What shit do your players do that consistently pisses you off?

Not interact with NPCs.
Specifically one player.
He just ignores them, and either fucks off to practice his character's cooking skills, or asks if his gambling buddies are in town, rather than interacting with NPCs who may or may not have little tidbits that could prove useful later on.

Another gripe, against the group this time: not write small notes about quests, items, NPCs, etc, and then ask - every session - "hey user, this item/quest/person, what is it/what were we supposed to do again/what's their name again?
Actually, where did we leave off?"

Not understand how their characters, the characters they've built themselves mind you, function and the actions and abilities available to them.

Motherfuckers I know you play MMOs at least passably well, how can you not remember your available actions? Do I need to make 4e Action Cards for your lazy asses?

I bet Billy is having a hell of a lot more fun than Tom.

i have seen an awful amount of peopel in vidya who have no idea what stuff does and just use it until they get an idea of the effect or just learn wehat to use when with trial and error. People just hate llearning for some reason.

Had a GM once who asked the group too sumarize what happened last session and wouldn't start the next till we did.
I took better notes after that.

>Tom is a human apple farmer who wanted to end things so he can live peacefully picking apples.
Who the fuck is gonna play a fucking apple farmer in a game they use to escape from boring reality?
>inb4 Luke Skywalker
We both know that you'll call a Luke snowflake too, being the son of the chosen one and dark lord at the same time, and a jedi too.

>Who the fuck is gonna play a fucking apple farmer in a game they use to escape from boring reality?
We all know that playing games for fun is retarded, it's much better to create bland characters so that you can boast on Veeky Forums how not-snowflakey your character was.

>But a bad game is better than no game.
Maybe if you're a bitch!

Tom sounds like a faggot who makes the blandest character possible so that he doesn't stick out from the rest of the party, while at the same time being so bland that he actually sticks out from the rest of the party.

Billy just seems like he wants to play the action movie lead and will probably bring an over-the-top flavor to the campaign that will make him the main character since he's the only one not sitting around with a thumb up his ass, waiting for someone else to make the first move to get the plot moving.

Playing somthing like that is a crutch for bad roleplaying. Sure billy could have played a elf wizard, a theft or a knight and that would have be fitting. No he goes full autistic and wants everyone at the table to look at him and how special he is because fantasy is not fantastic enough.

They don't show up.

>Playing somthing like that is a crutch for bad roleplaying.
Playing anything other than asocial son of a farmer who has literally no motivation for even existing is a crutch for bad roleplaying.

This. If you are a playing a caster, for the love off fuck you better know what your own powers do.

In fact, apply this to every character. I've played with characters who's only real options are "move" and "attack" and they're still taken 5 minutes to decide what to do on their turn because they don't know what their 2 options do.

I get if you're a newbie or something, but I've seen this happen with people who claim to have "years" of roleplaying experience with a system.

Billy sounds more fun to play with. It's like Tom intentionally wanted to make his character as boring sounding as possible.

>hear some NPC is pretty tough
>go out of their way to pick a fight with him or her that could have been easily avoided
>surprise! NPC in question is tough!
>get mad at me for making the encounter too hard.

What's super irritating about it is how common it is. I've seen this across numerous playgroups.

>people who claim to have "years" of roleplaying experience with a system
I think they mean "I browsed tg for a few years and know most of the memes" when they say that they have "roleplaying experience"

>I hate fun: the post

I'm sure your hyperrealistic agrarian simulator will send chills down your players spines

Going several points over the agreed point limit in casual 40k games.

lmao at the amount of snowflakes that got triggered by this post.

I have one player who is very insecure and undecisive and takes so long in his turn and is never sure of his actions... like he starts looking for others to help him decide, looks his spells over and over. Is not that he doesn't know what they do but he kind of freezes and is so scared of messing up.

It pisses me off.

I think campaign expectations, especially of tone, kind of affect what is and isn't a snowflake character. Billy might be perfectly appropriate in a wackier less grounded campaign, where Tom would seem a bit milquetoast.

>meticulously construct an area such that every player will have the chance to feel like their character is important
>make easy encounter with some shadows
>state that they are undead
>obviously the paladin will smite them, since nobody else can do much damage to them
>they use no smites, the party barely makes it through the encounter through with no deaths thanks to a fudged roll

>later on, joke about how it's too bad that they didn't have a paladin to help them through it
>"Oh, I thought that I could only cast a spell once, what do you mean 'spell slot?' "
It's been like this the whole campaign, except with every PC in some capacity.

After a few minutes, tell them "you have thirty seconds to decide what to do, or you pass your turn considering your next action." I started doing this last session with a similar player and it's worked so far.

Dude I just stroked my beard and crushed a bug wtf

Both players sound fun, what are you smoking?

Have done this before. It was odd as fuck the first time it happened.

>Hey guys if you explain to me what you're doing when you say x I'll give you a bonus to your roll or you might even auto succeed
>I do x!
>....... Alright roll for x
Everytime

>players that sulk out after a session without saying a thing

It drives me nuts. I bust my ass for 5-6 hours twice a week for you fuckers, not even including the 4-6 hour prep time for each session, out of session character shit I create with my soul and all the other time I spend during balancing out my normal life and TTRPGs.

After all this, the best you can do is give me the equivalent of a virtual eye roll when I ask what's wrong? Godfuckingdamnit at least try to talk to me like an actual friend, not a service provider.

...

This
>Generally play martial or martial/caster like paladin
>Notice all the casters in my party take forever
>Decide to try going full caster as a wizard to see if it is really that hard
>I still have all my shit pre-planned before my turn starts

this is why I do not play magic users, it's too much to track.

Ask me questions or declare they are doing something while I'm still answering the question or describing something to another player.

Either of these concepts could be complete shit or really good, depending on what approach you took. I think it would be fun to play a simpleton farmer, have my crops burned and then take to a life of adventuring out of frustration. I could realise that there was so much more to be done in life than grow apples, that there's a wide world full of exciting things and that I had truly done myself a disservice by simply living out a monotonous existence of growing food, doing the same hard labour every day and eventually dying in the same house my ancestors did before me.

Or I could just continue being a dumb shit simpleton for the rest of the campaign, adding nothing of value to the story, annoying other players with disruptive IC mannerisms, showing no real character development and going back to growing apples when my journey ends, being none the wiser for my travels.

They don't show up.

>being this much of a contrarian

Keep drawing porn of all the characters.

My Current Character is a Pharmacist who has taken up adventuring to get more money to support his business and (huge) reptile collection. He fights with Snakes.

fucking agreed
>2 minutes to pick an option
>player: "uuuuh i guess i fireball"
>DM: "cool what's the save?"
>player: "uhhhhhhhhhhhhh how do I figure that our again"
>DM: "nevermind I remember the last time you cast it. Roll damage."
>player: "I can't find the damage"
>DM: "well what do you have written down?"
>player: "it just says it creates fire"
>once someone corrects them, player takes forever trying to find 8d6

This.
Always this.
It's become a trend.

I can top this one. I have a player who'll ignore NPCs to go interact with the ones they made up in their backstory.

It's always shit like "I was part of the elite guard for queen Fuckearl and good friends with her and the rest of the guard"
every session he's ignoring the other npcs to go talk to the queen or write her a letter and wants me to RP all these random character he's made up.

>Tfw no pervy artist player to make lewd drawings of your NPCs and PCs

Is that picture a reference to HHGttG? Because it sounds a lot something Douglas Adams would write.

Tell your players you arr going to pass thier turn if they don't know what they are doing. Yoy have no idea how fast that shit will clean up.

>player: "uuuuh i guess i fireball"
>DM: "cool what's the save?"
>player: "uhhhhhhhhhhhhh how do I figure that our again"
>DM: "your character studders as he fumbles with his spell book." "Player b your turn."

You're pathetic.

Oh look, it's a literal child who thinks "fun" is the end goal of tabletop roleplaying.

I tried this. He upended the table, yelled "ROLL FOR MY DICK BITCH," and left.

>a bad game is better than no game.

Bullshit. You can be doing something that is actually more fun than a bad game if you are not playing it. If I am not wasting my time at a bad game I could be organizing a good one or engaging in another hobby.

What did you get on that roll?

the problem solved itself, then

I installed the 3 step rule for this
>You only have 10 sec to declare action in combat, pay attention to the rest of the round and have your move made up when is your turn. (You make take extra time to discuss something with the rest of the party, depending on the situation)
>If you don't know what the spell does, you can't cast it.
>If you don't know what's going on because you weren't paying attention for phone games/unrelated chatter reasons, I won't repeat myself, you might remain idle until you catch up.
It actually makes wonders.

A better alternative is to tell them they can delay their turn until they figure out what to do. This tells them that they're taking too long and keeps the game moving, but doesn't mean they lose their turn entirely. Unless they're last on initiative anyway, but spellcasters tend to prioritize initiative.

>If you don't know what the spell does, you can't cast it.
I kind of want to play a wizard whose spells are chosen, prepared, and cast completely at random now.

>that one dude who keeps spreading his legs so his dick hangs out while trying to flirt with the only girl player

>mfw I'm currently DM'ing what's basically Harvest Moon D&D edition and my players are having a blast.
They don't stop talking about their plans and how they will make the town the new economic center of the know world

Ever gotten a handjob and had her recite the description of Magic Missile when you finished? Recommended.

>Ever gotten a handjob
you lost me

In all seriousness though, one thing I do despise is a player hitting on another player in real life, but when they're called out on it their immediate defense is "oh, I'm just roleplaying, so it's okay!" That's not okay, at all. That's harassment.

That's what I was thinking, too.
I would hang a prophecy over them and find some way to make both of those very different characters potential "chosen one" material and see what happens.

This is why I always demand positive and negative feedback at the end of a session. Mandatory part of every session to get a bit of advice on things that are liked and disliked, so that I am always improving and players don't ever feel like they can't criticize.

It's only harassment if the person being hit on objects and follows up on objecting.

Don't play with people who are spergy retards, dude.
Really simple solution.

>muh manspreading

Hitting on people is not harassment.
Being a creeper is harassment.

These two things are not the same.

> Start new system
> Player immediately begins using supplement material without asking

> When ordering food player assumes real life is just like game life and refuses to chip in for tax or tip

> Player says he wants to "peek slightly around the corner" and gets moody when asked to roll a stealth check

> Player sits there constantly rolling dice for no real reason
> Rolls good
> Announces he wants to use that roll for something

> Player rolls dice
> Throws it off the table

> Player doesn't know what his to hit bonus is
> Player has been playing DnD longer than I have

> Start a combat
> Player tries to sneakily look at monster stats on his tablet

> GM arbitrarily decides when that certain class features just don't work

> 1st player makes a character
> 2nd player makes the same exact character
All of the above is not the same group thankfully

That is not manspreading at all. The fucker has his junk hanging out for the world to see. And no one wants to see a fat greasy gamer's twig and berries.

>Luke 12
>16And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. 17He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’ 18“Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’ 20“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

Stop wasting your time getting riches when YOU CAN DEUS VULT!

>And no one wants to see a fat greasy gamer's twig and berries.

typical liberal, trying to speak for everyone

I have 4 of those in my one group, send help.

>Trying to bait this hard.
user pls. I know you haven't gotten to cry about your imaginary /pol/ boogyman in a few days but this is just sad.

you turn the corner through the hall and approach a frail wooden door
>I rear my foot back and smash it through
as you do, you see a line pull and break releasing-
>okay nevermind I don't do that LOL i check for traps
go fuck yourself

you're the idiot for taking the bait, user

>> Player sits there constantly rolling dice for no real reason
>> Rolls good
>> Announces he wants to use that roll for something

I don't mind snowflakes so much. Stories happen around interesting characters, and hating a character at a glance seems pretty premature to me. I care much more about players who have the main character mindset.

I have to wonder where the line is drawn between baiting and being intentionally ridiculous or obtuse for a joke, I see a lot of posts that could go either way

What is the end goal?

I had a game where someone was a warforged that would bust through walls to bypass security and just get to the bandit leader, or whomever the target was. He complained when I pointed out other gangs would notice this trend, and when he tried bursting through another wall he ended up getting impaled by iron stakes that were on the inside of the wall, facing outwards.

>living a simple life and wanting to protect it is bad.
Urban faggot.

>>living a simple life and wanting to protect it is bad.
There's two lines of though about this.
One says that fewer you have the more you hold onto it.
The other that the fewer you have the easier it is to let go.
I can better relate with the latter, but to each their own.

I'm with you on needing to control his powergaming but
>impaled
>Warforged
Mate it's gotta make sense

You don't understand how warforged work at all, do you, faggot?

>them city folk

shouldn't you be off fucking your cousin?

You can't impale something in armor, dickwart

>Them rural retards
Shouldn't you be off getting stabbed by Tyrone?

Billy is a shitty snowflake character and Tom is just a shitty boring character. They both suck, but I bet Billy is having fun. You don't sound like you know what makes a character good at all. Being a mundane everyday Tom with a boring, uninspired motivation doesn't make for a good character.

>Tom was an apple farmer until the kings men took his entire harvest, leaving his family to die in squalor. He left his only surviving daughter with his sister and left town. Now this ordinary farmer, driven by a reckless desire for revenge, joins a band of adventurers to become the kings bane.

Now Tom has a motivation besides going home to fuck his apple trees. He has flaws and he must change and grow to reach his goal. He is still a relatable character, which was the only thing your Tom had going for him.

make the enemies laugh at him for the fact that such an unlikely trap actually worked

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pier_Gerlofs_Donia
>Implying you can't have an interesting PC that starts off as a boring ass farmer.

>those hillbillies
Don't you have some meth to cook or did you burn down your trailer already?

PRO TIP: never have a "main character or chosen one". If that pc dies it will fuck the story. If he realizes he can't die he will fuck the story.

>Now Tom has a motivation besides going home to fuck his apple trees.
Having an orchard of dryads to fuck would motivate the hell out of me.

>you can't impale armor when something weighing a shit-ton runs into it at full speed
What the FUCK am I reading?

>them metro rats
How long does it take for you to wash out the sweat of the hundredsame of people you're pressed up against?
A shame that your box is too small for a washer.

Are you literally retarded?