What kinds of stupid things would teens human/dwarf/elf/etc do in a fantasy setting?

Duelling to death over stupid things, like over a cat or telling him that his room have very ugly color.

Sleeping with the Bad Guy's cute daughter in the barn.

That's how you become an adventurer.

become adventurers

She runs crying to her father after the hero spurns her, so he gives her the Bull of Heaven to terrorize his hometwon in revenge. She knows her daughter is a bratty teenager and that unleashing the bull will cause a seven-year drought, but nobody hurts my baby, dammit!

>teen daughter of BBEG has her rebelious phase and decides to join a group of paladins
Why is parenting so difficult?

>become adventurers
Roughly 30% of all teenage stupid ideas could be summarised as "decided to be an adventurer".

Getting rat arsed drunk on your first time at the Tavern and being press ganged into the Dwarven Navy.

Dress like a hooker and get checked out by disembodied heads ?

Do they have steam-powered submarines?

I mean, what do you gain by having, what is basically a leather string, running through your butt crack ?
That must be one sore butt.

Act like a vampire without being one.

I've heard that thongs are actually quite comfortable.

I want to be young forever. I will study necromancy and become a lich!

Yeah but leather and mosture, like sweat, is a terrible combination.

And that's why you send your child to do church chores and learn a real school of magic.

Kill someone over the tavern girl. Then join the army to escape justice.

Hunt rats with your bare hands. Become so good at it that you put the cats out of their job.

>Go cow tipping
>Get ass blasted drunk off grandpa's secret stash
>Accidentally unleash a world ending ancient evil that's been sealed under the town for 10,000 years while making out with the bakers slightly pudgy red haired daughter
>Try and convince your retarded friend to fuck one of old man Henderson's sheep and then make fun of him for it for the rest of his life

> Human
Wander into the woods alone

> Dwarf
Wander into the woods alone

> Elf
Wander out of the woods alone

is that a motherfucking epic of gilgamesh reference ?

yes.

Not using a helmet while adventuring.

>Not using a helmet while adventuring.
Is that actually a terrible idea? The restrictions a helmet would put on your hearing and peripheral vision seem like they could outweigh the extra protection.

Considering that G.I.s sometimes used boonie hats in Vietnam instead of helmets for that reason, going helmetless is not that bad of an idea in a dungeon. But when going into battle, have a helmet ready.

It's not extra protection. It's basic protection. If you can afford any armor at all, get a helmet first.

>get fucking wasted on metaphysically enchanted weed and alcohol
>buy witches broomsticks and magic carpets then use them to form drag racing gangs
>get magic resistant tattoos so they are virtually impossible to remove by angry parents
>use magic to change their species/race to be cool/rebel

You bet your sweet ass they do.

Why don't you ask professional football players if they would prefer to play without helmets.

However our code of law, which this process uses, states that it is criminal to perform sexual act with a person under 15 years old.
It does not require maturity and does not take into consideration elvish laws, it only requires person to be 15 years old.
Therefore as elf was above 15, my client is innocent of crime.

You don't need a full-coverage visored helm, but if you're not -at least- wearing some layered padding on your head to soften that blunt blow to the back of the head you're kind of asking for it.

The steamiest!

One of the sample NPCs for WFRP2 is a teen girl pretending to be a vampire.

probably have less football players get Parkinsons overall after the first few games prove the old way of doing things was lethal

I can see Dwarven teenagers would probably make the critical error of digging straight down a couple times.

But in Vietnam you get shot or blown up. In Fantasy settings you generally don't.

Date orcs because not dating orcs is racist and he'll totally stick around! He's different!

No, you get jumped by giant spiders, snuck up by kobolds, diddled by skeletons etc. And in a dungeon your vision is already quite limited, limiting it even further doesn't help.

Helmets are mostly protection from shrapnel from artillery and such, and the Vietcong didn't have much of that.

Steal Dad's horse to ride out to the abandoned quarry, then throw bottles in to watch them smash.

I assume the stupid part is that they don't realize that liches look like ugly monstrosities.

Sure you do. You get shot by archers or crossbowmen or blown up by mages.

Probably half of the wizards have mutilated their dick in some way or form during their teens with magic

While wearing a helmet all the time is annoying, the head is the most vulnerable part of the body so if you want to protect anything, its the head.

Try to summon incubi/succubi instead of going to the temple of the love/sex deity and fucking a priest or priestess.

So? Just don't bring a Great Helm. Get a helmet with the face open or with a visor. Knights usually fought with their helmets open in close-combat. They generally only lowered the visor when they were threatened by arrows.

Helmets protects you against archers and crossbows. If they didn't nobody would use them.

>Why don't you ask professional football players if they would prefer to play without helmets.
Playing football is isn't anything like exploring a dungeon though. Football fields don't tend to have hidden traps, to start with.

>You don't need a full-coverage visored helm
>wearing some layered padding on your head
That makes sense.

If mages are common and they can blow up people that easily, then either armor must be resistant to magic or nobody wears armor.

funny thing is Annah doesn't realize what she's dressed like

she just has really hot blood so she wears less to cool off, hell kiss her and she starts smoking she heats up so much

>I assume the stupid part is that they don't realize that liches look like ugly monstrosities.

I - I will become the first BISHI lich! The BISHIEST lich! The fair maidens shall be all up ons!

and there you have a character backstory

>Accidentally unleash a world ending ancient evil that's been sealed under the town for 10,000 years while making out with the bakers slightly pudgy red haired daughter
Worth it.

Fuck a pig's severed head as part of an initiation ritual to join your friend's the secret club.

What's the name of that one novel where a dude gets his dick turned into the head and neck of a miniature dragon? It can breathe fire and everything.

Cursing girls with a singing vagina. The spell is called Chatterbox.

Special Sigil leather. Made from the hide of some Elysian herd creature. Breathes amazingly.

I'm sure somewhere there's a rugby fan who wants to remind you that his game is really rough and that they don't wear helmets.
But rugby's actually way tamer than burger-football.

But no teen *wants* to be a bishounen, user.

t.former bishounen

Right, "handsome" or "manly" are better words for what I was thinking.

>dat hourglass figure
>dem wide hips

I wonder how many poor souls were obliterated because they accidentally mistook a dude lich for a chick?

Raiding the local alchemist's workshop for potions and drinking them with reckless abandon, making deals with demonic forces for very minor benefits (cure acne, get a small sum of money, harm the local bully/nerd, etc.), and harassing an elder who pushes their shit in/trolls the hell out of them because said elder used to be an adventurer of modest renown elsewhere.

What they do depends on how dark you want to make things.

>Dwarves

Late night forge-tipping. Rural human villages occasionally mistake this as threat and prelude to a raid.

>Elves

Will make themselves look mysterious and give hints, clues, and mapt to adventurers pointing to ancient artifacts or treasure, but usually lead to a den of swamp dragons. They're mostly harmless, but they knock you around with bursts of hot hair that leave you covered in a layer of dragon grease which will forever ruin your clothes and make you smell putrid for weeks.

>Humans

It's usually some fratboy shit where they'll put on goblin face and chase other races around. Little do they know that no one believes they're Goblins, just that a pack of humans chasing you can be frightening as the tend to be taller/larger than the more civilized races.

>Orcs

They call it stacking. They'll go to small towns and take anything stackable they can find to the center of town and see who can stack things up the highest. It ends when one it stack towers fall, and the young orcs begin hooping and hollering, laughing at the one whose tower fell first. They never help clean up after or pay for anything they broke because fucking teenagers, man.

>Tieflings

Offer bogus deals for power to gullible idiots who sell their souls, which in turn they sell to demons for drugs from hell.

>Halflings

Sheep racing. Not much more needs to be said other than the fields are utterly ruined after.

>Dragonborn

They have an organ located in the bottom of their throat said to be the source of their breath weapon. When this organ is engaged, it vibrates, eliciting an irritating and disturbing sound. A group of young Dragonborn of breeding age will gather together at the edges of a town and draw out that song as long as they can. At first ecologists thought this was some sort of mating ritual, but it looks like they do it because they know others find it irritating.

>Gnomes

Gnomes are always doing stupid shit, no matter what age they are.

>Kender

They exist.

Really? What book is she in?

In D&D the devils actually don't make soul contracts with young good aligned people because one of the gods, I forget which one, claims protection to children and will personally show up and kick the shit in of any fiend who tries to take advantage of a child's naivete until they reach a certain age where they should be old enough to make decisions on their own. It's why you don't see devils making deals to give children a bigger allowance or that cool toy they want that mommy and daddy won't buy for them. I remember reading that even Baba Yaga doesn't fuck with children that are abandoned on her door step and instead raises them until they are old enough to live on their own and tells them to leave because she doesn't want that greater god as an enemy.

>Dragonborn
>
>They have an organ located in the bottom of their throat said to be the source of their breath weapon. When this organ is engaged, it vibrates, eliciting an irritating and disturbing sound. A group of young Dragonborn of breeding age will gather together at the edges of a town and draw out that song as long as they can. At first ecologists thought this was some sort of mating ritual, but it looks like they do it because they know others find it irritating.

So Dragonborn are fucking organic vuvuzelas.

If the BBEG doesn't literally whip his daughter into bloody obedience for such a betrayal, he's unworthy of the position.

tfw Everyone posting in this thread is forgetting that the various teens would just stay in their respective rooms, playing on their HexBox™ .

It sounds like a writer's poor attempt to make the setting safe for children because of reasons...

Not if they're from a coastal town, in which case they'll go down to the beach, harass the sea-people, burn mountains of wood in effigy, get wasted off stolen win, have unprotected sex, black out, then stumble back home with a hangover that could kill an orc

It would be better if devils don't do it because children's souls are not juicy enough yet.

And roughly 60% of the rest can be summed up as become adults.

>evil characters can't have loved ones they genuinely care about
>I would rather play in a setting with child abuse than cute and funny shenanigans

Are you actually retarded? This is about the prime villain, why should he not be the most vile and evil dude around?
Has anime rotted your brain this much

Despite what says I like the idea of some god choosing to protect the souls of children. Sure as presented it sounds like an excuse to merely prevent harm from coming to the youngins but combine it with "young souls = not juicy enough" and you have a good explanation for why there isn't a huge underground network of imps and other minor devils/demons/whatever seeking to get the kids. Makes for a nobler setting.

>Morality is retarded
Its fun to have multidimensional characters, you should try it once in a while.

I am now convinced that all warlocks across all settings were edgy kids that went a little too far with a ouija board.

Same thing real teens do. Drink. Fuck. Spend their money on overpriced plastic miniatures

By gods your right! Not guilty!

Stealing like all of these.

10/10

Honestly, it's a huge mistake to do it that way.

The whole point of these settings is that they're not like real modern life. The world can be a dark shitty place now, but it was a lot darker and shittier.

You can't do any historical settings justice without realizing just how common brothels and prostitutes were. At one point 30% of all economic activity in the city of london was related to the prostitution business.

You can't do a victorian era setting justice without child labor, pickpockets, orphans, starving street children, etc.

You can't do a medieval era setting justice without 50% child mortality, and even the ones who survive still get screwed by the plague, eaten by raiding goblins and ogres, abused and sacrificed by demonic cults, kidnapped by the fey, used for arcane experiments by unscrupulous mages, etc.

Even if they manage to survive, most of them have little to look forward to except being peasants on some farm somewhere. It's why people dream of becoming adventurers in the first place.

Sure, things look grim, and it's uphill battle, but it's the whole contrast that trying to become a hero in that setting provides that is the real reward at the end.

>knock you around with bursts of hot hair
kek

The very edgiest of dwarf teens rebel against their parents by shaving their beards

I'm glad that most medieval fantasy settings are more idealized and aren't full of all that awful shit.

Because a moderately evil and highly competent enemy is a far greater threat than a highly evil and only moderately competent fuckstick?

Who would you rather have for an enemy, Putin or Kim Jong Un?

>Not!Putin and Not!Kim Jong Un are neighboring empires and they are in a firm alliance with each other
They are also gay fuckbuddies.

>diddled by skeletons
But teenagers are always eager to bone

I can see Putin having trouble with a rebellious daughter
Kim jong on the other hand I see just marrying her off as soon as she has her period. If not earlier.

Chronicle is a pretty good example of what would actually happen to teens with fantasy/sci-fi powers.
>test our powers
>push limits
>pranks
>oh god the pranks
>using powers for perfectly mundane uses that are not needed (getting chips out of a bag)
>impressing a crowd
And then the member of the group with the worst home life and least mental stability starts to act differently.
And then there’s an accident.
I miss Steve.

I miss Hell on Wheels, Anson Barrow needs to grow his hair/beard again

Chronicle was a solid movie