Sire! Sire!

Your only son, the Crown Prince, has returned from his adventures. But he is declaring that he intends to wed one of his party members; Lady Vistra Stonesmiter, dwarven wizardess and heiress to a dwarven clan that controls the Black Mountains of Viltheed to the far south of your kingdom.

What will you do?

Let him. If I'm blase enough to let my unmarried heir go gallivanting across the world with a bunch of dangerously disturbed vagrants then I'm sure as shit not going to care that he's got himself a bride.

K
Good for him.

>dwarven wizardress

Hey just because she's a womanlet doesn't mean she's a dwarf

Your only son, the Crown Prince, has returned from his adventures. But he has suffered from a mishap in his adventures. He has been cursed into the form of a dwarven wizardess of the Black Mountains of Viltheed to the far south of your kingdom.

What will you do?


There, I made your thread better.

Does this lady Stonesmiter come from a good family? What is the dowry? What alliances might it bring us? How good of a wizard is she? Can she destroy my enemies?

>Your only son, the Crown Prince
First, I have my messenger executed for interrupting my attempt to make more sons.

Ruling both with so many lands he won't rule between them will be tricky. Time to conquer them.

I am a bit confused and wary of this new union, but my concerns are put at ease upon meeting Lady Vistra and her parents, the Lowlord and Lady of the Undermountain. Delightful people!

I execute the Prince.
Then execute the dwarven whore.
Then I execute the messenger.

I let my only son and heir go adventuring???

Must have run away. Those rebellious youths.

That's no dwarf! She has no beard! I kill the imposter, then feast in celebration! Huzzah!

Simple. I'll arrange their marriage with the help of her father, also securing an alliance with the dwarf clans in the process. Then after they wed, bed, and conceive a son, I'll hire thugs to kill my son in his bed chambers. Then I'll rape his wife, slit her throat, and have my spymaster plant evidence that a neighboring kingdom assassinated them. Me and the Dwarves will wipe out my rivals and I'll still have an heir to my throne.

And now that I've told you this, I'm going to have my guards butcher you and use your parts for pig feed.

Thank gods, my son isn't gay as my spies reported earlier due to him fucking someone with a beard!

My liege, you sound like an extremely shitty king.

Well, you can't stop there.

Who's next?

And I didn't send my personal retinue to go bring him back?

My wife for giving me such a shitty heir. Then myself for marrying her.

Thus ended the reign of Baldwin the Mad, known as such for his paranoia, extremely high standards, love of the headsmen's axe and a baffling hatred of shrubs.

You did the same thing when you were his age. Your Queen, his mother, was the comely elven lass you went adventuring with. Like father, like son.

The Queen does... not... care for your future daughter-in-law...

>You did the same thing when you were his age. Your Queen, his mother, was the comely elven lass you went adventuring with.
What?!
>The Queen does... not... care for your future daughter-in-law...
At the moment I'm more preoccupied with concerns about my apparrent senility.

You did, but they turned out to be incompetent buffoons, whom your prince easily tricked and evaded in comical fashion.

>they turned out to be incompetent buffoons
Then why would they be my personal retinue?

Looks like it's time for a party!

My son is back AND he's got himself a wife. Life just got a hundred times better

Off with your head!

>Does this lady Stonesmiter come from a good family?
I... suppose, sire? The Stonesmiters have held the throne of Viltheed for seven generations past - dwarven generations, mind you. Your grandchildren and their children will be Mulzhennedar, marrying the strength and vigor of their dwarven mother to the stature and drive of their humann father.

>What is the dowry?
Eight wagons; two of dwarf-crafted artifacts of gold and precious gems, three of dwarf-smelted gold, three of dwarf-polished precious stones. Plus magical relics that have been passed down through the Stonesmiters for generations.

>What alliances might it bring us?
First and foremost, to the Stonesmiters themselves. Beyond them, trading allegiances to Thrask, the kingdom of hobgoblins on the shores of the Bloodsea, to the enigmatic gnome-clans of the Screaming Woods, and trade-routes deep into the Underdark.

>How good of a wizard is she?
Skilled indeed; a prodigy in the training halls of her youth, held to high standards and exceeding beyond the expectations of even her perfectionist kin.

>Can she destroy my enemies?
Most certainly! With elemental fury she calls forth herself, or with an army of loyal clandwarves, golems and elemental servitors. It is even whispered that the Stonesmiters possess an Archon Forge, allowing the fashioning of elementals into golem-like servitors of living flame, stone, magma or iron.

It's not senility, but a grumpy "Do as I say, not as I do!" mentality that you developed after your son was born. Your wife the Queen enjoyed teasing you about it often. At least until your son brought home... the Dwarf...

>Fantasy version of Everybody Loves Raymond

They're not buffoons all the time, sire, just during the matters that concern your son and his new bride. In fact... It seems to happen a lot with young crown prince. Have I told you yet about how he took down Meraxes, the Dark Lord of southern lands, with just his band and no army?
It appears that the dark lord's passages were protected with riddles instead of more secure means like passwords. No alarm bells were ever rung, as your son and his band cleared rooms filled with dark lord's servants one by one, and it appears that nobody heard their dying screams either. When the attack did become known, Meraxes stayed in his throne room instead of escaping to a more secure place to regroup, and when your son arrived there, he carefully waited for him to kill his elite guard before actually joining the fight himself. He also never used the most powerful of his minions - a demon rivaling in brute power the Dark Lord himself - in the fight. Instead, the demon stayed in the dungeon level of the castle, all by himself, and was killed separately, with great difficulty. It sure would have been a challenge to fight them both at once...

Because they show competence ONLY when you're around, out of fear of punishment

Let him do it and hire assassins to hire assassins to hire another group of assassins to kill her.

Even if she survives Dwarves are unable to bear the children of Humans so one of his concubines will bear the crown prince.

My son is alive, an accomplished adventurer, and is fit to wed a landed heiress. Sounds fucking rad to me.

So, he found himself a wife, and she is heir to a clan that controls land? Surely this is good news. She doesn't have a beard, does she? I can't remember if their women have beards. Maybe it was just some of them.

Nice, a dwarven queen is superior to a Elven one whose dowry would be something stupid like a bundle of twigs and fruit from a forest.

>Who is that stinking person claiming to be my son?
>My son died at the hands of some Dwarven wizards as far as i'm aware of...
>Oh so they raised him from the dead...Now there's a bargain chip to call for a Crusade to eliminate the Dwarven threat.
>Also it's a good time to start making another heir. I'm only 38 now so i have enough time to do that. Send in the concubines!
>Oh and please sent the castle paladins to hunt down that undead claiming to be my son.

Nay, sire; that dwarven women possess beards is a slander spread by those jealous of their prowess. I assure you, the lady's chin be as smooth as silk - I brought you her portrait before (OP image).

>She doesn't have a beard, does she?

Who cares? You don't have to fuck her and you can always shoot the artists who paint her with it.

Are you sure? I was certain I heard about a dwarf-woman with a beard once. Perhaps it was a false beard. Imagine that! False beards!

Dwarven women have long and lustrous beards, but not on their faces.

The whole mixup is because dwarven songs (and boy, do they like to sing) often refer to "her beard" but of course the non-dwarven audience doesn't know what the songs are referring to actually and took it at face (ahaha) value.

>heiress to a dwarven clan that controls the Black Mountains of Viltheed to the far south of your kingdom.
Sounds like a profitable political tie. I don't see any problem with this.

Sure, that seems like reasonably lucrative spouse for prince, but will she be able to bear my grandchildren?

Does she have a benis

>It's actually him
>You've been duped into killing your son
>your paladin team falls
>your god abandons you
>plague and famine

>And now that I've told you this, I'm going to have my guards butcher you and use your parts for pig feed.

You did that to me last year. All the pigs that ate my flesh exploded.

Still, I won't resist. Maybe I'll stay dead this time.

Well for starters go to

Because this is not a roleplaying board

>That guy who's so insecure, he has to godmode in a shitposting thread on Veeky Forums

Oh boy here comes the wave of crying about /qst/

This thread has nothing to do with Veeky Forums if anything it has more in common with /soc/

>Muh fantasy

Yes, sire. Dwarves and humans may not intermarry frequently, but that is more of a cultural quirk. Such unions give rise to Mulzhennedar, who breed true afterwards, just as half-elves do.

>heiress to a dwarven clan that controls the Black Mountains of Viltheed
Sounds like a fine political marriage then, assuming humans and dwarves can have viable offspring.

So, my new daughter-in-law will bring vast amounts of wealth to the family, as well as physical security along one entire border? And open trade routes to a closed market few can get into? Well done, Boy! And to think, all your tutors thought you slept through Political Maneuvering lessons. Remind me to have those fools flogged.

Now, I'm sure the dwarves have numerous and extensive customs and rituals for marriages, and we don't want to alienate them. We will abide by every ritual they've got, but I'm going to insist the wedding is held here. The castle's Grand Ballroom is solid marble, so they shouldn't feel too out-of-place. Chamberlain? Gather the fie best carpenters in the kingdom. We're going to need.... cal it five hundred new chairs and several tables all sized for dwarves. Scribe? I want you to gather the rest of the vagrants who accompanied my son. Pay them each a hundred gold and get their full stories about their time together. And find whichever bard my good-for-nothing daughter is dallying with this week. He is to listen in to those stories and design a mural that best exemplifies my son and Lady Vistra's victory together. I want it made of stained glass and marble chips and inlaid into one of the new tables in time for the wedding. That should keep the whelp busy.

And get me the chief of the Road Wardens. We'll need to secure, and pave, the rods on the southern end of the kingdom.

The only objection I might have against this union is whether they can provide me with grandchildren to continue the royal line.

Why would I be against this? It's clearly something that will only serve to increase the strength of my dynasty.

Can I get a Grand Son out of this?

>heiress to a dwarf clan
Seems like a reasonable choice. I'm still gonna chew him out for declaring it publicly before talking about it with the family in private, though.

Not him, but it's an interesting dynamic anyway. I could imagine seeing it in a halfway decent LN.

I see literally no problem with this, given that their own offspring, my children, will have claims to both my kingdom and the Dwarven clan. My kingdom will increase its holdings, resources, and population.

Seriously, what sane king would oppose this?

>my children

*my grandchildren. Mea culpa. Dammit I need to stop plaking CKII.

You fool, this is the game of thrones. The greatest game.

There's an et cetera there, see? That "etc." covers a lot.

Dwarven heiress? More like Dwarven hairless. Might as well be a gnome.

I tell my son I am strongly opposed to it, and arrange for him to meet a bunch of ugly prudish bitches. Secretly I support the marriage, but I don't want my son to know that. If I pretend to oppose it, they will just want to get married even more.

Yes, sire, the union of dwarf and human may be uncommon, but it is quite fruitful - indeed, more fruitful than that of dwarf and dwarf.

In fact, I believe that there are whispers that the Lady Stonesmite may already be carrying your first grandchild, hence your son's haste in declaring they shall wed.

I'm sold. Not sure what we'll do about an heir, some kind of adoption maybe.

>king lets his sole heir go away in "adventures"
No wonder this kingdom went to shite.

As for the Marriage itself, should it be performed in the traditional ways of our kingdom, clerics and all, or perhaps a dwarven ceremony would be more appropriate...

A strong alliance with dwarven clans is both smart and profitable. Just think of that boost to the economy getting dwarven goods shipped in. Think of how much stronger our walls will be, how better our smiths and forged armaments for the shared knowledge. So my son likes them short and thicc. If she's got that butt and tiddies I wont blame him. I -did- let my sole heir go off adventuring after all. There's far worse he could have done than a dwarf. At least he didnt bring home a landless half orc or worse...an elf.

Maybe a Petit Son.

>Fantasy version of Everybody Loves Raymond
I immediately slay the Seven Sages who know the secret words of binding, and demolish the ancient stone structures that keep the wards in place, thus ushering in the Ancient Darkness from beyond the void to destroy this world.
I welcome the end.

>Been planning with the knife ears and lizards to take on those dirty little freaks Cabals over metals and magic tech
>beloved son fucked one
>Plan is now fucked
>Knife ears and lizards think this was my plan along
>Years of good relations with knife ears and lizards fucked
>Who gives a shit about what can be gain from this marriage because our people trust orcs more then each other
>This shit is just going to end with a bloody wedding

I love my son but the gods be damn he can be stupid at times

>I love my son but the gods be damn he can be stupid at times
Pretty sure this is the nature of children.

>implying i'm not a sorcerrer king that bestows power to his own crown paladins.

Best king in the whole thread

Now to make the version of this thread where the son is marrying an elf druid, and see how much of Veeky Forums is still cool with it.

Ask him if it's true what they say about dwarf pussy.

Elf druid? Too typical; an elf barbarian would probably be a better "counterpart" to a dwarf wizardess.

If that was the case then I would have fucked the enchanting green Mer girl from my youthful adventures when I was still a prince. But I didn't. I fucked my beloved raven hair wife.

Best part? Dwarf blood means that kid will hold the throne for a long time and be hard as shit to poison, and will probably have some innate desire to amass wealth for the kingdom.

Son, I am not disappoint

...

A xenophobic one? Or just concerned about the fact that his grandkids will grow up to look like pic related (better dressed, of course)? Or one worried about his son marrying a woman who could outlive him, although you'd think a wizardess would try and enhance her husband's longevity?

Disown him. I'd rather fortfeit my throne to my brother than letting my kin mix with hairy savages.

If she's the heiress of a clan then she's at least nobility if not royalty and he stands to gain control over a dwarven clan in addition to our kingdom from the marriage. That actually makes sense

Hmm. I'm feeling a mite impish today. Inform my son that their marriage does not have my blessing and i strongly advocate against it. While such is underway, send a group of the kingdom's finest craftsmen, tailors and armorsmiths - anyone who might have call for in a human-dwarf wedding - to prepare a lavish wedding ceremony. Only on the eve of the wedding shall my son be informed of my blessing and the fact that i wholeheartedly support this marriage. truly, he needs a lesson in keeping his, how do the commoners say it? Oats to himself? Does that sound right, lad?

wonder when did my son get the shortstack fever

he's been reading Incase.

I laughed.

Good, now seeing how I can check that off the list of things that need to get done prepare for my retirement in 20 to 25 years from now.

Surprised to see that some flavor of a positive response makes up the majority of the posts here. Why is that?

tg loves dwarves. If it was an elf, things would go differently.

>Veeky Forums loves political shenanigans.
Fixed that for you.

To those anons who will allow the prince to wed his dwarven lover: do you forsee any particular problems with the crown princess (or whatever the crown prince's bride is called) being a shortstack wizardess who is probably likely to be frequently pregnant?

bump

No, if anything that all seems like a plus to any kingdom. only maybe the many many heirs fighting over minor land claims.

Great, I've just secured an alliance with a dwarven clan.

Why would that be? Everyone knows dwarfs reproduce asexually through releasing tremendous amounts of spores. Why else would they prefer to live in dark, warm, cramped interiors?

I see he's a man of culture as well.

The dwarves have, multiple times, brought our Kingdom to near ruin with their obstinancy and honor codes. Our primary source of ore are Black Mountain traders since the dwarves will openly slaughter any human working their mountains, and they are eager to set the prices astronomically high when we require weapons and armor made in times of war.

Oft have we requested their presence on the battlefield when the Kingdom comes under assault from the orcs, the undead and the foreign hordes, but never once have they come to our aid. Yet, they threaten to break trade with us if we do not send our paladins, knights and healers to their mountains when foulness boils up from below and into their mountain-hovels!

Long have the people called for an end to our peace with the dwarves, and my fool of a son knows full and well that proclaiming his "love" for a dwarven woman all but ensures that when he takes the throne, there will be a bloody coup and our family line shall come to an end. It shall end regardless: since when have there been ANY recorded whelps of a pairing between man and dwarf?

Bring my son to me. Alone. If he will not see reason, then I have no choice but to strip him of his inheritances and take his "beloved" prisoner in the dead of night. Perhaps knowing that their princess has a knife to her throat will force the dwarves into being reasonable, and if they seek war, then all the better, for they cannot tunnel beneath us for fear of rousing the beasts below and we will finally have the opportunity to utterly crush them on the field.

You, I like you.

Sir, would this be a bad time to tell you the truth about your raven-haired wife's origins? And why she always insisted on seawater baths?

You anger is certainly understandable, but given that you killed the last of your idiot asshole brothers last year, I'm not sure this leaves us with *anyone* as the heir to your throne.

Then I shall announce to my most loyal retainers that I am seeking a bride, and I shall ask of the royal potionmasters to create a brew to help aid in the conception of another, less idiotic son. And if such an approach will not work, then we will be forced to decide the next King by an elector vote of landowners and nobility, as was done when the previous line had ended.

Even this dire outcome is preferrable to the bloody and chaotic coup that would befall this Kingdom were the people to hear that their king-to-be was marrying dwarven royalty.