired perfection and that was the closest thing possible.

>Orks
What's that? Some type of fungi?

>Orks
Fuck right off.

> they got that meat on them
>totally kills by boner.

I like elves. A lot.

Drow autism is best autism.

I never claimed to dislike elves. The ones with chocolate filling are fine by me.

no on the potty training, that's just learning the skill of bowel control, probably would happen just as fast as human (eh, maybe not quite as fast, humans do pick up skills quicker than most races, but close enough. We're talking months not decades)

Probably correct about the angst though, given that's more hormonal and neurodevelopmental.

To be fair, if there's anything Lolth loves more than spiders its making her worshippers suffer and be dependent on her, so they can't escape the suffering.

Seeing as how Dirzzt caused that in spades, and making him her champion is salt in the wound, I can't really see her NOT doing it.

>Drizzt didn't escape to the surface
>the surface is just where Lolth stores her ultimate weapon of PURE DROW AUTISM
>this way he stays nice and fresh for when she needs him

110 is 15-ish according to 3.5 materials, so I wouldn't say "young adult." Preteen is closer.

mmmm. There's no way those map to human years in any sensible x:1 ratio then. Because you'd probably start sword training around 5? so that's a x2. But max 750 vs max 100... definitely not x2...

The only way I'm seeing this working is if Elves are born even more prematurely than humans are, and have a proportionally much longer childhood. Like human/dog years.

Tinkering with the stage of life age numbers in the PHB to find a line of best fit confirms my suspicions. Childhood is about 1/3th the average lifespan to human's 1/5th, and are definitely birthed less developed than humans.

Of note, while as best I can guess most don't live past 400ish, just like most humans don't live past 80ish, an elf of particularly long life might spend nearly half his life in the crippling grind of venerability, while the equivalent human would have only spent about 1/3.

As for interesting conclusions of the (relatively premature birth, In order for a mother to bear and externally carry around what is essentially a fetus for several years... I can only assume elves must be some kind of marsupials? Which... makes sense if you squint hard enough, I guess?

That's not an elf. That's a human.

>pointed ears
(((human)))

That's basically what happened in the latest book I read. Demogorgon is going to fuck shit up, so Matron Baenre, now in Quenthel's body and possibly avatar of Lolth, hatches a plot to bring Drizzt back to Menzoberrazan. Once he's there he gets tortured for a bit then sent in the caverns where big D dwells. Drizzt actually does the smart thing and runs away back to town, where Kimmuriel puts a kinetic barrier on him followed by every mage and crossbow shooting Drizzt with everything they have, followed by Drizzt stabbing Demogorgon and unleashing all the accumulated energy. He's literally the savior of Drow civilization and Lolth's champion.

Cra are canonically human.

>Humans are usually either hostile or want to fuck your ass. Seldom are there generally nice ones.
It's sad you think that's true. There are scores of people working everyday to help the less fortunate.

Everyone doing a good honest day's work in general is a good person you fucking asshole.

your opinion is shit

>implying

>LotR
>Assholes
have you only watched the films?
Because in the films they skipped all the parts where the elves jokes around and are fun and made them much haughtier than they were in the books

those were different elves.

no, all the elves loved to joke and play around.
in the movies they gave elves the personality of dwarves and dwarves the personality of elves.
Dwarves were the ceremonious stuck up ones, sticklers for rank and roles, while elves tended to love to play around but were more detached due to their nature of being half physical half spiritual creatures