Field Kit Inspection: Gang Pressed Edition

Form up men, neat and orderly!

Now then, onto the matter at hand. As you are all likely aware, our regiment has taken heavy casualties over the past few campaigns. We've taken so many infact, that command has been unable to keep up with our reinforcement requests.

Because of this, as well as the fact that our once glorious ship, the Eagle's Fury, is now in a decaying orbit, where it will eventually spiral out, and burn up mid atmosphere. Our current objectives are as follows: First, find a source of new recruits. I hear that press hanging is rather effective in the navy. And two, find out what planet we're even on. That sudden evacuation from the ship, was quite the panic, so long range communications is near out of the question. And three. Find somewhere to stay, before we all freeze to death, on this barren ice world.

Now, to keep our minds off the cold. I am calling for a suprise and mandatory, field kit inspection, to assess our current supplies.

So, all hands, present arms and equipment, for a Field Kit Inspection!

>Welcome to ''Field Kit Inspection", home of the 'Unknown Regiment". Feel free to join in! Remember though, we tend to use spoilers for OOC chat, while greentexts for are used for describing a character's actions. D20s are for combat checks and d100s for other things you wish to roll, with higher being better.

I AM PRESENT SIR!
I AM FULLY READY TO DO MY PRIESTLY DUTIES!
*presents his eviscerator and holy banner*

>Meanwhile Ars is fixing his ship
What?...Oh, of course honorable commissar, I'll do my best
>Continues working while grumbling about the priest

I think we can start a fire to keep us warm using some paperwork. We can start off with pension records, since none of us are gonna be needing them anymore.

Third company, reporting in, Commissar! We currently stand at 1/10th strength, and are missing all but two officers.

Second company is missing entirely, same with fifth and sixth companies. Seventh armoured company at full strength, eighth is missing all its officers, same with 10th and twelfth companies.

Fourth company is standing at quarter strength, and is down to three officers. First company is at 20%, and down to four officers.

NO NEED TO SOUND SO DOWN CAPTAIN!
THIS IS A WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY!
WITH OUR PERCIEVED WEAKNESS, HERETICS ARE SURE TO THINK US EASY TARGETS!
LITTLE WOULD THEY KNOW, THE LOYAL ARE ALWAYS STRONG!

GO BACK TO QUEST FAGGOTS !

>Dunston would sit on a dead piece of woo, shivering as the cold gales went by

>I'd be rubbing two sticks together, trying to get a fire going

THE ONLY THINGS WE WILL BE BURNING ARE CALORIES!
THIS EXREME ENVIROMENT IS A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO BUILD YOUR STRENGTH!

Hmm wing is fixed, yes...
>Sets up a table
Ear muffs, warm ear muffs for sale! Also selling beanies and a portable gas plate!

>the man drops a lit match on a large pile of papers and dead wood
I'm sorry I missed that

WHAT I AM SAYING DEAR LOYAL SERVANT OF THE EMPEROR, IS THAT WE SHOULD TAKE THIS GRAND OPPORTUNITY THE EMPEROR HAS BLESSED US WITH TO GAIN OUR STRENGTH!

Rolled 78 (1d100)

>I'd attempt to create a fire for everyone on the cold planet

>Takes a weird, imperial green device from his ship
Hmm, let's hope this distress beacon still works, yes...
>Rolling whether or not it works, 50+

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR FIRES!
NOW IS THE TIME FOR GLORIOUS ADVENTURE!
WE MUST GO AND DISCOVER LOST SECRETS ON THIS BARREN ROCK!
FOR THE EMPEROR!
NOW WHOSE WITH ME!

Rolled 41 (1d100)

Rolled 17 (1d100)

>I'd attempt to fix the distress beacon, hoping it will work

>Squats by his fire, lho stick in one hand and a bottle of amasec in the other
Well, looks like we live here now boys.

Hmm, seems like no, are there any tech priests still alive?

Great. Just fuckin' great. We're stuck here, prolly' gonna die here too.

Shas'ui Han'zo ready to serve !

*tears off some cloth from his robes and wraps it around a stick, then douses the thing in prometheum and lights it*
NOW WE ADVENTURE!
WE MUST FIRSTLY FIND SOME NEW RECRUITS, AND THEN FIND OUT WHERE WE ARE!
MY TORCH REPRESENTS THE EMPERORS LIGHT!
WHILE IT BURNS, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!
FOLLOW ME

No if we don't fix it
Ah honorable t'au, can you fix this distress beacon?

I'd rather wallow here then leave an aesthetic skeleton for some rogue trader to find a thousand years from now thanks.

Rolled 93 (1d100)

I am no Earth Caste but I might try
>rolling to repair the distress beacon

Hmm I thought enclave abolished the caste system, but anyways nice job, let us activate it, yes.

*snatches it from him*
NOW IS NO TIME TO LEAVE!
WE HAVE OUR ORDERS AND WE SHALL DO THEM!
NOW, LETS FIND A NEW SOURCE OF RECRUITS!

Huh, nice work. Maybe there's hope after all. Send a distress broadcast to all outlying areas, maybe an imperial cruiser can pick us up.

We didn't abolished caste, we abolished limitations of activity between caste, anyway let's get out of here
A "thank you" won't burn your tongue gue' la

Erm honorable priest, were on a frozen planet, there are no recruits here since there are no humans, and first we must find out in which system we are in a first place

If you wanna run off into the tundra and freeze to death you can go for it, I'm gonna wait here for rescue

THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG!
THE IMPERIUM OF MAN STRETCHES THROUGHOUT ALL OF KNOWN SPACE!
THERE HAVE BEEN COLONISATION EFFORTS ON PLANETS FAR MORE INHOSPITABLE THAN THIS ONE!
THERE IS ALMOST CERTAINLY A FAILED COLONY SHIP, SOMEWHERE.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FIND IT!

And you will keep the beacon until we find it, yes?

THIS IS CORRECT

*the priest would wander off into the icy hellscape, cheerily chanting praises to the emperor*

Do not mistake hope for desillusion , even Orks wouldn't survive on this ice world
So keep your words for your self or go alone

Sigh, let's follow him, so we can at least take the beacon from his body after his inevitable demise

>watches the priest walking into the snow
I give him an hour

*calls back*
GOOD POINT!
IF YOU SEE AN ORK, KILL IT!

This is foolish
I'd shoot him in the head and take that damn beacon

*calls back*
NOBLE SERVANTS OF THE EMPEROR!
I THINK I FOUND SOMETHING!

So you are going to shoot a priest in front of the already zealous guardsmen?
What is it?

ITS A 20 METRE THICK WALL OF ICE!
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A MESSAGE!
GRAB A TORCH AND HELP ME MELT IT!

Honorable priest, there are walls of ice everywere on this planet, what makes this one special?

The commissar do the same with troopers, ain't it ?

I FOUND IT
THATS WHAT!
NOW STOP ASKING QUESTIONS AND MOVE THE CAMP FIRE OVER HERE!
*he shouts from a quarter of a mile away*

You do understand that there's a difference between commissar executing a priest, and "officialy" regular guardsman doing it?
>Points a two guardsmen huddling near the fire
Go help your priest, yes

YOU CAN'T JUST PICK UP A FIRE YOU DIPSHIT

WHAT WAS THAT?
I CANT QUITE HEAR YOU?
ANYWAY GRAB A FURE STICK AND HELP ME MELT THIS WALL!
FOR THE EMPEROR!

What if I wear a big hat like the commissar ?

I WILL EXECUTE YOU

Rolled 39 (1d100)

>stubs out his lho stick on the wall, then looks into it
If we're lucky there might be some animal that got frozen in here we can eat. If not we're gonna have to jump van Kleez whilst he's passed out
>rolling to look for something in the ice

If you think you can get away with pretending to be a commissar, be my guest, yes
>Couple of guardsmen bring torches to the crazed priest

Rolled 59 - 30 (1d100 - 30)

NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR FOOD!
THE LIGHT OF THE EMPEROR SUSTAINS THE LOYAL!
*roll to attempt to melt the wall of ice with a torch*

Might as well help him, i got nothing better to do

Rolled 58 (1d100)

forgot to roll

Rolled 18 (1d20)

>Throws a fucking krak grenade at the ice

>the grenade lands at the foot of the wall, then detonates. A web of cracks spirals up the height of the wall, before it cascades down, showering all near it with ice shavings. A large pile of ice blocks seem to be covering a hole in the ground where the wall once stood

>I'd enter the hole, my plasma gun drawn

Rolled 7 (1d100)

>Comes closer to observe what's inside
>Ars's artificial eye scans the cave

>the hole seems to be blocked by yet more ice. It would likely take a great deal of strength to move the blockage, or a decent amount of heat to melt it
>the scan reveals nothing. It seems to be just a mundane hole

*the priest would exclaim and ramble about the emperor, before dropping his torch down the hole to see how deep it was*

Well there's more ice...

>The torch hits the ground, revealing it to be only a few feet deep. The torch illuminates a small tunnel blocked by opaque ice, with the Kasrkin sergeant stood in front of it

YOU SEE MEN!
THE EMPEROR GUIDES US THIS DAY!
NOW, IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR WE SHALL DESTROY THIS MEEK BLOCKAGE!
CALL THE REST OF THE REGIMENT OVER AND TELL THEM TO BRING LASGUNS!
THE POWER OF THE MIGHTY LASGUN SHALL MELT THIS FEEBLE KCE!

Well, what are we waiting ?
>he jump in the hole, his pulse pistol drawn and ready to shoot

Rolled 20 (1d20)

>I'd place another Krak grenade at the base of it, then wading everyone back
Take cover!

GOOD GOING MAN!
THOUGH YOU DONT NEED TO WASTE GRENADES!
THE EMPEROR GAVE US LASGUNS FOR A REASON!

>The grenade blasts the ice wall with a deafening blast, blowing ice chunks throughout the tunnel. When the smoke clears, a small tunnel is revealed, with a steep downwards gradient.

>The grenade would clear the ice completely, allowing further access into the cave, whilst the torch was now destroyed enough light remained to see that the cave contained a single small creature, coated in ice further down the cave.
>it was getting dark now, the ice planet would soon get much, much colder

Hmm, let's set up a camp here, in case blizzard will start during the night, yes
Also, what is that?

Alright, looks like we found dinner. Someone grab the rest of the men and get them in here, we can explore that tunnel later once we're more set up here

HOLD ON THERE!
WE DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS IS!
IT COULD BE POISIONOUS!
IT COULD BE... HERETICAL!

Rolled 25 (1d100)

It could be Hive Tyrant in a Battlesuit I wouldn't care at all, let's go !
>he go down the stairs
>rolling for perception

>Descending into the cave, attempts to inspect the small creature.

Wait, hang on
>Takes a flashlight out of his robe
>Shines it at the creature

Looks like some creature in hibernation. Don't touch it, or it's mother will come for us, and I'm not joking about that.

Rolled 51 (1d100)

I ACTUALLY KNOW A GREAT WAY TO ROAST A TYRANID BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT!
OUR ONLY CHOICE IS TO PRAY TO THE EMPEROR FOR A SIGN!
OH MIGHTY EMPEROR!
PLEASE, REVEAL TO ME THE NATURE OF THIS CREATURE!
I PRAY FOR YOUR DIVINE GUIDANCE!

THE EMPEROR SAYS DO WHAT YOU WANT!
HE TRUSTS OUR JUDGEMENT!

>A faint noise could be heard from under his feet, as if it was tunnelling underneath the regiments feet
>as this noise grew, the top of the ice would cave in, trapping the regiment inside the cave

*Squeak?*
>The tiny rodent like creature would run off, deeper into the cave. Its body acting similar to that of a squirrel in motion.

...well that's great...

Motherfucker. Alright team, flashlights on, guns at the ready. Don't slack.

>Frowning, an expression of concern appears on his face.

>Up above, and outside the cave. Innumerable footsteps could be heard, alongside innumerable voices.

Ork, Orks, Orks, Orks, Orks, Orks, Orks! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
>This is occasionally followed up, by the sounds of an explosion, as the footsteps move off into the distance.

Alrighty, looks like we live here now.
>the man squats down on the floor and retrieves another lho stick from within his coat

>the creature would know exactly what was about to happen, and flee before becoming a snack to an ever hungry predator.
>The shaking would suddenly stop.
>Right beneath the regiments feet.

>I'd stand in silence, trying to hear any faint noises

With Orks...
Ah well
>Places gas-plate
Now, we either melt the ice or search the cave

>the man slowly puts one ear to the ground

>........
>nothing
>whatever it was had stopped, suddenly in its tracks

>Wary of the odd shaking, attempts to stay very still.

Everyone, stay on your toes!
Conscript!
>I'd throw a motion tracker to the man
Place that on the ground at your feet!

Hmm, something is here, yes

*even the priest would be smart enough to know that now was not the time for a dramatic speech*

>Very slowly reaching down, attempts to activate the Tracker while making as little movement as possible.

*roll to avoid alerting the "thing" beneath your feet*

Rolled 91 (1d100)

Rolled 47 (1d100)

Rolled 2 (1d100)

Rolled 60 (1d100)