"ok, so i am going to walk up to the dragon and rub its belly"

>"ok, so i am going to walk up to the dragon and rub its belly"
>what the fuck, why?
>"because then im going to roll diplomacy to befriend it!"
>you do realize the thing's hostile and you're trespassing on its home, right?
>"nonsense, i use my charisma to win it over"
>final warning, it's angry and now it's focused on you because you're walking up to it making noise and being flashy and gaudy as fuck
>"fine, i try a spell of charm person on it"
>it fails, and the dragon treats that as a hostile action. you get tail slapped and knocked away
>"i charge back up and slap it across the face and tell it that it's being bad"
>you have intelligence and wisdom of above thirteen. why are you doing something that's obviously going to get you killed?
>"Its what my character would do - he would not ever let anyone get away with making fun of him or hurting him, he would rather see them run to the ground and humiliated"
>you're neutral good. but if you want to keep on acting like an idiot your death's not going to be my fault.
>"stop railroading me"

FUCK

how about just let them charm the dragon
their your friend don't you want them to have fun

another case of this guy's shit:

>the orcs have their weapons drawn and are closing in on you
>"I roll perform to sing and dance!"
>okay, but why?
>"to distract the orcs and confuse and charm them into dancing with me!"
>the orcs aren't amused with your antics and are getting closer
>"i throw a blanket on them and douse it with oil and light it on fire!"
>that's going to take several actions to do and you don't even have any of that on-hand at the moment
>"fine then i roll bluff to trick them into thinking i'm an orc and that the guy they're after got away"
>they're standing right there and you're wearing in plain sight the amulet you stole from their warlock.
>"you're a shit dm you put items in the game just to screw players over!"

i want to die.

>my players are engaging in badwrongfun, please justify my anger.

Pull the stick out of your ass and give him a dragon companion.

Dragons are antisocial as fuck.
Imagine being a huge overweight fire breathing menace living in a dark cavern sleeping for long periods of time and burning the shit out of anything that dares disturb you. Why would you suddenly start being kawaii and moe when a half-elf bard/favored soul wanders in, blatantly picks up and puts a golden scepter in his backpack right in front of you and then tries to act cute?

Yeah this sounds like you have one of two situations: 1 You're being a hardass in a light goofy and fun campaign. 2 He is being a dumbass and ruining a serious campaign.

I've offered him the option to take a familiar for a feat, and included the option for a pseudodragon. he didnt want to spend a feat.

Yet he'll bitch that the wizard has a raven and that he should be able to have a magical talking bird that can link to him telepathically just because he threw some bread crumbs at pidgeons at the city fountain square.

i would kick this dude from the table but he's my friend's older brother. i dont see how a 27 year old acts this way and expects people to like it though.

the whole reason they're up here in the first place is to KILL this dragon that has been preying on a local village for months. Up to this point we've always had pretty good sessions, but for some reason this particular thing has set the dude off and its like his frontal lobe just melted or something.

Considering no one visits me unless they want something, i think I'd feel inclined to not eat the one who voluntarily wants to be bro's with me.

maybe, but at the same time why would you give a shit about lesser races that are just there to either try to kill you or to steal from you in ten out of ten cases? this particular encounter would be a statistical outlier and i'd imagine you'd be suspicious and treat this as a ploy to let your guard down and slay you.

of course, you probably fuck elves though, so you're probably one of those "metallic" shitters.

OP I want you to know that you are totally right in being annoyed
When this happened I just had enemies target their character with a few full attacks

As soon as that guy to befriend a dragon and failed the roll, I would've had the dragon wreck his shit, but if he rolled a nat 20 I would let him succeed

>you're neutral good. but if you want to keep on acting like an idiot your death's not going to be my fault.
>stop railroading me

He's right about this part. You gave him fair warning before, let him die the next time this happens. Then if he complains you can just say that you thought he didn't want you to railroad him.

On one hand, there are limits. On the other, you're ignoring a slew of potential stories something this stupid could allow. You're so busy thinking about what YOU want that you've forgotten the story as a whole.

Jesus, just think about it.

>Party w/ and co. start a princess kidnapping business, dragon included, that allows kings to carefully select the Prince Charming they want their daughter to marry.

>Party is pulled into a sprawling sidequest where they try to appease/curry favor with the dragon in question, the anti-social lizard slowly realizing the real treasure is friendship.

>Party's dragon gets kidnapped by an irritated princess, are they bad enough dudes to save it?

>Now you can hurl dragon-slayer type paladins at the party for a legit reason.

Ya shoulda burnt him to death OP

He doesn't have to be kawaii. They can be shut-ins together.

I was trying to avoid the inevitable shitstorm when his character died and how im such a bad horrible murderous sociopath that rapes babies because i killed his shitty character and was clearly just trying to win at D&D

stupid actions get stupid consequences.

;)

B-BUT THATS NOT WHAT HIS CHARACTER WOULD DO xD he wouldnt be a shut in are you kidding me he he's gotta ride the unicorn and stab the king and fart on the princess #bazinga


i swear to god maybe i aughta start telling lolrandoms "thats not what your character would do" to counter their bullshit.

False flag

You're starting to sound more and more like an asshole.

If you really hate players acting that way which is totally reasonable because it's incredibly fucking annoying and ruins both the GM's fun and often the other players fun, here's a handy dandy step by step guide for dealing with it.

First, have a frank conversation with them about it, saying their behaviour really isn't what's wanted or needed in this campaign. They either agree and reform or disagree and you go your separate ways pnp wise, or at least for that campaign.

There isn't any other step.

dragons are smart enough to play with their food. I would have the dragon act like he's entertaining the thought before slapping him down. Its funner that way and allows for roleplay rather than "here is the monster you have to kill next, no talking allowed."

If this is something that falls outside of what you wanted your game to be, its your fault for not communicating that properly (or at all, im guessing) before or during the campaign
If you did communicate it, and the player agreed to playing the game the way you wanted to play it
Fuck em, kick em out
Or at least point out how clearly in the wrong they are, and tell them to knock it off

You know, I have. I really tried to work with him but its like every time I ask him to tone it down it just goes in one ear and out the other. I asked him what he wanted out of the game before and he told me "I dunno", so I asked him what he was expecting and he told me "Like final fantasy thirteen crossed with undertale."

I really like everyone else in the group, but they don't want him to get kicked either. Its gotten to the point where i do not enjoy DMming because every session i know there's going to be something fucking retarded that's going to derail the game for a while and then there's gonna be this salty shitshow when this player doesn't get to be a meme loving autistic fuck.

Thanks babe, your contribution to the conversation helps a lot ;)

Okay fine, next time I'll just take off my pants, throw him a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and start hot-gluing my miniatures then because lol we're just having fun right? xD

Then you have to let him go, or you have to start having the world respond to him as they would an autistic 13 year old in a fantasy setting - ignoring him as an idiot child and only tolerating him because he's useful and for some reason tolerated by his more sensible friends who are also very useful.

>Okay fine, next time I'll just take off my pants, throw him a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs and start hot-gluing my miniatures then because lol we're just having fun right? xD
Probably funner then what you had cooked up instead if you insist that everything has to end in combat.

>All these people saying he should have let the player charm and befriend the dragon

Fuck that. You don't go up to a centuries old being and treat it like a dog. If he actually made the rolls and approached the thing with some decorum, then maybe they could arrange something, but expecting to walk up to a dragon and make it a pet is full on retarded,unless you're way above its level in comparison.

Only thing OP did wrong,was having it tail flick him away instead of torching him outright

Yeah. You're right and I know you're right, I'm just afraid that it might piss off the other players and the game might fall apart because of it.

It didn't have to end in combat. They could have just walked away and came back with an actual plan. Hell, I even gave him a few chances and warnings. I'm not going to cater to the lowest common denominator - this isn't twitch or youtube lets play and i'm not going to shriek autistically for le epic lulz guys

this guy gets it.

>"fine, i try a spell of charm person on it"
Doesn't work, dragons aren't people, they're dragons.

>Final Fantasy 13 mixed with undertale
While that sounds stupid to me, it sounds like he has a grasp on what he wants but you discarded it like i did.
Talk to him again, this time actually listen and ask the rest of the group if that's what they want as well.
COMPROMISE

Op you might have had a valid point, but now you're being an asshole. I have a feeling you're an asshole about these things in person, and maybe that's why you can't guide this dude. I would just try approaching it in different manner, and just have a little patience with this guy.

If someone broke into my house and started rubbing my stomach while I was sleeping I'm sure as fuck not going to befriend them anytime soon.

Why should stupid actions get stupid consequences? Most epic journeys started because someone did something retarded.

Odysseus mocked a son of Posideon.

Achilles got buttmad he didn't get to have a rape-slave and his tantrum resulted in his lover dying and Achilles raging so hard he murders the Trojans last hope.

Gilgamesh and Enkidu killed a god's pet which resulted in Enkidu (basically a DMPC) dying and Gilgamesh starting an epic journey to become immortal.

Let's face it, you're a second rate DM, a third rate storyteller, and a cancerous shitlord too focused on running his novel to play the game.

Yes. and I told him that his spell didn't work, and I gave him effectively a light slap on the wrist for it.

I have tried. Let me give you an idea of what im working with:

This guy wanted to make corn dogs one time so he bought a pack of bar-s beef franks, mixed a bowl of flour and milk together, dipped the franks into it and then put it into a skillet with cold oil in it, turned it on and wondered what went wrong.

I'm sorry for coming off rude.

Okay so yeah you rub the dragon's belly so now you have to go to the kingdom of cool ranch doritos and recover the owl of enlightenment whos minty rainbow farts can be used to conjure up the whirling winds of time that will rescue the princess from the phantom dimension.

Eat a dick, faggot.

>Could've come back with a plan.
What, a plan that would've fallen through and resulted in combat anyway?

Ok, he's an idiot.

see

Charm Person works on Humanoids. Dragons are not Humanoids.

Yeah, so the Bard giving the dragon a bellyrub results in the bard dying and the rest of the party going on an epic journey. What's the issue?

Anything other than walking into someone's home, insulting them, and using the a spell that would be hostile if it weren't also wrong.

You're being too lenient, just let his stupid fucking characters get killed until he either learns or doesn't.

>>Party w/ and co. start a princess kidnapping business, dragon included, that allows kings to carefully select the Prince Charming they want their daughter to marry.
Well if i ever make a D&D or pathfinder game i know my antagonist now.

no ones saying you have to make it work. Just that you can be more creative than "The dragon crushes you because YOU'RE A RETARD" Like how does the dragon fuck up this dude? can the player role play a way to wriggle out of it? Does the dragon find this amusing? Like say this was a player insulting a noble, would you just end it at "You are arrested and they have your head cut off for insulting a noble"

I'm sure your mature storytelling is simply too grand for me to comprehend, which is why you're here on Veeky Forums bitching about it rather than putting the pieces of it together like a real DM.

Get a grip, faglet; silver-age comics existed and people liked them, which means the leap to immediate idiocy you made might actually be semi-functional.

Grow the fuck up and put on your clownsuit; it's time to DM like the rest of us sadsacks.

>BUT MUH FUUUUUUUN

No, shut the fuck up. You're not the only one at the table, and your fun isn't the only fun that matters. The other players are there to have a good time, and the GM sure as shit is too. You don't get to do something retarded, which you know is retarded, which everyone has warned you is retarded, and then get to cry and hide behind MUH FUN when something bad happens. There's no fucking justification for this kind of shit. Stop defending it.

>it fails, and the dragon treats that as a hostile action. you get tail slapped and knocked away
That's just bullshit, the dragon should've killed him then and there.

You interrupted his magical realm and cock blocked him in a fantasy game. Also now he can't post a ebin story for upboats

>Let's face it, you're a second rate DM, a third rate storyteller, and a cancerous shitlord too focused on running his novel to play the game.
Fuckin' rek'd.

>walk up to king
>rub his belly
>shoved back by guard
>slap guard angrily
>try and cast 'charm animal' on king
>doesn't work
>king is obviously upset over insults, hostile magic, and the implication that he's a simple beast
>thrown into dungeon

Now exchange this for a Dragon that doesnt have a dungeon, insert the player being warned about his retardation throughout, and what do you get?

>player trespasses into a dragon's lair
>player tries to touch a dragon that's not pleased with it being there
>player gets slapped and tries to use magic against the dragon
>player charges back and tries to strike the dragon
>somehow it's my fault for getting sick of his bullshit

Hmm.................

>le angsty 4champs user
>with le grim grif
Do you suck dicks for free or do you expect to get paid for it?

oh wait nvm found your pimp.

Holy shit that gif made me laugh harder than it should have

>I was trying to avoid the inevitable shitstorm when his character died and how im such a bad horrible murderous sociopath that rapes babies because i killed his shitty character and was clearly just trying to win at D&D
In other words, you're deliberately enabling his shitty behavior. You have no-one to blame but yourself.

Yep. In the end, the problem is that he didn't shut the guy down harder.

Which makes the suggestions of people whining that he didn't enable him enough more baffling.

i was hoping he'd take a hint.
maybe i should get a puppet and use it to give him hints on how to not be a fucking tit at the table, like one of those 90s office mascot paperclip characters

I noticed you ended on "get thrown in dungeon"
Thats more creative than "you get fucking killed" because now your party can either try to spring you or do a roleplay session to negotiate for your release. You sound like a touchy asshole who doesn't like his players to roleplay tbqh

Next time he does something stupid that should get him killed, just kill his character. If he bitches, tell him that he can fuck off if he doesn't like your GMing style. It's that simple.

>tbqh
s m h f a m t b q h i l g b t b b q m d l o l

swallow bleach and die.

Acting like a 5-year-old who just saw a shiny toy is not "roleplaying" unless your character actually IS a 5-year-old.

I ended on 'get thrown in a dungeon' because a king has a dungeon to throw people into. Guess what a dragon doesn't have?

I'm fine with roleplay, but I'm not going to magically shift the world around if you walk up to a dragon and ask them to eat you so that you don't get eaten. And rubbing a dragon's belly is basically asking for them to eat you.

You're baffled by trolls and retards on Veeky Forums?

could you roleplay that in greentext for me? o.o;

no ones saying that he should be enabled. Its mostly people saying that you can turn your characters stupid bullshit into something salvageable that everyone can have fun with rather than killing the whole night by having a stupid argument.

So just railroad the players by making it impossible to fail even if they make the dumbest possible decisions?

...

...

Befriending a dragon and pissing it off by failing is not railroading.

Roast 'em.

You forgot bbeg

OP, you should enter his home uninvited, walk up to him, rub his belly, and smile charmingly. If he doesn't react by becoming your loyal pet, tell him to stop railroading you.

oh yeah thanks, also

>bbeg
ugh.

wow rude famigo

jesus christ maybe ill get lucky and his dad will shoot me in the head and i wont have to go to game night on sunday.

if the alternative is listening to the GM bicker with the lolrandom guy, I would take "try to convince the dragon not to eat us"
I mean the first choice is kick the lolrandom guy if everyone hates his bullshit but if everyone takes his side over the GM then there is probably more to this story than we are hearing.

You guys realize the "you shoulda let the dragon be charmed" guy is a troll, right?

what is there else to tell?

he's a 27 year old NEET who lives with his parents and he comes to the game with my friend (his 24 year old brother). He can be pretty chill outside the game and our gaming circle does other things together besides tabletop.

I'd love to see what that retard would do with Shadowrun dragons.

no one said that he should have let the dragon be charmed. People are just complaining that what he did was boring and he seems overly salty.

...

I don't get how having something realistic happen in D&D is boring. I mean if anyone in this thread had a 1-foot-tall person walk up to us and try to pull this head-patting belly-rubbing shit and call us a pet we'd probably smack them away too. And this isn't even going into the fact that Dragons are sentient creatures who are smarter than humans. Caving in to exactly what your players want when it's not logical in the slightest is pretty much the hallmark of a terrible DM

why are there so many of you defending the railroad in this thread?

Because APPARENTLY retards don't realize that killing a PC can be a good thing.

only if it's a girl dragon, user

Op, what did you want them to do? Give us three examples of ideas you would have let succeed. How did they get into this situation? Explain how they could have avoided it.

What was the deleted post? Also OP you suck!
Creativity is the part of table top games and all you're doing is saying no no no!

...

Three things that could have worked:

Talk with the dragon and try to negotiate a peaceful resolution - stop harassing the locals and work out some agreement between the two parties, such as providing the dragon food in return for it providing protection.

Issue a declaration to the dragon that it needs to cease hostilities or it will result in a conflict between the two parties. They could have buffed up beforehand and prepared for combat.

Taken a hint that the dragon is strong, come back with bigger firepower and negotiating skills at the cost of having the locals have to endure dealing with the dragon for a little while longer.

but, nope, lets rub its belly and get mad when it doesn't like that shit.

Given hes the dm, its pretty safe to assume the tone is serious considering hes running it on the grounds that it is at least partially serious.

>Creativity is the part of table top games and all you're doing is saying no no no!
Creativity sucks when it doesn't match the tone of the game.

Not gonna lie. That is kind of a turn on,
boner why?

>all these people wanting a light hearted nonsensical game
>all these people who think its okay to be witty and random and do stupid things
>all these people who expect the dm to just cave and cater to their safe spaces
millenials.

>B-BUT MUH TONE
Go write a book then instead of making people play your crappy on-rails shit fest.

>anything I don't like is railroading
You're an entitled piece of shit and any decent GM would kick you out of their game after the first session.

If you're not enjoying it, there's no problem in having the game fall apart th. And since you're in the DM position , finding new players shouldn't be a problem at all.
Tell him to cut his fucking bullshit and post the results here.

Not even the OP, faglord

If the campaign has an established tone, and everyone has been playing along with it, you don't just shit all over that for the sake of "Creativity"

>"The orcs are cruel, evil, and sadistic raiders."
"I do interpretive dance and flash my taint at them"
>"Thanks to your powerful, sexually charged expression, the orcs have renounced their ways and are shifting to a peaceful, monastic life."

Fuck off.

Yeah this bothers me, especially when some people make a character against the general tone on purpose. We had a pirate game once that was very Pirates of the Carribean-esque. Except one PC made an actual pirate, with the murder and the rape and all. And he would make sure to ruin any mood we had going by reminding us of it.

You sound like an absolute knob

>IF YOU DONT DO AS I COMMAND AND PLAY THE GAME HOW I WANT IT AND OBEY MY (((VISION))) IM GOING TO KICK YOU
You sure sound like a wonderful person to play with! I bet you have so many players :)

>captcha: choo choo

Veeky Forums is to blame. Suddenly everyone wants to do wacky lolrandumb """creative""" shit hoping to end up in another epic screencap like Old Man Henderson, or at least the "shit my dnd party says" tumblr. People treat tabletop RPing less as a roleplaying venue and more of a source for wacky stories to tell on the internet. Without fault, every single game I play some funny 1d4chan meme will come up every other session and everyone starts trying to outdo each other in randumbness. It's not funny anymore.

same.
>tfw no chubby dragoness waifu to feed peasants to

>you will never snuggle with a chubby dragon/ess
>you will never rub it's snout while it licks your face gently
>you will never be eaten legs first, while it carefully swallows you without biting you
>you will never lay with your head on its tongue in its large mouth, your naked body lingering in its throat while the dragon savors you
>you will never be swallowed and have the dragon/ess gently rub its belly, rubbing you
>you will never meld with the dragon for a short time, your minds linked and enjoying a wonderful dreamscape together while your body gets digested in the physical world
>you will never pass away into warm bliss.

>in a world ruled by actions without consequence, every action was correct and nothing bad happened. It was impossible to not have fun in this utopia.

Hey genius actions have consequence, good or bad, if you want a power fantasy with no effort launch a bethesda game on easy and turn on godmode.

if a nigga do something that deserves death like playing with literal death incarnate, figuratively poking the bear, warning him that hes poking the bear, he continues, he deserves what he gets, not some slap on the wrist that he would probably take exception to anyway. The young man chose death and blamed the dm when he got it. He was just too stupid to realize what he was asking for.

Times change.
If you do not enjoy the medium as it is right now then perhaps you need to either accept that you've grown out of it, or you need to lower your standards.

you didnt do anything wrong except complain on tg and expect anything other than a two sided shitfest