How would each of the original space marine legions deal with the hostage situation in the Bataclan theater?

How would each of the original space marine legions deal with the hostage situation in the Bataclan theater?

>Dark angels
Nobody is really sure what happened in there, but there are nasty rumours that some of the terrorists were relatives of one of the marines
>Emperor's Children
Incorporate the hostage situation and rescue action into the stopped play in such a way that nobody is sure whether this thing really happened or was just staged
>Iron Warriors
The terrorists are obliterated. Along with the hostages, the theatre and half the district
>White Scars
They had no idea what hit them
>Imperial Fists
The terrorist die trying to even get near to the theatre
>Night Lords
Everybody inside ends up in rooms without handles
>Blood Angels
50% chance of actually getting it done right or brutally slaying everyone inside
>World Eaters
Shit's gonna be brutal
>Ultramarines
The whole action done safely and by the book
>Death Guard
Combat gas. A particularly nasty one
>Word Bearers
Actually successful negotiation
>Raven Guard
They make the hostages defend themselves
>Alpha legion
They were the terrorists, the anti terrorists, the hostages, the theatre's director and his mother all the time

Come on, I want the others!

>>Word Bearers
They recruit the terrorists.

>Night Lords
They recruit the nastier terrorists. Make them kill their former partners in crime.

>Iron Hands
Kills all the terrorists with ease and then proceed to massacre all the hostages because they are weak for needing help.

>Salamanders
Hostages are rescued and given hot meals and beds, Terrorists are captured and given lectures and re-education to see the error of their ways, then given hot meals and beds
Then killed with power hugs

>Imperial Fists
>The terrorist die trying to even get near to the theatre
How do you yell, "Remember the Iron Cage" in French?

All parties also have significant third-degree burns.

>Lamentors
Half a company wiped out trying to shield the hostages from gunfire. Wait, why are Ak rounds going through power armor? must be really lucky shots

>Iron Hands

Legionnaires fire indiscriminately into the theater. All hostage takers are killed. Any hostages that got shot and died deserved it for being weak.

>Thousand Sons
WAS GETTING CAUGHT PART OF YOUR PLAN?!

>Ultramarines
Terrorists taken down with minimal collateral damage to the district. The hostages are safely rescued, and offered the best medical attention on this side of the galaxy thanks to the doctors of Ultramar being brought along. Before the Ultramrines take off, they leave behind skilled engineers, more doctors, and guardsmen to protect the theatre against future terrorist attacks. They set up secure trade routes between the theatre and other Imperial worlds so that the economy can thrive.

The Ultramarines also pay for everyone's life insurance and/or education just to make sure everything is fine before leaving.

Fast forward 50 years, and the theatre is now a very productive and loyal member of the Imperium. It is providing goods, soldiers, and other services to greater Ultramar and can co-operate with other planets.

Souvenez-vous de la cage de fer!

Correction, loving third degree burns

Good God, Ultrafags are insufferable.

Emperor's children would huff the opiates that they sprayed into the theatre

...

>Dark Angels
Storm it like Beslan. Kill all 7 terrorists and 150 hostages. Mission accomplished, the terrorists were probably fallen anyway
>Emperor's Children
Rock on the stage, entertaining the terrorists until their heads explode. Orgy with hostages
>Iron Warriors
All terrorists killed, 99% IW casualties. The media bitches out Perturabo for accidentally having 2 hostages die.
>White Scars
Jetbike through the roof and cut off everybodys heads then recite poetry on stage
>Space Wolves
The order is suddenly changed and you kill all the hostages with the help of the terrorists
>Imperial Fists
Establish a defensive perimeter around the theater and wait
>Night Lords
Capture everyone then flay the hostages in front of the terrorists before flaying them as well
>Blood Angels
Sanguinius persuades the terrorists to stand down with his charisma. If that doesn't work send in Nassir Amit and rip everyone to pieces
>Iron Hands
The flesh is weak, they are weak for being captured. Kill everybody
>World Eaters
Does it even need to be said?
>Ultramarines
All hostages rescued, all terrorists killed, minimal damage to theater
>Death Guard
Use that Russian gas from the Moscow theater hostage incident that killed everybody. Victory
>Thousand Sons
Conduct a great psychic ritual to teleport the hostages out. All of Paris is sacrificed to save the few hostages, who are then promptly teleported away. However they end up in the warp and are eaten by daemons
>Sons of Horus
Storm the theater 12 times before finally getting somewhere on the 13th.
>Word Bearers
Burn the place down, the hostages lacked faith in the Imperial Truth or Chaos Gods or whatever they were at the time
>Salamanders
Burn the place down like the Word Bearers but cry about it afterwards
>Raven Guard
*Teleport Behind you* Pssssh, nothing personal kid
>Alpha Legion
The Terrorists and hostages were all Alpharius. Just as planned.

>Space Wolves
>Drunken angry shooting and barking intensifies

Yoiu joke but that might actually happen.

The Wolves one fucking got me good

Its weird that we still remember that, isn't it?

but user, what about the 100+ hostages they SAVED?

Imperial Guard: Send in 4th regiment. Over 5000 casualties sustained, 5 hostages rescued. Guard declares total victory.

Goffs: Swarm the building and krump the lot o dem.

Tau: Hostages rescued with minimum casualties. Gual'La sent to reeducation camps to be sterilized and processed in service for the greater good.

>World Eaters
Join in on the attack

>Space Wolves
>the terrorists leave of their own volition, disgusted by the furry yiff orgy taking place outside the theatre

>the theatre is now a very productive and loyal member of the Imperium
Ahahaha

>Tsons
After being threatened the hostages will die if they come in, they casually walk in and whine when the terrorists kill the hostages.

Well it was....until the Tyranids came along and ate it and the rest of the city.

>Sons of Horus
>Storm the theater 12 times before finally getting somewhere on the 13th.

>tfw legion is a joke because of Abbyfaggydo

nice one pennywise dorn

wtf i love the ultramarines now!

das rite. now get yo ultramarine asses to bed

>They were the terrorists, the anti terrorists, the hostages, the theatre's director and his mother all the time

Made me audibly chuckle.

The Space Wolves and Sons of Horus made me chuckle user

Alright then, how do the original legions handle 9/11?

>Alpha legion
Fuck you user I laughed out loud in the middle of my lecture

>Imperial Fists
>Space Wolves
>Iron Warriors
>Thousand Sons
>Sons of Horus
>Salamanders

>Alpha Legion

>Blood Ravens
Terrorists still hold the hostages but they realize all the gear they brought have mysteriously vanished.

>Minotaurs
Kill the terrorists for heresy. Kill the hostages for cowardness. Kill the authorities for incompetence.

>Space Wolves
Rescue the hostages by brutally murdering the terrorists with axes and a giant wolf. Proceed to get very angry at the local government for allowing Innocents to be put into such a situation.

Blood Ravens would kidnap the terrorists

I can just see Lorgar preaching that Imperial truth can't melt chaos beams

The savage legion user, not the bro chapter.

Oh. Whoopsie.

Some of these stolen from others already in the thread (1/2)

>Dark Angels
Kill all 7 terrorists and 150 sympathizers that got in the way. All fall- er I mean terrorists eliminated.
>Emperor's Children
Are the band. Kill terrorists with rock. Orgy with hostages
>Iron Warriors
All terrorists killed, 99% IW casualties. The media bitches out Perturabo for accidentally having 2 hostages die. Surrounding city block levelled.
>White Scars
Jetbike through the roof.
>Space Wolves
The orders change right before assault begins. All hostages killed with the help of the terrorists.
>Imperial Fists
Establish a defensive perimeter around the theater and wait for someone else to do it. Still manage to take heavy casualties.
>Night Lords
Capture everyone then flay the hostages alive. Flay the terrorists with weapons made out of the hostages.
>Blood Angels
Sanguinius resolves situation with words. Marine falls to thirst and kills 4 hostages before being put down. Sanguinius cries.
>Iron Hands
The flesh is weak, they are weak for being captured. Kill terrorists. Execute 1/3 of hostages for being taken hostage.
>World Eaters
Hostages?

>Ultramarines
All hostages rescued, all terrorists killed, minimal damage to theater. 50 years later theatre is a productive and loyal planet of Ultramar.
>Death Guard
Pump far too much anaesthesia through the ventilation system. Kill everyone. Victory achieved.
>Thousand Sons
Conduct a great psychic ritual to teleport the hostages out. All of Paris is sacrificed to save the hostages. Hostages end up in the warp and are eaten by daemons
>Sons of Horus
Attempt to storm the theater 12 times before finally getting somewhere on the 13th. Theatre destroyed, Paris split in two
>Word Bearers
Burn the place down, the hostages lacked faith in the Imperial Truth or Chaos Gods or whatever they were at the time
>Salamanders
Burn the place down by accident. Cry about it afterwards.
>Raven Guard
Infiltrate the theatre. Spend 3 days training Hostages as guerillas to take down the terrorists themselves.
>Alpha Legion
Hostages are Alpharius. Terrorists are Alpharius. Band is Alpharius. Stage manager is Alpharius. Still somehow take light casualties.

>White Scars
Surfing on the aircraft
>Thousand Sons
tries teleports the building, but ends up melting the steel beams
>Word Bearers
Claims responsibility for the attack
>Ultramarines
On the Pentagon, totally didn't see it coming
>World Eaters
Tears down the towers
>Alpha Legion
Alpharius did 9/11

I'm just imagining that marine spending the entire great crusade and Horus Heresy inside that sewer drain, waiting for an enemy to pass by, and for his valorous service was made a chapter master in the second founding.

The bataclan wasn't a hostage crisis, it was an alpha legion style massacre

>Ultramarines
Intercept the aircraft, pacify terrorists and land the plane safely
>Dark Angels
They're fallen, kill it like the rest
>Emperor's Children
Kill the terrorists with cocaine laden missiles, so the hostages die happy
>Iron Warriors
Blanket the area with so much flak nothing that lands is identifiable. Claim they were all terrorists in disguise
>White Scars
Fly their jetbikes alongside, challenge them to a race outside the city limits, then crash into the cockpit and kill them
>Space Wolves
launch drop pods in the area and hope a few of them land on the plane
>Imperial Fists
Build a wall around the towers.
>Nigh Lords
Hijack more planes and crash them into the terrorist ones
>Thousand Sons
Teleport inside the planes, accidentally open a rift inside and watch everyone get horrifically ripped to shreds. Steal everyone's possessions and claim mission accomplished
>Blood Angels
Sanguinus Flies alongside the planes and talks them down
>World Eaters
sit back and watch
>Word Bearers
They're already inside egging the terrorists on
>Iron Hands
Blow it up mid flight and let those who aren't weak survive.
>Alpha Legion
Alpharius is already on board stopping it. Omegon was the one staging it as a training exercise.
>Raven Guard
Jump on board, kill everything that moves, then jump as many civillians as possible to safety
>Death Guard
Smuggle an ebola victim on board before they get hijacked
>Salamanders
Ignite the fuel on board and feel like shit about doing so
>Sons of Horus
Plant a few bombs in the tower to help it along

>Build a wall around the towers.
Really, we should have the Fists design building code for all important structures

>>Death Guard
>Combat gas. A particularly nasty one

Like real life lol

>Alright then, how do the original legions handle 9/11?

>Dark Angels
Get blindsided, clear up the bodies afterwards then invade somewhere the terrorists weren't actually from.
>Emperor's Children
Place themselves front and centre in every live footage of the event, improving the legion's approval rating by a whopping 20%.
>Iron Warriors
They send more firefighters into the buildings to rescue the people inside than were actually left inside.
>White Scars
Fly a small plane along the edge and try to catch people jumping out the windows on the wings.
>Space Wolves
Charge into the building and start killing people, claim afterwards the towers were collaborating with the terrorists, justify this by pointing to all the people killed outside the towers by the debris.
>Imperial Fists
The planes explode but the towers are fine.
>Night Lords
They aerially insert from the top of the roof and start working their way down, scaring everyone enough to motivate them to get to the ground floor as quickly as possible. 300% increase in jumpers, NL say they were weak anyway.
>Blood Angels
Sanguinius rescues hundreds of people but dies when the first tower collapses, everyone else breaks down after that and starts raving about nuking the middle east.
>Iron Hands
They go inside and carry survivors through the inferno, not understanding that they aren't cyborgs in power armour. Very few survivors.
>World Eaters
Make a very ineffective and uncoordinated attempt to do something to help, deep-strike into Afghanistan before the towers have even collapsed.
>Ultramarines
Do a mediocre job, but have a very successful press conference.
>Death Guard
Start pouring asbestos on top of the buildings. Everyone in New York dies of cancer three years later.
>Thousand Sons
Try to warn the pentagon in advance, but cause a warp rift between Islamic paradise and the Pentagon's basement, George Bush interred on Golden Throne, war on terror doomed to continue for 10,000 years.

>Sons of Horus
Lose a lot of good men in there, everyone who survived immediately starts posting suspiciously tasteless memes about it.
>Word Bearers
Start dancing in the streets shouting allahu akbar.
>Salamanders
Utterly confounded by a problem that can't be solved by adding more fire to it.
>Raven Guard
Use mastery of jump packs to get to higher levels and down again. More casualties saved than any other legion but they all still cry about it.
>Alpha Legion
Alpharius did 9/11.

How would the legions handle D-Day?

>99% IW casualties

>Thousand Sons
Rip open a warp portal, allowing daemons to spill into the theatre and kill everyone brutally, claim they did nothing wrong

>Blood Ravens
The hostages are gifted to them

>Word Bearers
Convince the hostages to become terrorists

>Iron Warriors
Take the terrorists hostage and lure law enforcement in, the theatre is a bomb

>Night Lords
Half the terrorists give up and leave upon hearing about them, the other half end up skinned and strewn about the theatre in a macabre manner, hostages are traumatised

>Emperors Children
Same as above but including hostages, and theyre all raped

>Deathskulls
Hostages? Looted.
Terrorists' weapons? Looted.
Everything in the theater, including what's bolted/nailed down? Looted.
Terrorists' pants? Yeah, lootin' that too.

Blook Skulls: every entrance covered, a kommando team on the roof ready to strike, preshishion shoota boyz with Xpermiental X-ray sights following every terrorist through the walls. On kaptain's mark they rush the building yelling WAAAAAAAAGGH and krump every umie inside.

>Thousand Sons
Shred terrorists with mind-bending levels of mental dakka, only to accidentally transform and kill them. Magnus weeps manly tears.

Snakebites
>In the aftermath, the Snakebite warboss was questioned as to why all the hostages were killed after the warband charged several Squiggoths into the building. His was response was simply: "Well da Squiggoths got ta eat sumtime!"

>Alpha legion