Your current character finds a lamp

>Pauses before rubbing the lamp long enough to pop Arcane-level Advice, asking about what it would take to fix the fluctuations in reality that've been occurring with disturbingly increasing frequency. Second Advice casting would be for directions to whatever locations need to be visited during his attempt to fix reality.
>Wish 1: Assuming items are needed, and he can't create the items himself, his first wish would be for the items in question, including the means to transport himself to an extraplanar area if needed. If no items are necessary, he replaces this wish with wish 2.
>Wish 2(or 1): Access to an unlimited supply of Enchanting materials that provide a modest amount of Power Points at level 5.
>Wish 3(2): For Imperium to relinquish the Empress and give up on their "Kill the Gods" plan. Seriously, Barnabus was a total cock for swiping her just as she got the Empire settled down.
>Wish(3): The remaining twenty-five of the Thirty Black Pieces of Metal, so he can advance his gear enough to hopefully quash any more Powers in the Shadows bullshit that springs up, without putting his friends or family in danger.

>I wish for the nullification of every wish you've ever granted.

That they be more personable to other humanoids and creatures.

That they gain both benefits of their chose class instead of one or the other (seriously, that shit is not overpowered).

That the flesh they use for their body was opaque instead of transparent, because really, who the hell did that?

~~~~~~

The party....gods, the party.

Weapon Upgrades.
Ship Upgrades.
Gestalt Classes.

Fucking chaotic stupid idiots.

>Immortality.
>A library with all knowledge that has ever existed and that will ever be made(if time is not a problem for geniuses).
>A very good librarian to take care of my library

>He dies with some weird DST after two days enjoying his gold and sex life

I wish for the lich's wish to be for Finn and I to go home.

1. A working tranq gun. How many prototypes do the идиoти eggheads in R&D have to go through before they get one that can take down a regular person, never mind an evolved life form.
2. A good life for his nephew. Seriously, that boy needs to get out from under his дeбeлa кypвa of a mother.
3. For him and all of the people he fought with (in all senses of the phrase) to get what they so richly deserve, a short and brutal death.
t. Balkan Wars veteran fighting a crazed GM's version of the X-Men

I have some questions for the genie first.

I wish for more lamps. Mundane ones.
How many? I want a storm to brew over my current rival's town and rain nothing but lamps for 40 days and 40 nights

Your own wish gets nullified by itself. The only result is you now have one less wish.

I actually have had a character get a wish from a genie. He wished for her freedom, hoping she would thank him with bonus wishes/sex. She cursed him, making it so he couldn't speak and fucked off. Dont trust genies.

Wish 1: Mind control
Wish 2-12: The party makes wishes via my mind control

However, since my wish nullifying wish was nullified, it means my wish nullifying wish actually happened.

>the town is now called Lamp Town
>they can't get rid of the damn things so they use them and their metal for everything
>Eventually forms a mighty empire, can't remove the name
>Everyone that lives there hates the name's origin
>Asking why the city is named Lamp Town is punishable by death

Actually, nevermind my previous reply, my own wish wouldn't be nullified. I said the nullifcation of every wish you've ever granted. At the time of my wording out the wish, the wish hadn't been granted, so only wishes made before my wish nulling are nullified. My own wish is safe from paradoxes.

This is why you word your wishes carefully folks.

Is this your campaign? If so it sounds really fun, what system? Deets?

My character is currently a slave of an efreet named Shunithal al-Aziz ibn al-Nar in the City of Brass in Elemental Fire. She's working on escaping right now.

Finding a lamp with a genie in it would help with that immensely.

Aww yiss
And I still have two more wishes

Huge power for me and my friends to fight the dark one.

Destroy the dark one and his minions forever.

For city folk to become nicer and more like village folk.

I am a simple man with big ambitions.

(OP)
1. That the genie has to henceforth locomote in Monty-Pythonesque silly walks
2. That the genie henceforth talks with a stutter
3. That the genie henceforth experiences chronic back pain

Anima: Beyond Fantasy. We've gone waaaay past level 10, which is the "The Mechanics start to get wonky" point in the system, and the place where most sane GMs pack it in.
During our travels, we've encountered what best can be called "bubbles" in reality that lead to other realities (Gensokyo, Disgaea's Netherworld, etc). My character, the group's resident occultist/scientist/super-genius, has figured out that these occurrences have been increasing in frequency, and after some consultation with the Great Library of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, determined that these phenomena are a sign of our world's reality slowly collapsing, he's advised the other two to steer clear of the phenomena when they can, as he goes about behind the scenes trying to figure out a way to fix this.
Imperium and their leader Barnabus are basically Anti-theist Space Nazis, hell bent on killing the Gods and the Fates, and ruling humanity from the shadows. To that end, they kidnapped the Empress, who has defied fate twice by living when she shoulda been killed. Most likely to use in their God-Killing project.
And the Thirty Black Pieces of Metal are archives of technomagical knowledge, that Imperium gave to the ancient empire of Solomon over 900 years ago, when they tried running humanity through science. That plan failed because Solomon hoarded their tech like bastards, so Imperium tried ruling through religion by sending Abel, the Messiah to fuck their shit up. Agents of Solomon paid the Apostle Judas with those Thirty Pieces to betray Abel, leading to his capture and crucifixion.
Judas figured out what those pieces meant after the whole Betrayal thing, and tried to kick up a war against Imperium, only for their puppets to shut him down. This led to the scattering of those pieces.
Imperium can't find them because they, in a horrendous lack of foresight, designed them to be undetectable by mystical means.

>So my lord, you accept the terms of the agreement?
>this trade deal with provide my people with rubbers and plastics for years to come.
>I just need the name of your Kingdome agian, to sign off the document.
>Come agian? Could you speak up, what did you say you were called agian.
>en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dildo,_Newfoundland_and_Labrador

1. Destroy all undead, giving them the rest they deserve.
2. Remove magical abilities and knowledge from all those that would abuse it for their own personal gain, at the expense of others.
3. Assuming the genie wasn't a dick and didn't do this with 2 Remove my own innate magical abilities.

I don't know what the partys wishes would be, though I can almost guarantee one would be pissed away on "hurf durf gibe muni"

1: The favor of the djinni, that my wishes be interpreted to my advantage.
2: Retroactive immunity to mind-altering effects.
3: Back in the lamp, Iblis.

>"Mortal, my powers may grant you any three wishes you desire?"
"Infinite money!"
>"... Infin... Kid, I can't make an Infinite source of something, why not just-"
"INFINITE MONEY YOU CHEAP CUNT!"

>the pain goes away
>the darkness lifts
>someone loves him
The character is me

>A holy laser sword named Deathscalibur.
>Guitar rifts play whenever I swing it.
>Lightning strikes the background whenever I point it skyward.
Then I tell the genie thanks and to have a pleasant day.

JUDGE

A safe home plane for his family, a high-quality artificer's toolkit and a pendant that acts as a genie radar and can release genies if the genie is willing and not hostile.

Ask for my eye back
Ask for my spleen back
Ask for my third-degree burns to heal

I wish for a magical amulet that has no power on its own but which fits on the top of the lamp, when the lamp and the amulet are combined I will have infinite wishes so long as it is not removed.

iunderstoodthatreferance.gif

1) A magical, indestructible Tome that contains knowledge of virtually everything.

2) Every person on the plane gets Prestidigitation as an innate cantrip and knows how to use it.

3) Immortality without needing to harm her surroundings, anyone or any plane.

Neutral Good Loremaster Wizard, pretty expected stuff.

1. Her parents brought back to life
2. That her sister will always be safe and happy
3. To be the powerful warrior in the world, unstoppable and undefeatable

She might be a psychotic killing machine, but she still cares for her family and want them to be safe and happy

...

My character's super naive and idealistic, so she'd probably wish for something grandiose (like "the end of all evil in the world") not realizing that the dickass genie is going to twist it into something catastrophic (like wiping out all sapient life because the seeds of evil lurk in the heart of every man).

1. For master's name to be praised on high
2. For the bond with master and the bond with any friends to not come into conflict
3. For an enjoyable marriage.

>I wish my powers carried no risk of daemons.
>I wish I knew what all of this Eldar stuff was and how it worked.
>I wish I wasn't about to die.

My half orc barbarian knows better than to trust a genie.

>Character: a better reason to be adventuring than "I want to be strong like the guy who saved my village," a more consistent food supply, and that his fiendish lineage was more useful to him. This would all go exactly as horribly wrong as you'd expect.

>Party: true freedom for all androids, the Crash Zone to become properly habitable, and they'd probably let the Ranger's pet tiger get the last wish. What WOULD a tiger wish for?

Wisdom, and that is all that he desires.

As for the party...they might wish for something such as a bag which always contains enough coins to pay for what we wish to purchase, something that can cripple even ancient dragons, and for a certain giant friend to be revived.

I wish the Rogue detested coin
I wish the wizard becomes permanently unable to read
I wish the barbarian became a pacifist

Now everyone has to sacrifice a wish to fix their shit

I wish in every household there appears a deck of many things.

He puts it in the path of his enemies. He's known enough stories of people being screwed over by accepting wishes from a genie in a lamp to know that anyone will want that lamp in the hand of their enemies.

>I wish to know who I am.
>I wish to return everything to the way it was before I had made my first wish.
>I wish to know who I am.

To be caliph instead of the caliph.
A better henchman.
Platform shoes.

The power, ability and, knowledge to be able to slaughter any fiend, devil, or demon that dares to tread into his realm, threaten an innocent, or cross his path. Split into multiple wishes as need be.

>Killed by Daylight Savings Time
He was a vampire?

>I wish Planescape was written well
>I wish Torment was actually as good as we pretend it was just because it had Babby's First Good Twist Ending
>Eh, I'll take a decent reuben sandwich

Self:
1: To be young again, regaining the years that damn ghost took away.
2: Fix my head injury that the devil mercenary gave me.
3: A belt of storm giant strength.

He decides it's too good to be true and lets the lamp lie. Whatever this wish granting entity is, there's no way it will just give him what he wants with no strings attached or some sort of agenda behind it. What if the genie is manipulating the outcome of the wishes it grants so that it can eventually free itself?

This sounds exactly like an Anime plot.

>Immortality
>Access to all magical texts in the universe
>A bottomless mug of beer

A simple mage.

I'd wish for a lamp not infected by a genie then throw him in the ocean.
I just want a lamp man

Why wish for one lamp when you can have three?

1) Wish to change rules of wishing so that wishing for more wishes is allowed.

2) More wishes.

3+) Wish the genie's nature to be changed so that it will always deal in good faith.

Yeah can't argue with these at all. Maybe nukes instead of gold 'n sex, but gold and sex are nonnegotiable.

Eh, the gold can buy you nukes. Gold 'n sex is too important to chance not getting.

>wife alive
>money for daughter's college
>very hard choice between better relationship with estranged son and financial success in not-Nostromo

Life is hard for an aging spacer.

The genie kills you for trying to be a smartass.

...

Immediately discard the lamp without wishing, because wish-granters of any stripe never work the way the wisher wants.

It's basically anime the table top, so I can see where you'd draw that conclusion.

A writ of authority that gives him sovereignty over any noble he and only him presents it to.

To make his ship and all its components indestructible

and for no one to ever doubt the legitimacy of his biography ever again.

The group?
Prolly money, peace, and booze.

Well I'm Neutral Good at heart so....
1. The Money/power to affect real and positive change in the world.
2. The willpower to see that I don't find myself corrupted or compromised.
3: The Skills and knowledge to best use 1 and 2.

>genie nullifies all wishes before your wish
>then re-enables all of them a second later force you to waste another wish nullifying them all again.
>screws over that wish too, laughing all the while.
>goes back into lamp-bar and tells his buds about the latest mortal making wishes.

This has completed my quest to find the best way to spend 3 wishes.

I can finally rest easy knowing a child of metal lives on..

Rock on... my son..

Immediately wish a particularly stupid person who works for the bbeg has the lamp instead of me. Then just sit back and watch what happens.

>not the Astral Hammer
>powered by lasers entwined in a star

>Teenage Ghost

She wishes she wasn't dead. There is no second wish. Other PCs would wish for

>Famous Pro-Wrestler

To be even more famous wrestler

>Famous Pro-Wrestler's Manager

For the wrestler to be even more famous. Also gold.

>Janitor who wants to be a hero

That he was a hero

>Nerdy mage

That she had friends. Then world peace. Then peace among her new friends. Also books.

A kingdom to rule, ability to cast form of the dragon at will, and the ability to stay cute forever

1. Gold... all of it
2. Loot... all of it
3. Power over the entire world's thieves

Party
1. To kill my character
2. For my character to stop putting mage hand up people's asses
3.for the DM to stop loving the fuck out of my character

well.

I try to strike up a deal with the genie.
If I use my first two wishes without harmful intent towards others and he does not fuck me over, then he will get the last wish for himself, with the same restrictions that I have on my wishes (his rules + no harmful intent).
The genie should deserve some sort of reward for his actions, but if he is malevolent he obviously should not.

>Your current character
Last time I wasn't GMing it was 2004

I feel you. One of the most over-rated things that ever happend in cRPG, if not THE most over-rated.

I understood that reference, pretender.