I hear stories all the time about bad player characters...

That's the the thing though is if that's the parties idea of humor the campaigns would probably be mediocre at best man. Every 6 months or so having the entire narrative of events fall apart for a session so they could have a lolrandumb moment is probably only the most obvious issue he'd have with the group. Being with them for 6 years means he's probably only still there because of inertia and some nostalgic great campaign in the distant past while their interests and friendships have changed to a point where it's just not worth it.

We were playing Star Wars Saga Edition.

>Ragtag Group of Bounty Hunters, Rebels, and Imperial loyalists forced to work together cuz reasons.
>One NPC was ten levels above the party with outrageous stats so that he could railroad us whenever.
>Kept pushing the buttons of one of the imperial players intentionally, trying to goad a fight.
>Fight happens.
>He one shots the player.
>DM Laughs.

The DM put him in to keep us on target for our goal apparently. He was unattainably powerful if I remember correctly, like he had Class levels but double possible stats for the level and shit. It wouldn't be as bad if he didn't also try to start fights with all the characters who didn't know how powerful he was supposed to be at the time since he was described as rather average.

Literally the only escape was the 2 guys that went for a smoke break and never came back.

Let me tell you about Blork. He was an NPC in an Edge of the Empire game.

He started off as a one-off experiment in whether or not the DM could craft an NPC so pathetic and inept--so completely dependent on the PCs to function at even a basic level--that pathos eventually gave way to disdain. A squat, constantly moist alien (Star Wars setting) with a whining, gurgling voice. Imagine tucking your chin in as far as you can and whining with jello in your throat-- that's the best approximation of what voice the DM did.

Blork was the kind of guy who was unlucky enough to be hit by a speeder, spineless enough to accept the blame for it, and stupid enough to give the person who hit him his PIN so they could just take out however many credits they thought was fair.

He was an exercise in absurdity and beautiful, crystalized idiocy. And pathetic! I shouldn't underplay pathetic. Sad, lonely, needy, and unloved. Things he said;

>"My mother always threw me my own parties when she had parties, but mine were usually in the basement with the lights off and no one ever came."
>"Once I broke my wrist but the doctor I went to about it wouldn't stop laughing to give me a cast. I didn't wanna bother him so I left."
>"They sent over a contract for you and I tried to read it but then I couldn't understand it and I got mad that I couldn't understand it so I threw it out."

He was introduced as the agent for one of the PCs, a professional swoop-racer. He was not a good agent. He was a very bad agent and eventually fired.

But the party had convinced himself they could help him! They wanted so badly to fix his life just so he would stop clinging to theirs like a obsequious lamprey. When someone rolled a Despair during a mission--one that required radio silence--it was Blork calling for advice on what to do if your toenails started falling off and a small loan to pay for some furniture he'd leased and subsequently accidentally lost.

It bears mentioning that I was the DM. I was gonna try and be ambiguous about it but fuck that, I'm proud of how terrible Blork was. My players loved to hate him, and the characters simply loathed him.

Some examples of times Blork was the fucking worst.
>PC 1 apparently qualified every year for a big Corellian tournement
>PC 1 never knew
>Because Blork had lost his key to his original office and just got a new office
>Because Blork didn't want to do something embarrassing like asking the building's super for a new key

That was the event which got him fired. But he didn't go away.

>Tried to start a fan club for PC 1
>Ended up posting quiet a bit of PC 1's personal information on the HoloNet
>Kept getting deliveries of PC 1 merch accidentally routed to their ship, swamping their cargo hold

Being so lonely, he also FREQUENTLY expressed romantic infatuation with the various PCs. He was neither subtle nor charming. He memorized historical atrocities against Twi'leks to try and woo the Twi'lek PC; Blork's logic was that he would be a good shoulder to cry on once the PC was upset, since Blork's shoulders were usually pretty moist and wet already. He kept claiming that he had a girlfriend and that the girlfriend was a CEO and a supermodel but she lived on Sullust most of the time and no one had heard of her. And her name happened to rhyme with one of the PC's names.

The group was overjoyed, at first, when he stopped calling and bothering them. Prevalent theory was that he'd been hit by a speeder (again) and died.

Then they got an invitation to a party to meet his fiance.

I had made my players hate Blork because he always needed money, he couldn't keep down a job, he couldn't interact with anyone socially without them trying to strangle him I made my players hate Blork because he was pathetic.

cont.

My players almost strangled me when it was revealed that Blork was technically a multi-billionaire thanks to a trust-fund. He'd forgotten about it. And that CEO supermodel girlfriend? She turned out to be real. She looked like a prettier version of the PC he had been infatuated with. She was smart and funny and the PCs loved her and she adored Blork.

I let them simmer in fury that the tumor which had weighed down their lives for so long was, in fact, filthy rich and set for life. I let them simmer in relief that at least now Blork was someone else's problem. I let sessions pass without Blork or his calls. One of the PCs even kept in contact with his fiance (and bit back their incredulity when she referred to his business savvy, adorable personality, and sexual charisma).

Once they had almost let down their guard Blork called to get advice on breaking up with his fiance.

Blork said she was too needy and he couldn't handle having to take care of her all the time.

Damn, what happened after that?

They gave him some advice, he didn't follow it, she sued him and he lost his trust fund.

But not after he'd already promised the trust fund to the PCs if they helped him out. They found out afterwards that they weren't getting a cent.

The campaign eventually ended, but when it did Blork was exactly where he had started when first introduced-- an unlovable pathetic loser whose mere existence was a drain on the party's practical and emotional resource.

I've since included what seemed like a Blork-like character in some other campaigns. Never truly Blork--I'll never subject them to that again--but just close enough to make 'em sweat.

Apparently one of their favorite NPCs.

I see, at least he suffered in the end. Great story mate!

Block truly is the hero the Galaxy deserved. I'm stealing his pathetic ass the next time my players complain about, well, anything really. This is too good to not use.

Fucking quality.

Yes, please, yes. Spread him like a virus. Some advice to an effective Blork:

1) He genuinely wants to do the right thing, but such is his inept luck and horrific judgment that the result is indistinguishable from malice.

2) Players remove problems. Blork makes life difficult-- he doesn't get directly in the way. As soon as he is an an actual obstacle they will remove him. Keep him just frustrating enough to be a thorn, not too frustrating that they'll devote attention to removing him.

3) Sparingly. Blork called every other session at most. Give the players time to forget how terrible he is.

4) Make him funny. Players will forgive you fucking with them if they're laughing. No half measures.

Absolute top fucking quality

>he's probably only still there because of inertia and some nostalgic great campaign in the distant past while their interests and friendships have changed to a point where it's just not worth it
I want to make fun of you for projecting but I just feel bad for you
I'm sorry about your friends user, I honestly hope you make new friends or sort out your differences

I've told this story once before.

>Very medievalish sandboxy setting. No tech more advanced than something like a water wheel, plate armor is unknown, etc.
>Go to city, wind up entering an arena tournament.
>The final round is against a guy named "Dildo" and his various gladiators
>Defeat them, cripple Dildo but do not finish him off, win the tournament.
>Some time later, we get "ambushed" by a 10 foot tall guy in what I could only describe as a dreadnought battlesuit from 40k, announcing that it is MECHA-DILDO come for revenge!
>Beat it down too.
>Every 2-3 sessions, rinse and repeat. No matter how thoroughly we destroy mecha-dildo, or try to pry inside to kill its operater, he'll be back with a bigger and stupider suit that is apparently invisible until he comes within 30 feet of us to bellow his challenge about how he will defeat us.

Left the game over that bullshit.

>DMPC is a part of the party
>DM makes a deal with one of the players: if he kills the other PCs he will gain dark dragon power
>he trained a thousand years in a day
>Loki refuses because 'I don't wanna to'
>DMPC accepts and is instantly killed
>DM says that Loki got fed up and destroyed the world
>He got very pissed, as in storming off level.

so much fucking cancer, were you all like 15

Playing with the same group in the same setting for years introduced me to the new kind of hell: watching the descendants of former PCs get awkwardly shoved as cameos. We round robin DM so I've got to see the full gamut.

>DM makes his PC's kids major plot points and huge power players while the other party members get shoved to the side
>DM adds your character's descendant to the story as in important character that acts like a weird caricature of your PC
>Setting begins to warp around characters touched by the gift of being a PC and no one else in the setting does anything of note.
>Players only playing descendants of their PCs.
>Former PCs become gods.

I'm entrenched like but I'll never leave since I like my group. I'll just bottle it up and grit my teeth.

but that's amazing

Stephen King did that in The Dark Tower, but with a comedian making you laugh to death.

I can't stop laughing, holy shit.

I lost my shit at this and I rarely actually laugh when I'm amused by a shitpost

Why this, of all things

All of these are from one campaign by my cousin.
>Annoying joke characters
There was a dude called Festus that sounded like Jigglebilly from Aqua Teen who would give out folksy wisdom.
He was just kind of annoying at first but when he pulled down his pants in an ice cream parlor to show everyone his cavernous anus we were done with him.
When we threatend to kill him he flew away on a dragon.
The DM seemed really satisfied with himself and said he would be important later.
When he gave us a genie lamp we wished Festus was in a volcano.
The DM said that made the dragon mad so we wished it into the sun.
>Invincible bad guys
Cerulean the 'whistler druid' was a lady that could kill people by whistling.
She captured us an made us fight in an arena.
She came to our cell to give a big villain speech so we shoved some shreded sheets in our ears and broke out of the cell to fight her.
The DM then told us out of character that we would die if we fought her so we went back in the cell like good little boys.
After we got out of the arena we never saw her again.
1/2

>Pet DMPC
So there is a running gag all of my Veeky Forums buddies use when we DM where all Hobgolins are meatheads.
It's nothing particularly funny it is just a call back to one of their favorite NPCs from our oldest campaigns.
My cousin must have really taken a shine to strong hobgoblins since the one he put in is easily the most overpowered NPCs I have ever come across.
His name was David the Hobgoblin.
We first met David in a Aztec temple where he was trapped in a bamboo cage (somehow) after we freed him he went on a huge racist rant about Mexicans.
When one of our players (who was dating a mexican girl at the time) asked my cousin what the fuck he was on about he said that 'it wasn't him being racist. It was David the Hobgoblin." After we freed David he started destroying everything we fought (I was later told that his STR was 25) When we got jumped by a T-Rex my cousin rolled percent dice and told us that David had 'rolled his ultimate' David summoned some giant fists and instantly killed it.
After we cleared the temple he dropped the campaign but apparently David is still a huge Mary sue for his new group's campaign where David annihilated an entire evil kingdom with a bolwing ball for the PCs.

So he was more or less the living embodiment of this quote?

>Cerulean the 'whistler druid' was a lady that could kill people by whistling.

"And that's when I stabbed him, your honor."

I would literally walk out of the room for shit like that. I mean, the first time it happened, I'd grit my teeth and soldier through it (and express my dissatisfaction after the session was over), but if the fucker showed up again, I'd tell people to come get me once he was gone and go play video games or something. Because fuck that shit.

>Festus
>folksy wisdom
I see your DM is a fan of Best Fallout

Luckily, we don't have a most annoying character in the game I am in. However, it is also true that no NPC is not annoying or boring...

Most enemies we face are either invisible for the duration of the fight or have some resistances or are simply leagues above our own capabilities, yet we still prevail by the power of dice and rules.

I am still a bit annoyed that the GM sent two murder cyborgs against us who were completely invisible, had incredible strenght and mass that would be something you would find on a ten cubic feet of reinforced concrete, yet they ran around a football field like it was nothing.

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

>after we freed him he went on a huge racist rant about Mexicans.
>When one of our players (who was dating a mexican girl at the time) asked my cousin what the fuck he was on about he said that 'it wasn't him being racist. It was David the Hobgoblin."
I've had DMs like this

I think they're doing this just to get on your nerves lol

Nigga I already did the shitpost, step up your game, friendo.

This rotting asshole makes Jar Jar look good. Aggravated by him being a canon Mary Sue without any redeemable points whatsoever and DM being one of those shitty fanboys that Larloch seems to attract like flies. Liking Larloch makes good litmus for "that guy".

Steals any good artefact we're about to get our hands on. Just about anything good. Makes spells unavailable. Sets us up for whatever heinous atrocity he had came up with recently.
Ruins any political gambits we set up. If we do succeed, turns out we were working for him all along. All while TPKing left and right and reminding everyone that Larloch is the greatest, smartest, wisest, highest CR, more powerful than gods, most cunning, has all spells and all artefacts, you get the picture. All while fighting in the worst munchkin way - scrying, buffing up, meta-hasting, teleporting in, timestopping and stacking just about every SoD spell on us. While wearing no less than ton of enchanted junk and while we're beset by just about every undead imaginable.

It gotten to the point that we set off gigaton nuke/collapse at the casa Laloch and every other property the shitstain had. Shame about Baldurs'gate, but we're sure the Faerun rejoiced. And just in case assembled a team of mage killers and built an army of Inevitables for once worthy of their name, all under DM nose.

First time I've seen a grown man reduced to screeching hysteric after trying just about every thing to waive, fiat or overrule our doing. He's got better though, just like Faerun became better without Larloch.

>she lived on Sullust
Fucking lost it.

>3rd game of DnD 3.5 and my 3rd game after playing Tabletop games
>DM bring in his DMNPC who is a cavalier/paladin
>Guy has like 20 CHA and is perfect
>Constantly kills shit by trampling enemies or lancing them full charge
>Friend of mine notices he flirts with his real life GF as the character
>Me and my friend decide to start shit with him
>He valiantly charges me down and downs me
>Buddy pulls him off his horse and horse still runs him down and he beats him a lance on foot
>After he beats us he heals us and tells us to calm down and continue on our journey
>We refuse to work with him anymore and go off alone
>After that the DM constantly dicks the part over by killing our horse with a griffin
>Killing my friends two attack dogs
>Making me change gods 3 times because demons or angels kept attacking me and forcing me to convert
>Kills the baby griffon we were taming since its parent killed our horse
>Finally we just gave up on DnD and stopped playing

Not being a spellbook-golem with implanted goblin

>ugh
BBEG

I fucking wish.
Actually he was named after the wrestler.
The only Fallout games he has ever played are three and a little bit of four despite me pestering him to play New Vegas.
If the character was anything like Old Festus I would have been overjoyed.
Storytime?

>BBEG
Ugh.

>Party is teifling alchemist, Orc bezerker, a naga rogue, a cleric and me, a Paladin
>So they walk down the stairs, and the lobby is right around the corner
>Rogue hears something
>someone creeping up the stairs behind them
>giant cultist cube out for our souls
>Run from the murder cube
>Nobody says shit about the cleric
>He also didn't get the hint
>Rogue just shrugs at me
>DM gives me a weird look
>NEar total party wipe, due to bad rolls. My Paladin is only one left, and on low health.
>Everyone else is bleeding out
>BBEG "Stand down, stop fighting me, and I shall let you live. Join with me, and serve me, and I shall bring back your beloved, gifted with life so she never has to leave you again."
>The rest of the players are silent
>Deal with glares
>Phew
>The dick-ass DM ain't having any of that
>I look at him
>I calmly point his "mistake"
>he becomes visibly upset, draws attention from everyone else
>Won't show it to anyone due to it being shiny.
>silence in the room
>spots the squishy members of the party
>Cleric puts up shields to defend them
>Mishap temporarily averted.
>HOWEVER, not the fallen will ragequit
>Cleric opens a door
>Call bullshit
>DM claims the cleric cast the spell
>Call bullshit on that
>DM's face is anus-red

>Run from the murder cube
You cannot escape.

>be a party of cleric, ranger, rogue, and barbarian
>trying to find some macguffin dingus
>opposed by mega ultra sorcerer 15 levels higher
>like, epic level, versus our 3rd and 4th level tards
>somehow Gary Stuenstein psion/warlock/fallen paladin always knows where we are
>every single goddamn time we make progress on quest he shows up
>always takes out one PC, guaranteed
>barb becomes fighter, rogue dies and is replaced by assassin, cleric replaced by another cleric
>every god damn timed BBEG shows the DMPC who is somehow even more Gary Stuish than BBEG saves our bacon
>DMPC is epic level vampire sorcerer/psychic warrior
>because of course he is
>party has zero agency, cant fuck off because railroad employs assassins, cant make a progress because every step forward is a step into a pile of masturbatory DM self-insertion
>party confers
>next time Gary Stuenstein arrives to taunt us, we all pledge allegiance to him
>wat.jpg
>"You can't do that?"
>Watch us
>DMPC one shots whole party and finishes BBEG
>Mission accomplished, bbeg is defeated
>This is why I am a forever Dm

AVE NEX ALEA

First game I ever played, some guy overheard us talking about wanting to play but not having enough people, he said he was experienced and would DM for us.

For some reason he thinks even the simplest tasks require a roll of 20+ or you failed them, so trying to pour myself a drink in a tavern ended with the tavern on fire and orcs raiding the town. This was a while ago but I specifically remember a 13 couldn't turn on the water spigot and instead broke the handle off.

Anyway, to clear it up he told us his "Level 11 half elf half vampire wizard riding a unicorn flies in and casts a spell that simultaneously puts out the fire and kills the orcs. Then she scolds you all and flies away."

We all kind of looked at each other and quit at that point, unsure of how this could ever improve

Autism or troll?

Worst NPC was a half celestial half dragon half fiend Erudite/Cleric Gestalt that would leave everyone in the party at -9 life then leave. She was always 10 levels higher then we were and it was obvious that this character was based off of an anime waifu because despite having those templates she looked just like Kagome from Inuyasha (Dm used artwork of the show)

Proofread your stuff

>Kagome
>not Sango
Poor taste

He was a weird Dm. Same campaign had animated Gnomish sex swings.

That's a damn fine plate of pasta, perfectly served too

Why do DM's think it's a good idea to use high level NPCs for the purpose of railroading anyway? Do they not think about what the players might want? I'm a novice DM and haven't done any of the shit that is brought up in this thread.

Ya know what, here's my worst player character.

>First game of pathfinder
>goblin rogue named "Dick Butt"
>because theoretically, a human could be named that
>first session, shoves a shrinking potion up a wolf's ass and watches it die horribly.
>eventually gets possessed by a demon because my dm felt sorry for making me start 2 levels behind everyone else and made up for my lack of power with dues ex machina
>this allowed me to cast 9th level spells
>I did this in front of other players once
>whole party loses their shit and the good characters formulate a plan to assassinate my shit.
>Plan fails, the priest attempting to remove the demon fails the check
>Plan B, dragon sorcerer traps Dick Butt's soul in a gem
>this causes demon to be released, demon releases Dick Butt's soul from the gem and grills him for failing him, grants him a wish for some reason
>"blow up the church that the priest came from, kill everyone in it"
>demon laughs, dick butt escapes with the help of the bat shit crazy chaotic evil bard (he is his own special story) and the demon summons a bunch of shit that almost butt rapes the conspirators, but the party survives.

Me and the DM never repeated those mistakes again.

Some of my old posts from when I played Shadowrun at Reddit Runnerhub. Word to the wise, do not trust yekka.tx6 when he tells you its not bad and Runnerhub>no game (he's a GM/Mod for them).

>Hear about this player talking about how he bagged all of these vampires in-game and is GMing a similar run.
>Make a character that's backstory and motif is a vampire hunter. Sure Mystic Adept but he said were going against several Mystic Adept Noseferatu, Wendigos, a Harvester, and maybe some of those Dzoo-noo-qua along with a few ghouls.
>Realizing this I make a character who of course is combat oriented because these are heavy hitter creatures.
>It wasn't really op because he was doing the usual 12DV Fire from elemental body and it was melee.
>I actually get put on the mission but roll pretty good against the enemies even though they were rolling 25+ dice to soak/dodge on average and none of my AP effects mattered.
>One of their GMPCs I think played by Ympulse had 30+ dice to their attack stuff was killing stuff faster than I was but because he's "special" no one bats an eye.
>The two other players were new and either hid to be out of combat or buffed the GMPC played by Ympulse but didn't attack the enemies.
>As the game gets on I notice the GM is not replying on Roll20 to me and the other characters aren't talking to me either.
>Later find out that it's because our characters were supposed to either die or sit in awe of Ympulse and I am "That Guy" because I rolled well and didn't let the GMPC have all the glory.

I left because it became a chore to play with them and also they are the most passive-agressive cliquey "Those Guys" overall. They never really told me that I was "OP" but acted like I was because I just had good rolls and I didn't die from the challenge to make their GM Marty Stu look awesome. They call everyone else min-maxers or "Those Guys" but proceed to make their own min-maxed GMPCs that are the embodiment of what they supposedly hate.

What language is this?

By now I start smiling at the naga rogue already, and I don't even know why

>Blork said she was too needy and he couldn't handle having to take care of her all the time.
Jesus Fucking Christ. I can almost feel the rage from a different time & space from that sentence alone.

Were you all fucking 12?

>He was just kind of annoying at first but when he pulled down his pants in an ice cream parlor to show everyone his cavernous anus we were done with him.
Were you playing F.A.T.A.L or something?

I'm at work so I don't have time for the full story, but I've posted it before. Somebody mind going to 4plebs and searching for the phrase "you know, the darkest light" ?

D&D 2e...

I remember thw last time you told this story, I'm still pissed for you.

thank you user. Truly a great character.

>plump naked girls with aprons

Why is this the best fetish?

>setting is medievul europe style fantasy
>friend (who is no longer in the group thank god) wants to be black
>told him there are no blacks
>starts calling me a racist
>procides to speak in Ebonics
>non stop
>even speaks to the count like that
>every random merchant he goes to he asks for "bling"

After 2 sessions we kicked him out. I love the guy and all but fuck him

>standing next to our ship
>every city-wrecking gun on it that can possibly be pointed at us is currently pointed at us
>NPC (not remotely suicidal in any way and intends to live a long life) and his posse tries to start shit with us
>we are having none of it and repeatedly tell him to fuck off, making numerous references to the city-wrecking guns currently pointblanking us
>NPC still trying to boss us about
>we eventualyl get bored arguing with him and board our ship again
>him and his dicks shoot us in the back
>in response our crew fire the city-wrecking guns
>total party wipe and wipe of several major NPC's
>GM gets mad at us for this and calls us all "that guys"

Holy fuck I'm glad that adventure is over.

What are Moors, you uncultured faggot.

I considered moors to be North African desu. and even then north africans aren't black. Look at Moroccans and egyptions. We have mongols though.

The southern part of the land mass is not!africa with Nubia and Egypt as the two power houses. if that makes you happy

Yes, it does.

We had a campaign once where within the first minute of play a wizard put a curse on us and said we would die if we didn't do exactly what he told us to do.

That was a very bad campaign

Had a sorcerer based on Megumin DMPC that got targeted by a spell / attack twice in an entire campaign.

Tee hee hee

>DMPC rogue
>Smarmy cunt, mostly just a mouthpiece so the DM could insult the players
>Every other NPC thought he was fucking ace, no matter what
>Would stop at the end of every in-game day in town to describe his sexual conquest of the day, even though none of us are there and couldn't know what he's doing
>Just a real, all-round shiteating dickhead - but it gets even worse out of town
>Insists on coming with us because we're making him rich
>If we tell him to fuck off he refuses, if we try to fight him he teleports and magically disappears for a day, along with half our pockets and every bandit in the hemisphere informed of our location
>Literally 'you go to pay for the information, but you find your purse has been reduced to nothing!'
>'You COULD lower a rope for your non-athletic party members, but as you reach for your rope you realise it's gone missing!'
>Would often sneak ahead of the party into dungeons (sneaking faster than our walking, mind)
>We'd do all of the encounters (locked doors, enemies, traps) that he'd inexplicably slipped past, only to find him at the end with all the treasure
>Would give out magical items 1:1 (ie. one for you four guys, one for me) and none of the money (he was trying to save up to buy a kingdom)
Thank god he was too much of a tool and the DM too fuckin stupid of a combat planner for us to ever need a 'OP DMPC saves the day' intervention. But GOD what a shitheel

holy shit. our dm decided it was a good idea to make a dmnpc female, halfling, cleric, and according to the dm lawful good. long story short she took part in a goblin annual rape ritual and decided to keep the goblin/halfing hybrid. the only reason she took part in it is because she didnt want to "offend the goblin people" who we had previously killed 20+ of further down in the cavern...

i can green text the horrible campaign if anyones interested

fucking attentionwhores, just post your stories

Still waiting