What was the most stupid thing your character ever did?

Less than successful

Talking to a semi-sentient wall full of magic scribbles as if it was a lesser deity.
My character was an adventuring scholar.

"You read this without detecting magic first? You really are stu-"

And boom went the Explosive Runes. She's survived this twice now.

>Not getting a cue from a GM
Unless you are playing oldschool, I don't see the point.

How does it even work? For the spell to be activated, you would have to read it aloud. Are you saying your DM is full of shit asshole?

No, that was what was written in the book. Why would the GM warn me ahead of time?

Told her grandmother, "You want to go? Let's fucking GO, lady."

Her grandmother was kind of an epic-level NPC.

Cat

Depends on fuckload of reasons, including what character you were playing and how magic in the game you were using works.

>That webm were a russian dude talk about the meaning of the expression of the cat with a comfy music in the background

Shit almost brought tears in my eyes and I dont know why

Critically fail the roll to defuse Davy Crockett and accidentally launch it at the ramshackle "city" we were hired to protect, making the shitty post-apocalyptic living even shittier for all of us.

Never lived it down.

Made a deal with the fey for plot important knowledge with the price being his firstborn child.

Was pointing it in a different direction not possible?

Travel to the Abyss to kill a demons hearts.

That sounds more like it was born of necessity than stupidity.

Honestly, that never occured to me until afterwards. Defusing it was the goal and the possibility of having your own nuke at your disposal for a very rainy day was weighting heavily in our minds.

Only positive of that outcome was that everyone who knew about our mission and our embarrasing failure were dead save for us

Donating the antipaladins goods to an orphanage and burying his body at a church of Pelor.

I don't understand why that is stupid.

I tried to roleplay... once.

>Donating the antipaladins goods to an orphanag
This is a good backstory for a BBEG.

youtube.com/watch?v=JxvpECbyvyw

I told a party member "Hey eat the minotaur's heart, let's see if you get minotaur powers."

It worked. Pity he also berserker'd when he went full bull.

Because is had the highest con mod would be the one who would have to grab things.
For example:
>be me
>5e 12th level light cleric
>get to door
>warlock casts detect magic
>yep
>party all look at me
>sigh.jpg
>grab door
>con save
>suffer from the Harm spell
>greater restoration nigger
>then i put heal on myself so back to full HP
> no magic on the door
>open door
>"make dex save"
>sigh.png
>survive disintegration because i had over 100 HP
>heal myself
Each time we get to an obstacle I have to roll my eyes and bite the bullet because each other party member has barely 70 HP. And every fight i get shouted at for not doing damage when im the only thing keeping the party alive.
Being a cleric is hard but rewarding.

Draw 5 cards from the Deck of Many Things

I once accidentally killed a man in a barfight, gave myself up to the guard when they arrived, and then did nothing to escape from jail. I was hung the next morning and died.

Source?

>okay guys, what if we divert the tyranids into the tau held worlds to give us a bit of time to prepare

Why didn't they stop me WHY DIDN'T THEY STOP ME

Seems like an ok plan, Inquisitor Kryptman

youtube.com/watch?v=OgJIPP39pRI

...

Picked up cursed armor almost killing him and threw it at a wizard who almost killed him and killed a white then proceeded to wear it like a cape for weeks on end.

Why not use mage hand or knock?

Didn't off a highly heretical inquisitor and underestimated his heresies in the my reports because I assumed his Lord Inqusiitor will take care of the problem. Turned out, the lord inquisitor was quite insane and my character's inquisitor went on to terrorise the entire sector and strike a deal with a local Necron dynasty.

Tell us what happened lad.

...

Twas a heavy metal door and knock is touch so...

Being born.

Trust anyone to be on my side.

satori

Your character, not you, user.

Give a bandit they had tied up 50 gold so he could start a new life. My Paladin thought he could turn this guy's life around by giving him the money he wanted to steal. It turned out fine cause the party rogue just pickpocketed it off him.

>party tasked with finding a monster that's been terrorizing a village
>after unsuccessful searches, decide we need more people looking, but none of the villagers want to
>buy a bunch of torches and rally the villagers, telling them we've cornered the monster in a specific location and we can take it
>lead an angry mob into the location
>move a little ahead of them and when given the opportunity, sneak off
>disguise as a monster and get found
>plan is to escape the people, instill courage and anger into them, and have them scour the area for the real monster (or act as bait)
>who could have realize some dumb villagers can be pretty fast
>so they beam me up, thinking I'm the monster
>then they realize I'm not, and beat me up again
>then turn on the rest of the part

So many villagers were killed by the monster.... At least, that's the official story and we're sticking to it.

Because antipaladin weapons are soaked in bad juju juice.

tried to fight a warforged when she was missing an arm. DM didnt want to flat out kill me but she got a broken rib/fractured skull from it.

Disguising never leads to anything good ever.

>party's on the look for a cult.
>manage to kill one evil leader of said cult.
>we know cult leaders will meet in secret to discuss cult stuff.
>"I'll disguise and gather intelligence!"
>put on robes n'cloack
>enter place where we know they'll meet.
>all around meeting table
>"now, let's see if everyone's here"
>"it is I, boatsoder, the deacon of the cult"
>"it is I, parggemdur, the whatever of the cult"
>one by one they start saying their name and their role in the cult.
>my turn
>I have no idea how the guy I'm supposed to be is called or what he does.
>fake it till you male it
>confidently say "It is I. Groblok!"
>they look at me.
>they look at one another.
>leg it as fast as I could

(Names are fake as I don't remember them)

"You should totally eat the horrible giant crystal thing radiating pure evil." to the person who had a pocket dimension ability.
The stupidest thing a character who routinely did stupid things did.
They did it, too. Everyone kept listening to my idiot's ideas.

youtube.com/watch?v=PHfgzyBiCLA

>charismatic Russian kitty on a chair with comfortable food nearby in a homey setting
this might be my favorite subgenre of cat pictures

In DH my pyromancer doused a teenage girl with hydrolic fluid and then burnt her to death.

It's OK user, a lot of people go through an edgy phase growing up
nothing to be ashamed of

Err, say that to. Say that to that person.
She did a whole bunch of stupid shit, but that was the dumbest thing the whole game.
Fuckan idiot.

I wasn't even trying to be an edgelord. I thought she was a heretic. I crit failed a perception test on a mysterious spreading stain on her back that turned out to be leaking hydrolic fluid from a faulty implant that my pc thought was some kind of emerging demonic possession, so i smashed her on the arm with a sword breaking the implant worse and covering half of her with the fluid before i firebolted her. Turns out she was the beloved local ruler's daughter. Whoops. Nobody made it out alive, and our bodies were never found. Also made the locals much more difficult to deal with with our new squad.

Don't worry, she would have become a heretic eventually, it is inevitable.
t. Monodominant Inquisitor

>Character is a dim witted Dwarf fighter
>Every time a hall or doorway is suspected of being a trap I just go forward and trigger it because "I'll block the poison dart with my shield"
>Keep doing this for multiple sessions, AC is high enough that it's never a problem
>DM wisens up, decideds to kick my ass
>We're on a cliff face with a cave opening and a trip wire
>"Don't worry guys I got this"
>Hold shield out to block poison darts, shurikens or whatever the fuck is coming
>Step on the wire
>Out comes a battering ram, sends me flying down 60 feet
>Downed but not dead, I get to lay there with two broken legs while my party gets down to help me
>Takes two hours since I was the one with the climbing kit and rope in my pack
We all laugh at it looking back.

>Disguising never leads to anything good ever.
Fucking frame that quote, because that is something everyone needs to be reminded of.

In Rogue Trader, we were trying to stop a rogue Inquisitor from Exterminatus-ing a hive world, so my character had the genius idea of cutting his hand off so he couldn't press the button. The chainsword tore the guy's wrist into a meaty pulp and kept going, lodging itself in the 'launch the super-nukes' button. Thanks, 'funny twists on successes' GMs. Fuckin' hate that type.

I decided to cut the ropes on a bridge to stop the Orcs from attacking the party, the rest of said party was on said bridge.

>players in a canoe being chased by dragon turtle
>reach land, hop out
>One player goes back to mock the turtle while everyone else keeps running
>Steam breath

They later came back to bury his boots, since he no longer existed above the knees

I once touched a hags cursed statue whuch gave me the head of a bullywug. I lost all my spells since I could no longer speak, but instead of getting the curse removed I dipped into fighter and roleplayed pepe the frog until I died.

>Turns out she was the beloved local ruler's daughter

Take it as a lesson to not attack civilians unprovoked, especially if your GM is likely to feel moral outrage about it. Making that random kid you pushed over turn out to be a relative of someone important is part of an old GMing pastime.

Playing V:tM. Needed to break into a fortress, so I chartered a plane and jumped out with no parachute. Went into torpor on impact, and the blood bags popped on impact as well. I was young and didn't listen to everyone's advice, in hindsight.