/cyoag/ - CYOA general

you need to fix the fucking font holy christ

I have to be honest with you, it looks interesting but there's no way I'm putting up with that font.

Even magnified, it's just not worth it.

i wanted to read it, I really did...

People usually yell at me when I don't like a CYOA because of a font like this. I feel so vindicated.

Goddamn. What little I can actually read is telling me that this is the dirtiest SFW cyoa ever made. Holy shit, user. Bravo.

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>font
Apologies. Which font is there an issue with and what remedy would you like?
It is readable on my screen, so any specifics would be helpful.

ok, it's one thing to have a weird font like at the beginning.

if its straight up illegible w/o effort, then you've got a serious problem

Normally I'm pretty easy going about formatting and stuff, but that one is too much

>at least 2 of them will have to die
You're cruel.

Still working on my big evil magical overlord cyoa. I'm just posting what I have so far as an interest check.

I like your your backgrounds, your layouts are nice, and some of the girls are really cute.

Please don't give up making CYOAs.

I thought the other anons were just fucking with you but holy smokes you very desparately need to add translucent text boxes or something because no one can read that shit.

I still need to finish the pages for allies and enemies. And I'm thinking about adding options for skills and a lair.

It looks very pretty and I like the faces you picked, but I can't read this thing the entire way through.

all of them

i would very much like to be an evil lamia overlord

Is this OC?

Comic Sans would unironically have been better.

no, theres also 3 more "parts" or sequels kind of

i noticed all the scribbles you did behind the text at the bottom.... don't do that. definitely not the worst I've ever seen and bretty gud for a first pass

>what remedy would you like?
Comic Sans

Nearly every font is tedious to look at and unpleasant to read, and you have too many instances and font changes to easily go through and indicate which paragraphs are unacceptable. Changing to a simper font in all cases would please me greatly.

Thank you both. I have another one almost done at the moment.
So any advice would be appreciated.

Mm, do you suppose darkened background insets would be helpful? Or cut outs from the background?
I did make sure the text was legible, at least on my screen, though certainly not as easy as using completely block fonts.

Not just the font, it's the neon bright colors pasted on the already brigjt background and the place where he bolded the letters so they become unreadable smudge.

I guess the writer was going for a psychedelic trip while we're being contacted by the femdom goddess, but right ninow it's a mess.

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It looks nice. I'm doing something now but will get around to doing it soon.

the fonts are too thin and squiggly and hard to read. in addition some of the text is also colored in a way that makes it even more difficult to read.

You should scale and crop images in order to avoid stretching or squashing them.

hmm
cant post Major Changes and Minor Troubles or Parting gifts because my tablet is retarded about pdfs being files
if someone else could post id like that

>translucent boxes
Wouldn't help. I have absolutely no problem distinguishing the text from the background, I just can't stand the font.

I have been and there's only some barely noticeable deformation on like one or two images.

I really enjoyed the parts that I could read! Don't give up and keep doing your best!

user, you've already ready all the fallout over the font, but to be honest I think you have a bigger formating issue. What you have posted seems like it should have been 2 images, and that the independent sections should have been better fortified for decision making. Additionally, having a font of neon on a starry background with a wall of never ending text falling downward makes the reader feel intimated and confused. It's all a good and fun idea, but you need to work on packing and presentation. Do not fear having more than 1 page for your CYOA if you feel it's worth the effort.

I want to be an evil overlord of Lamias

Something to keep the thread going.

Sorry! I meant to post all of them but then I got distracted reading the OC.

Very interesting premise! Not really my thing though, and honestly, I am concerned about this goddess's intentions. I'd probably refuse, and hope to be contacted by a less morally questionable divine being, or at least one more in tune with my own interests. All of this just sounds like work for a world I don't think I want to create.

And here's Parting Gifts!

I have marked the worst offenders. I tried to be as forgiving as possible. In many cases it was a combination of the busy font, the small font size, inappropriate font colour, and/or the busy background.

For the record, I can technically read all of it when it's maximum size, it's just unbearable to do so.

looks great

so long as reading isnt really your thing

You forgot to mention the font transparencies are pretty annoying along with that other stuff.

Shower of Youth
Liquid Soap
Hair brush + Shaving cream/Razor

So what it would seem is that for such stylized fonts, people would prefer larger letters.
I can see about a second version in that regard.

I don't feel as if using completely unembellished fonts is a good solution, as it would make everything too similar.

>Do not fear having more than 1 page for your CYOA if you feel it's worth the effort.
The inclusion of the second part did not inflate image size significantly, so I decided it was more convenient in.

I left space to experiment with size and format changes, anticipating complaints. I'm happy to give it another look over.

>I am concerned about this goddess's intentions. I'd probably refuse
As a background, the setting is one of a Lovecraftian lack of human agency. Refusing a divine being is just not something a mortal has the capacity to do.

I had planned potential other options arriving though. But we shall see.

In the general, the font-background combo is too colorful and blurries those two together. The font itself is fancy but with all those colors horribly hard to read. Nice, but way too far into aesthetics at the price of function that's too great for net benefit.

EZ Meal
Personalized Weatherman
Vaguely Omniscient To-Do List

I become the best and the fastest short-order chef in the world, and my restaurant becomes famous for its efficient service.

>Intro
>Give me your soul
Instantly dropped.
Please provide an intro that doesn't sentence me to lose on the very start. Maybe master's spirit/demon servant magnum opus that stored a lot of master's power and knowledge "just in case" and which can impart some of it to his successor?

>Please provide an intro that doesn't sentence me to lose on the very start.
just steal someone elses later- its fine

Thicker letters are better, as are less saturated colors that are clearly visible against the background. You might also consider putting a box (either opaque or only semi-transparent) behind the text in order to diminish the impact clutter in the background image.

>Instantly dropped
>every cyoa must be all good stuff for you all the time
seriously, fuck off, if he wants to make a cyoa about a bad situation let him and just don't play it

MY FUCKING EYES

Either use a simpler font or make the background less busy please.

Please differentiate race from background. I really hoped to be actually able to choose background - whether I was a nobleman before taking up my apprenticeship or maybe I was an orphan found and raised by my master. Maybe I studied things on my own, dabbled in the occult, proven myself a great warrior of general and was accepted by the master to learn under him and increase my skill/abilities/further my agenda.

Also, available humans are only witches? That's some bullshit, man. Get us other human occultists or even regular joe humans with great potential and point to spend in other categories!
Right now you get races that allow one to imagine whatever skills and attitudes and then "a witch". It's like giving one a choice of choosing an IRL race but then instead of one of them you get "a corporate executive".

It's not as subtle as you seem to think. It's noticeable in the images for the Dark Elf, Orc, Tiefling, summoning, and Hydrokinesis. It really doesn't need to be there at all, resizing images without changing the aspect ratio is fairly easy and you can crop it down to the dimensions you want. Over all it would look a lot cleaner.

>everythingkinesis crap
Why instead of doing a filler not dividing the magic by different traditions/categories? Far more interesting than slapping element and then welding 'kinesis' into it. You could have general elementalism, psychic abilities, ritual magic, druidry, clerical magic (even if just to contact demons etc from beyond). Greater choice for the person.

No, fuck you with a rusty rake. The intro isn't bad because it provides just a bad situation - I am all good with master's death and player taking over the dying legacy. It's when it turns out that any build you'll make is doomed to be fucked up at the end of your life as no matter who you are you've sold your soul that's disappointing.

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>Can be a Battle Mage
>No Empire

Alright then...
>NATO ['cuz fugg gommies :DDD]

Weapon
>L4A1

Spells
>Cool Metal
>Reduce Burdens
>Fear
>Reduce recoil
>Automated reloading (reloads I am gun)
>Muffle gunshots
>Haggling
>Value Detection
>Money Teleportation
>Bribe death
>Napalm
>Magnetic Shield

Supplies
>Wet Rations (10)
>Water filter cartridge (5)
>Flameless heater (5)
>Portable water filter
>Frag Grenade (3)

Companions
>Sophie
>Lynda
>Fleur

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Witch
Enchanting
Hexing
Psionics
Chronokinesis

Nothing like Indestructible, enchanted armour and weapons that I can summon and manipulate with my mind at that impart curses on my enemies.

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i briefly read aeromagic as afromagic and i was taken aback by the possibility that a cyoa would include outright nigger magic

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>CATER TO ME CHANGE YOUR CYOA OR I WONT PLAY IT
The only disappointment here is what your parents feel.

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>I don't want to get fucked by selling my soul... But I'm totally fine with the premise of being a EVIL overlord in a universe where souls and demons are real
Is impressive how something so close to being a valid point can be so retarded at the same time

>strawmanning hard
If you're stupid enough to think that pointing out a fluff element that disturbs actual enjoyment of CYOA for me while offering alternatives in spirit of constructive criticism is just making demands, then I reckon you are well experienced in disappointing parents indeed and now just want to project.

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>God's Planner
Does anyone else find this item hard to understand?

>s-strawmans
Nah, get lost, go make up a cyoa that fellates you from the first word and stop being such a bitch

That actually makes more sense than it would otherwise. Souls and demons are real so it's proven that selling one soul is a serious business so one should be more concerned about it than they'd be otherwise. Then, you're also meant to be evil overlord so you should be double sure your soul is safe and yours because given what kind of nasty element you'll be dealing with even as your allies, you're bound to be fucked if you'll lose possession of it.

Not them, but there's nothing off about that. Being evil doesn't mean you don't value your soul, just like being evil doesn't mean you hate taking showers or building hospitals.

Read it all the way through, which I guess means I'm already serving a vision deity. Good choices, a lot of the fetishes were lost on me so I saw this as more of a cosmic horror cyoa than a femdom one.

Lolly, Kara and Galena are my favourites - and Kara was a surprise even for me. I loved the chase aspect but the ever escalating rape part is a huge deterrent.

>nigger magic
What would that even be? Would it fall into the memes?
Physical enhancements, great sexual prowess, and the ability to retroactively make your ancestors monarchs?

>unable to refute anything
>gonna sperg
Don't worry user, I would have to really work hard to be even half a dumb bitch such as you. Not everyone has such a potential for overwhelming butthurt and idiocy as you.

it would almost certainly fall into the memes. side note, when i kept reading that cyoa i saw "necrokinesis" and briefly red it as negrokinesis.

>Fate's Yarn
I feel like "cannot be reversed" makes this mostly useless.

If you are a evil overlord your souls is never going to be safe, what's the logic of caring about your soul but still taking such a risk
If you have evidence of hell and you still decide to be evil, then no, you don't value your soul much

The magic types are generally shit. I'd like them more traditional, maybe like - for nigger magic you could just get shamanism or "old magic" dealing with old powers or even simply combine druidic and ritual magic choices to cover typical voodoo juju stereotype.

it shows you how (you) without the choices of the cyoa and then the choices of other options would effect your life
Ie: heres you with no cyoa choices from birth to legacy after death
and heres also your life to legacy with other stuff like time managment
but it will not tell you if the meta knowledge the planner itself provides will lead to riches or ruin
essentially it gives you the outline of existence that you cant follow or reject at your own risk

and if thats not it then i dont get it either

I want you to remember those words next time you cry about someones work not catering to your wish fulfillment fantasies

But aww, its okay sweetie, there are plenty of nice CYOAs where everything nice happens to you, go play some of those and be quiet okay?

I read it as Endless Dessert

>for me
Found your problem, user. You see, we don't give a fuck about you. Neither does the author. Most people understand this concept.

your an evil overlord
your going to hell anyway
deal with it

Just because a criminal in a surrounded building knows he will be shot in the head once he exits, does not mean he will be willing to be shot in the head immediately as part of a deal.

Can I be a witch (male)?

>You see, we don't give a fuck about you. Neither does the author.
Not only you suddenly speak for the author, you do it in the thread where author and most people in general ask for feedback, you retard so yeah, they seem to care plenty even if not about me in particular. Plus, even if my suggestion will be ignored, holy fuck you care the most of all anons ITT - streams of butthurt posts from you are a proof.

>fantasy demons and souls exist therefore judeo-christian hell is real
Are you for real? There are plenty of settings where "demons" and "souls " exist but hell isn't a place you go when you die after a live of bad deeds.

I've got a big surprise for you, baby.

I'm a whole new user. I just wanted to jump in and call you a little shitstain too!

Here's my critique, for what it's worth. I'm harsh on everything and I think you've got a lot of potential, but:
>font choice is good flavor-wise, but as everyone else pointed out its nigh-unreadable. Putting a good thick drop shadow on the text would be my advice, assuming you're using PS and not something retarded
>the femdom is way too strong for most people here. Doesn't matter if you're not going for popularity, though
>giving credit to artists is completely pointless and reeks of reddit. I'd honestly avoid it.
>I personally don't think there's anything wrong with content creators having a trip, but many here disagree. Just warning you

I know the sting of failure better than anybody. Don't let it get you down, you've definitely got it in you to make something good.

Well first of all, a lot of criminals an hero when they are in that situation, so you are wrong. But more importantly the ones not eating the bullet base that desicion in the chance of escaping/surviving if they knew for sure they are getting a bullet no matter what, they probably an hero too

Still proves me right - look how many anons care, dipshit.