Anyone have the time and patience to teach a fucking idiot how to play d&d?

/v/ermin, leave. You don't even play roleplaying games. You just force memes.

I just came to have a civil discussion about D&D and you're acting like I'm attacking you. Don't be so childish.

Not OP, but most people ironically enough can't really 'learn' something from just reading a book alone- they can't connect the information they're given or contextualize it, they need someone else who's played it or done it to make sense of things or better yet just do it themselves with someones help.

I remember when I first played settlers of cattan the rules were being explained to the rest of our group by the one person who actually knew how to play it and he went on for what felt like 10 minutes and it all sounded like complete fucking nonsense, but once we actually started playing the game we quickly understood what to do in a matter of minutes.

>Anyone have the time and patience to teach a fucking idiot how to play d&d?

Op, you might have better luck just going to a hobby/game store and finding a public group to play with- just skim the basic rules from one of their store-bought sessions/games and go from there.

>Wah, stop triggering me, wah

You trolls are so pathetic. Here's hoping the mods wise up and just hand you the bans you crave.

It's an easy out and they've got nothing to lose. Indeed, their jimmies are shimmied already, getting into an internet fight over it sounds like a fantastic idea.

What do you want to know? "Play D&D" is a pretty broad category.

Hi eric

Lol
So much this.^^

Sure man. What kind of platform would you be hoping for? I know 4e like the back of my hand, 5e enough to teach you with some shakiness. I've played 3.5e once or twice. The rest are out of the picture, as I don't have the books.

Is very much right. Try public outings first, the people there tend to be autistic as all hell, but good at being autistic. They'll get you the rules.

You start by charging your phone (you really don't want to run out of energy mid-game), when at table you browse picture galleries of silly cats in funny hats with a boredom drawn all over your face (extra points for yawning, slightly discontent sighs, resting your head on hand), when GM (the fuckface behind a big-ass folding picture of a dragon) tell you it's your "turn", you go with "Yeah, I attack him or whatever" (The important part is not flinching your eyes to the actual table, they should be firmly looking at the phone screen).

Lots of people if you have the right attitude, DM's dont give a flying fuck about if you can memorize the range and effect of every wizard spell and never make a mistake, they care about your willingness to go along with the story theyre trying to tell and your ability to put a fun spin on the experience

Did you read the book?

Use this.

>Anyone have the time and patience to teach a fucking idiot how to play d&d?

1. Get the core books for your preferred game system. If you're dead set on D&D and not any other fantasy RPG, then pick the latest edition (5th). Fifth edition is the most modernized and playable version of D&D.

2. Read the books carefully. Especially the "how to play roleplaying games" bits. Those are helpful for newbies.

3. If you still need help or clarification, return again with specific questions. Well-informed internet strangers will not put in the work to teach you unless you clearly demonstrate that you are putting in the work to learn.

>recing 5th over 2nd