Storythread

Friday has come around again, and so the fortnightly Storythread returns - do you have what it takes to write a few posts worth of Veeky Forums related fiction? Well, even if you don't try anyway.

This is a thread for creative writing of Veeky Forums-related fiction, so epic campaign greentexts and other non-fiction go elsewhere. If you have Veeky Forums related stories to post, post them here, and hopefully some kind user will give you feedback (or at least acknowledge that someone did actually read it, which let's face it is what writefags really want).

What counts as Veeky Forums-related? Anything someone could plausibly use in a campaign (which means basically anything if you have enough imagination).

If you don't have a story ready then I and other anons will be posting pictures throughout the thread for you to test your writing skills on. This is, more or less, a world-building and character-building exercise: two vital skills for playing roleplaying games. If you don't have any pics to post, you could try posting an idea for a setting or a character, and maybe someone will be willing to write a story using it. It's also an exercise in writing though, where writefags can try out their material and gain inspiration, so if you just want to talk about world-building you may want to head over to the dedicated world-building threads.

Remember that writefags love to have feedback on their work. Writing takes a long time, especially stories that go over several posts, and it can be really depressing when no one even seems to read it (and the writer won't know you read it unless you leave a comment).

And since writing takes a long time remember to keep the thread bumped. Pics are good, feedback is better.

There is a discord for writers:
discord.gg/6AwKHGF

The previous thread can still be found in the archive here
if you have any comments about the stories posted there


Don't forget to check out past stories on our wiki page:
1d4chan.org/wiki/Storythread

Other urls found in this thread:

docs.google.com/document/d/1-debTf9_A5GTLWalxDueLiw9gh45fBpH7lClk_VarRA/edit?usp=sharing
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

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>pulling him by the ear
Isn't the ear an erogenous zone for an elf?

I think you're thinking of Ferengi

Have a look at this one if yer so inclined.
Sword and Sorcery. Violence. Full frontal Nudity. The usual.

docs.google.com/document/d/1-debTf9_A5GTLWalxDueLiw9gh45fBpH7lClk_VarRA/edit?usp=sharing

Yeah, good stuff. The revenge story is a little generic, but you're a good writer and I can't really see any obvious corrections you could make.

I wish you'd posted it in the thread though. It feels really empty in here when people only post links.

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Will post a story tomorrow Im tired as all hell and wish to review it one last time (after a good sleep)before posting it

Thankyou, appreciated.
It was a challenge from an artist friend of mine to finish something in a couple hours with a very rough idea from her.

I was worried it was too big to post here. Will stick the next one in here though

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Hida Tetsuya, a proud member of the Crab clan, coming from a lineage of honourable defenders of the Kaiu Wall, even sharing close kinship with the clan's daimiyo.
With this lineage, one would expect Tetsuya to be a well-respected samurai, but it wouldn't take long for anyone to realize that was not the case in any way.
Hida Nobuyuki, his father, was a usual bushi at first glance, never failing his duty and honouring his clan, he was almost completely unremarkable. There was one way, however, that he stood out from the rest, whenever his family spoke to him about marriage, he always avoided, ignored or outright refused to speak about the matter. One day, his father, refusing to accept "no" as an answer, gave his hand in marriage to a Mirumoto bushi called Chie, a rather respected woman for her wits.
When he heard that the arrangements had already been made, he went searching for his father and struck him with a blow to the jaw, downing the man, and yelled.
"Damn you, old man! What in blazes were you thinking?!"
His father stood up and answered with a chair to his child's head.
"You have the courage to hit your very father when he's trying to help you?! You deserved far worse and I got you a fine woman!"
They traded a few blows, but eventually they were left exhausted, staring at each other.
When the other inhabitants of the household came, they were both sweaty and bloodied, staring furiously at each other, until the son eventually said:
"Fine! I'll live with this, but expect no gratitude from me!"
And left hastily, as if trying to avoid any more disagreements.
After that, they only ever made contact with each other when absolutely needed, keeping things polite and absolutely impersonal.

Just to clarify, it's a Legend of the Five Rings story.
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At first, when the Crab and the Dragon united, it seemed it wouldn't be so bad, the woman was wise and the man was diligent, the marriage was clearly loveless, but they tried to honour the institution they were bound by.
It did not exactly last very long, as Chie wanted to sate her inevitable desires, and more importantly, had a great desire to bear children. He tried to shug her off, but her constant plights eventually convinced him, even if out of pity. It was clear he had no pleasure in doing what he did, but Nobuyuki kept doing it until she finally became pregnant with a child, who came to be named Tetsuya.
After their son was born, the man avoided the act at all costs, resisting her advances.
She kept asking him why, and he always answered differently each time:
"I don't feel like it", "I'm very tired today", "I'm a little bit sick right now." or simply by completely ignoring the question.
She knew he was lying and he knew too, but he wasn't lying only to her, but to himself.
Chie eventually took on a diplomatic role within the clan, proving herself to be a capable orator, fighter and loyal to the clan's interests, and she was sent as a minor representative of the clan to winter courts and other minor diplomatic missions, to escape her soul-crushing housewife life.
Nobuyuki remained an unremarkable solider through much of his life, but not long after his wife began traveling, he took a habit of drinking. It soon became another problem in the house, he frequently went out to drink the whole night and came home when the sun rose, only to repeat it the very next time he got the opportunity. His antics as a drunkard earned him great infamy, few were the people that had any respect, or even patience, for this man, and soon they would start disrespecting his family.
I'll continue in the next post.

But where was little Tetsuya in the midst of this?
Ignored, mostly, his father was too distant or too drunk to care about his son. The seasons his mother spent with him were his favorites, she clearly cared for him, but she couldn't bring herself to motherhood, not in that household, not near to that drunkard she came to actively hate, and she always left in the end. After years of indifference, his uncle eventually realized his dire situation, and took him under his wing. His uncle was his real father, the man who always looked out for him and made sure he was raised properly, his children all were married and distant, so he had plenty of time to care for this lost child. Tetsuya developed a great love for martial skills, as was expected from the Crab clan, but he also was intrigued and enamored by the mysteries of reading, an unusual habit, but one that made him clearly brigther than most. Tetsuya was a talented child, of course, but his skills in socialization were obviously hindered, he was a lonely child, with very few friends through his childhood and all too aware of that.
After more than ten years, his mother stood at home for a full year, trying everything in her power to make up for the lost time betwen them. It was too late, and her son, while loving her, would never forgive the neglect he suffered.
Even with that realization, Chie kept trying to undo the mistakes both her and Nobuyuki made.
She tried to cut the root of the problem, the father, trying to talk some sense to him, even if it had many times proved itself to be fruitless.
One day, she found the courage to confront him directly when he came home after an entire night drinking.
Lashing the truth with a silver toungue, at a man that tries every day to escape from it, it hurt him like a whip.
But Nobuyuki has proved himself to be terribly emotional at times, and when he could not retort to her anymore, it came to him, that boiling rage that he only felt when his father arranged his marriage.

He hit her, with all the strength he could get.
It was a punch that felt like a tetsubo to the face, her cheek had his hand marked all over.
She could not believe what just had happened, the damage was greater than any punch that she ever recieved in her time as a bushi. she was left completely dumbfounded.
He realized what he had done, and was shocked.
They both stared blankly at each other for some moments, that felt like hours frozen in time.
He slowly left to his room, shaking.
She sat on a stool, and sat there for half an hour, staring blankly at the wall.
Tetsuya saw this, all of it.
From there on, the boy vowed to never let his father forget what he had done.
He made sure to make many returns to home feel like entering enemy territory.
The only story he tells, about the most satisfying experience before his gemppuku, is when he poured an entire bucket of water and sake on his house's entrance, causing his father to slip and fall, knocking him out, he then kicked his father in the ribcage as hard as he could and left the man to sleep.
Not long after that, his mother left for a winter court, going back to her diplomat lifestyle, trying to forget all about her home.
Eventually, after a long time gone, she returned home, expecting to see her child again, even if it meant talking to her husband again.
What she found was beyond any expectation.
On their bed, her husband was sleeping with another man, both were completely naked, and the man was a peasant they knew.
That was it, no more, he knew what he was and never had the courage to honestly tell her what he is, and she knew it, she knew he was frustrated because of that, but she did not think that he would go as far as that.
She left the room and wrote a letter to her beloved son explaining herself. Went back to her room and unseathed the wakizashi, stabbing both through their hearts.
She promptly cleaned the blade, went to the main room, and took her own life.

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There once was a pupper named Mischka, named after the great bears of the frozen north.

Now Mischka was a tiny little pupper compared to most others bit she had big dreams and an even bigger temper. You see bitey, snappy and sometimes scratchy little Mischka wished she were a great fire breathing dragon.

No not the kind that guards a horde of treasure or even the kind that lords itself over mortals. No Mischka wished to be death incarnate. Death from above. The fiery bane of humanity. Except for her owners ofcourse. You don't bite the hand that feeds.

Everyday she would jump off ledges trying to fly or make gagging sounds in desperate attempts to breath fire but to no success. Her owners thought her quite mad and possibly sick.

At little Mischka's fifth trip to the vet that year she was in the waiting room with only her human, an annoying parrot that could only say "NICE DOGGY-NICE DOGGY-NICE DOGGY" and a receptionist whose attention was permanently fixated on their computer monitor. Mischka was on a pink leash completely unfitting for the dark soul that dwelt beneath the fur.

The vet waiting room played obnoxious music that made her want to howl but she couldn't her throat hurt something dreadful after another failed attempt at breathing fire. This time by eating a burning coal that dropped from the humans BBQ. She didn't breath fire bur she sure as hell pooped blood.

(1/4)

"Wait here little one. Mommy has to goto the toilet." Mischka's human said as she tied the leash to the seat.

After a while the parrot said

"NICE DOGGY-NICE DOGGY-NICE DOGGY"

Mischka growled at it.

"BAD DOGGY-BAD DOGGY-BAD DOGGY"

The parrot squawked flapping it's wings in fear.

Mischka wished she had wings.

"Maybe you wouldn't be so grumpy after a wish!" The parrot asked.

Mischka flipped her one ear forwards and raised the other while tilting her head. Did that parrot just talk? For real not just repeating what it had once heard?

"SILLY DOGGY-SILLY DOGGY-SILLY DOGGY." it said in repetition.

"Do not be confused, SQUAWK! I am no ordinary Parrot. I am the rare and magical WISH GRANTING PARROT, SQUAWK!" The parrot flurried it's wings in a show of majesty.

It was so silly Mischka would have laughed if she could.

"I will grant you NICE-SILLY doggy one wish. In exchange you must free me."

Mischka bobbed her head back and forth rapidly like a furry bobble head.

"SQUAWK, What is your desire silly-doggy? To talk?"

Mischka shook her head. She slumped into a predator pose and tried to make herself look dangerous.

"SQUAWK! A WOLF-A WOLF-A WOLF!"

Mischka shook her head again. She thought hard in how to portray a dragon with her tiny little body but realised that was impossible for her to communicate. She decided for the next best thing. To fly.

(2/4)

She jumped onto the seat she was tied to and lept off as if trying to take flight to the heavens and then yelped as her leash pulled her back to flop on the floor. The receptionist briefly looked up from her monitor before returning her gaze to the screen.

"To fly? SQUAWK?" The parrot titled its head questioning.

Mischka nodded fast as she could. To any who could see, would see a little doggies head in a blur and be impressed at the shear speed of it fuelled by all its life's eagerness and excitement squeezing out into a single moment.

"SQUAWK! Are you sure? It's not all its made out to be, most likely some human will stick you in a cage."

Mischka nodded again hard.

"FINE! GRANTED-GRANTED-GRANTED!" The parrot repeated as Mischka felt a sharp pain In her shoulders as blood suddenly burst out staining the floor of the vets reception. She yelped in pain. The vets receptionist looked up from her computer and then have a gasp. Got up from her chair and started towards Mischka and her human finally come back from the toilet.

"GET THE VET! MY BABIES DYING!" her human shouted at the sight of the blood all over the floor. Mischka jerked on the floor in convulsions covering her fur in thick red blood. If that parrot had tricked her, she would eat it.

Then suddenly something pushed out of her wounds and jolted her onto her little paws now also soaked in blood and the pain faded. She felt something. Something odd. For the first time, she was aware of wings on her back.

"WHAT ON GODS GREEN EARTH!?" Her human screamed in horror. Mischka taking advantage of the confusion pulled at her leash and her owner still in a state of shock let go.

Her owner tried to grab the leash again but before she could Mischka had bolted for the doors with the pink leash trailing behind her.

"WAIT! YOU PROMISED! SQUAWK! PROMISED-PROMISED-PROMISED! BAD DOG!" The Parrot squawked fluttering it's wings sending feathers everywhere. The receptionist stared at the bird.

(3/4)

Mischka took flight as soon as she was out in the open. Feeling the rush of air against her fur felt good. Maybe as good as if she had scales. She let her tongue out as she soared the skies, tongue flapping wildly against her cheeks. She was high above the Earth soaring in the heavens amongst the clouds while humans were ants beneath her.

She saw a flock of birds below her and she tucked in her wings and dived into one snapping it closed in her jaws. Tasting blood in her mouth from her kill. She felt alive. More alive than she had ever been before.

So this is what it's like to be death from above?

That was her first kill. The first of many.

Mother's tuck their children in bed at night and they tell of the horrors of a flying four legged bat that eats naughty children. Father's tell their children, their early curfews have good cause. For Mischka the Winged Dread is real. At night if you can't see her in the dark at least you will see her second, pink trailing behind her , stained red by the blood of her victims and that will be the last thing you ever will see.

Mischka had become Death, the hand that feeds itself.

(4/4)

Criticism is welcome as always.

It's abit rough but I feel it hasn't felt it's legs yet. Is there more?

Well, it's the backstory for a character so there is more indeed.

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That's just for depraved elf sluts.

Wait, so Quark is a depraved elf slut?

bump

The sluttiest

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Would anyone care to hear of the misadventures of my acolytes in Dark Heresy? No? Well, too bad, because I'm going to tell you anyways.

This all starts off in the Hive-World of Desoleum, with the adventure included in the core rulebook. The Acolytes are all in a shuttle en-route to the Inquisitor's home world, which is a forge world that I forgot the name of. The cabin is quiet, with only the hum of the engines to be heard. One acolyte, coming from a Frontier World, reaches into his jacket and pulls out a lho stick. As the scent fills the air, the person behind him, coming from the same world, pipes up.

"Ey man, that fucking stinks. Cut that shit out."

The desperado glares at him as he takes a long draw of the lho stick and blows it into the stranger's face. A nervous Imperial Guardsman fingers his chainsword while watching.

"What the fuck was that for, man!? I'll fuckin' kill you!" The stranger shouts as he grabs the desperado's collar. At this point the pressure is too much for the poor guardsman, who revs his chainsword. Unfortunately, it malfunctions, emitting fumes even more noxious than lho-stick smoke.

The shuttle touches down and the door opens. The air outside is not much better than the air inside, but it's still an improvement. An inquisitorial stormtrooper looks inside to see what looks like two gangers fist-fighting each other while a traumatized guardsman screams incoherently. It's going to be a long night...

Once the fight is broken up, the acolytes are led into a facility that goes beneath the planet's surface. A jovial Deathwatch Marine follows them inside.

The industrial design of the outside was a facade to conceal the opulent interior of the Inquisitor's office. Displayed for everyone to see were trophies, pictures, and an array of weapons behind a glass case. Sat on the wooden desk was a broad-shouldered, imposing man: Inquisitor Lindholm.

The acolytes were later joined by an Arbites and a psyker, who were still in awe at the magnificent collection of trophies as the inquisitor spoke.

"Acolytes, your first mission is to investigate the import of Xenos artifacts into Hive Desoleum. I suggest you first look into a noble named 'Lans Guljian'. His behaviour has been erratic as of late. Before you get equipped, I believe that you should all introduce yourselves."

The man chomping on his lho stick is the first to speak.

"The name's Cassius. Cassius Noobwood."

The man who was throttling him 15 minutes earlier was the next.

"I'm Pedro. Everyone calls me Uncle Ugly, though."

This goes on, with the Psyker giving no real name, preferring to call himself Xenosbane, the Arbites identifying himself as Janus Maximillian, and the Guardsman as Hammond. After getting supplied, they step back onto the shuttle to depart for Hive Desoleum.

The shuttle ride is uneventful, save for the acolytes noticing the addition of a Sister Hospitaller and a young techpriest with too many fleshy bits and not enough mechanichal appendages. Some try to win her affection with minimal success. The silence becomes even more awkward after that.

The Acolytes make their way to the safehouse, and there, they start to come up with a plan of action. This is where things start to fall apart.

They travel to the upper hives to get an idea of what exactly Lans Guljian might be up to. After giving up after asking around once, Hammond gets a "bright" idea.

He stalks the streets, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. A noble goes into an alleyway, with Hammond following soon after. Fists fly as he attempts to mug the nobleman for his clothes, but they all miss and hit the wall behind him. The noble then proceeds to kick the shit out of the poor guardsman and steals HIS pants, running further into the alleyway. Hammond attempts to pursue the thieving noble, but slips on what he hopes is mud while falling face-first into Emperor-knows-what.

Humiliated, but no worse for wear, he stumbles out sans pants. People point at him and laugh as they walk past. Hammond's fuse is set off as he starts ranting that he's from the Inquisition, which no one takes seriously. Xenosbane takes the guardsman by the hand and attempts to lead him to a public shower.

As Hammond attempts to clean himself, he sees mothers trying to shield their children's eyes as they walk past. People come out with pict-recorders in an attempt to capture "that crazy inquisition guy" on video. He blows his top yet again as he walks up to a civillian, clocks him in the head, and steals his pants despite protests from the Psyker. The crowd is broken up due to Hammond firing his laspistol in the air while screaming.

Hammond gets questioned on what the fuck he was doing, which he lays out his master plan: Steal a Noble's clothes, Infiltrate Lans Guljian's manor, Interrogate Lans Guljian, ???, Profit! This would have made sense if not for the fact that they could have made a requisition for disguises and avoid going through the hassle and embarrasment. Dejected that their investigation had pretty much gone nowhere fast, Cassius goes to a bar to get sloshed while the rest aimlessly wander the hive city, loudly declaring that they are from the Inquisition.

I'm going to take a break for now. Remembering all this crap is tiring...

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Bump

Nechoď dcero na jezero

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Vodníkovy stojí péro.
Yeah, good old times. It's interesting though, I always wondered if I'll run into another czech around these parts. Most of my texts are in czech, and it's a bit frustrating being limited by that, and my imperfect ability to translate.

The magic water worked, alright. The soldier didn't die from those gunshots. Issue was that the soldier didn't exactly get to live either. If there ever was an example of a monkey's paw wish, then this would be one of them - A wish to never die, but it says nothing about exactly surviving those lethal injuries.

The soldier got this magic water from some doddering old mystic. Being a cruel man, he decided to intimidate the old man for the fun of it. He broke the mystic's various tools, he constantly tripped him up, and acted as a highwayman if the old man ever wanted to leave. Of course, being a soldier, nobody could stand against him. It proved to be an entertaining diversion for a man waiting to be sent to the battlefield, but eventually all hands were called to the front. The soldier, knowing that he probably won't be seeing the old man after the fight, asked the old man for a gift as a going-away gift. When asked what he'd want, the soldier only asked:
>I want something so I'll never die. I want to survive beyond this battle.
The mystic man gave him a small vial of magic water. He said that as long as the soldier held onto that vial, he'd never die. The soldier left with a smile on his face, assured in his immortality.

Believing that the vial made him invincible, the soldier immediately rushed forth in front of his battalion on the first day of battle. Such a shame that this invincibility didn't cover bullets. The enemy offensive gunned him down within seconds. He hardly had the time to even make an attack. The soldier's body was eventually recovered by his comrades after the battle was over, and he was given a proper burial by his countrymen. All the while, that vial was held in his vest.

At this point, the old man did indeed pass away, cursing the name of his tormentor as he breathed his last. As the last of his life ebbed, that little vial started glowing inside the soldier's coffin, buried six feet deep beneath the dirt.

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It took a bit of time before the magic grew strong enough to animate that dead soldier's bones though. The power wasn't just something that automatically controlled something as complex as a human body, it needed time in order to seep into the body's pores and fill the dead mass with enough force to move again. Once that power flooded enough of the Soldier's remains, the corpse began flailing about. The shock of sudden reanimation had it slamming anything it could hit. With the senses no longer relevant and a mind nonexistent, it broke the wooden coffin with ease. From there, it clawed its way straight out of the flooding dirt.

The thing that rose from the grave already reeked of the grave. Its flesh was already rotting and various worms and other grubs had made their homes inside the dead man. As the unliving thing that was once a soldier stood at its full height, the detritus and rot had already begun falling off. Walking forward only made it fall off faster, and so it went as the soldier's corpse approached a random direction.

Already, it was welcomed with shrieks of abject horror. Animals that tried to savage it soon fled from the thing that never so much as even batted its lone, unrotted eye at them. Men who fired at it soon ran as well lest they discover what happened if they let it close in too much. Soon the legends spread of the undead soldier, cursed to walk the earth, denied entrance to heaven. Those who see it are treated to a sight of what lies beyond death for the corrupt and wicked, and for most it is a sobering experience. To the mystics however, they see another part of the story. Due to their connections to the world of spirits, the mystics could tell who cursed him with this living hell. They could sense what this man had done to deserve such a horrid fate and they made the soldier a lesson on the consequences of tormenting one one of their own.

And so it would remain. A warning about the price of evil deeds.

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(Time to give this a shot)

Shoots could be heard across the lower levels of the hive city, as once again something was fighting.

One on of the buildings now stood on fire, all of it's door and windows long gone, yet noises of metal clashing and guns firing still came from inside as someone was thrown out though the hole of the window.

Said someone was a man, clad in carapace armor with now ripped suit on top of it. Old man stood up and saw his chainsword thrown down to his legs, as a blood covered giant came out form the building, his neck bearing mark of the blood god. Giant man cracked his knuckles as he gestured old man to pick up the sword.

Armored one did as asked, picking up the sword and getting ready for the giant to charge.

Chaos worshiper took the hint and pulled out his serated metal sword and charged in...Or so he tried.
At that moment as he was about to take a first step, serpantic tail wrapped around his legs
"Slanneshi..." cultist turned around enraged only to see an even angrier female face "Guess again" barrel of a gun came into cultist view, as woman pulled the trigger, and one bullet got lodged firmly in the blood god's servant's skull.
But this proved not enough to put it down. But the firm grip of the serpantic tail was still in place, giving opening for the old man to take one swing.

Blood flew across the air, as cultist head rolled down the road, and body fell to it's knees and onto the ground.

"Any more inside?" Old man glanced at the bits stuck in his chainsword.
"No, this was last one" woman replied, her serpantic lower half releasing the legs of the dead cultist.
"Then I say this one is clean" old bastard smiled and looked at his assistant, she was covered in wounds and bruises and even her armor had few holes in it, same was with her lower body, her scaled lower half now bearing few nasty cuts from both teeth and blades.
"But you look terrible, let's go and find that doctor to patch you up" Old man noted and helped her stay up

"Why bother sir, I am just a mutant" girl giggled
"Yes, but you are my acolite" old man laughed "And you did more work then the rest of that guard lot combine" two laughed as the old inquisitor and his acolyte left the chaos cultist hideout to burn into ruin.

(Is this worth anything?)

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Does anyone have issues with exposition before getting to the general story? In my head I always have some good ideas for stories but freeze up because chances are the backdrop and setting isn't as memorable as the story in of itself. But I feel the need to write it so everyone is on the same page.

>What are narrators/narration

Yea it works but it's sometimes to difficult to execute cleanly and often times end up blunt. Just work on it and find the balance of information given because sometimes it's incredibly boring to know everything beforehand.
Post an example of what you're trying and we will give our opinion on it.
Don't be shy we are all anonymous afterall

It depends on the setting and on the length of the story. It seems to be a general rule that you shouldn't do exposition dumps, but personally my feeling is that if your writing a fantasy/sci-fi story you need to start off with an exposition dump to get the most important facts out of the way, otherwise the reader isn't going to have any context for what is happening. The rest of the exposition can be introduced as and when the narrative allows.

However, that's only for novel-length stories - you can't do that with short stories otherwise a big chunk of the story is just going to be an exposition dump. /That's/ where you need to weave the exposition into the narrative.

I had originally written a longer backstory, but in the end decided it just wasn't relevant to the story and scrapped a lot of it. I find alot of writefags tend to do this thing where they mention an event or person in the history of that world but never elaborate on it and I kinda like that. MC will enter a forest and remark that this is the "forest where the King of X slew the giant beast of Y" They'll never go into great detail about the conflict or what the great beast was, but just maybe a sentence and then move on. I don't know if this is good writing but i really like it.

Regardless, this is my intro, It's probably not very good. But I think I'll be posting a lot of this stuff on pastebin, it's a longer adventure that I mapped out in my head.

Pic unrelated, I just wanted to contribute an image to the thread

>For five centuries the Empire of Eberstein flourished in the central plains after the collapse of the Elven Merchant Empire to the north. For five centuries the power of Eberstein Emperors expanded and grew against the wishes of the various Counts and Dukes of the Empire until half of the country rose in rebellion and plunge the realm that had once brought stability to a shattered land into chaos once again. A small Dukedom on the Eastern most fringe of the empire, the Duchy of Ziegenland, was called to defend the Imperial throne from rebels and charlatans. Oskar, head of House Staudinger, answered the call and raised his levy along with a small mercenary band of lizardfolk and marched his troops towards battle.

>Oswald’s first memory was looking down from the castle and seeing his father march out with what seemed at the time to be a massive army. In reality it was a pittance compared to what most Duchies were capable of raising, but to Oswald, his young green eyes widened at the mere thought that so many people could exist so close together in the first place. It was also the first time he felt pride when he saw the banner of his family raised high at the front of army: two swords, one gold and one silver, crossed against a dark red backdrop. That coat-of-arms inspired awe and fear and a deep sense of power within the boy because that flag belonged to him. It belonged to his Father who marched under that banner to glorious war, and it belonged to his older brother, Orsin, who would one day march under that banner just like their father, and it belonged to his younger brother who still yet grew inside his mother’s belly.

>Then eight months later, reality set in. His father’s meager army attempted to lay siege to a castle and had been easily routed. Oskar Staudinger, Duke of Ziegenland was captured, his men slain, his retinue of hired Lizardfolk fled, and his banner trampled in the mud. He would languish in a prison cell for five years, his small duchy unable to pay any ransom that his captors offered. Only when the Emperor was killed in battle and his nephew installed on the throne did the rebellion end and the powers that be saw no reason to keep the poor Duke locked up forever. Oswald’s first memory was of his Father, but the boy wouldn’t see him again until he was nine year of age. The Duke returned a meeker man, and a humiliated one. Still, Oswald could look back at that memory of his father marching to war and could recall for a brief moment how the entire family became united under that one banner.

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Ok sorry user I told you to post the story but I took so long to reply it's been a busy day for me.
Honestly I like your story. The bit about the flag and a child naivity was particularly noteworthy for me.

As for the whole exposition X did Y to Z it really depends for me. Sometimes it will add to a dry scene in a story or sometimes it unnecessarily bloats it.

"King Javier of The Wester lands slew Nologar and his army of rebels just over that ridge there, that was back when he was still the Prince-Heir In bloodiest war of succession the world had ever seen. And over that ridge was perhaps the bloodiest battle to end it off. The Red Valley. People joke you can still trip over a rusty axe or shattered breastplate but whats worst is that you don't have to dig deep the red earth to find the mass graves made to bury both sides casualties. Loyalist and Rebels buried together because the dead so numerous, the casualties so high that nobody bothered idenfitifing their comrades or enemies. They just wanted to go home. Nologar and most of Javier's generals bones together, royal and commoners together. Because in the head all are equal before death."
That's my idea of exposition though
Mine has no context so I think it's fine not bad or good but I believe exposition needs context for you to use it. Lore dumping is for video games.

Also forgot to add if you're going to pastebin your stuff don't forget to post it here.

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Yo, Randy Stair He Was Just 23
When his parents bought a very strange machine
Designed to view a world unclean
(He's gonna shoot em all cause he's Tranny Phantom)
When his brain didn't work, his folks they just quit
then Ember took a look inside of it
there was a great big snap
every thing just changed
his ego and id got all rearranged
(Phantom Phantom),
When he first woke up he realized he had dark black hair
and glowin' blue eyes
he could walk through walls, disappear, and fly
he was much more ~unique~ than the other guys
It was then Andrew knew what he had to do
he had to join all the ghosts who were coming through
he's here to fight
against me and you

(He's gonna kill em all cause he's Tranny Phantom
gonna kill em all cause he's Tranny Phantom
gonna kill em all cause he's TRANNY PHANTOM)

Might fix up and re tune this shit later :)

fucking kek