User Confessional General: Things you've always wanted to do and say in your LGS

It's not a meme, it's an aroma.

>"Your desk chair broke? You can have my old one!"
>tfw skidmarks on a chair
(although, to be fair, that was more a /v/ neckbeard)

Man fuck the Pathfinder twats that completely ignore the tables meant for playing board games, role-playing games, and card games, and go straight fucking to the 4'x6' miniature wargaming tables. There's only so few of them, because table dimensions are crucial to us, and The walls are covered in fucking terrain and scenery to give a hint as to what these tables are for. All the standard size picnic tables are completely fucking open, and you insist on playing your shitty d&d knockoff on a Saturday night where you know that's when all the wargamers gather to play.

Then you have the fucking gall to construct screens around our tables to "filter out noise".

Oh and don't get me started on that douche who has that collection of plaster or whatever unpainted dungeon tiles that he's so fucking proud of, and cautious of, that he has a pile of tackle boxes that house each individual tile separately and all those boxes take up another fucking table in their own! So this group meets on Saturdays, Warhammer days, and takes up 2 wargamer tables and plays for 10 hours, meanwhile we have to consider playing 2v2 games just so some of us get a chance to even play.

Long rant, I'm just pissed that these cretens have migrated over recently onto our wargaming tables for no apparent fucking reason and stretched their legs out (metaphorically and literally).

BTW, I promise this is all true

Nigga preach!

Although I do find the warmachine setting kinda cool, I do find myself, as not a warmachine player, generally know more about the setting and story than the people who actually play the fucking game.

On the other hand, the Warhammer players, even the fucking AoS guys, have philosophical conversations into the implications of the conditions of the Warhammer settings and the histories therein.

Warmahordes faggots are completely hollow

Sometimes I don't want to interact, I just want to buy my primer and leave
I know it's not your fault, it's the shitty laws
But still, it annoys me

Post pic desu

It's the people who come into setting discussions about anything and act like they understand the wicked hot subtext and everyone who likes the settint doesn't. Those are the real insufferable twats. Yes I understand the point of what's going on, yes I enjoy what's going on, yes I know it used to be a parody, now please fuck off and let me enjoy it on the surface level as well as the subtext level. Honestly these people act like others haven't taken a high school english class.

You're a bunch of whiny faggots. Yes, including the women. Every single fucking time I go here I have to listen to someone complain about something. The company, the clients, the prices, the competition, the *insert convenient excuse*, whatever. I don't fucking care, I just want to get some minis/paints/play a casual game on neutral ground.

Also, decide on your fucking image and whether you wanna be a comfy FLGS or a competent corporate one no it does not actually belong to a big company. Right now you have the uncomfiness of corporate and the incompetence of a comfy nerd store. Turn it around, pick a side, whatever. Or I'll keep ordering from the comfy one that can handle things 95% of the time and apologize if I encounter the 5%.

Also, raising your prices, then bringing them back to previous levels as special discounts (which means regular-client discounts don't apply or are limited), and then whining about how the store half a country away is "waging a price war" only makes you look like the evil greedy misers.

Comic Book Store:
>Holy fuck you smelly fucking subhumans, have a fucking shower before coming to game day. It takes 5 fucking minutes and then you dont smell like swamp ass. I mean why the fuck wont you shower and at least try to not smell like shit? You'll feel like less of a useless NEET if you try to look good and feel good even if that means using some soap, shampoo, and deoderant.

This is a big pet peeve for me at my store. Maybe I'm just a normalfag whose folks made sure I had good hygiene habits as a kid but god damn. Last game night was so packed some of us had to game in the staff room to save space and thank god I got to play there because the stench of 21 smelly neckbeards in one room would have given aushwitz a run for its money.

Teenagers in my city are fucking retards, any and every business that caters to them gets run into the ground because they are shit human beings that steal shit and make paying customers feel unwelcome.

First there was a internet cafe with gaming rigs, they kept hanging around the front door, the owner was too beta to tell them to fuck off so no actual customers came in, it was gone in a year.

Then there was the arcade. Loitered around, scared off children. Gone within 6 months.

The Comic book shop? Gone, too much stock was stolen.

The Warhammer store? Manager tells them to buy something or fuck off, their windows all get smashed in, oh what a coincidence.

A nice American couple just opened a board game cafe, I just know they'll ruin that too.

Every FLGS smells like balls.

Take your fucking Xbox and go home.

I don't care that the store has wi-fi or the LGS owner is too fucking beta to tell you no. This is not the place for you to set up your xbox and tv because your crackwhore mother won't ay for the cheapest internet package.

Gamestore owner: We live in a podunk town in flyover country. You knew this when you opened the store. I accept that MtG is your lifeblood, but gutting everything else for used videogame sales is why no one comes into the store except retarded tweens.

>A nice American couple just opened a board game cafe, I just know they'll ruin that too.
What country are you in? They've probably delt with worse American kids.

Ireland

So then they're probably just all drunk.

Jokes aside, does the police really not deal with this? I don't know the laws up there but down here "Get the fuck out of my shop" means you have to leave or owner's have grounds to have the police remove you.

No, because they're probably gyppos and thus legally protected.

And then they'll go to the UK and fuck up entire towns and no one will do anything because you can't tell gyppos to fuck off anymore.

Fuck, I hope they don't get rid of the right to go over there or we're going to be overwhelmed by the bastards.

Biggest problem at my shop is people bringing waac lists for gw games. We get it you like to win but are you so afraid to lose that you can never bring a suboptimal list or try something new?

Police can't prosecute children under the age of 18 here, like at all. The official policy is to get a truant officer to call their parents which does fuck all. If you want to physically remove someone from your shop, you need a trained security guard on staff, even then its a grey area as to weather security can physically remove children.

>starts post by saying "don't talk about wanting to shoot anyone"
>finishes it by talking about wanting to shoot people with a substance that causes them to melt

>these kids did not grow up in a time where not only could your parents whip your ass for being a little shit, your neighbor's parents and your principal could too

I mean, child abuse is one thing, but smacking your kids for being violent hellions is another. I used to fear for the competency of OUR generation, how will the next one turn out.

Veeky Forums is practically a GW fansite, it's full of people who constantly suck the dick of that shitty company and its shitty games.

There's nothing philosophical about the settings, one is just a generic fantasy setting IN SPACE except everyone's even more retarded and one unironically has shit like STORMCAST ETERNALS and BLOODSECRATORS OF KHORNE. Get over yourselves you ridiculous manchildren.

>Be me.
>Work first job at Games Workshop During Highschool.
>Shouldn't have to tell kids my age to be wary of their hygiene.
>Go to University
>Work at a LFGS
>Our store has a policy that we are allowed to ask you to use the store deoderant if you stink.
>Ask a customer to use it (It's spray so it's not like it was shared)
>Get told its a stupid rule
>Shouldn't have to be a stupid rule if people didn't just use proper hygiene habits.

The amount of times I wanted disgusting gamers to not piss on the floor in the washrooms, the amount of times I wanted to yell at them to not rub grubby chocolate hands on everything. Ughhhh. Also women gamers, no you can't leave bloody tampons everywhere. Shit is nasty.

Hey Joe, the reason why your store is dying is not because of competitors 15 miles or more away, it's because for some reason your store fucking sucks at handling deliveries, your one friend/previous employee was a dick to everyone who wasn't 100% dedicated to 40k and happily shot down ideas involving any other tabletop game. Oh, and everyone hates your lame, retarded netdecking/netlisting son who wouldn't win a single game in anything if he didn't mooch off your stock.

t. warmacuck

Hey Adventures Underground, when you try to please everyone, you get no one. Pick 3 things from this list (for those reading this, I'm not kidding):
Board games
Comics and comic book march
Mini war gaming
Trading cards
Toy Store
Book store
Manga
Record store
Coffee shop
Role-playing games

Seriously, why do you think I go to BetaTCG? All they do is magic, Pokemon and they just started selling retro games.

Unless this store is like, the size of kansas, no way is that all fitting.

preach

pfffft my god, cucked by his own son in his own store. what a loser.

Yeah, women can be so much nastier than men.

Go fuck a pressganger.

Just cuz this is /tg doesnt mean you get +5 to charisma and hygiene by white knighting.

Holy fuck man, if they're fucking pikies, slap the fuck out of them, kick them off your turf, and tell em you'll call the soccer hooligans to come fuck their lives up if they come back.

Introduce em to warmachine. WAAC is the norm there. let them have their fucking containment game.

HAHAHAHAH OH WOW. THAT is another level!

If everything smells like balls to you, you may in fact be the source.

Hence my febreze fantasy.

Christ, seems like a terrible store.

Yeah, warmacucks are the fucking worst. I can have a great lore discussion about 40k as tehre is so much of it and so much of it is good, but warmachine lore is so fucking BAD.

I mean, you can get it on amazon my man.

OH MY GOD FUCK THEM EVEN HARDER. flip the table on them.

Thats fucking gross.

Haha, makes me think of the rick james skit with the crosseyed bodyguard.

I can SMELL your fedoras and greasy cargo shorts from here.

Amazon isn't as good in Canada unfortunately.

It's all there. Instead of being the end all store it's the Wal-Mart of the game shops where everything is there but not what you want.
Also they attract the quirky hipsters.

Lies, They were referenced in Scoot Pilgrim!

........... Fuck man, thats a nightmare.

Eh like I said. I abandoned it for BetaTCG and invite people for 40k games at my buddies house. They don't miss my money.

To one specific wargamer at my LGS:

Fuck off and stop acting like a celebrity. Just because you've been in this hobby for twice as long as some of the other players have been alive, doesn't give you the right to act like a condescending ass to anyone not part of the old grognard club. Shouting half-insults at kids as a fifty-something year old man isn't something to be proud of, you miserable old fuck. You're not half as popular as you think you are.

Also, to a quarter of the members of the local board and roleplaying games association:

INDOOR VOICE. Use it.

I fucking hate when a girl walks in. Not for anything that girl does per se, but just the absolute derailment of every activity as every fucking kissless virgin nerd in the store tries hard not to stare. Its like... Congrats. She has a vagina. Im sure this is scary and new for you. Can we get back to the game please?

then they double down by trying to find reasons to talk to her or whatever and its so cringey to watch. Ugh. Go get laid guys.

>Talk about how they're social inept around females
>Your answers is to tell them to just go get laid

You do understand they're trying right?
They're trying to do the thing you want them to do, but you don't like them doing it, so you tell them to do the thing they're already doing.

Why don't they just stop being autistic and realize it's never going to happen for them.

>inb4 girls are evil for not dating nice guys like me and my gaming buddies
you have hands, use them more often.

Because hormones and biology user. Whether or not they understand they're never gonna get some doesn't stop their body and weak mind trying when they see a possible opportunity.
When you're stuck in the dark and see a glimmer of light, might as well go for it.

Also,
>>inb4 girls are evil for not dating nice guys like me and my gaming buddies
>you have hands, use them more often.
the fuck you on about here, I was just explaining to Confessional user how he's a hypocritical.

Pay a fucking hooker. Lgs are not places you go to hook up

Can you read?
You want them to give up, they probably have, that's why instead of fucking a hooker then crying in a corner they're playing D&D, Warhammer or something else at the LGS. Then a girl that wants to play walks in and they see a glimmer of hope at interacting with someone that:
A, is interested the same hobbies
B, has a vagina.

Whether or not they try to take the opportunity, what they might see as a glimmer of light in their dark basement. It's gonna bring out the socially awkward basement nerd within them.

Yes because a girl walking into a place where everyone is absolutely not trying to stare at her (and failing miserably) and being the only one in there surrounded by a den of absolute neckbeardery is totally a place shes going to feel like finding a mate. Jesus, the LAST place you're going to meet a girl is in a FLGS, you will have MUCH better luck nearly anywhere else.

Except people like you who never go anywhere but the basement and the FLGS. This is a confessional, not 'sit back and feel smugly superior to some random asshole on the internet' you fucking prick. Howabout we hear a confession from you for a change you judgmental fuck?

TAKE. A. FUCKING. BATH.

Do I live in heaven or something? There's like, legit nothing to complain about at my FLGS. I mean, theirs some weirdos and pony fags in the MTG crowd, but they're not fat rotting grease monsters.

There's a D&D group composed of kids(I mean, they could be anywhere between 15 and 25, I have no clue) that shows up in cloaks and wizard hats and shit. It'd be cringy if they weren't actually sort of adorable.

There's a guy who actually looks a lot like OPs pick, but I guess less acne. In spite of looking like the ultimate 350 pound neck beard he's a legitimately charming and funny guy who's never unpleasant to be around.

“No John, you are the grognard”. And then user was a neckbeard.

>I really would like to shove him into the store's yaoi closet and lock the door.
Pretty sure he is hoping that is what you'll do one day.

Look, I'm sorry you don't get hit on, lady.

Eye liner and lipstick is a good way to signal that you're female, if that's what your major malfunction is.

Usually just the tits and hips are enough. Even if you're a hambeast, the tits work.

Generally? All that 'female in a LGS' shit is just that - shit. It doesn't really happen as much as people like to pretend, just like every other stereotype.

Why is bringing a 2 liter and a pizza bad? What's wrong with feeding your group?

Haha you think thats not for just one person

>Three days late for a limited item
>clearly advertised as being in a collection
>boss was encouraged to sell it as a collection
>fuckhead cries to management when he can't get his item by itself

Dude, bad luck. Don't sperg out when you can't get your little toys the way you want them when we a) Ran out ages ago and b) were advised to bundle it with other things

IT WAS CLEARLY ADVERTISED ASSHOLEC

I have to second this.

A girl coming into the store is either a massive attentionwhore who needs to piss of, or someone looking to game. Sure, by all means talk to her, but stop your cringey advances. Talk to her like she is an actual human being. Literally treat her like a guy, give her the same attention you would a guy, and ask for her number after having a good game with her.

Chances are that will set you on a far better course than acting like an autistic sheltered basement dweller, who acts like Nosferatu who just stumbled into the prettiest virgin in town.

Time and place, user.

Consider this:
You go to a bar. Like, a really sleezy one. Lots of alcohol, loud music, poor lighting, the whole deal. Suddenly, someone comes up to you with a large box, and asks you, in a stammering voice, if you want to play a game of Warhammer 40k.

Now flip the scenario to a gaming store. You come there to play games. Girls included, unless she is just as autistic and retarded as you are. They dont come there to hook up.

Sure, bond over a game and ask her out, but dont approach her with the explicit intention of making a pass on her. That will work in precisely 0 out of infinite amounts of tries, unless you look like an actual Adonis.

And we all know the people who do that, do not. They look more like hamplanets, and smell like bathing is a foreign concept to them.

Dear gamestore. I love ya bro, you actually have a small shelf of rpg books, some of which are niche shjt that gets my Jimmy's all tingly, but listen...
I know magic is more profitable. I understand that you focus on selling cards and that most of your scheduled events relate to that. But please have more than one night a week dedicated to tabletop rpgs... And please dont have thatone night just be 'adventures league'. I dont want to run or play in premade adventures.

And for a good reason.

A chick used to frequent the place. Not that pretty, either, and dressed very conservatively, hoping to blend in. No make up, nothing to signal she was there to look pretty for any of the guys. Did not work. She ended up leaving entirely, because she could not get people to stop acting like creeps towards her.

Barely even had tits, and it still didn't help avoid the creeps that usually stalk the gaming stores.

How.

I can barely eat 50% of a pizza, and 2 liters of coke is literally enough for a 4 person dinner.

Or are you camping at the store for so long you need 2 meals?

>autistic sheltered basement dweller, who acts like Nosferatu who just stumbled into the prettiest virgin in town.
This is unfortunately a frighteningly good description of 90% of all guys in an LGS.

This is the dumbest most millennial answer I've read in a while.

"You should only hook up in tinder and when drunk", newsflash buddy, normal people meet their significant others doing normal stuff, at work, through clubs, hobbies, uni, whatever. The millennial hook up culture is absolutely unnatural, "if you talk to a girl outside of tinder or a frat party then you are a rapist".

There's this joke about Americans being enormous lardasses that eat three thousand calories in a single sitting. Some of us actually are like that, and there's another portion of our society that just burns through food ridiculously fast.

I can eat a pizza in a single sitting, and wash it down with a quart of water. I'm no health nut, but I end up burning the calories off with my day-to-day activities, like work and so on.

It's just the way some people are.

>newsflash buddy, normal people meet their significant others doing normal stuff
Yes, but these people are not.

These people are hitting on chicks in an environment where they shouldn't.

You think they are talking and naturally hooking up, when that isnt what happens. They are literally making a pass on her before even knowing her name.

You do that in a bar or on tinder. Not in a gaming store. Not in a sports club. Not anywhere else.

If you sat down and had a game of whatever with her, and asked for her number naturally ("Hey, we should totally do that another time, can I have your number so we can arrange another game in the future?") Thrn youd get much farther than the heavy breathing "oh wow, we don't get pretty girls here often *nervous laugh*", which will scare them off in 9 out of 10 tries.

>Americans
Wow.

I dont even know what the fuck to say. Last time we did a health week of mapping our calorie intake, I had an average of 2200 a day. A full day. And I am not skimping on the food, I just literally cannot eat more without feeling overstuffed or outright ill (Christmas have me a friendly reminder of what happens when I do that)

I have no idea how you do that. And people claim Americans dont train.

What?
This is fairly non-sensical you autist. I'm talking about a certain type of person, and you're trying to throw me in that group for no reason.
What the fuck am I going to confess for?

I'm sorry she didn't hit on you, user. I am sure you would be worthy of her attention with your nice neckbeards and cool fedora.

I've visited the US a few times because of work. Half of the people are fat and the other half are strong, you have very few skinny fat (and they consider a lot of people that here would be "normal" as skinny fat). Everyone there eats so fucking much that you are either fat or fit nothing in between.

With or without arms?

Did that hit too close to home for you?
I am that girl, and I now stick to Roll20 where I can pass as a guy by claiming my mic makes my voice sound higher pitched than it should be.

Jesus Christ, no wonder americans claims to be poor. If I had to double my daily food intake, I would suddenly see a lot of my disposable income disappear as well.

It's also our food selection, to be honest.

An unhealthy portion of our populace doesn't have time or won't make time to cook meals at home from scratch. Maybe they don't know how, or are unaware of how much better it would be for them. Whatever the case, they're more or less left to eat take-out or whatever they can throw in a microwave from a grocery store.

Our food industry is gamed by a few professionals that throw hundreds of thousands of dollars at people to "optimize" their products. They figure out what brings people back for more, time and time again, and they return reports to the owners.

The problem is that the human brain still loves sugars and fats. I mean, it LOVES it. The fastest and most reliable way to build a loyal consumer base is to add another teaspoon of sugar to the serving size, and that's how you make a bulky motherfucker even bulkier.

There's a book on this, published about a decade ago. I'll see if I can't track it down and post it. A fun bathroom read, if you're the kind of person that keeps a Kindle there because you keep forgetting your phone.

Here there is how Americans do it, observing them in their natural habitat gave me some answers.

If you watch their films or talk to them on the Internet they will tell you that they have 3 meals "a hearthy breakfast a small lunch and a big dinner" in reality most people don't.

What I've observed is that they have two meals, and one of them lasts 10 hours +. They wake up and start grazing, let's say cereal in the morning, then minutes after they get a big "coffee"(which is basically milk, caramel, cream, and a bunch of sugar), then they snack on something... they are constantly snacking all day long, they basically graze all day and then when they arrive home they have a big dinner.

This is how they do it, by eating constantly. In my country "snacks" are a thing for children.

>t. somali

>An unhealthy portion of our populace doesn't have time or won't make time to cook meals at home from scratch. Maybe they don't know how, or are unaware of how much better it would be for them. Whatever the case, they're more or less left to eat take-out or whatever they can throw in a microwave from a grocery store.

Ahhh fat apologism, I thought this only existed in Tumblr and reddit. But I guess Veeky Forums never ceases to surprise me.

>This is what he takes away from the post

You have to sugar-coat these things or the fatties won't eat it, user.

How the hell is that fat apologism? Stating reasons why someone might not cool isn't the same thing as saying it's good.

Be the change you want to see, user. Offer to put together a game in the store, since that's the only way it'll happen. Don't bemoan that something doesn't exist, go out and make it.

Fatfucks are not fat because "muh opression" "cooking at home is hard and expensive". They are fat because they are lazy and have no self control.

Right, because the advent of cheap, readily available foods and the microwave oven in the 80's among other cultural shifts had zero impact on American eating habits. I'm not saying a huge contribution to over-eating is the lack of self-discipline, but don't act like the explosion of obesity of the past 20-30 years has absolutely nothing to do with how food culture in the US has dramatically changed.

>inb4 I wrote all this, and you'll still just ignore the argument in favor of "dem lazy hamplanets"

With american average diet, you HAVE to work out or exercise regularly otherwise you end up as an obese blob of fat. There is no middle ground, unless you have some freakish metabolism where you can eat all you want and can't build up mass, ending as a skinny, acne-riddled dumpster

Oldest trick in the book

You probably blame gang violence on "easily accessible guns" too.

Dindu nuffin mentality as always.

Being an old trick just proves how effective it is.

Ya fuck this guy I eat at flgs all the time

thanks for proving the point.

>gb2/pol/

Its not a meme user, you can smell the oils, growing bacteria under skin folds, and bad diet from a distance.

It is my ambition to one day open a Friendly Local Game Store and I have the means to do it.

You guys are giving me some second thoughts. Is there a way to curb the autism in the atmosphere short of making it some exclusive pay-to-enter club?

Maybe some clearly-visible codes of conduct? Does that ever help?

Honestly, abandon your dream, its not worth it. Unless you want to quickly grow to hate everything about your hobby, dont do it.

>Abbadon
Then they're safe, as it'll be harmless

Not really.
They're either ignored, or your place becomes the fun police from my experience.

>Maybe they don't know how, or are unaware of how much better it would be for them.
Wow, it's too bad we don't have an easily accessible collection of virtually all the knowledge know to man where people could go and look up recipes. And if you think people don't know that junk food is bad for them I don't even know what to say.

I'm American and I'd like to dispute this but I really can't, snacking is a big thing here. When I stopped doing it I lost 30 pounds in just a few months.

I wish I had a local games store. A dedicated one, not just one section of an already tiny comics shop an hour and a half away on foot.

That's solved by laziness or lack of time. A lot of people simply forgo trying to improve their diet or don't bother looking into ways that they could simply and easily make a home meal.

Of course they forgo it. The problem it prepares for is never so immediate that it seems like it could happen in the lives they measure in seconds.

Look at it from the other end, and you see how pointless it is. Why not just gorge yourself now? You'll be dead before the cosmos blinks - will it really matter if your life was healthy? What does 'healthy' really mean here? You still died, alone and in pain. No matter how high a life you lived, that's how it ends. Why not be content with the stench,
the mold, the sweat? Trading up is so much more hassle than it's worth, isn't it?