He's lawful evil

>he's lawful evil

It's like you WANT to be fucked in the ass by devils when you kick the bucket.

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It's in the contract that they will and I get to ass fuck hot devil bitches in the ass. You don't get those kinds of deals with demons who will betray you the second it's convient. At least with Devils if you read and force the contract you know what you're in for and can use stalling tactics.

>alignments
>DnD
lol?

Well yes, that is why I worship Graz'zt.

>dying
>being so pathetic measly devils are a threat
>actually selling your soul
serves them right

I just believe that hotdogs aren't a real sandwich and so that hotdog vendor was asking to be burned alive for trying to also sell cold sandwiches from his cart.

Cold meats and hot meats, it just ain't natural to mix those thing on a single cart.

Yea, that's why he picked lawful evil.
That being said, with lawful evil, you will need a contract to get your ass fucked. Those devils might be evil, but by fucking god they will be lawful about it!
>Excuse me sir, before I rape you, I'm gana need you to fill out the proper forms.

I'll turn my life around after this one last job I swear.
I'll go pray really hard o my deathbed.
Or maybe I could cut a deal with a devil...

>Be the best evil boy to your ability.
>Do all the evil.
>When you die, you get sent to the under realms and are punished -instead of rewarded- by evil beings for doing things they approve of and want to happen.

At least in Christianity or whatever it's a Rorschach situation where you're trapped in there with them and everybody is having an equally terrible time as God's set it up as basically a time out corner for anybody who won't listen to him, but in most fantasy settings these kinds of places are RUN and OPERATED by EEEVIL Demons and Devils, so why are they punishing you? You're doing what they want you to do? They're lawful evil, not lawful stupid.

Yeah it doesn't make sense to be punished if hell is managed by devils, who make this stupid shit

It's not that the torture is punishment. It's that devils are sadists who like to have fun, and most LE mortals who die aren't worth much more than henchmen. So you toughen them up and get your jollies at the same time, like a psychopathic drill sergeant.

If you're powerful enough to earn a respectable place in their meritocracy, you'll be fine as long as you don't piss off the guys higher up. They've got the pathetic losers to whip into shape/act as their slaves.

You don't have to sell your soul every time, you just have to live by a nasty code to get that cosmic punishment.

The torture is also key to the Devils drawing out power in 3.x at least. Also it's part of the very contract that lets them claim souls in the first place, that's the law of the multiverse that (Lawful) evil beings (And captured chaotic ones) are to be tortured in the 9 Hells.

if you dont sell your soul you just go to hell, which all things considered isnt actually that bad- since by that point you have already been there several times (and gotten out)

In 3.x at least you go there as a soul shell, a worthless, powerless husk, usually stuck on a styx island and likely to lose what little memory they have.

Real world human beings from dozens of cultures believed in a judgement-based afterlife for centuries, and it didn't stop a significant number of them from being selfish dicks.

In F20 settings, you can assume that a LE devil-worshipping church would teach that only *other* people get the torture, and those faithful to Asmodeus would have dominance over all other souls when Hell wins at the End of Time. Heck, maybe it turns out they aren't even lying.

Do people really choose their alignments? You can do good shit in hopes of a reward in the afterlife all you want, but it won't actually make you good.

Even outside D&D, everyone knows you should never make deals with demons, that's really basic.
The best plots come from Fey deals anyway

Enjoy your literally flaming devil women whose 1000 degree buttholes burns your dick off over and over.

>It's like you WANT to be fucked in the ass by devils
You don't?

PAIN AND PLEASURE INDIVISIBLE

I found that if you shop around before signing the contract you might find one of the more """progressive""" up and comers who are satisfied with just taking your soul as collateral in exchange for a favor or something.

I recommend a pit fiend named Xalgrumek the Shadow, found that he is willing to part with souls in exchange for magic items. Got my soul back from him in exchange for a ring of the ram, seemed pretty happy.

>not being true neutral with a chaotic evil deity worshiped

Explain.

I want daddy Asmodeus to fuck me in the neghole, yes. Doesn't everyone?

In European folklore, evildoers KNOW they're destined for hell for their crimes. So they try to game the system by becoming vampires/liches/revenants/ghosts/etc.

I always like the Tome of Fiends Homebrew interpretation of Evil afterlives.

I.E. all the people in Evil afterlives who are being punished are the ones who failed at doing evil in their lives, and never became more than Lawful Evil commoners or whatever. Meanwhile, Drax the Witch King gets bumped up the line and gets to start as a Gelugon from square one.

>WANT to be fucked in the ass by devils when you kick the bucket.
How painful is that on a scale of 1 to 10,my answer will be effected.

So painful, you scream from the intensity of the experience more than the actual pain.

Succubi are Tanar'ii (demons, chaotic evil) though.

Huh... Kinda leaning on a yes right now.

Not anymore! Now in Dungeons & Dragons™ 5e™, Succubi and Neutral Evil outsiders from the Grey Wastes of Hades.

What about Succubi(male)?

>be evil and not having at least 11 contingencies for living forever.

Though I've heard its not so bad in Dis, you just get to be a bartender for all eternity if you're not a perfect soul battery.

Because they're evil. Evil doesn't reward you in the end if they have too, evil only reward people because they might continue being useful, you however, are dead and therefor not useful.

Your body is theirs to fuck around with, they don't need your soul for that.

Those are called incubuses.
If they grow some chest hair they're called Mancubus.

The plan is to be one of the devils by then.

>Be lawful evil
>Get out-eviled by chaotic good characters

Your autism will not stop my fetish

Did someone say "lawful evil"?

Gay

>You can do good shit in hopes of a reward in the afterlife all you want, but it won't actually make you good.
If you write novels, you're a writer. Whether you do this because of your inner spark of creativity or because you have bills to pay is irrelevant; the only thing that matters is whether you publish stuff you wrote. And conversely, if you don't actually write and publish anything you're not a writer, no matter how much you feel like one. You have no character aside from your actions, nor can you do an action that's not part of your character. You are what you do, nothing less, nothing more. And in any case, doing good shit earns you that reward regardless of philosophical sophistry.

This, by the way, is also the position of actual real-world religions. For example, Jesus told his followers to use worldly wealth to buy friends from amongst the poor so they would return the favor on the other side when fortunes are reversed.

There is no "real you", there's just you. Act like an asshole and you are an asshole, act like a saint and you are a saint. That's all there is to good and evil because that's all that matters to anyone or anything who ever interacts with you. The angel and the devil on your shoulder are real only to you; your actions are real to everyone else.

I had a minor villain who planned to escape her rightful place in the lake of fire by getting engaged to a devil and agreeing to be one of his wives after death.

What happens if another mortal buys a soul? Could, for example, a wizard use one to animate a golem to get an intelligent - and presumably quite thankful - servant?

Bismark did nothing wrong.

Technically speaking aligned afterlives don't have a 100% chance of working because the soul is not granted 100% sanctification in death due to shitloads of factors involving the form the soul takes as a petitioner in death, various contact with cosmic forces en route, and soul theft, destruction, or trapping.

Even then you could end up on the shelves in that trading market in the nine, or end up in the Blood War for whatever reason. You're only somewhat guaranteed a place in hell if a devil corrupts you and can credit from you turning LE, which is an act of Infernal-grade corruption which ensures you're going there- then there's the matter of whether or not you're bound for the general use of the Hells, or are made a part of an Archdevil's private funds, Like Mephistopheles's fucking endless debt that he has no way of fixing with his shit-tier hellfire- only fluff relevant because it melts Baatorian ice, when the Abyss has Dual fire/Negative energy fire THAT FUCKING TURNS PEOPLE EVIL IF THEY'RE HIT BY IT and doesn't fucking require Warlock pacts and specialization.

Also, nothing stops you from LEing so hard you end up an Infernal or Devil/Devilkin outsider via official means or simply fucking around with Subtypes via ritualism, or easily hacking the 'promotion' Ritual system devils use to move up the ranks which is hilariously fucking erroneous because how stupid does the entirely of the nine have to be to think that giving a PHYSICAL REPRODUCTIVE ORGAN THAT DOES NOT VANISH WITH IT'S SUBJECT OWNER AND CAN BE REMOVED to an entity that is supposed to be spiritual that ONLY REQUIRES ANYTHING CLASSED AS INFERNAL ENERGY infused into it to force an explosion of flesh and transference of consciousness into a new body?

Asmodues is just asking for a cabal of jackass wizards with skill in grafting to pick up on this and make their own independant Outsider species- meahwhile the Abyss shit's all over this ecology.

>You're only somewhat guaranteed a place in hell if a devil corrupts you and can credit from you turning LE
This is false, but even if it were true, it's a nonissue. There are an infinite number of mortals on an infinite number of Prime Material worlds being seduced by an infinite number of LE Devils from 9 infinite layers of Hell.

>implying I haven't thought of that

He lost. That's a pretty big thing he did wrong.

That’s Lawful Neutral.

Kulturkampf

>Devils
>Infinite
Unless Asmodeus crashes into layers infinitely as a literal primitive cosmic drill, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Infinity is weird like that. One infinity is just as big as ten infinities, which is just as big as infinite infinities. There are just as many fiends on Avernus as there are on the other 8 layers of Hell: infinite. This also happens to be the exact number of Demons in the entirety of the Abyss

Here, this might help you understand
youtube.com/watch?v=Uj3_KqkI9Zo


Of course, there's another interpretation. That being that, just because there are infinite fiends doesn't mean that there's infinite centralization, or that the forces of Hell can possibly muster the entirety of the infinite Devils in Hell. Under this interpretation, the number of Devils still remains a nonissue. The forces of the Abyss are far too splintered to act as a unified force and outman Baator, and if the Devils ever do find themselves short on manpower, they can just go to the non-centralized areas of Hell and bring some of the infinite Devils there back into the fold.

This would beg the question of why they even seduce mortals and torture their souls to begin with, but that answer is obvious: Devils are evil. They corrupt mortals because its their raison d'etre, which is the same reason they fight Archons and Demons.

sounds hot.

You gotta figure demons aren't stupid. They ought to have some sort of minor boon or some such thing to entice mortals with their offer.

Devils just want people do bad things and propogate negative psychic energy. You could give someone the power to tell when someones lying, but have a fly appear every time they lie.

There are infinite realities.
But the chance of arriving at a reality where I have not fucked your mom is still a million to one.

Someone who understands the thoughts in his head are twisted and suppresses those selfish desires for the benefit of others sounds like a morally good person to me
You can't control how you think exactly, you can usually control how you act on thoughts and desires though

Yes, but just as many realities where my mom is really my dad, and what you fucked was actually a man.

Fag.

>Created a country that is routinely fucking up Europe
Germany was a mistake

No bully

>Not being so strong willed that you make the devils fear you

Do you even Chaos Dwarf?

Jokes on you, I'm playing a Warforged. I don't have a soul, and will fade into the sweet ether of oblivion when the magic that animates me fades.