In which we post our least favourite Magic card of all time

Nah brah, she talks to the bears.

Philosophers are basically trolls from before the days of internet. Look up Diogenes for example, the man was prime example of /b/-tard.

Goddamn you're an easy fuck to trigger.

...

>post has three responses guessing what triggers OP
>this one guess must be a triggered OP

Fight me fag

I was under the impression philosophers are literally what they are, just there were more of them because we didn't know shit so they could just do whatever.

what's the combo with this card?

This one has always bothered me. It's not fairly costed, but that's understandable because it's a common- what bothers me is that I would very much enjoy this card had it created two humans instead of one.
Even so, there is nothing that implies the angel harbingers the arrival of human assistants within the artwork as the name implies; that could have been represented in the awkward negative space to the left of the card.

I WANT to like this card, but the near-perfect design being off-put due to rarity makes me hate it.

This is a fucking stupid choice for "least favorite card".

This is not.

'harbinger' is not a verb.

>This is a fucking stupid choice for "least favorite card".

Socrates is one of my favourites historical figures. This cheap knock-off irks me greatly.

How about those monkey paws?

Probably this. I hate so many things about it. I hate Megamorph as a whole for never feeling worthwhile. I hate this entire cycle for being some of the little existing Dragon tribal on Tarkir in the set and sucking at it. I hate how each color had to pay 6 mana for a 3/3. But I hate this one most of all, because out of all of them the artwork is the most retarded and it's also the most generic and boring of the lot.

...

I'm not sure which was more lazy, wasteful, or stupid: Megamorph or Devoid. I refuse to see any of that rubbish on my cards.

Magic: The Suffering

Devoid was lazy, but I can understand the idea behind it. They want Eldrazi to be colorless, but couldn't do it in an interesting way, so they made a keyword for it to cheat their design in.

Megamorph was literally just sticking a +1/+1 counter on an existing mechanic in order to try an emphasize timeline differences, but there were only a handful of cards with it that even felt remotely good. The rest were putting 3 mana into something, paying its mana cost or more, and then getting nothing but a counter for doing so.

I also dislike Dragons of Tarkir as a whole for how much they messed it up, but I think really just captures everything I hate about it in one package.

White-border stasis

I spit at thee

Socrates was a dumb cunt

Does MTG have a good story/world?

Not anymore. They're based out of seattle

They were always based out of Seattle

Yeah, but Shit's changed over there

Seattle has changed.

So there are superheroes who travel the planes, who managed to retroactively ruin most of the decent modern sets in their sequel sets by being humongous mary sues. Then they traveled some planes full of cultural appropriation because WotC needed that sweet, sweet multicultural themes, and they ended up at notEgypt with kangz and shiet and got raped by a planeswalker dragon cosplaying as pharaoh.

There also was a thing with stuff like Dominaria, Weatherlight, Phyrexia and people like Urza or Yawgmoth but who cares anymore lol

Wizards is going back to dominaria in an attempt to lure disillusioned old players back to the game
What they don't realize is that the reason the old players stopped is cause everything sucks now (Story, characters, art, cards) and going back to dominaria is only gonna piss people off

between the new Un- set and going back to early M:tg storyline I don't know what to be more worried of

Eh, not all philosophers are going to be Socrates. In MTG terms, he'd be a legendary creature - human advisor. He'd probably also be black, sacrificing life for advantages, because of his role in annoying Athens to try and better the polis.

>"surely no one will ever find a way to cheat it out so we can as well stack it with broken abilities to the roof!"
>"oh yeah and my cousin Phil is a faggot with a strong mill deck, fuck him"

Singlehandedly doubling the length of any game it appears in since 2004.

Pic related is also a very close second, this card is simply painful to read
Honorable mention to Oloro and all Eminence cards in EDH

It happens.

Eunuchs are even more dangerous.
Really, any advisor who doesn't rely on magic, but has a high power and toughness is going to be a bit weird.

What'd Diogenes be? 5 color god?

>(If you're the only one with creatures, deal the damage to one of them.)
Haha grandpa did you really have to shock your own creatures if your opponent had an empty board?

As far as I am concerned, this card is flag planted by those interested in bleeding magic dry.

>women
>philosophers
kek

Even better! If you didn't have any other creatures, the Eunuchs would destroy themselves. Presumably they were just too cunning.

Probably white. His asceticism and sense of virtue would lead him there. The problem is his abilities would just annoy people.
He'd be able to produce 0/1 bird creature tokens named "Human."
And also he'd be a tutor, allowing you to search your deck for any creature with the "honest" subtype.

Also anything with a higher P/T than him wouldn't be able to attack or block

That flavour text hurts.

If I didn't usually like playing devil's advocate I would swear this was their way of shitting on the consumers

There's literally no way to build him as a commander that isn't toxic as shit unless you intentionally gimp yourself. It's a deck a brain-dead vegetable could pilot in the strongest magic color combo. His effect is retarded, anyways. " Hurr durr instead of making something interesting let's just let him search for any 3 cmc enchantment that can't be broken at all because he's legendary lol "

And only total fucking cunts play him. Only. I have never met a nice person who played a zur the enchanter deck. Not a single goddamn one.

I hate this card and everything it represents. The seemingly more and more randomization of the game. It puts you entirely at the mercy of what's on your opponent's top 6 cards. You cannot play around every threat that the deck can churn out. You somehow your ass for getting turn 4 mind slavered by a 13/13 flying trample, pro-instant? Well here's an ishkanah to gum up the board and fuel more energy for the next spin. Prepared for creatures? Here's a planeswalker. The decks this card enabled were absolutely fucked. Even after Em was banned, you could still get two of your lands exiled on turn 4 thanks to a Ulamog. All you can do is cross your fingers and hope for a whiff.
Being able to effectively blank removal spells by being able to activate in response along with the absolute non-existent artifact removal at the time. Casting anything, extra emphasis on -cast-, was outright retarded. And the deck didn't even die after taking out it's seemingly main contender. It just evolved into a completely different value based engine and still worked wonders. I instant scooped against it simply because my deck cannot compete with it.

Banning it will not remove the imprint of the current R&D team that this card has left on me. They saw this card, knew what it was capable of, and still shipped it out.

>Creatures you control have haste

There. Fixed it.

I hate this too, though for different reasons. "Human" as a creature type was a mistake and anything that plays to "human" tribal can take a long walk off a short pier. Innistrad was garbage.

I'm seriously starting to think that pic related should be banned in commander. I know MtG is luck-based, but Sol Ring in opening hand gives just too much advantage.

I still don't understand what the big deal is, it's unlikely to swing the entire game in their favour. If they start edging ahead, they'll become the archenemy and get ganked.

While I don't entirely agree on human not being a creature type, I can agree that the "tribal" that was attempted with them was poor and the human tokens in innistrad were awkward.
Even with that said, it's equally jarring that we still get "soldier" and "warrior" tokens without a base creature type associated with it, despite being clearly a certain type.

Gee, maybe fast mana is a problem in casual formats.
Sol Ring/Crypt/etc are pretty dumb in a singleton format with high variance. They aren't going to ban it, but it should have been banned years ago.

Zur existed long before Commander did as a format, though. It's entirely coincidence that he's so strong there. Pic related is a better example of "why the fuck would you print this broken ass card".

I frequently run it in the side myself, but this card has made me sad on a number of occasions.

Pic related has made me sad several times.

Why does everyone thinks that it would be better? If if would say Creatures you control have haste it would mean it only has haste on the battlefield. Having a keyword haste is strictly better and means it "has" haste in other zones too. Pic related.

...

Fixing and hate in a single land. Good design, yeah.

So glad I managed to pull a play set of these and snag a few more for pennies.

Every blue fag refuses to play against me now.

t. guy with no combo in his meta

>Refusing to play against cavern
Why dont they just use wastelands?

magic.wizards.com/en/articles/archive/making-magic/year-living-changerously-2008-06-02
>Generally speaking we expect that to mean cards like Planeswalkers, most legends, and epic-feeling creatures and spells.
>We've also decided that there are certain things we specifically do not want to be mythic rares. The largest category is utility cards, what I'll define as cards that fill a universal function.Some examples of this category would be cycles of dual lands and cards like Mutavault or Char.
>print this in the next fucking block
I'm still fucking mad.

Counterpoint: Cycling zur is hilarious and cute

I'd also give Diogenes protection from legendary creatures, considering he did tell Alexander the great to "fuck off out of his sunlight" and live.

>Zur existed before Commander did as a format
Every day I find more reasons to hate non-old MtG players.

EDH was a format since fucking 2005 and by 2006-2007 was already very popular kitchen table way of playing Magic.

Even without combo:
>Haha turn 3 Atarka :^)
>Whoops guys i lucked out on mana rocks in my shitty Boros deck let me dump my whole hand here real quick :^)

They got mythic so right with Shards of Alara. All it was was huge flashy creatures/spells that fit what Maro originally talked about. After Lotus Cobra the floodgates opened. Now anything and everything can be mythic.

They obviously just went over and drained their balls

There are definitely worse cancers than this, but you know what? Fuck this fucking undercosted elf.

>mfw i put this on the table in my Jolrael EDH

If you're using him as a straight-up beatstick, he's cancerous. If you're using him to AWAKEN THE JANK, however, he's not.

>they ended up at notEgypt with kangz and shiet and got raped by a planeswalker dragon cosplaying as pharaoh.
Oh? The Jacetice league got reamed by Bolas, this is lovely news.

... But was WotC designing around it?

Probably not.

That new Ixilan land is going to R A P E the price on CoS because of its color fixing utility. It's basically the same land (printed at UNCOMMON) without the "cannot be countered" clause

The shuffle is to prevent easy reanimation

Are you sure? Do cards in your graveyard count as cards you currently control?

If you were in the thread where we were talking about it, the conclusion is that the Ixilan land won't do dick to CoS' price because that clause is the reason to play it. Most tribal decks aren't want for fixing.

>But it doesn't prevent reanimation only slightly hinder it. As it hits the graveyard it creates the shuffle trigger but is still in the graveyard. If you target it with a instant reanimate spell while in the graveyard in response to the shuffle trigger then you can still cheat it out. Goryo's Vengeance being the easiest cheat into bringing him back turn three with entomb combo or t0 with dark ritual.

Yes. Card doesn't have a controller unless it is a permanent or spell.

>It doesn't have the most important part of CoS printed on it
>It's going to rape the price
Veeky Forums being shit at magic as usual I see.

It has to do with how L5R resolves conflicts. Basically you get one action then your opponent gets one action, then you pass back and forward like this until there are 2 consecutive passes. This effect is basically a pass, except it doesn't count as one. So it forces your opponent to take the lead. It isn't a *great* card, but it can set you up for situations that either force your opponent to commit resources early or lose the conflict entirely.

L5R uses batches/chains?

Super hard too. The story goes out of its way to show they never had a ghost of a chance. They got beat so hard that each member of the Gatewatch got an "X's Defeat" card. Also pick very related.

We get it, you vape

Never got this complaint. Only idiots take more than a few seconds to decide what to do with it. I'm convinced it's just a meme.

It's sort of like a batch, except everything resolves as its played, which lets you pump a dude's strength, then play a card that hoses weaker dudes.

>bumping rare to mythic
>even if the set already had mythics
Fuck Modern Masters.

should just exile it then

Weird.

well you saw the standard format, knew it was shit, and still played it

... If there is no room to interact... Why does any conflict matter?

Should've just been a replacement effect (If Emrakul would go to the graveyard, shuffle it and your graveyard back into your deck)

Seattlefag here, I long for the sweet embrace of death.

>no scene for modern
>no scene for anything other than standard and EDH
>EDH
>every other card game is more ass than standard
>hurr, your fault for playing standard
And that doesn't not mean the card is fundamentally retarded. I shouldn't have to leave the game because R&D was too incompetent to realize how strong the cards they make are.