How do I deal with a seemingly autistic player? I cannot kick him as he is one of only three of my players...

How do I deal with a seemingly autistic player? I cannot kick him as he is one of only three of my players, I fought hard to get this many and if leaves so does another, leaving me with one. He doesn't roleplay much nor does he really know any rules, this by itself isn't a bad thing, a warm body to fill up space is better than two people that can't mechanically fill his role.

But was is his problem, which I can barely describe because of the absolute stupidity of what he does. Instead of playing he does one of three things. First finding references to awkwardly cram, his favorite is Rick and Morty, exactly because he knows I dislike it, so without fail he'll shout THAT fucking phrase at least once per session simply to disrupt my descriptions or even dialogue. Second he'll try to fuck any npc he comes across. Not even subtilely, he'll just ask me "can I fuck it" I say no being at a game shop, then ten minutes latter he asks again. Third he'll get angry if anything happens to the party that goes against his "plans". Once he walked into an inn that they knew was related to a cult, went to and just told the inn keeper he knew and asked to be let into the basement. After willingly giving up his weapons he gets angry when captured and put into captivity.

General that guy thread I guess?

I swear this isn't a joke or shitty meme attempt. I truely wish it was.

wtf is 'that' phrase?

Wuba luba dub dub, I hate even typing it at this point

Wubba-lubba-dub-dub, I'm guessing.

The moment you interact with this player, clear your body of all hatred and smile. Then have all of your answers be "Yes" or "No."

When he does the references, just say: "Please don't do that." And then move on. If he asks for clarification, ignore it.

When he asks if he can fuck something, just say "No" and move on. Ignore him if he brings it up again or tries to press the issue.

Before all of these things though, just kick the player and slap an NPC there.

PICKLE RIIIIICK

But then I have two players, both in the social circle of the person. He has taken me getting angry for him showing up high once personally to understand that kicking him would not go well. He is fine outside the game so everyone else outside the players will side with him and not me.

Sounds like you've tried everything you can to correct his behavior.

Just remember the Soothing Rule: No players is better than THAT player.

Please, end your suffering. No, not suicide, fuck that, get rid of the autistic player. Tell him exactly why, if need be. Fuck, type everything out on a sheet of paper explaining it if he plays stupid.

Are you kidding? It took me two years to get this all together, my other two players are really I'm interested in the world I built, this isn't worth dumping yet.

There is only one option

>I hate even typing it at this point

I know, it's why I made you.

Christ, then fucking talk to him. Tell him you find certain things really annoying.

Maybe start off with boardgames and shit, or maybe run shit that's more crazy like Savage Worlds or RISUS.

Maybe get more friends.

If you want the other two players to stay then just fucking deal with the third guy. Holy shit, stop fucking bitching about little shit if it's that important that you keep everything together. You can't fucking mind control other humans and have them magically act like you want them to.

Kek. Is he 12?

I cannot talk to him about it he gets angry over less

>make more friends
Lets be realistic here, I'm resorting here because I am socially inept and can't think of a way out of this

What said. Talk to him out of the game, make it abundantly clear *why* you're tired of his shit. Tell him flat-out that getting a rise out of you does nothing but make it harder to run the game.

If all else fails, ask him to run a game and turn the tables.

tl;dr stop being a semi-literate cunt and man up.

Talk to him. Let them see him as a sperg so they understand why you kicked him. If this shit is so important to you that you are grasping for mind control techniques on the internet then it's important enough to accept the asshole going fucking nuclear.

>Lets be realistic here, I'm resorting here because I am socially inept and can't think of a way out of this

Then go outside more. Hang out with people. Save money to move out to a more populated area if that's the problem. Become socially adept so you don't have to force yourself to deal with fucking shitbags.

Look if you are dead set on this group talk to the other players about his behaviour without him present and tell them you're going to try to just keep playing and then do what this guy says.
Be polite and respectful and if he keeps being an asshole talk to the other players separately again and plead your case.

The problem with him sperging out is that I have to see him anywhere I go with my other friends, be it game nights or movies. It's not the issue of getting him kicked out that's hard it's he'll sperg at me for the foreseeable future

Also any painless suicide techniques?

Yea put a gun in this guys mouth.

let him sperg out

when people ask "why did you kick them out?"

You say "because he sperged out over things I asked him to stop doing"

if they ask "well why did you tell him to stop doing those things?"

you say "I thought we could talk about it like adults and not have him sperg out."

If he's going to be a right cocksucker, then he'd best get good at it or fuck off. Why waste your time with an ass like this just to maintain a game where you have to deal with all of this bullshit? You're better off finding a new group if possible. Purging autism out of an autist is like trying to purge the kikery out of a Jew--ain't going to happen.