Be a bard

>Be a bard
>People keep demanding that you to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Sick of singing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Start refusing to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade
>Get stabbed

>be a rogue
>my favourite bard song is Stormy Winds on the Glade
>dont get to listen to it often because of rogue-business
>But whenever I am at the tavern I ask the bard staying there to sing it again
>It reminds me of home and the Fishing Village I grew up in
>One day Bard bitches then refuses to play my favourite song for me
>stab him in the dick

Bards are assholes.

>Be Shadow Monk trained for assassination.
>Mission to capture a thief with a nasty habit of stabbing people.
>Can't make a move without proper evidence to implicate him.
>Dude keeps bothering this poor sod of a bard who has been singing the same song over and over again.
>Bard refuses to sing it again out of annoyance i guess and gets stabbed in the dick.
>Neck-chop the rogue into unconciousness, tie him up and proceed to give first aid to bard so he doesn't bleed out...
>Now i have my hands full of someones cut up bloody junk...

Rogues are assholes.

>be wizard
>flying around
>see monk giving first aid
>snap fingers, fix wound
>fly home and have succubus sing stormy winds of the glad

Glade*

Crystal balls don't fix spelling errors

>be a traveler
>see a wizard fly down from the sky like it ain't nuffin
>gorgeous bard with their pants around their ankles and an assassin working them over
>I arrived at the right time

>be Paladin
>find a traveler, monk and bard with bandages on his willy having sex with a knocked out rogue
>suspect the wizard had something to do with this
>wizards are assholes

>Be cleric
>Just finished a long day of missionary work.
>Brought the poor huddled masses to the gods.
>Feels good man.jpg
>On my way back to the temple.
>See some creepy shadowy guy with hands covered in what would seem to be some poor soul's vivisected member.
>Run off to find an Inquisitor.

Shadow monks are a problem.

>Be Shadow Monk...
>Curse at my self for trying to help a stranger.
>Thankfully i have used propper disguize techniques so i won't get recognized.
>Grab the fucking rogue, cast a darkness spell and teleport out of there.

>be wizard
>sense monk teleporting away
>cancel.jpg
>go back to succubus
>lul softly

>>sense monk teleporting away
Unless you have spent a slot on keeping an eye on the action via divination.
Fucking wizards.
No sense of right and wrong.

>not having a mutlifunction crystal ball
Peasants please go

>Be a Goblin prostitute
>Offer to heal the bard with my body

...

Oh man I love that song

>be tavern owner
>asshole uppity bard refuses to pay some shitty song
>what the fuck the guy asking just stabbed him in the dick
>some other asshole chops the rogue asshole and starts...
>holy fuck he's jerking him off what the fuck
>a fucking wizard flies through my window and fixes the guys dick
>oh god the guy's hands melded with his dick
>there's a fuck tonne of blood for me to mop up now
I should have gone to law school

I just want a drink. Hope that group I requested shows up and listens to my requests, otherwise I'd feel like an asshole.

>Be patron
>Trying to pass out on the table
>Hear "You stabbed my dick!"
>Open eyes
>Immediately regret it.

>Be lich
>carve out nice (read: horrible, deadly) dungeon in very remote, safe area
>commit generations of heinous affronts to living creatures (and some unliving) in the name of dubious research
>dungeon is TOO remote, and TOO secure; no adventurers ever come by
>evil plans are too brilliant to ever be connected to a lich in the middle of nowhere in an underground dungeon
>get bored to trying to see if zombies breeding with giant dire-scorpions does anything for the fifth century in a row (no I didn't watch zombies fuck bugs for 500 years for a sick sense of enjoyment for carnality long lost)
>have run through nearly every evil plan I can think of
>have one plan left, but it's pretty stupid
>write the perfect catchy song that's always enjoyable to heart, call it Stormy Winds on the Glade
>have cat's paws evil familiars teach it in parts to various bards in the region in a long term scheme that spans a hundred years in increasingly contrived linkages to make it look like it was created organically as part of local music theory
>song is great to listen to, increasingly grating to singers who know it
>it took a hundred years for me to teach disgusting meatbags a song that annoys people
>get bored again and wonder where my un-life has gone over more than a millennia of being a shut-in
>go back go moon-sized bee breeding plan
>be depressed because nobody ever asks me to sing Stormy Winds on the Glade even though I invented it
>I'm so lonely

>be me, mayor
>rumours of a dragon to the west
>oh no.town cryer
>not cause of the dragon, ballistas can handle that
>but where large monsters appear adventures follow
>doesn't help that it's adventurer season to begin with
>basically have to double up the town guard so we can patrol every tavern, whorehouse, weaponsmith, armour and guild in the city as well as the walls
>weekly report comes in
>bards, not too bad, can usually behave in cities and leave pretty quick anyway
>turns out this one got stabbed in the dick by rogue, who duelled a monk, who was 'helped' by a wizard just in time for a impromptu threesome to begin, which cause a paladin and a cleric to begin smiting them
>hey why's that tower glowing and making sex noises
>oh
>this is why adventurers are banned

>snap fingers, fix wound
I assume you're just memeing, but can wizards really cast healing magic nowadays?

Yes, though it generally involves some intermediary spell that grants access to the cleric list.
Summon Monster is a classic.

Yes ^ i usually do this. There is a feat that gives access to sacrifice a spell for an appropriate healing spell from a limited list..... but that was 3.5 and i havent played in a while... I have a job now... im salty about work...

>be user
>think Stormy Winds on the Glade is an actual song
>google, YT, etc
>nothing
Oh.

>Been there
>Done that
>was disappointed
>became a lich (because i havent much talent in writing songs and needed the time to write a proper song)
>write Stormy Winds on the Glade
>go on Veeky Forums
>see a thread about myself
>Eyyyyy
>posted retroactively

>Be a drink on the table.
>Trying to get drunk so I can end my existence
>Hear "You Stabbed my Dick" Somehow
>Knocked off table by startled Patron
>Spend eternity soaking into urine covered Tavern floor.
>Wonder what cruel god granted me the ability to think

You know how crazy law school is now, think about how stupid it would be a universe where law is an actual universal force

>became a lich (because i havent much talent in writing songs and needed the time to write a proper song)
Is your next song called Don Juan Triumphant?

Actually, the biggest reason law is insane (at least here in Clapistan) is because it's all based on precedent, meaning how a different judge decided on a similar case sometime in the past. That means that for 90% of cases, what is and is not legally permissible was decided five decades ago by one backwater judge that got the position with at worst an unopposed election unless a higher court decided to look at the ruling fifteen years after the fact.

A universal force of objective Law could only simplify things, especially when there are followers and servitors of that force that can put capital-L Law into human words.

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