Meanwhile on Late-Night Demon Hunter Veeky Forums

>Meanwhile on Late-Night Demon Hunter Veeky Forums
Alright Hunters, so here's the rundown: Reality got fucked sideways, Magic is fucking everywhere now, Demon Realm bullshit has stirred up all across the globe, giant fish-things are rising from the sea, the Necronomicon has disappeared, there are floating islands as far as the eye can see, the stars have gone fucky, Oliver Cromwell is besieging England (Again. For like, the TENTH TIME), and there are now cultists crawling out of the woodwork en masse. Cthulhu is also awake and is doing shit around where the Nips are at.

Oh, and there's a Greater Demon coming to murderfuck us all into oblivion too. So all in all, lots of Fun for the whole family!

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LONDON HAS FALLEN. WHERE IS THE QUEEN SHE IS NOT HERE WHERE HAVE YOU HIDDEN HER

You'll never find her, you Fiend! She is safe from your vile grasp! Now, En Garde!

FOOL I AM NO FIEND BUT A SERVANT OF THE LORD. NOW SINCE I CANNOT FIND THE QUEEN I SHALL GO TO CANTERBURY AND DESTROY ITS SINFUL CATHEDRAL

Stop this shitposting please.

>NOW SINCE I CANNOT FIND THE QUEEN I SHALL GO TO CANTERBURY AND DESTROY ITS SINFUL CATHEDRAL
Nay, you shant! By the power of the Light, we march to stand against you, you restless shade!

A RESTLESS SHADE A MAY BE BUT WITHOUT A WHOLE BODY AND CONSECRATED BURIAL GROUND I SHALL NEVER REACH HEAVEN THUS VENGEANCE THAT BITTER DRAUGHT IS ALL THAT REMAINS TO ME

Shitposting cannot be stopped, nor can it be ocntained. It is a universal constant, infinite and eternal in its perfect unity and wholeness. To become one with the Shitpost, is to know it is ntimately In a manner such that now words may describe it, for it lies transcendent beyond all things, yet still remains as one with them.

All is calm.

All is bright.

NO. STOP THIS. STOP IT NOW.

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Guys, the dragon hunters in my area are being pricks. Reports of a demon dragon have surfaced and we can't decide which group should go after it. I suggested that we just both hunt it together, but dragon hunters are arrogant dickheads who won't let anyone else have 'their' glory. On top of that, we can't even decide what the demon dragon is. Is it a demon taking a dragon's form? Is it a dragon which is possessed by a demon? While the dragon hunters are forcing this argument, the damn thing is toasting villages left and right. What can I do about this shit?

>What can I do about this shit?
You are perfectly within your sworn duty as a Hunter and protector of people to chain the arrogant pricks to a tree, and use them as bait for the thing. They shall not be missed whatsoever. Anyone who has *ever* had any experience with Dragon Hunters whatsoever knows them to be selfish, conceited, narcissistic asswipes of the highest order.

Russias fine. Chilling with Perun.

Well it is if you call fighting of Elder Undead and Undead with guns. Also how does one summon Warriors granted an honorable death to assist you respective patrin.

Tell them to man the fuck up and get some demon hunters and figure shit out as you go.

Go aquire Dragon Slayer Class weapons, if your a gun expert go get a Sacred tipped round.
Recite the blessing of the hunters and boom.

Next: Don't be an idiot and shoot the demon. Unless its a core based demon, then you gonna have to pin it down and peform a sacred Right of banishment.

Also the color determines the layer of hell and status in the hierarchy. Plan accordingly.

Now if that doesn't work. Summon a Valkyrie Battlion, Can't do that just blast with magic. Impartically Holy incantation type music.

Get to with the rest of the riff raff.

>there are floating islands as far as the eye can see
hey man, each of them have a sort of physical law fuckery stone. if you dig it out of the island and put it in a lead-lined box it stops working and the island falls. but if you then chain that rock onto a big flatbed you have a handy skiff for getting altitude either as a handy gunner tower or as a way to get to other islands, I got one with an old air-boat fan.

1.) figure out where the dragon IS
2.) figure out its specific shtick
3.) prep-time
4.) tell the dragonrapers that its someplace else
5.) deal with the demon lizard.
6.) as fully as possible destroy any trophy parts of the creature you can't keep for yourself because fuck those guys, they WILL try and take credit if they can lay hands on bones teeth or skin.

Guys, can we take an aside from demon hunting for a bit? I need some relationship advice.

I met this cute Japanese qt3.14159 (she's got this mole under one eye... I wonder why japs call 'em "beauty marks", but I digress). 12/10. We're hitting it off great. Can't post pictures because she doesn't want her photos taken due to her having a previous experience with a stalker. I recently encountered said stalkers. Yes, stalkers. She had two. With knives. They came on the same day. One of them had acid. Being both a demon hunter and ultra-beta-white-knugget-savior-of-babes that I am (hurhurhur) I kicked their asses and put them in the hospital (after getting my ass chewed out). The two dudes were screaming that she was perfect and she was theirs and were going at each others throats at the start of the fight before coming together and deciding to cut her in thirds her so everyone can her (thankfully, I kick-fisted them the fuck off).

Okay, okay. Enough backstory. She asked me if I wanted to go to a love hotel with her and here lies the problem: 1) I don't know shit about love hotels. 2) I am a fucking V.

I'm assuming she wants to spend time in private having a conversation (that's what I heard about Japanese and why they visit love hotels) because she didn't ask me about condoms. Then again, what the fuck do I know about women? I am almost a wizard here.

Advice?

>hey man, each of them have a sort of physical law fuckery stone. if you dig it out of the island and put it in a lead-lined box it stops working and the island falls. but if you then chain that rock onto a big flatbed you have a handy skiff for getting altitude either as a handy gunner tower or as a way to get to other islands, I got one with an old air-boat fan.

Sounds intriguing. Will definitely come in handy when someone needs their own personal floating island for whatever reason.

D'ya wanna spend time with her? Then spend time with her. If she wants to spend time with you in a love hotel, whatever that is, then whats the problem?

Virginities are overrated, imo, but they ARE one of those things you only lose by doing the thing you fear.

So go do.

Uhh... I get kinda giddy whenever we hold hands and uh... this may sound weird but... I have an urge to cut her up. Lewd, I know. Never felt that way before. Again, don't know if this is normal because this is my first relationship and I'm not even on home turf... So I don't know if this is normal in Japan.

>Uhh... I get kinda giddy whenever we hold hands and uh... this may sound weird but... I have an urge to cut her up
..........We believe that you may have issues. As in, a LOT of issues.

Ah son here has a Tomie on his hands. You're probably too far gone already, but what you need to do is kill her and dissolve the body in lime. Make sure not to leave any pieces, getting cut up is how Tomies multiply and grow.

Does anyone know a castrati hunter in the area who could help him out? Preferably one with a flamethrower.

Isaiah here.
We're doing okay, Toby's working on unfucking reality to the best of his abilities. Hate to admit it, but having eldritch buddies does have it's benefits.
Doubly so since i think we may have caused the whole reality fucking in the first place, trying to figure out where my daughter's gone off to.
I did see some fish-faces on the outskirts.
They keep going back and forth between the forest edge and the town border.
I can't say for sure, but they look a bit scared to come in.
But, all in all, New Hunterswake is doing just peachy.
I've heard talk of those Bluerun brothers building some sort of defence grid on the town ramparts.
I don't know what it's worth in the long run, but there's been regular earthquakes and flashes of blindingly bright light shining in.
Oh, and some nutjob started building a log ladder all the way up to some floating island above us.

Tex, if you're still here, could you go to Louisiana to check up on my daughter? I mean, she can stop time, but i'm still a little worried.
She's wearing a full-platinum suit with heart accents last i saw her.

Damnit, why do you persona types need to get so messy. Every time blowing up some tiny allegorical threat into a huge world ending one. It makes no sense how this keeps happening.

In our defence, we didn't know any reality resets were going on - we were just looking into the otherworldly to find out where time has stopped recently.
New Hunterswake is in the middle of a forest of mists and near New Innsmouth, reality doesn't work right here anyway.

...but what's a Persona? I've heard talk of some japanese demon hunters using them as weapons, but i don't know the specifics.

Yeah. Don't know what she wants, for starters... And if we're going to get lewd... I don't even know where to stick it in.

Just remembered that I got a pic of her on my cell taken in secret. Ain't she cute? Yeah, don't mind the goofy picture. It looks like she has her hand cut off, but if you look close enough behind her hair you can see her fingers grabbing her shoulder.

Ah, that explains everything then. You need to kill her. Do It Now. Please, for all our sakes.

Russell Group detachment here. Cromwell is now missing pretty much all his artillery and most of his Dragoons, and we've laid some mines for him to find later. We got a bit shot up in the process, though, pulling back for more ammo. Whoever else is fighting him, can you please tell us where the hell you are so we can get a bit more indiscriminate about blowing things up? Collateral damage is kind of a concern here.

Will take us about five hours to make up another batch of applied chemistry at least, so you're on your own for now.

Well. Okay... Kinda weird considering it's our first night together... :/

Just a moment. Gotta prep some take-out bags... Cutting wire... Plastic mat... Guess I can do this naked so I don't need the hazard suit... weighted bukkits... Map of safe dumping sites... Shovel and trowel...

Alright. See you guys tomorrow.

>Well. Okay... Kinda weird considering it's our first night together... :/
Trust us. The moment you start cutting and burning, you'll see the terrible truth of what you nearly made love to.

Argh, forget the knife, let's get some gasoline and burn whole damn place down.

I've got a group of 26 men down in Kent right now working on these bloody cultists and keeping the media away from the real weird shit. We've already had a few near-misses with some mass human sacrifices and daemonic artefacts. give us a shout if anything big starts heading this way and good luck with the bombs lads.

I can spare a few men if anyone needs reinforcements but getting to anyone more than an hour away is probably out of the question, I'd rather not have these guys moving through unprotected land for too long.

Whoa, didn't know she did a bondage shoot...

Alright, whatever you say. The plan is to cut and scatter her remains so nobody will find them.

And... I ain't got time. Date's in 20. Portlander out.

Here's another photo of her... Kinda boring though.

バイカーズ=バイクを中心とした銃などで武装した武装ギャング、マフィア並に強いだけで他国からはマフィアより格下、ロシアは愛好家が居るだけで暴走族は居ない、暴走車はロシアの警察は基本銃で撃ち殺す

>Alright, whatever you say. The plan is to cut and scatter her remains so nobody will find them.
No. Do NOT do this. That is how her ilk breeds. Just try to find a quick and easy means of burning her mass away, whilst leaving as little material as possible.

What the fuck are you guys talking about?

>Not knowing about the things stalking in the night.
Normies get out.

Are you new here?
We have rp threads like this all the time, get involved and stop shitting up the thread.

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Portlander back. Gonna give an update...

Well, it worked out. Got her cut up and put in the various containers.

Got spooked by a pack of local dogs... But they were friendly, so I fed them some.

Loading up to dump some of this off a bridge then I'm going into the countryside.

Fuck. I didn't get to make love to my girlfriend. I shouldn't have followed the advice of you faggots.

Portlander out. Busy night.

>Got spooked by a pack of local dogs... But they were friendly, so I fed them some.
........Please tell us that you didn't feed them her flesh. Please.

Hey guys did we ever try you know burying Cromwell properly as a means to pacify him? Just throwing ideas out as the fight him plan seems not to be working

We usually don't get the chance to. Dude's so fucking resilient that the usual course of f action is to reduce him to giblets and hope that he's dispersed enough that he won't return for a decade or so.

Yeah but that's just his murder ghost body. His real body got posthumously decapitated and quartered. Maybe he'd be less pissed if we reunited and buried his corpse
Then we could use him to hunt devils with us

Not him, but right now there's this girl in the Hunter's Dream inn.
Black hair, mostly just rags, inexplicable mutt-dog ears.
Keeps muttering about having lost connection with her sisters.
Think there's a relation?

Have you tried blending him?

Do we even know where is real body is in the present day? Because I wouldn't be surprised if someone found it and has just been juggling it around the world.

>Black hair, mostly just rags, inexplicable mutt-dog ears.
>Keeps muttering about having lost connection with her sisters.
That wouldn't be spoiler related would it? Because if it is, well let's just say that you won't have a good time.

That's what i'm trying to figure out. Either way, she seems lost, and, well, no one, even the resident womanizer, has had any sort of reaction to her beyond the barkeep letting her stay in the inn in exchange for serving as a barmaid.

no idea but it would be worth it

Good news the Russian Threat has been dealt with. Also quickest way to burn away roughly overly a thousand years of history and multiple World wars worth of bodies, (we have tried fire and even more fire.)

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FUCK ME!
Somebody run a IP trace on this dumbass
Chances are he's cutting her up because she provoked him.
We need a dragon or ifrit to light this bitch up.

The Idiots located in a dead zone in Tokyo. Fucker is probably dealing with the Yokai that have manifested around when the last thread went up.

FUCK FUCK FUCK
contain her ashes in a mix of tar, cement, or anything that can slow her growth.
> send those ashes to hell via teleport
Don't send them to space, that's how we got that googly eyed space rapist.
I hope you're happy because
you unleashed the Beauty Plague of 1987 all over again.
Where's my IP trace.

WELP. Time to call the plague O'mancers and Null Magicians.
What the hell is that IP. My Mob Comm Reading bricked itself getting that IP and how the hell are you located on IS and inside fallen Carcass of Beauty Plagues host.

here.
We're probably safe. As i mentioned earlier, New Hunterswake works a bit weird where reality is concerned.
Toby claims it's because of layered realities compressing as a result of eldritch energies causing pressure outside of the known reality, but i'm no expert.
Anyway, i've read up on this Tomie figure, and done some footwork.
It seems the local reality abnormalities link dog-ear Tomie with a reality where she's the inverse of herself, cancelling the two out and leaving her a bit out of it as long as she stays here.
I can also confirm no one, despite her efforts, has been infected.
Not only does the local hermit doctor confirm no contamination has occurred, but i've heard her lament how her saliva has no effect.
Apparently she's been spitting in drinks the whole time she worked as a barmaid.
She's getting more and more unfocused and out of it, so we're guessing eventually anti-Tomie takes over and converts into the first person to touch her...which, if Anti-Tomie is properly anti, will probably end up being someone with massive amounts of booze in his systems.

Lets hope the fabric laws don't kick in, fusing them together.

>CODE RED
>Thanato-Pathogenic Invasion in Progress
>TYPE T
We need to burn everything. *Everything*. Down to fucking bedrock if need be. It's the only way to be sure.

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Portlander reporting in. Fuck me and fuck driving at night.

Got to this town near the city. Went to the a local butchery to dispose of some of the guts. They had a blender. Funny huh? Yeah, so I thought it would be pretty good to dispose of some of the soft organs by making a smoothie and and pouring it down the drain.

You know how I said it was a butchery? Japs don't like butchers, I think... Some social tier thing. So that makes this a pretty good place to drop off the rib cage. Just gotta skin it first then place it in with the rest of the hooked meats. Pretty sure nobody can tell the difference between pork ribs and baby-back (get it?) ribs.

Portlander out, still got half a body to dispose. During the day no less.

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Hey guys do wearwolfs die from something other than silver bullets over in the USA? Im a slav hunter on vacation and a freind asked me to clean up. I'v allredy filled the guy full of bullets two times and im starting to get tiered of this shit. I just wanted to do some hiking

Fucking hell.
Stop what you're doing. Find some acid and melt down the remaining remains and dump the vat of Tomie-sludge down an active volcano.

in my area things are mostly fine, but I did have one really fucked up encounter yesterday that still has me shook up(even if compared to the bullshit a lot of you guys are dealing with it's relatively mild, and more disturbing than dangerous);

>went to local game store to pick up a preorder(was my day off)
>cashier was acting really off, like she kept having issues typing my info into the computer properly and was acting in that way where someone is trying to hold back laughter(or crying) and doing a really bad job at doing so
>eventually due to both frustration at how poorly she was doing her job and my rising suspicions(even in my relatively peaceful area you don't last long as a Demon Hunter without at least some paranoia), I told her I'd come back for my order later
>after I left the store I snuck around behind the store and did a scrying ritual to determine whether anything screwy was going on(although at the time I was hoping she was just a meth-head or something)
>turns out the girl had FOUR fucking Soul Taps spiritually embedded in her
>I had never heard of anyone surviving having more than one of the damn things jammed in them, let alone four of them
>the worst part was how long they had been in her, it's rare for one of those things to be kept in a person for more than maybe a month or two, somehow she'd survived having four of them in her for almost 20 years(when she'd have been one or maybe two years old)
>which means there's possibly either a demonologist or unsanctioned necromancer running around my turf shoving soul taps into babies and toddlers
>I waited till she got off work to ambush her, hold her down and rip the damn things out of her soul
>she'll live but her soul looks like a piece of swiss cheese, and I doubt her mind will fully recover from the trauma either

god I need another drink after recounting that, not to mention now I've got a lot of work to do hunting down the bastard who did that atrocity

I doubt he's in control anymore. It's likely manipulating him in order to spread itself further. We can only hope some lucky Hunter finds him and kills him before it's too late.

Question, why is a kraken in my city? we're closer to bloody space than the sea by fourty kilometres, WHY IS IT HERE OF ALL PLACES?

That might of been my fault, i had to deal with some shitty sea cult, you know the kind, the great old thing will rise and bring on a age of darkness yada yada, anyways, they were doing some ritual when i get to them, they pulled it off except i managed to switch a few runes around on their main circle and turn it into a gate opening spell from our world to our world

Oh yeah that happens from time to time.
It happens when some idiot gets a bit of egg fragment on his body.
After that they'll probley washed down some pipe and regenerate in water over there.

god damnit then I'm gonna kill the thing before it gets to our local museum, I don't know what will happen when it gets its tentacles in there and I'm not looking to find out.

I recomend using a high caliber rifle

Good luck, you might want to get some sodium, works like a charm

I'm sure that if we all just stay inside and go to bed, this whole thing will resolve itself in the morning.

No way you bastard. We're staying up all fucking night.

So now heres the question of the night, I need work. Since are task force has just been disbaned due to UN bitching about me siding with another Pantheon and angering Vatician due to the "Impure gods"

Anyone know a good combat contracting angency who won't bitch about my allies.

Psychic rape catgirls are only really a problem in locations with severe gun control laws. Otherwise coordinating the four high power rifles you need is more or less beginner work.

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Fear not brothers. The true gods are with us. We have achieved our true potential. The Fifth Church has been reunited. Brothers fo the south and west coast walk hand in hand. Star Signals has reached ascension levels on all seven continents.

>The Fifth Church has been reunited.
>The Fifth Church.
OH SHIT! LAUNCH THE NUKES!!!

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I've got just the guy

>some stupid new hunter fucker opened up a Type T and now its running fucking rampant across america
shit.
Chicagoguy here, alls quiet on this front for once since halloween seemed to have been the biggest thing and got alot of shit got spooked hard by some of the biggest big bad fuckers came through here to point out how much of a collective bitch they are comparatively.
still though odds are likely the Type T already broke into city limits, theres just too many open areas still from the lack of personnel and I've heard of terrors being unleashed coming from the southside once again in that gigantic wreck.

Oh god not him. Collateral was a bitch to clean up the last time we called him up.

Alright guys I found his body and reunited it with his head and then buried it in consecrated ground

I have some blueprints for incendiary charges, if need be. Gimme a minute, I have a LOT of blueprints...

Nukes? I can't help you there, but I have a few other ways of leveling cities.

We'll take anything you have, anything at all. A Tomie invasion is bad enough, but the Fifthists are even *worse*. We will definitely be up shit-creek without a paddle if we let them have their way.

What area of the hunters? I'll send you the blueprints through a quick portal.

Anyone have tips for what I should be using against full blown demonic incursions, should be noted I operate out of Atlantic Canada so anything bigger than a NATO 5.56 is sadly out of the question.

Bombs.

>What area of the hunters?
We are currently situated in a small fishing-town, if that's what you mean. The locals aren't exactly the nicest sort either.

Where should I send the blueprints?

Just dump them off next to us if you can. Or on top of us. We don't really mind.

Are you a hunter? You're giving me bad vibes.

This reminds me:
What is Veeky Forums listening to tonight?

I'm not just talking about those of us who use music to induce trances and summon our totems. Just curious.

>Not that I don't need a constant stream of new albums and bands to keep that right vibe that makes the link work properly.

Also, tips/tricks for dealing with anomalies that have an electromagnetic component? Interruptions in the music destabilizes my totems.