Worst player ever/"That Guy" thread

>Just let him pick a race that has mechanical effects in combat.
I've tried to sell him the idea of playing humans, elves, dwarves, gnomes, but he refuses. He insists on playing animal-like races, even if he's told the setting doesn't include them. I usually just go with it, since the other players just want to get to the playing part instead of sitting around twiddling thumbs.
>Don't have any sexy NPCs or let him have his fuckbuddy fantasy that doesn't effect the rest of the story or game.
My NPC's and enemies are not flirty or under-dressed. I've even had barmaids call the guards on him. He just goes for it, no matter what I put in front of him. I refuse to let actually seduce, i'm not comfortable with that kinda roleplay, and it'd just encourage him to do more bullshit.
>Don't have any guards and nobles for him to fight. Just put them in a dungeon with monsters.
I would just drop them in a dungeon, but he's tried to seduce monsters as well.
>Have him take his action on his turn, once he rolls the dice its permanent. No retconning or taking back an action once he's rolled for it.
This will help. I'll have to crack down on his backtracking. Luckily, this means his character will probably kill himself within a few minutes.
>You as the DM should listen more and have a more yes-and approach to incorporate player input. However, make it clear that he only has authority over things his character knows and and does and not the dungeon, monsters, or other factors beyond his control. Once he's finished narrating, suggest that some of what he said might be true but other facts are more ambiguous.
I'll crack down on his narrating other characters actions, absolutely. He also interrupts me sometimes during my own narration, which pisses me off to no end. Next time, i'll suggest he start his own game if he wants to DM so damn much.

In our group, "that guy" is the younger brother of one of the best players. He can't help but metagame and he trashes social encounters by being too damn dense to understand when it's time to stop pushing for what he wants. He's not doing it intentionally and he isn't a bad person, he's just dumb as a post.
I shut him down after a rather flagrant abuse of player knowledge. I Made the mistake of giving an okay for "can I roll for meta knowledge?" Had him call a number and roll a d100. This is a house rule I have for whenever a player tries to be stupidly lucky. The fucker gets his wish. So of course, his character gets a massive rush information poured through their head. And they suddenly understand that they're just the figment of some guy's imagination. They've been trying to convince a lot of NPCs that the world they live in is a lie and have been labelled a lunatic.
Recently, that character murdered a PC in cold blood over an ooc dispute. The player for that pc couldn't make that session. I called break when the murder happened and called the guy to clear his characters death. No one likes to die when they aren't at the table. But he okayed it, he was mostly done with the character anyway.
When a PC murders a PC in cold blood, they both hand in their sheets. The killer becomes an antagonist. And this particular antagonist has meta knowledge. She knows everything the players can do or will do, she knows every single secret of the world, and she's got a strong hatred of the rest of the party for branding her as insane and untrustworthy.

Tl:dr "That guy" accidentally birthed the most interesting villain I have ever run as a DM

So what happend next?

I feel you. I have some disruptive players in my game that talk ooc over me and other players sometimes. I had to be very firm with them outside the game that they were disrupting other people's fun and they couldn't shout over people anymore.

It seemed to work for a while, but they forgot about my warning after a few sessions. So instead now I start every session by publicly pointing out how disruptive they are being in front of everyone. I tell them that I and the other players and happy to give them their moment in the spotlight to shine, as long as they are willing to show the same respect toward others.

I think the trick is to get their OOC consent and agreement that what they are doing is inappropriate and to follow the social rules. Otherwise they don't even understand that what they are doing is disruptive.

>So instead now I start every session by publicly pointing out how disruptive they are being in front of everyone.
How exhausting..
Why are they still there?

>legitimately autistic
>tries to have his male characters breed with any female characters, regardless of whether the player wanted it (they never did) or was male (always)
>tried to seduce the DM's wife
>authentically confused as to why no one wanted to be around him

It's a weekly Wednesday public game at a game shop and they are a pair of 14 and 12 year old brothers that get dropped off by their parents at 6 and picked up at 9:30. I'm the only DM at the shop willing to take them. They are actually fantastic roleplayers and fun to have in the party, as long as they are not shouting OOC. I just give them the gentle parental reminder to play nice and it seems to have a temporary effect. They are still at the impressionable age where some social coaching would have long term good effect on their behavior, so i think it's worth my while.

All of your lines are easily fixable.

1. Let him play the race he wants. Whatever critter he picks might be cringey, but if that's what he enjoys, it literally doesn't affect you unless he's trying to yiff in game. It's DND for fucks sake. I understand the social implications of having a furry in your group, and I'd be cringing too, but some guys only play elves. Only play edgelord races. Only play Beastials. Let it be.

2. Don't allow the seduction roll. You have the right to not allow the roll in the first place if it's not justified. Or, simply make every roll "not interested, thanks." That simple.

3. He gets his ass kicked. Seriously, that's the end of it. Give him the usual 1-2 warnings about how "strong and mad the guy looks now", and then have the guy smack him with a magic fire maul for 4d6+5 if he doesn't back down. Have onlookers and guards side with the insulted NPC.
>sidenote, check yourself that you're not the autist DM that just has angry, bitter cunty NPC's and expects your party to not want to get basic respect

4. As mentioned, the die being rolled is the final say. When it hits the table, the decision was made. If there's no die involved, be lenient. It's funny, and people get laughs from shit like that normally. If it's getting old, just remind him that when he does something in character, it happens, and next time you'll count it.

5. Gonna have to get more specific, because this just makes you sound like a shit DM. Both the fact that you neither care, and see player narration as a bad thing.

We all know the 5-minutes-to-explain-a-turn-in-combat meme is bad, and the same with worldbuilding-beyond-the-right-of-the-player meme... but if it pisses you off that he is just narrating his characters actions, you have a fundamental flaw in understanding the social game that is DND.

>constantly tries to backtrack (it was a joke, I don't wanna do that haha!)
I would make him roll to be able to backtrack.
>narrates shit all the fucking time, expects me to give shit about what he said
depends on what he is narrating, his character intentions or the story, if second, suggest that he gm's or shut it
>>Always picks furry races
>constantly asks if he can roll to seduce NPC's and even enemies
>constantly trying to fight NPC's of authority (guards, nobles, etc.)
I'd be perfectly ok with it. Should be part of a gameplay. If other players do not punish him for his foolish actions, the world would, especially the NPC authority part. For example, unless he can beat guards and escape they beat him bloody, nobility and rulers might get him arrested and executed, attacking village elder or local priest get him mob lynched etc. With that kind of behaviour he is getting separated from the party being on the run/imprisoned/executed pretty soon, depending on dice rolls and situations. If party backs him up, they either become literal murderhobos or get imprisoned/executed. Might be fun.

Good on you, user.

>5. Gonna have to get more specific, because this just makes you sound like a shit DM. Both the fact that you neither care, and see player narration as a bad thing.
See The problem player is narrating for everything, including it sounds like NPCs and other player's actions, not just his own, which is inexcusable. It'd be inexcusable for the DM to narrate other player's actions, why would it be OK for the player to dictate what other players do?

>seduce NPC's and even enemies
Let him, and have his character roll vs Super Magic AIDS. If female, make him roll for pregnancy. If male, roll for pregnancy in NPCs and have the string of single mothers in his wake constantly hassle him. If they have money, make them hire bounty hunters to kidnap him and drag him back.

>Don't have any sexy NPCs or let him have his fuckbuddy fantasy that doesn't effect the rest of the story or game.

No, let him fuck an NPC, but make a short list of crippling, incurable STDs and roll to see what he contracts from it. If he does it again, give him another STD. If he persists, he'll completely gimp his character.

...

This is brilliant

>Azure Balls
>Whore's Delight
10/10, would contract and spread at furry orgies.

>Always picks furry races
The one thing that doesn't actually matter.

>constantly asks if he can roll to seduce NPC's and even enemies
Have them react appropriately. That is to say, sometimes flattered, sometimes confused, sometimes disgusted, and sometimes responding with hostility. In a fight, remove the first one.

If this makes you uncomfortable, just fucking grow a spine and say "dude, reign it in a bit/stop this bullshit/PUT YOUR DICK AWAY".

>constantly trying to fight NPC's of authority (guards, nobles, etc.)
Appropriate responses again, and again tell him if he's being too disruptive.

>constantly tries to backtrack (it was a joke, I don't wanna do that haha!)
Put your fucking foot down. Never* undo his stupid shit. What he says he's doing is what he tries to do, full stop.

*Undoing is fine if only sparingly, and only if EVERYONE wants it, including you.

>narrates shit all the fucking time, expects me to give shit about what he said
Again, tell him to stop if you want him to fucking stop.

Sometimes a player doesn't suit a group, and it's entirely on you to sort that out.

Just have his character arrested for indecency and sentenced to hard labor, or if he commits a more serious crime, just have him executed. It's not even being mean, it's just logical to the setting.

>>When a PC murders a PC in cold blood, they both hand in their sheets. The killer becomes an antagonist.

I just recently started GMing and i am gonna use this if a PC kills a PC now.

Should i let them know upfront or should I save it for if that happens?

Also should I only do it if the player murders in cold blood?

Drop the ban hammer

I had a player who would say stupid shit and then try to say he was joking. Too later fucker. That kids dead and you've burned your cock off.

Go ahead and molest that npc, here comes a swarm of guards. Go ahead and fight them, but the rest of the group won't back you up and there's always more guards.

I basically forced him to rage quit. He snapped, called me a mean dm, and I told him to take his minion fetish and go back to tumblr.

Side note, he missed a game to fuck a tumblrina who looked like tito from rocket power and didn't understand why we kept going "wiggity wiggty"

Takes a village.

>Fever Touch
Huh. Sounds like the fundies should like DnD, if "You'll go blind" is a legitimate disease.

Trying to figure these out. So far, I've got:

>unknown
>not an actual disease irl
>syphilis
>chlamydia
>genital herpes
>genital warts (might be getting these two mixed up)
>priapism/elephantiasis
>not an actual disease irl
>magic
>unknown
>mononucleosis
>crabs
>magic
>magic
>magic
>unknown

Anyone wanna help a nigger fill in some blanks?