If you were a lich, where would you hide your phylactery?

If you were a lich, where would you hide your phylactery?

(OP)
> hide it on another lich

In my pants. No one else ever goes there

In an unaccessible part of my dungeon. If it's good enough for Acererak, it's good enough for me.

You know that silver flame bitch? Pin her down, and embed it into her heart. After that I'll cover her in lacerations they'll invariably heal up to close all the wounds and any evidence of my violence. They'll never find it in there, and even if they do, they'll have to kill the strongest cleric in the setting to do it.

That one user's ass

This, his ass is prime real-estate.

Pocket Dimension sustained by the phylactery, the only way to attack it is from the inside and that way you collapse a reality on yourself

In the female G-spot, no one ever finds that.

In one of the previous "Hide your Phylactery" threads. Which one? You'll never know.

>Dude my phylactery is a grain of sand in the desert.
>Dude my phylactery is my entire kingdom, all the way down to the bed rock.
>Dude my phylactery is the very concept of death.
My phylactery is going to be a very shinny golden crown I wear at all time.

In between the future and present, good luck swimming through the sea of time

My safe deposit box.

>phylactery is a t-shirt with "phylactery" printed on it
no one will ever suspect a thing

I read somewhere about a lich who put his phylactery on a comet. Whenever he was defeated, he would hang out on the comet until it passed near the planet. Then the hero who defeated him before would be atomic elbow-dropped by an angry flaming skeleton. I'm going to do that.

i wud hide the philactery inside muself
it's ginius

moon or some saint's coffin

In plain sight on my bedside table, my body has been destroyed a few times and it hasn't so it's working so far. It might be safer if I hid it, but the old musicbox I made into it is the only thing I have left from my mother so it has sentimental value. If I did hide it it would be in that one user's ass, you know the one.

If they can't get it out without killing her, how did you get it in without killing her?

Inside a needle, which is in an egg, which is in a duck, which is in a hare, which is in an iron chest, which is buried under a green oak tree, which is on the island of Buyan in the ocean.

'Hide'

Gonna put it in a cute girl.

>implying the friendly neighbourhood Lich needs worry about mortals attacking him
I am really cool, like a father to the hero

>"I ripped my soul out of my body and all I got was this crummy phylactery"

MY PHYLACTERY
Put my PHYLACTERY in a cute girl....

You pervs!

You bastard I was going to say that.

>cute girl becomes ugly hag
>dies
>necromancer raises her from the dead

Congrats. Your phylactery is now in a zombie that is probably going to get butchered, putting your precious soul in danger.

>Wards
To everything you just said

>have someone impregnate the cute girl
>have her or someone else raise her daughter
>transfer your philactery from the cute girl to her cute daughter when she turns into an old hag
>if she has a son then just make him a trap
I will have a lineage of cute "girls" dedicated to carrying my phillactery inside their bodies.

Wouldn't the hero be long dead from old age by then?

The most secure bank in the multiverse.

.....
This
....

How long does it take for the lich to reform next to his phylactery when he's defeated? If it's just a one round wouldn't it make sense to keep it in your pocket, so you can keep on fighting?

1d4 days I believe

>Trusting the bankers.

>Trusting the bankers.
No

>Trusting a bank's interest to retain it's good name
Yes

In the safest place in the world: The Market. I would manipulate global economics to make Phylacteries an indispensable commodity, and then sell mine to the highest bidder, trusting that the invisible hand of the market will naturally deliver my indispensable item to the safest possible hands.

>he doesn't write his phylactery on a multitude of strips, each inserted into random books, then copied as popular self-help books
I'm going viral and there's nothing you can do to stop me.

How the fuck would you mass produce phylacteries?

I'd put it in a non-descript pebble and throw it in the ocean.

Memory keepers for wizards.

Genius

Unless Mermaids are smart in your settings....they might see through the lie.

I came here to write this. That user's butt is the best.

You mean to hide the marble-sized phylactery among all the other marbles?

Make a ring and gift it to some powerful empire and in case it falls, take it back and give it to next big empire

In my butt

Can phylactery be passed down a blood line? I would make mine into a bard who leaves a lot of bastards and makes sure he goes to a lot of places - then if you want to kill me you have to kill all the descendants.

I would launch it into space as fast as current rocket technology could provide

I would make my phylactery the entire multiverse and everything within it

Surely this plan can not possibly fail.

A giant block in Stonehenge.

Then when you die, you'd respawn far out into space with no way to ever return home.

Dont you respawn close to it?

Use it as front door decoration. They would never expect it as I let my exhibitionist self free for the world to see.

I would make my phylactery a fleck on the speck on the tail On the frog on the bump on the branch On the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea

Depends on the comet. I just have to pick a small one with a short orbit. Either way he's out of the way.

The point of phylactery is to tell a story. So it's something that's important to who the lich was in life, and connected to them in some way. It functions as a soul container because it's connected to who the lich was. If they destroy all history of who they were before changing, and there's no more trace connecting it to them, then it's no longer a phylactery at all. The whole idea is that by seeking these phylacteries out players learn more about the lich. Maybe it makes the lich more sympathetic or motivates them to finish them off, or whatever. But a phylactery isn't some kind of immortality puzzle you solve by making it something impossible for anyone to ever discover. It's a plot device.

The safe. Not in it, the phylactery is the safe, and the code's printed right next to it.

Or fuck, I can sacrifice the flaming elbow drop and just put it in orbit. In orbit is a big place, the phylactery isn't very big, and it's covered in every damage resisting and anti-divination spell in existence.

If you can effectively rape the Silver Flame's pope-proxy, do you really need to hide your phylactery?

Did this when I had an undead pixie cohort.

Permanent Non-detection and at will invisbility made her kind of hard to catch.

Don't forget to put some sinister-looking bauble in it.

Inside a vampire

Like a week.

I don't think I could stand being a Lich. No matter where my Phylactery was I'd always be anxious about it. I'd rather be a vampire or something where I only have to worry about being murdered.

Up yer ass lmao

Right next to where my heart used to be.

In the middle of the ocean

>Trusting a bank's interest to retain it's good name
Who is going to point to the banks and say "they fucked up a phylactery" after you're dead?

I'm going to hide my phylactery inside my phylactery.

I can't imagine a scenario where you find a liches phylactery, and don't fuck up everything else in that room too.

Bottom of the ocean, inside a reinforced shipping container, disguised as a large rock.

Warded to all fuck, of course.

Stupid. Anyone willing to go Lich hunting is going to be the crazy self-sacrificing type.

In some random hole I dug up.
On the moon.

True chads put it in themselves in plain sight. It's not like there is
>anyone strong enough to beat me
>anyone to know i exist and set out to kill me when i sit in my tomb boning the succubus missus all day every day

The red orb thing isn't his philactery.
It's verry doubtful if he even has a philactery in the first place considering liches in the setting can spawn naturally instead of requiring a sorcerer to turn himself into one.

Time issues aside, that's amazing.
Depends on the system. 5e is 1d10 days.

I'd embed mine in the pomel of a legendary Excaliber-esque hero's weapon, and I'd promptly see to it that every hero became aware that possession of the weapon was necessary to destroy me.

To be fair, he came from an MMO and either he personally or one of his friends/minion NPCs knows (group)teleportation magic. So death isn't really much of an issue and Philacteries don't have much of a use.

Oh I see you're on the make some shit up about pocket dimension's physics channel.

Doesn't the lich have to be on the same plane as the phylactery?

Do one better, Voldemort style. Your daughter, your daughter's daughter, her two sons, they're kids, their children's children. Within mere centuries, you will have your soul dispersed to half the population of the nation. Whenever someone holding a bit of your soul dies, it comes back to you, so that you can sire more phylacteries.

I guess you might want to put an upper limit on how many are out there at any one time. And probably have a slightly larger percentage somewhere remote, so you know where you're going to be spawning when the adventurers kill you.

>Voldemort
That sounds more like Bonerdude.

He also has autorevive items.

Yeah, there's basically nothing about liches and phylacteries. "Liches" are just very powerful skeletal mages and can be killed quite normally. Nor was a phylactery of his ever mentioned.

Huh, didn't know that existed. Neat.

> I polymorph my phylactery in to a spec of dust and cast it into the paraelemental plane of dust, nobody will ever find it there! Herp derp, herp derp.
Implying clerical divination magic does not exist and godly powers do not provide answers to their faithful's casting.

>If you were a lich, where would you hide your phylactery?

I'd breed and cultivate a special spooky undead tree and then place it in that tree so it would further propagate an entire haunted forest of spooky trees with the first one growing massive and proud.
I know it's obvious, but it would be FUN and I care about having a GOOD TIME if I'm IMMORTAL.

Also it'd produce a haunted wood with all sorts of goth-flavored dryads, alraune, black-furred satyrs, werewolves, ghouls, pumpkins, and all sorts of spooky regular animals!

The only protagonist strong enough to defeat me is my son. My wife who I loved dearly wears a locket with the two of us that she would die for around her neck.

My phylactery is not the locket, but the speck of spunk I shot into her that made my son.

>spooky jackalopes
can I build a spooky cottage and live here?

>the world the campaign takes place in was actually just the lich's demiplane
>the heroes find this out when they are at the phylactery
> if they destroy the phylactery, the whole plane they live on will be destroyed
>if they don't destroy the phylactery, the world will continue to be constantly tormented by the lich

What happens now?

Well the players need some clue, then they just have a nice beach vacation for 1d4 days and when they see you reform out to sea the have a pretty good idea of which rock it is.

>the concept of OP's virginity is the lich's phylactery

Cute girls dont age

...Fuck yes. This is excellent.

Maybe some undead druids to run the place, and/or a few "hidden villages" of your supporters to help maintain the place and make up questhooks for all-too-curious adventurers. Some dungeons full of monsters you found/made/hired. "Ancient" ruins you set up to give the place some style.

>make spooky forest into your philactery
>end up turning it into some sort of attraction park
Fucking capitalist liches.

I may actually make this the setting of my next campaign.

"Wow user, interesting world you've built here. Kind of small though isn't it?"

id do a saurons ring type situation that grants all sorts of powers to the user so they wouldn't ever want to destroy it. Also add a bunch of valuable gemstones and such to appeal to the greedy.

Id wear it all times and create a decoy phylactery that was hard but not impossible to destroy. When they found the ring on my body they would think they had just obtained a valuable piece of loot and would never suspect it was the real phylactery

Trying to stealthily take it, then use it to make the Lich obey you.

Spread goodness until the plane shifts alignment.

I'm perfectly okay with a few symbiotic, spooky villages and hamlets within and neighboring the region of my especially spooky forest: maybe 1 or 2 vampire chancellors/mayors running and administrating the 'spookier' ones within the forest and actually being able to go outside and pretend everything is normal because it's too overcast by the forests canopy and necromatic miasma to burn them alive. Get up a coven of necromancers and evil druids (living ones) to both manage the ecology of the undead forest, but also to convince the inhabitants to not fucking purge it and instead live with it- since ya need a steady supply of living people to make this function.

Some other things that might be fun: quietly encourage a small sub-culture of monster hunters to keep my vampires on their toes, cull trouble werewolves/trolls, and to make sure no fucking roastie hags start setting up shop in MY haunted woods- eating up MY magical, organic, home-grown, reagants- PLAGIARIZING MY WORK.
Open up a 'Scholomance' style school of dark arts, necromancy, and evil druidism to operate and generate revenue via tuition, selling books, classes, etc.. As well as attract some great minds to not just pick their brains for information, but to train and tutor new minds that I'll have hopefully have some leverage with.

Embed it the wall of a great cathedral.

Also, can't forget how important it is that the woods have graphically goth-flavored dryads & alraune, very important, quite possibly the most important, maybe even secretly the whole purpose of this experiment.
The more >shadman_rat_leaving_the_thread.png the fucking better.