A wizard curses the land so that all food brought into it turns into an equal mass of dippin' dots

>A wizard curses the land so that all food brought into it turns into an equal mass of dippin' dots

Can man be sustained on nothing but... whatever those things are?
Does curse affect only solid food or even soups and sauces?

Food is relative, is it not?

"curse"

>user curses the board so that a thread on page 10 is replaced with a shitpost

Assuming it doesn't effect the nutritional value or your ability to preserve the food in a negative way, that seems like something that would aid in the transportation of food if anything
This thread sucks

>Evil wizard curses the entire world to be unable to make any alcohol
>anyone other than the wizard or his minions who attempts to make beer, whiskey, wine, etc instead creates a tasteless molasses
>then proceeds to take all of the alcohol currently existing in the world and store it in his dungeon
>creates several factories devoted to the creation of various liquors in the megadungeon

THAT BASTARD! DORF CRUSADE NOW

that would actually affect a medieval world more significantly than you think since alcohol like beer and meads was the only way to have a clean drink for the longest time

And disinfect wounds

...how is this a curse?

>Sean Spicer is found dead within the hour

>there are people here who genuinely think that alcohol was used to treat wounds EXTERNALLY in order to disinfect them during the medieval era (or even until the very late Renaissance)
I seriously hope you guys don't actually believe this.

>Wizard curses the Orc mines so that all their chewing tobacco is replaced with saltwater taffy

>evil wizard turns all milk in to chocolate milk so everyone will love him and he can climb to the top of elected offices

>Orcs become LG overnight

When you say "brought in" do you mean brought in from outside the kingdom? Like food that is imported? Or did you mean it in a broader "brought into existance" kind of way?

If you mean the latter then... how exactly do you define "food". What makes something "food". I mean, grass and weeds are food for certain animals, does all the grass turn to dots?

What about wheat? Wheat is a food, but it's also seeds. What if you're shipping wheat seeds to a farm to grow weat later? Does it affect all wheat, or just wheat ground into flour?

People are even food for certain animals. If a vampire bites someone, does his blood turn to dippin dots? If so, does it all turn, or just the amount the vampire drank?

I guess what about meat in general. When does a cow become "food"? While it's alive, do they all just turn to dippin dots? Is it just when it dies to made into food? Does it happen if it dies in an accient since it could possibly become food, or only when killed specifically to become food. Does it only trigger when it's cut into portions, like steaks, or ground up. Or do you have to cook it... I mean, you can eat raw steak, or does it only happen when it's cooked? If so, how much? Does it trigger just when heat is applied, or does it have a minimum doneness to be considered "food".

There are so many unanswered questions here.

I didn’t really think about that. Good thing there’s plenty of clerics around to help purify water if needed.
Honestly I was just thinking of a campaign idea that my coworkers would wanna participate in. We pitch in for the alcohol, and when the PCs find some alcohol they can drink up, and/or bring it back to the surface to get fucking rich.

>implying that the thread he replaced was necessary
if that thread reached page 10 it either
>was completely forgotten or
>had already reached bump limit

I dunno about that. Distilled, high alcohol content drinks like vodka, or medicinal alcohol, are relatively speaking a very modern invention. Ye olde tymey beers and meads were probably not suited to disinfecting wounds. Though someone may correct me on this one.

Still might be a fun background tidbit to include. Entire villages dying of dysenteria because they have no access to alcohol. Adds urgency to the plot aside from the whole comic "oh shit I can't get wasted anymore" stuff.

things turn into food just before a human tries to take a bite of them

Okay, so if I want to kill an enemy, I just have to attempt to bite him with the intention to eat him, so that he (or atleast the part of him that I bite) turns into dipping dots.
The question is, is the spell triggered by intention? Or just by action?

What if I don't bite, just stick something into my mouth and swallow it whole?

Stop trying to castrate people

>A wizard curses the land so that all food brought into it turns into an equal mass of dippin' dots

Is he being literal or thematic?

Is every single scrap and ounce of bio-material in the region turned into fucking dippin' dots or is just whatever people consider to be "food", so the grass is fine, but the moment people start eating it 'pop', there it fucking goes- dippin' dots.
Wait.

>food brought in

So, is it only imported food? They can grow as much food as they want and everything is fine in the land, but if they get a cart of wheat or corn in from not-landia it turns into fucking dippin' dots? If an orcish swineherd crosses over the border do all his pigs die from turning into dippin' dots in the field?

>olde tymey beers and meads were probably not suited to disinfecting wounds.
It wouldn't work as a disinfectant, but it's not the worst thing to put in an open wound..

fuck that

The obvious answer is to make the town a tourist attraction.
“Bring all ‘yer spoiled food! For three gold it’ll all be candy!”
Hire some bards and throw a party at the Town Square every day. The shops in town might do well enough from tourism that they can pay to go wherever they want to eat.

Never had any but they're supposed to be pretty good. They're supposed to be like ice cream, but in candy pellet form.

>curses

So, suddenly farming would become a much bigger industry, since we can't import. Oh well.

>peasants go apeshit because this is more concentrated sweets then they've ever had in their lives before
>massive dental problems across the kingdom because of the influx of all the candy
>now nobody can eat anything because all of their teeth have rotted out

That always makes me think of how in post-apocolyptic shows, everyone has perfectly good healthy teeth. It could be three, five, or even a couple decades and everyone still has amazing teeth.

>Tfw you wanna play a character who's main quest in life is to find a dentist to fix his teeth.

>Assuming it doesn't effect the nutritional value or your ability to preserve the food in a negative way
Why would this be a reasonable assumption to make?

That actually seems like a rather insidious curse, considering that after a while everyone would eventually get diabetes. Which comes with a whole range of other health problems.

This is a myth. Wells existed back then, too, and anything in water that wouldn't be killed by ordinary boiling likely isn't going to be killed by the fermentation rocess.

>Does it trigger just when heat is applied, or does it have a minimum doneness to be considered "food".
There's the caveat, isn't it? Once the steak has heat applied, it becomes Dots instead.

If the Dots are cooked too long and have ketchup added, they turn back into steak.

>you need teeth to eat ice-cream

>spoiler

I'd shout something like "YOU FIEND" but honestly I'd probably still eat it.

I'm not exactly picky about things like that, and if it's a choice between blasphemy or leaving the steak as a bowl of Dippin' Dots I'll commit the blasphemy.

If the food is turned into freezing ice cream regardless of its initial temperature, it's a nice exploitable heat pump. Make a tube on the border that passes an initial load of melted ice cream as a coolant for whatever industrial process you like, then when it's superheated send it over the border and back. The heat will magically disappear as it's turned back into frozen ice cream. Hot tubes will melt the ice cream and send it back to be reused ad infinitum.

Perhaps, but you're forgetting the curse that causes all engineers to be transformed into woman's studies majors.

If they still took up engineering as a hobby, it could still work.

It's a long shot, but there's some hope there, right?

Thank god, I thought I was colorblind for a minute.

No, the cursemaker was quite the perfectionist. An engineering hobby would be transformed into a woman's studies hobby.

Man, I love retro-50s sci-fi food. I want a whole setting in that time period and with those tropes to play around with.

Does anyone know of good research sources for those sorts of things? Like the Disney edutainment movies about the future of transportation and shit.

They have a pretty novel texture but for all intents and purposes are just ice cream.

Because of their shape they melt a bit quicker too.

I've studied women very closely since I was 12, does that count?

The curse does not work both ways, Mr. Pervy.

>Thank god, I thought I was colorblind for a minute.
captain_america_reference.jpg

>I dunno about that. Distilled, high alcohol content drinks like vodka, or medicinal alcohol, are relatively speaking a very modern invention. Ye olde tymey beers and meads were probably not suited to disinfecting wounds. Though someone may correct me on this one.
Probably get yeast infections out of it or something like that.

Wouldn't that be a blessing? It would increase the amount of calories for a given amount of food, at the cost of screwing up nutrition. You would be able to sustain a larger population, albeit they would have a high body fat percentage.

Now, I'm no nutritionist, so don't quote me on this, but I am PRETTY SURE you cannot subsist entirely on dippin' dots for more than a few weeks. Even long term, you're talking a serious outbreak of the beetus.

These things have a horrible aftertaste

its just cold milk
with sugar

I had them once at a baseball game a long time ago. Ice cream is ice cream but when it's a dozen different flavored pellets in one spoon, all you really wind up tasting is pure sugar with an odd texture. Not particularly endearing if you ask me.