Good afternoon and welcome everyone to Veeky Forums, the board where everything is made up and the character sheets don't matter! That's right, the character sheets mean nothing because the DM is railroading!
Today we're playing a game called Scenes from a Hat, which I think needs no explanation...
Failed drafts to the BBEG's monologue.
"I suppose you are interested about why I did this... "
"aight see my nigga what had happened was....."
"It all started the world was new and the other Gods and I were...
"I'll probably regret not killing you right now, but you must know this..."
"Let me preface my remarks by saying, lest you were to interrupt this monologue with a vulgar stabbing attempt, that such is the recourse of vulgar knaves alone, and..."
"Allow me to regale you with the tale of how my life got flipped turned upside down....."
Getting to know your sentient magical items.
"MY WHIP WON'T STOP MOANING!!!"
Can someone make my ring stop telling people I'm married?
I'd just like to interject for a moment...
"Hey, are you okay down there?"
"Well, since you asked, I would like to register a complaint. I want to kill a dragon. Right now. Go find one and kill it. That would be SO cool."
See the problem with these thread is:
1. The prompts are always shit and cookie cutter
2. Veeky Forums is full of a bunch of socially inept spergs who can't tell a joke to save their lives
This whole thread is just terrible.
>So uhhh can you turn into humanoid form?
>........ Sometimes
>Well are you a chick? I figured you are from your voice and if so are you hot?
>........
Actual conversation a PC had with a magic item I gave them.
Depends on how drunk you are
Autism
(at a candle lit dinner with a sword) so elfbane, any hobbies?
When seduction rolls go wrong.
You can always hide the thread and choose to not post in it, or even read the thread for that matter.
...
"Wow you're drunk."
>I could be, for you
I also masturbated to you.
"dude that bulge in your pants is really distracting, now i know what it's like to see me without a bra... No WAIT DON'T GO!"
Successful provocation, or intimidation failure?
"Fuck off before I make you shove your sword up my ass."
...
"Keep your mouth shut or I'll make you an orphan."
Final words of the party bard.
"ay girl, the pali ain't the only one with a longsword here!"
>I was that bard, never joke about your dick in the amazon, they'll check.
*Record scratch*
You're probably wondering how I got here...
>Don't worry guys I got this, I'll just seduce the queen, sleep with her and get her to let us go.
>[moments before attempting a guitar solo on the Harp of Many Things]
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"So, I heard you drows eat the head of your partners after you fuck. Wanna eat my shaft along with it?"
Della citta, della citta, della citta, la la la la, la—la—LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*chokes to death*.
"I'm going to seduce that beholder"
I'm seriously tempted to steal this.
You wanna get butt-naked and wrestle?! Don't make me come over there and fuck your cock with my mouth!
teehee macaroni...
So, I'm a world famous digeridoo player...
"I'll buff your stealth skills with an inspiring song on my flute!"
Mike Knight? Didgeridoo enthusiast extraordinaire?
Critical successes at mundane tasks.
Sky pirates assemble.
You are so fast with your axe, fighter, that the NPC has time to turn around to address his sickly mother before he turns back to you having finished cutting all the lumber he asked you to.
The cleric actually manages to fit the camel through the eye of a needle, pleasing the merchant greatly
...
You hide so well you forget who you are, etc.
You can barely perceive that you have been served a butter substitute with your rolls rather than real butter.
You write a perfect ampersand with your quill.
"That guy" tells his character's backstory.
"My what now? Can we stop this nonsense and get to stabbing things?"
She was raped and stuff and that's why she kills men
So he was a mercenary in a group led by this pretty boy...
So I threw a fit when a mercenary in my group beat me, then I sacrificed all of them and now I'm practically a god.
You're my type of guy.
Running into the BBEG while he's working his summer job.
>"What, you think diabolical plans pay for themselves? You show me a place where you can get an evil lair without a down payment and I'll show you a swindler."
....kkkrrrrttttttt Welcome to Royal Burger, home of the ARTERY CLOGGER!!! Death will RAIN DOWN on you unless you order NOW, mortal! sssssssrrrrrrtttt....
>What are you idiots doing?! I said the support beam had to be done like so!
>Do you want me to replace you with a bunch of undead? Because this is how you get replaced by a bunch of undead!
It was at the moment the four murderhobos entered the movie theater I considered if I should change my diabolical plan to remove summer so I wouldn't have to work this job every year.
Roll a ten out of ten when seducing two female EVO employees in a bar to get information
I spent three weeks trapped in a latrine during the Sinai Spec-Ops Campaign of 2077. I had nothing but Listerine and toothpaste to consume. When I emerged my teeth were so dazzling that they blinded 7 jihadi trolls . War crimes may or may not have been committed
...
ooooh, biblical
>So, he is the last of this race, he is half-dragon and can dual-wield sword despite being a rogue because his father was the best swordsman in the whole world, also nat 20 STR, 20 CHR
*Record scratch*
*Freeze frame*
Yeah, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got into this situation
Literally the previous answer: