"Your grace, The Dutchy of Massachusetts has Allied themselves with our hated rivals in Pennsylvania...

You shut your whore mouth, the Ohio State Arcane Academy is the finest center for arcane learning in the Midwest! Also, our corn is really truly excellent.

The corn to the west is far better and more bountiful

The invasion of Ohio must go as planned. Control of the Ohio river, then further conquest of Indiana and Illinois to gain a foothold in the Missouri River will ensure our success

>They're all a bunch of jerk off jousting fans
Is this a euphemism?

"We must summon the Buckeyes to flank their western border.

O-H"

>Missouri River
Do you mean Mississippi? And do you honestly expect that your troops that are accustomed to the rugged forests and hills of the east coast would be able to stand a chance on the rolling plains of Illinois?

damn it Louisiana! will you please stop opening portals for 5 fucking minutes!

>implying our tank and chariot factory in Lima isnt a strategic asset

I-O!!!!!!!"

I mean Mississippi yes. Pardon my Pennsylvanian Dutch.

The "Summon Midwestern Ally" spell is a success once again

>Fantasy US
So does that make Baltimore the cliche, seedy port riddled with thieves and pirates?

Nah. Probably a costal city in florida. Or ALL coastal cities in Florida
I'm picturing the area west of Indiana to be analogous to eastern Europe in this

You won't.A strong New England winter is settling in. Also our annual witch hunt has just ended and we're on a combat high.

No, Jerk-off Jousting is a special event where each tries to knock the other off his horse with his other lance. It's as painful as it is dangerous.

The only requirements are that both combatants be complete asshats

"The beacons of Newark! The beacons are lit! Jersey calls for aid!"

"And New York shall answer. Muster the NYPD. Assemble the army at Central Park. As many men as can be found. You have two days. On the third, we ride for Jersey and war."

There might be some holes in your invasion plans.

Luckily no real test has been required; pretty much only gigantic asshats would even want to sign up for this.

Are you going to be invading or aiding this time?
Or are you gonna decide when you get there

Who the fuck cares? We're in The Grand Republic of Cascadia. They're poor as shit and will fall apart if they try anything. Now get out of my sigh and bring me more IPAs, peasant!

>be Nevadan
>land is fucking useless to grow anything
>only real source of anything valuable is in the south with the Colorado providing trade routs across the mid west
>good produced are sold to california so they sell it back to us at a higher price
>california nobles have most local lords in their pocket, constantly passing trade deals that directly benefit California than the actual fifedom of Las Vegas

General Silverwood should have finished what he started and used the native shamans to summoned San Andreas and broke california in two

T.E.F, Stands Ready, Always Armed..

And to the north the ancap warlords of New Hampshire have begun to gather again, praying to a strange bitcoin idol, perhaps they will march south again. Either way winter will be harsh this year

[Snooty French laughter and the scent of poutine in the distance]

>in the distance

Didn't take you long to run off.

>perhaps they will march south again
Fucking hell again? The oligarchs down in the city of York need to call in some debts so we can finally wipe those fuckers out.

Look, drunk tourists accidentally opening a portal to the Spirit World is just part and parcel of living in Louisiana. You roll with the punches, or you get turned into a zombie by some inbred squire of an Arkansas knight-hold who's spending daddies coin down on the Big Muddy with his squire-brothers.

Ohio is like Russia in the winter, but replace the cold with completely unpredictable weather (enemy soldiers dying of hypothermia in May and drowning in flash-flooding in December).

>fantasy USA
>fantasy Civil War

Which race would qualify for black slaves?

Humans

If the author isn't a fa/tg/uy, then whatever fantasy race he's sympathetic towards and will use as his vehicle for shallow commentary on race relations.

If the author IS a fa/tg/uy, then whatever fantasy race he has a chip on his shoulder towards.

Don't forget that you can't actually leave Ohio. It whispers eldritch things into your ear and makes you come back. Even if you are gone for years you'll come back.

Remember the astronauts? Yeah they tried to run to the moon and they came back too.

Better to go south and leave us to our feud with the steel barbarians of the north.

>Meanwhile over on the West Coast and in the Commonwealth of California
>"Welp looks like those east coast boys are going at it again" *sip wine*
>"yep" *Sip Wine*
>"yep" *sip wine*

Now back to the east coast

They all know to rightly fear us.
We survived their enslavement.
We survived their floodings.
We survived their bombings.
And we have grown stronger for it.
From the hills our people watch, waiting for the next attack. Time it will be their last.
Montani Semper Liberi

...

>North Dwarfs
>South Elves
>Negro Humans

TO ALL ALL FILTHY AMERICANS, OR AMERICUNTS AS I LIKE TO CALL THEM, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE CANADIAN EMPIRE IS PREPARING A MOST FEARSOME ARMY. POUTINE AND GUARANTEED SAFETY FROM THE SAVAGE QUEBECOIS BARBARIANS TO ALL THOSE WHO LAY DOWN THEIR ARMS AND SURRENDER QUIETLY

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

By the ancestor spirits we rebuke you foul demon!

>founding fathers become heroes, guardian spirits, and even gods in some cases

I need an invocation to guardian Jackson, quick!

Reagents needed are a pour of fine spirits and pinch of gunpowder.

>not praying to Alexander Hamilton, the best president we ever had

>gonna decide when you get there
Usually the best way to do it

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh P'ot'us Wah'shng'ton wgah'nagl fhtagn!

gaht dangit one'a them leaf fellers's doin that dark tongue thang again. getcher stabbers!

>It's a thread about America
>Not only do Canadians feel the need to make it about themselves
>They feel the need to make it about their total inability to develop a national identity
The ABSOLUTE STATE of THE FUCKING LEAF.

Channeling political figures from beyond the grave is in conflict with the seperation of church and state and forbidden in the constitution.
If you want to channel the power of a sub-divinity, join the catholic faith and choose a saint.

OHIA STATE JOUSTING, GO OWLBEARS!

I swear man, you nerds still doing magic in our wizardry college are killing my buzz. We all know it's just a scam to scour the peasantry for their best jousters and "offer them an education" so they can joust as if they were squires.

Not like I care, I got my scholarship this way.

WOOH! GO OWLBEARS!

>conquest of Indiana

Jokes on you, once you enter Indiana you're trapped here forever at the mercy of the Corn God.

You wanna talk about shitty roads, you don't know shitty roads till you've had to drive in Indiana. The roads there sometimes don't even lead to anywhere, they just end at an empty field, or roundabout back on themselves, never mind the potholes. Indiana, get your shit together god damn.

Well since we actually have a Governor now who's actually attempting to govern the state instead of sucking off the GOP we might get something done.
Probably not

Balkanized Fantasy USA is best USA.

I unironically don't have much loyalty to the USA, but I would absolutely fight to the death for Cascadia, fantasy or otherwise.

In fantasy USA we'd have the best rangers and druids around.

You've got wine country and a white fancy castles, up in the hills a good part of that region is going to be like Germany/Northern France - fancy and rich, but you better believe there'll be war

WV may challenge you on that one man, at least when it comes to rangers.

>but you better believe there'll be war
Ya goddamn right there'll be fucking war

youtube.com/watch?v=J9d9UrK0Jsw

Well, I reckon as arch-ambassador of this here Kentuckiana Commonwealth, I ought invite you'ns to seek council here.

Y'all's welcome any time to our regal estates iffens you seek refuge in these untamed wilds.

Our grand-mage's hall got burned down, 'cause o' the meth labs and whatnot, but good riddance to them nasty kinfuckers.

Shit your roads are actually open? Here in the land of Minnesota, or almost Canada as we like to call it, half the fucking roads are closed every year. And by the time one road opens another closes.

And don't get me started on the cold! Kids can't go out on Halloween sometimes because they're worried about getting sick. This Halloween it was about 30 degrees total. And let's not forget how anal the school system is about closures. A couple years ago it was -24 degrees out and they refused to close schools even though people are know to have to walk. 4 people got minor frost bite.

Wouldn't it be more like the Reach?

And not just because of the homos

Yea, haven't you seen The Wire?

>hated rivals

Those who stand against the will of Penn are not long for this world. We shall do just as we did in the ancient fields of Gettysburg. FOR EMPEROR WOLF!

So there's a CK2 mod for the Americas that is post apocalyptic feudalism. Very weird but takes into account so many details of American history that it's wild. Anyways I looked up where the place I uses to live I. America was (Tampa Bay), and it just so happens that we're the only county of the fucking Pirate religion that isn't in the middle of nowhere. We're like Vikings but even cooler, and also surrounded by two large empire's and tribes. Anyways through mercenary bullshittery I somehow manage to take most of Florida (Minus Miami and the keys which belonged to the Caribbean Empire), and a bunch of random coastal counties (including most of New Jersey and Pennsylvania.) Anyways I can't keep fending off the Holy Confederate Empire so I swear fealty to the Empire of the Caribbean.

So now the Caribbean Empire has a bunch of dirty pirates joining him who just doubled his Empire, but became his strongest vassel. Anyways I fucked around with factions and intimidated him a bit and seduced some Rastafarian blackies (main religion in his Empire). Then suddenly, he declares war on Yucatan, a medium but formidable landmass. I don't think he can win, but I don't care. Not until some holy witches from a very attractive and smaller kingdom in New England declares war on us. I say us because it was my New England colonies they were attacking. They were going to take Philly.

I waited and waited but the warscores kept lowering. The land was going to be lost. 4000 or so soldiers were sieging, and the 20000 of my Lord were off fucking around in Mexico. Now by that time, I had used the Pirate ability to declare war for any coastal county often and well. I had a denesme all throughout the Gulf. It was time to act. I called for my troops, from all along Florida to Mobile Bay, Houston, Rio Grande! (Not New Orleans because Louisiana had a strong Empire.) They all got aboard pur pirates ships, I played some pirate music, and they rode to New England, pouring into

>Massachusetts
>poor

I had an old roommate who served in the Middle East who said that the Washingtonian and Montana National Guard units were the closest to Army Regular in quality. People from the PNW make for very good soldiers apparently; they have an attitude about just getting the damn job done that not a lot of people can match.

What was the deal with Cascadia, my man?

It would be something of a friendly rivalry. They certainly have a rich history of it.

The Stormlands were rich enough that the PNW can still work for it. Besides, our bread-baskets are in the Eastern parts of the states and those guys generally aren't as friendly or progressive as people from the Reach are implied to be.

I never knew how much I wanted medieval fantasy set in the US
How would you make a campaign out of it?

Definitely some good ideas and threads come up every couple of weeks. Balkanized Fantasy America is pretty well embedded in the Veeky Forums zeitgeist.

I remember the game that this guy () is talking about, but can't remember the name at all. It is actually very aware of a lot of American sub-cultures and pop culture. It's a really good place to start.

We poured into Philly and drove back the invading forces five times, unable to raise the warscore, but only to hold them off until finally my leige got there. I felt like Tywin Lannister in that moment. All wars won, lots of prestige and love for the Emperor. But it was me. The dirty pirates saved the Empire from collapsing, and no one else. No recognition though. Also the Emperors 14 year old daughter took a fancy to me.
Fuck if I know. I literally had no care for anything that happened outside of my areas, and you have to cross a lot of land to get to Cali areas. I do know that the rust belt was made into a absolutely gigantic empire that only lasted a few decades though.
After the end.

Build a wall

>tfw US immigrant who went to the US for college
>state so pointless everyone assumes Massachusetts is gonna annex it
God fucking damnit, Rhode Island. At least the clams are good.

>doesn't like Rhode Island
>the state literally created by a guy who went off to start his own state. With black jack and hookers.

>Meanwhile, in the Orclands of Southern Carolina;
Don’t worry, Humans. The ravaging Horde won’t secede again....
...yet.

>our hated rivals in Pennsylvania
Bring it faggots, PA stronk.

I have to wonder what Georgia would even be able to do. Yeah, there's timber, a few major rivers, and the coastal plains make good farmland, but to the south is Florida, a place mostly unusable outside of the coastline, and Alabama.

Hell, the only major mineral export they'd have is marble and iron.

>Our taxes are ridiculous
>The roads are terrible
>The drivers are worse
>We’re irrelevant as fuck
>800 other things
>Mfw I still love living here

I mean, I love the place, but fucking hell you just know that the minute the US balkanizes Massachusetts is going to go after us. Especially given it's either them or New York, but New York will be too busy annexing Connecticut and Pennsylvania to go after us first, so it's us against Massachussets.

At least Lovecraft came from there.

Don't think of it as AGAINST.
We're doing it for your own good. We'll make a pretty swell team.

>New York will be too busy annexing Connecticut and Pennsylvania
>implying PA won't take it's rightful clay in upstate NY.

Also, we'd definitely go after Connecticut. Finish our claim started with that little winky nubbin we snagged way back when.

Atlanta is a world class city and Capital of Dixie. Georgia would be fine. I say this as a S. Carolinian.

Lovely place, isn't it? Shame the only things that people outside here care about regarding us are Lovecraft and possibly Brown.
I'd love to believe in you, honestly. Though, in all fairness, it's better than being annexed by New York. Though I can see something of a New England Union, even if I'm pretty sure Boston would, at the very best, try to do something of a "first amongst equals" thing.
Pennsylvania only has a chance if New England manages to band together before New York can mobilize NYC, and the two go after a two-front attack. NYC is basically the "I win" button that New York has, the rest of the state is icing on the cake. Though, if New England and Pennsylvania manage to work together for about six months before New York can get itself going to defend upstate, we can use the Connecticut River as the border between the two, you keep upstate, we get Long Island.

I'm pretty sure Boston would be too busy trying to keep New Hampshirites from dragging the rest of the New Albion Union into a state of total Libertarian Anarchy to do that.

>PNW
I was thinking it was California we were talking about?
Does that count as PNW? Does the PNW have wine?

See, that's the thing - they're basically our Scotsmen. I reckon within two weeks we'd have Ski New Hampshirite Special Forces, and if we do like the English did, they can be kept in check, between giving them freedom and making use of their knowledge of weaponry and warfare for our purposes. Though they'd probably push for libertarianism and something of an independence.

I'm assuming Savannah would still be the capital since there may or may not be a rail system yet.

If you're using the model of scotsmen, you put a valuable animal on their land and recruit them into the army or heavy industry

...

Good plan, actually. Between them, Vermont and Maine, they might just be the Scotland to Boston, Rhode Island and Connecticut's England.

My bad. I suppose that Jefferson kind of counts as part of the PNW, but they'd rather not from what I understand.

I got caught up in a wave of My State-ism. Please continue.

>a force of Maine-iac berserkers painted in plaid woad charging out of the woods
It would be such a glorious sight.

>Boston, Rhode Island and Connecticut
Yeah, because Massachusetts doesn't matter as a whole.