High Level Parents

You settle down, put your weapons in a box and lose a few levels each year. "That old sword? Yeah, haven't swung it in a decade. To busy raisin the kids. But once l was a mighty adventurer. Wanna hear some stories? Wife ain't around so I can tell you some. She doesn't like me inspiring people."

Same goes for all the other classes except wizards. They are just not going to settle down. To many Seductive other things to do.

Nobody mentioned edition, dirty threeaboo. Your game is obsolete and its successor is a copy/paste complete with typo.

>the old fighter is sitting by the fireplace, drinking elven wine
>the wooden door opens, two thugs enter
>he keeps sipping the wine
>one thug advances, dagger in hand
>six seconds later, he is on the ground, dead
>the other thug looks to the old man, wearing a mustache
>he then looks over the fireplace
>a dartboard
>the thugs tries to run, but six seconds later, he is filled by dozens of darts
>his young son appears hours later
>"Dad, are you ok?"
>"Regdar, my son... People nowadays are weaker than ever before"

Kid just needs to be taught not to put his inner thoughts where people can see them.

>Regdar
I, too, played the 3ed starter pack.

> Dad, a fighter or barbarian. His armour was sold to buy the house and now sits in a museum somewhere. His sword sits above the mantelpiece, and is taken down to be admired, practised with, oiled, and polished every Sunday afternoon.
> Momma, once a slim and sexy rogue, now filled out somewhat by a more settled life. Still sort of fits into her old outfits occasionally, according to Dad, but that always makes her blush and hit him. Her bow shares the space above the mantelpiece, but it stays there. Good at everything from mending clothes to cooking dinner to always knowing what you've been up to.
> Two 'uncles'.
> One tall, skinny elf wizard with wild hair and strange smells and always a strange gift whenever he visits. Sometimes you're even allowed to keep it. The rest go in the 'maybe when you're older' cabinet in the office. He puts momma on edge whenever he's around, but dad laughs it off. He hasn't aged a bit in the years you've known him, but his eyebrows come and go with the seasons.
> Short, squat dwarven cleric. Around more often than the wizard's semi-random visits, still wears his armour. Spends long hours with Dad in his den; you hear them laughing sometimes. Other times it's more quiet. Always has solid, practical gifts, that you're mostly allowed to keep. Toy soldiers, wooden axe and shield, your very own tankard for drinking juice from. Never lets you forget how you used to climb his beard as a toddler. When your dog got hit by a cart, he helped you get him comfortable, then had you leave the room for a little while. When you came back, your dog was running around like normal, tail wagging.
> The girl next door. Your parents don't really like you hanging out with her, but you don't care. Even if her parents are a little wierd sometimes, with the dark clothes and the skulls everywhere.

Open an item shop, a good retirement plan for an adventurer

Pic related, Kerub's bazaar about the eponymous Kerub raising his adoptive son Joris

>and lose a few levels each year

Ouch, I was thinking at most one level per year. You're harsh.

Also I'd probably say that you can't lose more than half your levels in this way. A retired badass adventurer should still be a badass adventurer when need be, even if they're out of practice.

>Even if her parents are a little wierd sometimes, with the dark clothes and the skulls everywhere

I like the idea of the Dark Lord and Dread Lady deciding to retire, and the Hero and Heroine deciding to retire, and by pure happenstance they choose the same village.

Absolutely this, it wouldn't make sense for a level 20 adventurer to go to lvl 1 ever. Even at 90 they should still be able to kick whippersnapper ass

Even 1 per year might be a bit harsh. There should probably be some way of keeping your levels, rather than just automatically losing them, that doesn't necessarily involve going on an adventure.

For each year of retirement you make check against your level? d20 + proficiency bonus, no ability score applied. Succeed and you don't lose a level. Fail and you lose 1 level. You can't lose more than half your levels this way.

>that pic
mah nigga

I would play this campaign / read this book

I won't. It is obvious the boy will left the family with the girl, get in trouble, have the dwarf as mentor, with he dieing later so they can escape, and some extra sacrifices from his parents (and the girl's parents, who were old BBEGs retired) because his elf uncle turned evil.

Guy, it's about the journey, not the destination.

I think you've confused "D&D campaign" with "shonen manga"

More like evil returns to the world, his parents die to save him, and he sets out with his not-a-girlfriend, his father's sword, and the two uncles to level grind and fight the army of evil.
Which ISN'T the girl's parents, thank you very much.

>Which ISN'T the girl's parents, thank you very much.

But it would be nice to have the evil parents help them in a manner.
Maybe they go solo to investigate but still leave them some staff to summon the souls of the boy's parent, although for some cost or something.

>When you came back, your dog was running around like normal, tail wagging.
Better than expected!

I would play this campaign/read this book/watch this movie/play this vidya.

This is like...like....

Oh my god, it's the Addams Family in Pleasantville.

Ares
A 5 issue mini series Marvel put out back around 06
The basic premise is Ares retired from being God of War and decided to raise a son, but Olympus is being invaded by the Japanese God of Evil and needs Ares' help

>Senile old evil-dad sits on his porch, rocking in his chair, twirling his dropping gray mustache.
>Pfft, skeletons. Amateur hour.
>Suzy, back in the day your dear old mum n me, we built 12 score and 12 wooonderful golems. More like them fancier dwarf engines they got.
>Now we bound these spirits from the realm of fire, oh, now they were cross with us, but we used our arcane might to overpower them an-
>Oh, I'm not condoning this, not at all, but this is how the story goes, you see.
>Angry spirits, they
>Don't bind spirits. At all.
>Unless you have too.
>Don't tell your mother.
>Anyways, they gave the golems this fighting spirit. And then we took this army and...

>your

>The two former enemies initially resent each other, but soon learn they're amicable neighbors and the two families become good friends
>Neighbor's tiefling daughter plays with Hero's Half-Elf son all the time, even go on playdates
>At dinner parties the two former enemies always laugh and swap stories
>Remember that time you ambushed us on Mount Grutauk, Lord Darksbane?
>Ambushed?? My skeletons were getting me groceries and just ran into you! What else was I supposed to do!
>So THAT'S why they had so many cabbages!
>Laughter all around the Hero/Villian pair
>Everyone else looks really uncomfortable
>etc etc
I want this now

>You're having fun wrong

Veeky Forums in a nutshell

Pretty much every class comes with abilities/spells that deal with a lot of mundane shit
A lot of epic heroes end up with servants/apprentices/summons of some kind so that's a lot of shit handled right there
Look at how the filthy rich people of today deal with their children. Barring the high wis/int PCs most would probably end up with the same parenting style or some variation thereof.

>casting dominate, suggestion or geas on a child

Most evil PCs (or the players) cause games to implode before anyone hits level 2 so I doubt there is even a possibility of it happening.

>Eventually they grow up and want to go adventuring together
>Resounding noooooos everywhere

Fighters and paladins might become kings, and settle down in their kingdoms. Wizards would go live in their towers.
Not sure about rogues though.

rogues might be the ones more likely to settle down in peaceful, quiet, and unsuspecting lives.

I should start writing these ideas down somewhere permanent.

> The rivalry lives on through competitive topiary, lawn mowing, and garden arrangement.
> It eventually turns into a competitive wargame played out across the front lawns

>Extends to Christmas Decorations
>Halloween decorations
>Gift swaps
>Here's a Talisman of Ultimate Evil Grosslar
>Dammit! I got you a Talisman of Divine Good Herbjorn!
>All of the guests quake in fear

A smart adventurer never retires or has kids. Don't you know "Retired" status gives you -10 to plot armor and "Parent of protagonist" is another -20 to plot armor? Don't even get me started on the "Mentor of current protagonist" malus. Do you WANT to die an ultimately arbitrary and pointless death in order to inspire some snot nosed kid? Quite possibly offscreen? Never retire. Never have kids. Never teach anyone shit. Stay the fuck away from young, rebellious kids with attitude and incredible potential.

>hook nosed drow rubbing there hands together
That right adventure never have kids.
Definitely don't train anyone
The future is fine without heros goy

Checked

>How do you transition from summoning demons to summoning the school bus? How would an epic level parent handle daily chores?

Most retired epic characters would be rich as fuck, only those who decide to live like poorfags will have to bother about those things.

In a standard dnd setting children will probably either be homeschooled, or sent off to a different retainer. A squire for a noble lord, a wizard or alchemist apprentice, a priest-in-training. They probably wont see much of their parents.
As for chores, most retired heroes would probably have servants of some kind. Magical or mundane. Some of them might want to do it themself, in which case they wouldn't vary too much from a regular parent.

Well if you're a level 20 wizard you're probably one of those crazy old celibate types stuck up in a tower somewhere. If you're a level 20 fighter you're probably a warlord king drinking himself to death like Robert Baratheon or some knight, or famous bodyguard. If you're a level 20 rogue then you're either retired to a mansion ocean's 11 style or off stealing stuff from gods.

I imagine that raising kids and family life for epic level characters is basically the same as it is for really rich and powerful people in the setting. Hire lots of security, loaf around, engage in some philanthropy, try not to fuck your kids up too much with your bad habits or personal problems.

The party, less the wizard who died in a terrible accident, all settled the same mountain valley, along with their followers and a few friends they collected over the years.

The paladin runs a school for soldiers at the base of the mountain and spends most of his time there.

The barbarian and his wife took to the farmers life quite well, they raise sheep mostly, though he refuses to ever get rid of his horses. They've nearly two dozen children now, the boys learn to herd sheep and wrestle, but their father won't teach them how to wield proper weapons for fear they'll get into even more trouble with the paladins students, several of whom the barbarian has beaten to a pulp for getting too friendly with his girls.

The bard never married, but he and his mistress have been together nearly two decades now, he likes to tell stories of the old days to the children while their parents aren't around. His only son took his favorite lute and ran off last summer, trying his hardest to out do his old man.

The druid and her daughter live down by the lake, only coming to the village for feast days during the summer, but they often winter with the barbarian and his folk.

The fighter and his two sons run the local smithy. His oldest married to one of the barbarians daughters, and his second betrothed to one of the serving women at the paladins school.

the wizard finds some measure of peace knowing that his friends will die with smiles on their faces as he plants a dream of the days of peace that might have followed their grand adventures. Now he alone must face the pain of their fiery demise.

everything on Veeky Forums is archived by other sites now.

Veeky Forums is archived on 4plebs.org

Yes, but it's a lot less organised than my harddrive.

>spoiler
You top cunt

Kill yourself you cuck

>How do you transition from summoning demons to summoning the school bus?
The school bus is a demon

>Well if you're a level 20 wizard you're probably one of those crazy old celibate types stuck up in a tower somewhere

Probably not, actually. Sitting in a tower and reading books doesn't tend to get you experience; tomes don't tend to have Challenge Ratings. The wizards who actually get past the low levels are the ones who went out into the world and experienced it.

The backstab and betrayal that happens in a typical wizard's tower as wizards compete with one another even gives diminishing returns: the experience that a 10th level wizard gives you is not enough to get you to 10th level unless you were already close to it anyway. Thus I imagine most wizard colleges with homebody wizards probably cap out at around level 5 or so.

They might decide to retire to a tower, but they weren't always shut-ins and were probably just as much whoring and drinking as the barbarian, only instead of flexing his muscles to get chicks, he magically cooled their drinks or dyed their hair or did other party tricks. Either way he's got a swarm of illegitimate children across the land.

What? At 10th level he gather 4d6 followers and start his own Thieves' Guild.

He'll be the informant and holder of secrets.

I apologize user, I was sleep deprived at the time and it seemed a good way to bring it all together when I wrote it.