Bless thee

>How could anyone possibly think that Jesus was lawful?
Because he is our Lord, and by definition His law is the only law that matters.

Touche.

But in a gaming sense, Lawful refers to the law of the land, not the law of God.

Sweet I can't die.

Not really though, it's having a respect for the law of the land and tradition.

Jesus did both, but he actually broke some laws.

Jesus is likely the most good alignment neutral good.

Only if you believe.

I immediately burn to a crisp in his presence. Jeez, GM, if you wanted me to reroll away from the hellfire sorceress you could've just said so.

Our residents commie and anarchist have a shitfit, while the neopagan retard start screeching at the GM about his religion not being the true traditionalist religion of our country.

You likely wouldn't burn to a crisp.

Jesus wouldn't kill you for being part demon as that is out of your control and he probably indirectly caused that.

He'd call you to repentance for sure, but he would hardly condem someone for something they didn't do.

Reminder that all humanity would die in the true presence of Jesus.

We flip tables and convert whores.
Deus Vult, Brother!

Nah, he would do some holy thing and turn you into something else. You lose the demonic attributes and gain holy ones instead. If you are evil after that though...

>Michael just looks bored
>Lucifer's "my wings hurt" face

This is much funnier than it has any right to be.

Alignment debates are always pointless, because while DnD itself usually knows what's good or evil, lawful and chaotic are a whole other business and depend greatly on the DM.
Law is a cosmic force in DnD, so you're wrong about the law of the land part for sure. Laws of kingdoms can vary greatly, but a lawful good paladin will be lawful good no matter if he's at royal court or in a cave of a cannibal tribe. Gods may be Lawful, but they don't become chaotic if they come down to Earth when a king forbids them to.

By the way, alignment system sucks, and should be removed permamently in 6e. It's a relic of an older era, that serves no purpose beyond fueling internet arguments.

Not so much smiting as when he orders them to flee, they flee. Because he has what you would only term authority, basically.

To be fair, he skated around the Romans pretty hard, occasionally people tried to trap him into whether or not he was the Messiah and would lead the Jews against Rome, but he rarely if ever gives a straight answer. Because politically, rebelling would be a bad idea.

>immediately become Aasimar

But do my Spells Known change?

Jesus saves, but the rest of you take damage

*2000 years later gets locked into a gay prison cell*
Way to go Mike

>good guy Jesus
>gives you spells designed by an overdiety
>they are the same as the spells you have but better and holy

Lucifer's just trying to sneak up-skirt peak, the rascal.

>Holy Burning Hands
>Holy Glitterdust
>Holy Web
>Holy Scorching Ray
>Holy Wall of Fire

...how do you make a Holy Cloudkill?
I can work with these yes.

His robe will smell like our tears for weeks, for we all will cry on his shoulders.
And then we will win.

So it's like having a Mr Rodgers show up, but a Mr Rodgers that isn't afraid of flipping tables and breaking the law to be good.

I'm down with this.

Holy cloudkill only hurts those with hostile intent to you, and smells pleasantly of citrus to your allies

>Reminder that all humanity would die in the true presence of Jesus.
Well according to Revealations, Humanity wouldn't "die" in His actual presence, so much as they would be converted into beings like him.

>Holy Glitterdust

Why is Revelations so weird?

John was a strange dude who only understood symbolism.

Why is Christianity such a cool aesthetic

>Sanctimonious Hands
>Divine Dust
>Heaven's Net
>Ray of Judgment
>Sacred Wall of Thorns
>Holy Spirit

Rebranding for ya. Someone else can work out details.

You know, part of me believes that this isn't simply an allegory for the collapse of Rome pre-christian era. It'd be a wonderful and terrible thing to witness these things in person; that is, if I didn't bite it beforehand. The description of heaven (or earth? Heaven on earth?) near the end would make it worth the trauma.

>Warrior-King Jesus when?

Second coming, man.

I ask him why he's so bad at his job and murder him messily if his answer isn't satisfactory to me personally.

Day of Resurrection and Judgement

>kill him
>comes back

This continues until you become of good alignment

Because John was interpreting visions of futuristic warfare in terms of things familiar to him in classical antiquity.

>turns Good out of sheer frustration

Is that a thing that can happen? I've never seen that happen.

Should that day ever come, I hope it is long after I am dead.

If I'm wrong about the universe slowly sputtering out to heat death, at least I can take my damnation quietly. If I'm right, I just cease to exist.

No matter who wins, I lose, so why take up arms about it?

Well he has forever, so when you are 80 and you can't kill him, he'll sit down and have a heart to heart with you. It'd be like talking with mr Rodgers

I know, I know. And I guess there's a twinge of instability in wanting these events unfold in my lifetime (or in the opinions of some, believing that they'll happen at all.) But it just get's tiring sometimes, telling people over and over again that the end-point in our religion probably isn't waking up on a cloud one day, surrounded by naked flying toddler-bards.

Won't stop me from going all subway-hobo crazy about it when asked though.

>Demons calling themselves Legion infesting a girl
> Jesus commands them to leave the girl
> Demons don't want to go back to hell
> Ask jesus if they can inhabit a bunch of pigs nearby instead
> Jesus says yes
> Demons inhabit pigs
> Jesus commands the pigs into the sea and the demons drown in their new swine bodies

Based Jesus.

Well I'm worried because the only thing I can think of that would stop rainbows for a year would be a nuclear death cloud.

Meh. I'd always wanted to play Testament, myself.

Joking aside, is there a decent RPG with biblical themes?

>what do you MEAN the President is evil and we need to stop him from cursing the rest of the world?

I wanna say VTM

That and gurps, I've run Christian knight games in gurps. Good games.

In Nomine, but good luck finding the actual books.

>VTM
oWoD, yes
nWoD not really, only as a mockery

I actually really want to play an RPG where you are a prophet like Mohammed or Jesus and go and spread your own religion.

My thinking was that it'd be a legacy system where you track an Israel-expy and over time there is a legacy of traditions.

user, Satan/the Dragon was *literally* large enough to swallow whole *countries*, and it's Servitors demons were all sanity-blasting horrors. Revealations was a fucking nightmare of untold proportions.

I'm not in a point in my life where I can chastise anyone, and for my own good I might never be. But I'd consider death in a cold material universe a downright pleasant outcome to damnation, user. Both might share permanence, but you're only aware in one of them.

Just food for thought.

We win.

So is it singleplayer or are there multiple prophets? How would miracles and subterfuge work?

The Book of Mormon while not conventionally canon is actually an interesting read that has one of the coolest settings to run a bibilical games ever.

My favorite part of it is when one of the Nephite generals gets fed up with fighting the more numerous lamenities so he just sneaks into the camp and kills the king with a spear.

They end up fighting another army later and he does the exact same thing. But this time the king screamed and the lamenities caught the general.

Miracles are handled by a "State of Grace" as suggested in Isaac Bonewitz Advanced Thaumaturgy (IMO its is a shit book but this is one good idea.) You roll for a score at the beginning of each chapter to see your "State of Grace" score which gives a percentage chance for God to answer your miracles.

>Sacred Wall of Thorns
>not Crown of Thorns
Come on user.

something along these lines, most likely.

Wonderful AND terrible, user. The former only applies due to the fact (or the hope) that all will be well in the end. The latter fills in for the other 95% of what I'd be feeling.

In my mind (strange littleplace that it is), people accepting this kind of horror to be true is preferable to people believing that we're all just a bundle of chemicals drifting in the void. Not only as a salve against existential despair, but due to the possibility that all of this could be very real. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

A noble lie can be used to justify anything.

>DITV meets Exalted

Give it effects, Veeky Forums.

>>This is your healer for tonight
>What happens?

>Tips fedora

I hope everyone brought their healing potions because it'll be a miracle if this guy shows up tonight.

>Untips fedora

Depends on which Jesus.

Jamesean Jesus of the Gospels? Then it's a party. I'll have a Riesling if you're up for it, J.
Pauline Jesus of the Epistles? Fuck that guy, he'll aggro our resident manlet the first time he heals an orc.
Gnostic Jesus of the Apocrypha? He won't do a thing, just stand around cryptically telling us he's already given us what we needed.
Trucker Jesus of the Fundamentalists? He'll probably REEE that we're in not!Arabia working for a caliphate.

>Abel Christ
>A """healer"""
He's here to heal the world, one overpowered artifact at a time.

Believe it or not I suggested a friend of mine to this to an apathetic monk PC. Seems like his only interest was sparked when he told the villagers not to fuck with undead tragic lovers.

Pity he left the game after 1 session with his "disciples", for unrelated reasons.

True resurrection
Eclipses
Earthquakes

Am I forgetting anything?

I don't actually believe the events of the Bible to be a lie, user. Not the accounts of the past, not the portents of the future, not even the greatest miracles. Borderline fundie, I am.

But I recognize that to many people in the modern western world, even professed Christians, these events (and by extension, anything immaterial) lie somewhere in-between outright falsehood and Sunday Morning's comforting metaphor. I don't believe God is dead, or that he could ever die; but when happens when he's dead to us? What happens if we're forced the relearn the simple truths of creation in the most horrifying way possible?

>Why is Revelations so weird?
Prophecy and a ton of symbolism.
Don't worry, it was so weird, even the Church was like "i'm not sure this is part of the Bible" for some time.

Also, the guy who came up with the Old Testament/New Testament divide was a gnostic, and wanted to show OT God was le evul Demiurge.

So, he was a real life Lorgar.

Gnosticism doesn't hold Jesus particulary in esteem either

Wasnt Jesus Sophia's boy, here to liberate us from God's imprisonment?

Not that I remember. Tough it's gnosticism, it has more interpretations and versions than early 2000s nerds put out about Evangelion.

Divine Embodiment
And it might need a some negative effects since it was a torture piece.

I'd play a Book of Mormon war game.

Sounds sick.

He takes a spear to the chest and dies.

That's never stopped him before.

Because nowadays his word is law.

When Jesus defied the Jewish religious establishment, it was mostly on matters where they themselves had drifted away from their original teachings, whether failing to uphold the sanctity of their traditions (like letting money-lenders work in the Temple) or establishing new policies with no theological basis. I don't recall Jesus ever violating any of the Ten Commandments, at least not in canonical texts. Heretical "gospels" don't count.

As for the Romans, Jesus was always careful not to defy them directly. Other people called him King of the Jews, but he did not call himself that. His whole "render unto God what is God's and unto Caesar what is Caesar's" speech was about specifically pointing out how he was a spiritual savior but did not intend to be a political revolutionary.

>but can he save my from myself?
That's his primary mission, senpai.

Well all things considered the game is cancelled do to the apocalypse.

>tfw your half-brother tries to rape you after pretending to be ill

In a couple apocryphal texts he used power word kill. As a child. On other children.

He also has whip proficiency.

And is also a living Orb of Dragonkind.

5 rolls to PvP, necromancer and thief vs Jesus.

Nice

>Then Jesus said to them, "Give back to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's." And they were amazed at him.

He broke social norms more than laws, and in more than one occasion He stated he didn't discard the law.
But I agree, I wouldn't characterize Him as lawful. Mostly because alignments are stupid.

Thanks to divine intervention our homebrew is no longer a labyrinthine mess of Palladium and d20 rules and since we're all Christians the group will finally stop arguing and we can get shit done.

Also, Pay your taxes

Debuff necro or undead necro?

Sorry man, I didn't see your post, and now I sound like That Guy who reposts things already in the thread, but written worse.

He was lawful good. Society was corrupt and he was fixing it.

>This is your cleric for the night
What happens?

Yeah, lawful doesn't mean "adehring to actual written law" anyway.

As I picture the average lawful dwarf, he doesn't give a fuck about actual laws, in the sense that he's no lawyer; he just follows tradition and he's predictable, in a good way. I can readily see a dwarf rebellion against tiranny be perfectly lawful.
Amusingly enough the average ELF might know more about written laws, if only because of curiosity and more bookishness. He'd be still pretty chaotic.

>in general I like dwarves and elves to recognize these differences and to respect the fact that they actually think differently at an instinctual level, they know they're like cats and dogs but they don't really hate each other for that - it's even a societal norm that they take their time alone when working together now and then for this reason

Hotei was an honest-to-Gautama monk, user

How exactly does a dhampir achieve enlightenment, even with that kind of help?