What's the most uncomfortable or fucked up situation you've ever witnessed in a TTRPG?

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

wow, this is one of the most retarded stories I've read on Veeky Forums, and that's saying something!

Teehee macaroni

...

I fucking knew it, goddamn

You fucker.

>Players are working for a kind of fantasy UN-style organization, with most of the "good" ish polities as member-states.
>Mostly work for this one dude who handles the !not-UN's intelligence and security apparati.
>Information has been leaking. PC's are tasked with finding the leak and plugging it.
>Start their investigation, and actually investigating. Find that the information is being sold by this one relatively minor functionary, but it's not clear where he's getting it from.
>Players start tailing him, trying to find out where he's getting the goods.
>Eventually discover that he's sleeping with Gosam (their boss's) wife, and getting the info from her.
>Their report was the most awkward thing I have ever ran in close to 20 years of mostly GMing.

Bumping just for this

In the same campaign, I witnessed:

- elf city orgy
- barbarian gets his cock and balls cut off, sewn to mouth
- werewolf fetus
- candyland witch eating babies
- goblin cum fungus

Cracked me up. Best meme in a long time.

My character+ while forcibly polymorphed into a bear and being puppeteered to dance by a Demon Prince, was raped by a druid, who was wild shaped into the form of a bear.

>- candyland witch eating babies
I mean, I'm pretty sure that's a legit fairy tale.

Hansel and Gretel.

Our that guy bought a love potion and seems to have some kind of plan relating to an NPC that the party is really attached to.
She is a 17 year old shrine maiden who they once used a genie wish to revive from the dead.
He keeps postponing whatever it is he wants to do with it.
This guy has been accused of trying to fuck an IRL 13 year old, stalking several grown women, and raping a Tumblr lesbian.
Needless to say everybody is getting pretty uncomfortable.

If the rest of the party is attached to her then wouldn't they turn on him?

Sounds fucked up user, but you could maybe contrive a reason for the party to find out or discourage him or something?

You son of a bitch, I knew it.

Our GM tried to recreate the Neggan baseball bat execution scene from the Walking Dead when we got captured by orcs. They were a puppet of a cult we'd been trying to stop and the chaotic randumb in our group had us make some fortified wagon to attack their camp. Except they destroyed it and we were surrounded by orcs. One of the six were killed and the rest of us badly wounded so we . The GM had us brought before the orc king and he told us we had to pick which one of us died as punishment for our attack. He gave us fifteen minutes to decide. No one wanted to pick someone, my friend's gf started looking really uncomfortable so in the end the orc king picked one at random by giving us each a number and rolling a bone die. It ended up on the girls character who was a halfling bard, the GM described her heart pounding and flashback thoughts of her family as they tied her to a post and let the worgs feast on her and force the rest of us to watch. He spent about a full minute describing how they ripped out her Achilles tendon and stomach and the shreds of muscle hanging out while she was screaming. Really fucked up stuff, the girl started to cry because it had been a long campaign and she was really attached to that character, she had even drawn art of her and bought one of those vellum notebooks to record poems of our exploits (I found this out later that it had been planned to be her Christmas present to the group). When she got mad at the GM later he just told her that that is how a real orc warlord would act. He also said that resurrection is not a thing in his setting, only raise dead and it costs ten times as much, so there's no way we could bring her back without finding like 100,000 gp in the space of eight days or whatever. Oh and even worse the orc king was displeased when some of us failed our will saves to not look away from our friend being eaten alive and so he killed two more characters at random with his double- headed axe.

The rest of the party is waiting for him to make a move before they smash his head in since they otherwise like his character and don't want him to start some OOC shit.
I have been trying to subtly discourage him and told him that raping a priestess might burn some major bridges but it didn't seem to land.
The strongest fighter in the party secretly gave the shrine maiden a ring that can detect exactly what a liquid is so they have some sort of plan to stop him.

See i would get mad for using meta-knowledge but in this case good on you.

Drop some more hints. Less subtle ones. Have someone big who hits really, really, hard say something along the lines of this
>"Gee, you know I'm almost starting to think of [NPC] as a daughter/sister/family member and I have no idea what I'd do if something happened to her. Especially if I ever caught the perpetrator"

Subtlety is overrated and ineffective when autistic creeps are involved

Why the fuck are you playing with someone like that dude.

I hate GMs who think killing PCs is justified for the sake of personal gratification. I'd drop that GM in a heartbeat.

If this is true, then that GM sounds like a cunt of the highest calibre, and I would honestly be surprised if the game continued past that point.
At the end of the day, if you're GMing a game as You vs Players, something is wrong.

stop being such a stick in the mud

i can't believe people still play with pedophiles in 2017, like come on man, this is totally unacceptable.

Probably the time the GM had my female goblin PC get raped by ogres after I lost a fight. He went into great detail about their "gargantuan members tearing open her cunt", and pretty much tried to make us all listen to him talking about my character being used as a "tiny green cocksleeve".

Needless to say, my friends and I did not play with that faggot again.

Go on.

We would but he is the only GM we can find, and, except for that little......episode, he has been doing a pretty good job.

Well, you can expect more of it happening. People who get their first taste of umtilate power don't give it up easily, exoecially if they're forcing narratives like that. You'll see more 'this scene is cool, I want to run it' and you'll get fucked over again and again.

With what, exactly?

The report. Duh. We want to hear it

>Gnome of Last Resort

That sounds fantastic.

>Be playing Eva game
>Need a brain to restore a supercomputer that has a broken one
>Decide that killing an animal is better than killing a human
>Only available one (with a large enough brain) is also the pet of the guy who made the machine that extracts the brains
>Which he disassembled because of how monstrous it is
>And only reassembled because we painstakingly convinced him
>I knock him out, tie him up, and extract the brain of the animal because I don't want to kill him, or anyone else for that matter
>Forget until after the procedure that I left him in the room next door
>And he heard his pet's cries the whole time
>And slammed his head against the wall in frustration
>Until he died
>Because he lost his only friend in the world to the most monstrous machine he's ever envisioned
The only good thing about the whole thing is that he killed himself so I didn't have to deal with him and his newfound anger and depression.
The worst thing about it is he was cloned by an angel and came back just so many times with full memories.

It's not really meta-knowledge since they were with him when he bought the potion.
Before he ever mentioned giving the potion to the girl the other two players both expressed concern that he was going to rape the priestess when he was out of earshot.
She is actually being treated as the party daughter by everyone but him including his NPC best friend.
All of whom have threatened to murder him if he fucks up.
To be honest he is all we have.
If we could get a different player to fill the third seat we would do it in a second.
Kek.

Is someone playing a rogue or alchemist? steal/replace the potion with one that looks like a love potion but is actually harmless.
OR
The alchemist who sold it to him lied to him. It's actually harmless.

>Our that guy bought a love potion
Why are there love potions in the game at all? That seems as much on the GM as the player.

:( fuck I hope that the computer was extracted and the entire region was nuked.

Yeah that was kind of a fuck up on my part.
I basically picked something at random from a splatbook I had for a shop.
It essentially works as a one time charm spell if they can trick someone into drinking it and I figured one of the players might use it tactically.
I wasn't thinking about one of my players being a literal rapist at the time.

Yeah, I've been there before dude. In my experience, 2 player campaigns are vastly underrated. Just saying.

Everybody is running a fighter at the moment.
I will figure something out though.
You make a point I guess.
I just like having three or more people because it flows a little better in the systems we run.
Some of my best Veeky Forums memories come from two player campaigns.

>We would but he is the only GM we can find,
Why do people think GMing is this insurmountable wall? It isn't something you can't do yourself, it's not like you would do any worse a job than that guy.

Sorry for that, love potions are kind of a peeve of mine.

Sounds like an epic cunt desu, would've dropped that shit like a hot potato

Well, Gosam kept defending his wife's honor and insisting that she couldn't possibly be the source of the leaks, as well as in flat out denial that she could be cheating on him with anyone, let alone a "smelly, hairy cretin" like Halfmorn.

Meanwhile, they liked him, and kept trying to hem and haw and dodge around questions as to exactly how they knew Halfmorn got information from Talia, which of course makes their boss ever more suspicious (because it is his wife they're insuiating is a traitor after all), and it must have been a good ten minutes of question and answer in character before Jake eventually just shouts it out that his slut wife is cheating on him with a man who actually pays attention to her for more than 10 minutes a day.

well one time while during off time at school we were playing Pathfinder like usual, but new people joined, who didn't exactly work with out fairly light way of play, these idiots turned out to be murder-hobos, so the dm decided to fuck w/ them and one who was very "macho-man" (yeah i know, playing a ttrpg) and decided that in the scuffle we had with a gnoll tribe his character was abducted and taken by a tranny-gnoll (don't ask), i won't go into details but it was simultaneously the funniest fucking thing and most disgusting to a bunch of 17 year old boarding school students, looking back i think he may have been a /d/m

That sounds like it was hilarious and fun roleplaying to me desu

>What's the most uncomfortable or fucked up situation you've ever witnessed in a TTRPG?
Game at a LGS. Bathroom right next to the gaming area. GM leaves the bathroom without washing up. Visible signs of fecal matter on his hands.

Poor goblin PC.
Did you bring her back in another campaign at least, give her some redemption in your memories.
Goblins are for wholesome cuddle lewds with a loving human husband, not ogre cocksleeves.

>Everybody is running a fighter at the moment.
Priestess daughterfu takes cleric levels.
>"You've protected me and kept me alive for so long, let me help you and return the favor."

My revenant character found his murdered wife and child in a hole in the ground in a city, then took them to a mortician and demanded they be given proper burial

he spent all of his gold on this mind you because the bodies were so badly burned the mortician initially refused to prepare them

>goblin cum fungus
You have my attention and erection.

The fact you think playing with a rapist pedophile is preferable to playing with two people, says a lot about you and your players.

>his slut wife is cheating on him with a man who actually pays attention to her for more than 10 minutes a day.
Did he actually say that or was he more diplomatic about it?

What was the fallout?

That's something you need to call out and call out immediately.

Neufaggen raus

Tee hee hee

I had a player convinced their idiot character had kill their own mother without realizing. Granted it was a light hearted game so they didn't take it as seriously as I would have liked, still fun though.

My batshit ex-girlfriend intentionally being difficult and fucking with the game flow as a means of passive-aggressively communicating her unhappiness/pre-menstrual moodiness towards me.

God knows I don't miss that bitch when the dice start rolling.

There is a tasteful way to kill PC's and that is not one of them. Fucking GM's who insist realism above all else, your making a game for people to enjoy playing their enjoyment should take center stage not some sadistic fantasy.

I know, like, goddamn, can't he just see how problematic it is for these people to be given a healthy outlet for their urges?

>diet rape
Holy shit user

Happened recently
>Infiltrating kobold base to locate a stolen dragon egg
>Fighter had just died to a crit fail death throw so we were all a bit on edge
>Come across a chained up adult blue dragon, who didn't attack us and could only say the word "food"
>We fed it some large lizard cattle, it seemed happy so we just worked around it
>Only, the rogue was weirdly quiet.
>Decide to ask him whats wrong, turned out his sister was mentally disabled, and the dragon reminded him of her
>Table suddenly gets quiet and awkward, GM looks ashamed and the game grinds itself to a halt
>Make some paltry attempt at puzzle solving around the retarded dragon for half an hour before we call the session and go home
>Still fucking awkward over DM's, realization that this isn't the end of it since we haven't gotten past the room yet only makes it worse

Was anybody in the wrong here, or was this just an awkward accident with nobody to blame?

>goblin cum fungus
Well my punk band has a new name

Since it seems like the GM didn't know about the rogue's sister it's probably just a coincidence. Sometimes a game can touch an unknown nerve.

Stuff like that happens.

That fucking sucks.

>somewhere in Stirland, a village of Ussingen
>the players, not yet have formed party, are sitting in the local inn
>everyone complains about bandits occupying the local inn
>the village elder tells the players to talk to the Old Greg, the veteran of Norsca wars
>he tells them the bandits raped his daughter few days ago while he was busy working on a contract in nearby town
>players take him and fight the bandits, kill 4 and capture 3
>Old Greg gets his head cut off his shoulders by the boss of this gang
>the captured bandits are tied in the village elders house, the players visit them next morning
>they see a fat rural girl being pounded by one of the tied bandits and the guardsman that was supposed to not let them escape
>Old Greg died because this stupid bitch lied to him
my players really loved him, this touched them more than any fucked up gore shit I threw at them

>Was anybody in the wrong here
The fact that this thought occured to you puzzles me to no end. Of course nobody was in the wrong.

Sounds to me that the rogue is a bit too sensitive and doesn't think that highly of their sister if a retarded dragon made him think of her. My little sister is mentally retarded and I never would have made a connection like that.

Did they destroy the bandits?

>Did he actually say that or was he more diplomatic about it?
He was marginally more diplomatic, but not much.
>fallout
Short term, boss is pissed, threw them a punishment assignment but then rescinds it before they got properly started. Longer term, wife kills herself and hubby resigns his post to lead a crusade against one of the aspects of hell where he thinks his wife's soul ended up. Players murder Halfmorn on general principles.

Not in-game but here's a story I've never told on Veeky Forums before
>Playing WoD in Uni with pals
>Twilight had just come out, so me and the GM were the only guys in the group, four girls, and one trans
>One of the girls gets the idea that she wants to play my girlfriend
>It's the fat one, of course it's the fat one
>Story starts with us as high school graduates on prom night
>GM sets it up so me and this girl are fucking in the back of my car (this GM and I are pals and we like taking the piss out of each other a lot)
>We're playing in a uni classroom at night after everyone has gone home
>I'm lying down across some desks reading my HTV because I know I wanna kill me some gay ass vampires this campaign
>Fatty decides to get real with the roleplaying
>Stradles my stomach and starts bouncing up and down moaning
>What the fuck no
>Catches me completely off guard, she compresses my colon, I let out the most sudden and thunderous ass blast
>The room is silent for a minute
>I fucking bail
Ended up being a great campaign otherwise, we played for two years

>hubby resigns his post to lead a crusade against one of the aspects of hell where he thinks his wife's soul ended up
That's pretty sad..

Laurio, leader of the party, killed the one that had sex with Greta. He recruited other 3 bandits into his mercenary group. They all died in the next fight.

An orphan saying she wanted to know what it was like to have a mother, asking a female party member to breastfeed her. She settled on cuddling

Had a player legitimately research how to impregnate his robot girlfriend, to the point of getting a cyber nutsack installed on his body.

Dude, don't play with that guy anymore if you think he's at all guilty of any of that. It's not worth it.

>I wasn't thinking about one of my players being a literal rapist at the time.

Did you find out he was a literal rapist after?

>party defeats one of our cool, long-standing rivals who we all enjoy OOC
>our token orc barbarian walks over and mutilates them to death in horrifyingly graphic detail
>he does this on more than one occasion
I'm glad he switched characters.

There's probably not much more to tell, but I want to hear it anyway.

you magnificent son of a bitch

2 female players role playing a male homosexual sex scene. in complete silence, we stood and watched these too ladies talk in deep voices about each other's privates invading each others buttholes not understanding a thing about the male anatomy.

I wound up dating one of them a year or so later for some bizarre reason.

>for some bizarre reason.

Is that bizarre reason that you two liked to touch each other like harlots?

Fatty clearly needs to go join a LARP group.

Also, would that be counted as rape in the modern day?

Sounds like some magical kingdom bs

Only if they genders were switched.

>>"Ah yes, yes, sexual congress. Or diet rape as I like to say" says that guy and sighs contentedly
That's hilarious, come on

>shitting up the game with your rape fantasies
>"healthy outlet for their urges"
That would be a kick from my table even if the player wasn't a pedophile rapist and a stalker

>magical kingdom

It's like the magical ream but with a government.

>Doesn't understand how replaceable humans are
>can't imagine how to purchase, hire, or requisition a volunteer or 'volunteer'

Ok. Thats on you though.