Anyone got WHFRP greentext stories?

Anyone got WHFRP greentext stories?

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>ask friends if they want to play WHFRP
>thousandyardstare.jpg
>play D&D instead

I know that feel

My one attempt at playing WF ended up with half the players shitted off and giving up on the game. With how long firearms took to reload it was kinda pitiful to see them bouncing off a guy's abs a decent amount of the time.

Back when I ran a brief Skavenhammer for my college club
>A stormvermin who was adversely affected after getting hit by blowback from some kind of spell
>he chooses his 'big hairy rat balls', which he wants to use as a hand weapon
>a moulder who gets the party side tracked into creating tranny skaven to reproduce so they can make their own clan
Theres more but its not worth really mentioning because they just decided to do gross, chaotic stupid shit. Was funny for a little while but I kinda lost heart. To give you an idea, skaven nutsack guy also played the Sheriff at a WOD larp and hammered nails into his dick to skull fuck enemies of the prince. Yeah.

and how could I forget
>then gf is OOC very insecure about her leadership of the party and the stormvermin taking charge quite often, making it drama and my problem.

>a moulder who gets the party side tracked into creating tranny skaven to reproduce so they can make their own clan
Ha
>they just decided to do gross, chaotic stupid shit.
So, they acted like Skaven?

>So, they acted like Skaven?
I mean, yeah I guess? but instead of
>"yes yes, we will kill kill the man things and make the others believe we work for them, then we strike strike"

I dealt with
>"LETS PUT A DICK N TITS ON OUR ASSASIN ECKSDEE"
>"LETS TURN DIS SLAVE INTO A BREEDING MACHINE"
>"UGH, WHY WONT DANIEL JUST LET ME BE THE LEADER HES REALLY DISRESPECTING ME"

Fuck you, cunt, you had a gross, pimply ass and tits that were too small for the number the scale turned up. Like I said, fun for a little while, the stormvermin floated it the longest.

I complain but that was the last game of WHFRP I had any part in for years and would kill to be in a game like that one again, trouble and all

In our home game a player rolled up a village idiot named Hildric, his defining detail was a tattoo of a goat on his arm from his goat farm (he would make it dance by flexing his arm). Hildric wasn't good enough for normal equipment, and had a poor quality hand weapon and poor quality helmet, a shovel and bucket, respectively.

Despite his incompetence, Hildric had a pretty decent life, he had many notches in his shovel each representing a head cracked or a limb chopped. He saw himself a protector of a mostly ungrateful hedge wizard and a paranoid elf vagrant(Ever since he couldn't pay the Ear Tax he had difficulty trusting those with sharp blades).

But, like all good WHRP stories, Hildric's came to a sudden end. While fighting a deranged cultist Hildric's shovel sliced across the heretic's neck and, inexplicably, instead of blood maggots spewed out in a high pressure spray across the party. The elf dodged, the hedge wizard was coated in the mess and grew a third eyeball on his palm (a great boon!) but poor Hildric let loose a torrent of acid from his throat, melting the face off the still screaming heretic. The sight, smells, sounds of screaming were all too much for Hildric and, scared of his own newfound power, ran away into the fog of the forest, never to be seen again.

Some say he still stalks the woods, his bucket helmet corroded by acid and a rusty shovel gripped tightly in his hands, but that'll be for another adventuring party to discover...

Oh, yea that's bad. I'm still dreading the day I play with those types of >That Guy.had a quick run in with a >that group, at the lgs and I thank god that it didn't get that bad

>.had a quick run in with a >that group, at the lgs and I thank god that it didn't get that bad
tell us more if it applies to the thread

>the party is transporting a caravan
>begin in safe town
"I want to buy some sausages."
>the party wizard says
>what?
>OK whatever, he buys some sausages
>RPs preparing them...

>continuing on
>they encounter a "strange" town, take a bit too long to leave
>zombies.mp4
>party attempts to flee but wagon gets stuck
>some people bitch out and flee on foot rather than try to un-stick wagon
>dwarf warrior and Sausage Gandalf stand their ground, slay zombies
>halfling cook,deciding sling worthless after one ineffectual chuck, runs into nearby house to bake a pie
>begins to baking pie
>fight ends when wagon unstuck, more zombies approaching but they can now ride away
>halfling runs out of abandoned house he'd made the pie in, makes great check to hop aboard wagon as they roll to safety
>next town
>it'stheinquisition.jpeg
>draws gun, demands they answer some questions about what's going on in the region
>vis-a-vis living dead
>halfling offers pie, tries Charm roll
>fails
>inquisitor smacks the pie to the ground
>gun to halfling's head
>Sausage Gandalf describes how he offers the sausage to the inquisitor with the sausage between his toes
>rolls a 1
So I decided to sort of let them go with it.

Last encounter was a town with a Slaanesh cult but nothing lewd happened because they basically got as far as "There's a cult here" before riding on, getting ambushed, killing all the ambushers, and continuing to ride on.

Not WHF, DnD, but there was a guy in his like 40's who rollplayed as a loli. Like, an actual human child, not a halfling/gnome/Pygmy or what ever. An actual six year old who had thunder thighs in a relatively serious game.

Then there was a chick who had a Kobold bard who wanted to sleep with everything with a vag (kobold was a he). These ended in being denied for being a monster and those are relatively funny. So I let those pass.

It got painful to bare when a normal guy from the ghetto came to play. That's was probably a bad first impression for him.

I've played WFRP twice, (well one and a half times really, the first time was the day the novelization of Phantom Menace was released, and I spent most of the session reading that, with the understanding that I'd lend it to the GM after I was done with the book).
The second time the party was traveling from one town to another, and we came upon a village that was being attacked by chaos warriors of some kind. One of them had a rune sword. We saved the villagers, my wizard apprentice was taught a new spell by the village chief (in addition to the money we were paid) and one of the PCs decided he was going to keep the rune sword. He couldn't touch it, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He dragged it behind him by a rope, and the thing killed the grass everywhere we went.
the GM decided That Guy was too much of a problem and canceled the campaign instead.
My ex in college was part of a group (that she tried to get me to join), where the GM allowed the PCs (at the start of their second career) to kill, permanently, the chaos god Nergal. and the GM insisted the game wasn't overpowered.
I stayed away from that game.

>He dragged it behind him by a rope, and the thing killed the grass everywhere we went.

This is so warhammer it hurts

>Be Dwarf Shieldbreaker, career almost complete, just need an in-game reason to switch to Veteran
>My mates are a Squire from Ostland, a High Elf Apprentice wizard, a Halfling entertainer and an Initiate of Ulric from Talabecland
>in the short campaign we had we managed to
>Prevent the resurgence of a Beastmen champion
>Kill a Beastman champion of Nurgle
>Kill a Minotaur and destroy a Herdstone
>Stop Sunterz Klaukerzonn from bringing Orkmas to the world
>My dwarf and the elf surprisingly ended up being friends
>Final battle of the short campaign
>we 5 vs 3 Chaos warriors in full plate, one with sword&board, one with two weapons, another with a great weapon
>My dwarf charges right in the middle of them while my team flanks
>Manage through sheer luck and rerolls to parry ALL attacks directed to me, or soak all the damage recieved thanks to my BT of 8
>Kill all of three chaos warrior without being wounded once
>Ulric's Fury the shit out of them, almost one shot one warrior, that gets finished off by the squire
>The other two we whittle down with one or two wounds every turn
>In the end, all my mates are wounded, the initiate almost died
>My Dwarf stands atop the pile of corpses, completely unscathed

And thus was born the legend of Karrik the Untouchable

>just need an in-game reason to switch to Veteran
What kind of reason could you possibly need for it? Just earning the experience for it is good enough.

I like my character to have reasons to do things, not because i reached the XP meter and *ding* level up. Warhammer doesn't really work like that too, because you need an in-game reason to pursue a career
Me and the GM agreed that in order to switch to veteran my character had to survive at least one very difficult battle

>>Manage through sheer luck and rerolls to parry ALL attacks directed to me
But you can only party one attack per turn.

There were 5 of us so the warriors rarely attacked the same target on the same turn
I actually managed to dodge one attack once, despite needing to score less than 15 to do it

These articles got me into WFRP in the first place.

>2002
Fuck

criticalmiss.com/issue8/jameswallisruined3.html

criticalmiss.com/issue8/jameswallisreplies1.html

>play game
>kill big man
>new big man kill party member
>me make witty remark about death
>everyone laugh

>Gm for party of four. Mostly mercs.
>First adventure they go into a orc cave. They die.

How? Have you actually played this game? It's really hard to kill someone.

That's one of those things that always weirds me out when people talk about WHFRP or the 40kRPGs. It's really hard to perma-kill a character, as you can burn fate to survive a situation so it will take a few cases of 'You died' before it sticks. I mean, the 40k RPGs put 'Lost in the warp' and 'On an exploding ship' on the survivable lists but everyone acts like you need to go in with 3-4 character sheets.

They used all their fate points for useless stuff. Like rolling reroll perception checks ect. Note it was also played within the 1e rules and combat in that is a tad more lethal then the later editions.

>They used all their fate points for useless stuff. Like rolling reroll perception checks ect.

That's spending, not Burning.

>Be a GM to a novice group and run the WFRP 1st edition book starter adventure, Oldenhaller Contract.
>Group survives by the skin of the teeth and get the gem, one of the wants to keep it and don't want to give it away.
>Persuade other players that it would be more profitable to find a black market dealer for the gem.
>I'm gonna teach him a lesson of Warhammer.... Never ever keep the things that was previously owned by cultists.
>Possession of the gem now gives you Nurgle's Rot and gradually transformed the player to Beast of Nurgle...
>He didn't like that but he thought that was actually awesome twist.

Then there was another game that grew up to a about 10 session wide campaign.

>Again as a GM with only 2 players (1 of them would continue the campaign to the end). Used an adventure from the net as a inspiration.
>Elf healer (pharmacist) and Human "Barbarian" fighter (square).
>Traveled to the Drakwald Forest to find cultists and kill them. (That was the Barbarian's wish)
>Get across a small village which was plagued by beastmen and mutants from the forest.
>Wurstfest was starting and the Barbarian really liked the sausages that one particular sausagemaker sold.
>Fastforward to the epic slaughter of the mutants. Barbarian was barely nicked and he started to investigate the mutants, find out that many of them bear similar features as the villagers.
>Back to village and ask about missing persons and find out that many villagers have disappeared in the passing years.
>Finally finds out that the sausagemaker is a cultist who puts warpstone in his sausages that mutated the villagers and travelers.
>Barbarian rained RIGHTEOUS FURY to the sausagemakers ass
>He continued his hunt for chaos for 10 sessions and retired north of the Nuln and started a family as well as a training school for hunters of chaos.

My meat-pie covered elf got chucked by a town ogre at the cart carrying the rest of the party during some interparty conflict that ended with a halfling punching said elf in the balls so hard he exploded, and causing one of the other players to see Khorne, who gave him a high five and shattered his arm.

I love the Warhammer setting and after several previous attempts finally got the chance to run a year long campaign that was really fun but I had a couple issues that became apparent afterwards.

Players would not spend fate points and allow their characters to die so that they could roll up a new character with more optimal secondary careers.

Combat started to become a bit of a slog with most attacks missing and then damage being ineffectual. After I started adding circumstantial bonuses reduce this as recommended by people, as players advanced in xp they started to hit too easily.

So how do I get players more invested in their characters and get them to not min-max their characters after character death in a high lethality game and how do I spice up combat.

Next game I plan is set in a small Northern town close to Kislev and will be focused on fending off threats, exposing cults and slowly becoming more respected members of the community.
Any advice for that would also be appreciated.

>run short WHFRP campaign set in small empire hamlet
>players are locals to the village, can do whatever they want, left a bunch of plot hooks and things to do lying around
>stumbling across a cult, discovering a hidden skaven lair, dealing with beastmen in the woods, etc
>players consist of a disgraced dwarf slayer, a halfling entertainer and his adopted human strongwoman daughter, a mainservant (and secret chaos cultist) to a local mechant, and an adventurous rat-catcher
>at one point whilst searching for plot hooks they go to the local museum, where a few curios have been stolen
>curator offhandedly mention that the local baron (who is a thrall to the vampiric former baron, pretending to be dead) donated a lot of stuff
>they decide HEY GUYS LET'S ROB THE BARON SO WE CAN GET RICH
>what.wmv
>they hatch a daring plan to pretend to all be ratcatchers and steal some of his treasures, apparently the former baron was a famed adventurer, going so far as nehekara in his travels!
>some good rolls convince the head butler, and as luck would have it, there IS actually a rat problem going on at the moment (skaven hook)
>they sneak into the basement, find a few rare and precious items to steal, but also a locked door
>they fail to pick it, but the strongwoman manages to bust it down, revealing a corpse sat upon a chair
>despite all the warning signs i throw at them, they decide to investigate
>turns out yep, it's the former baron, and he's a vampire
>fucking pissed off that he's awoken, launches himself at the party, kills two of them
>the rest escape, setting a fire to cover their escape, but the vampire raises his ancestral graveyard's dead, sending a small horde of undead to kill them before he can be exposed
>tl;dr the entire hamlet i designed gets destroyed by undead by session 2

Let them pick careers. Don't get hung up on min-maxing, it's a non-issue. Fighting is what the game is about.

I did let them pick, but I gave them a bonus fate point if they rolled. If fighting is what the game is about how do I make it more exciting?

Focus on the circumstances behind the fights. You can't really do much about the fights themselves unless you want to redo the entire system.

>Roll up a bear tamer, gm let's me pick a cave bear
>First session deal with beastmen and a corrupted village
>Bear proves to be scariest fucking thing
>Our boatman pc get's wrecked but luckily we pull his near jawless body onto the boat.

>Session 2 find a healer, scare the shit out of a village with my bear and my stupid perform antics to get them to like bear.

>Find healer he drives a fucking spike through the cheek of our already wounded ferryman

>Get off of our barge to go investigate without bringing bear

>Find everyone in the apothecary's seeing what he did to Ferryman

.>Intimidate him into doing a better job

>Does a better job

The party at this point was made up of a Cadet from Middenhiem, a Bear Tamer, a Sigmar initiate, a ferryman and an ice witch.

>Ice witch player might be autistic as his plan is to go to the colleges of magic and learn one of the lores of magic. Argues with GM about this and always asks if we're done yet

>Sigmar Initiate is a bit bossy and is really playing up a commanding role which grates on my nerves. Always sounds pissed off at us

>Cadet is cool just does his job and does his best at it

>ferryman is a fun dude and role-plays well

Session 3
>Ice witch player kicked
>Fight ghouls in Altdorf sewers, Initiate loses his eyes and retires
>Initiate then rolls up an elf
The adventures continue

Just started a campaign with some dudes from Veeky Forums. PCs are Initiate of Ranald (me), Apprentice Wizard, and a Grave Robber. We all rolled our characters on that huge fan made character module that includes everything from all the books.

>Game opens with us meeting at a crossroads in Sylvania
>Me and the Grave Robber are headed north for "business", the Apprentice Wizard is headed to Mordheim to pick up a package from another Wizard
>We decide to travel together until we're out of Sylvania because it feels spooky as shit here lately
>GM offhandedly mentions it's IC 2010
>Grave Robber OOC, "Hey isn't that the year the Vampire Wars started?"
>As if on cue, a corpse the Grave Robber was carrying with her (result of a random trapping) came to life
>We all freak out and run away from it
>Get stopped further up the road by a couple of highwaymen
>Try to tell them there's a zombie on our tails and we don't have time for this shit
>The try to mug us
>We get one of them hurting pretty bad and they look pretty scared and start running away
>We look behind us and there's a fucking army of ghosts coming toward us
>We haul ass toward the nearest city
>It's Mordheim
>I get stuck in the mud while we're running. Would have gotten eaten by some big undead monster but the Wizard distracted it with a spell
>Eventually outrun the undead and find a gap in the walls of Mordheim. Some dudes on the wall notice us and let us in
>Once we're on the walls we see a bunch of people on boats getting dragged into the Rive Stir by skeletons
>Looks like the Vampire Wars have begun
>Some guy offers to lead us to whoever the Wizard was supposed to meet here
>He's clearly trying to scam us but he seems to know the way so I offer him Ranald's blessing instead of money since I started off dirt poor
>He leads us through town where we almost get mugged again by a bunch of guys in some sort of pirate cult
>We give them the slip and eventually end up at this Wizard's place which is under a bridge
cont.

>Wizard's assistant greets us at the door and our guide fucks off
>He leads us inside and offers us food and drink while we wait for his master to finish working on something. He's got Bugman's
>I have a few glasses, haven't had Bugman's since my initiation party
>Fail some toughness rolls and suddenly I'm fucking plastered
>We wait around for about an hour until the Assistant shows back up with a couple of guys with weapons. Says we'll make fine offerings to "the Changer"
>Never should have trusted the kindness of strangers
>I drunkenly pummel one of these guys with my club, he returns the favor by getting Ulrich's Fury and opening my arm up with a dagger
>One of the other guys cuts open some of the Apprentice's robes during the fight and he's got a bunch of iridescent blue feathers covering his chest
>Eventually kill our attackers, I burn fate to not bleed out
>The other two check out the rest of this place while I drunkenly patch myself up
>Apprentice wizard has a brief run in with some kind of freaky Tzeentch wizard deeper in the tunnel/house who teleports out with a weird feathered cape
>They find some small prison cells containing our backup characters
>Aside from that the place seems pretty well supplied and secure so we decide to set up shop there while we heal, figure out what's going on, and try to wait out the Vampire Wars

Pretty good start I think.