ITT: We post like what normies think tabletop is like

Yeah, that map has every type of adventure you could want on it.

>normie
Hello normalfag

My Lawful Good Paladin resists the vile temptations

>Got to roll for that

>Nat 1

*Licks lips*

>Magical realm entered, cannot escape

>Obese Man with Ponytail...
Fuck, thats me. As an obese man with a ponytail, don't lump me in with the MLP scum.

Please. The razorsharp focus on paladin's falling and magical realms is a Veeky Forums thing that no normie would ever know was a thing. Fuck, you're lucky if they know what paladins are.

We could swap MLP out with "getting really heated about action figures on the internet" or "is obnoxiously into metal" if you want.

NATURAL
FUCKING
1
Rocks fall
Everyone dies
Every innocent soul in existence is damned to the worst possible hell
I hope everyone had fun
See you guys next week

>Ravenholm
...we don't go there, anymore.

Nice try, normie

>oh shit a natural 20 I win!!!!!

>Holy fucking shit, HOLY FUCKING SHIT
>TRIPLE FUCKING 1
>Dumb action succeeds

>They think everyone dresses up for tabetop
>They think D&D has LARP elements
>They think you only have one character and it carries between games and campaigns

>My [level/descriptor] [character class]
Yeah a lot of normie shows seem to think that's how people always refer to their characters

>I rolled a 20!
>Now I am the dungeon master lol.

And announcing it (plus character’s level) with each action

u suddent com here

Why do people care what normies think?

>Ninjago

>They think you only have one character and it carries between games and campaigns
To be fair that happens in some groups and is still common if you count stuff like adventure league.

Take out your hair tie. Congratulations you are no longer an obese man with a ponytail.

>Howard, I swear to Newton if you touch my Star Trek figures one more time I'm sending you to the Chambers
>What?
>Nothing. Bazinga.

I got this from a random map generator. Am I being paranoid or is this the same map?

>"I attack the Ghostlord with my level 6 Goblinslayer Warhammer!"
>Natural 1
>Aw, shit. Looks like the Ghostlord has killed you.
>"Wait! I found a level 13 Powerstone in Bill's game last week!"
>Whelp, looks like that changes your roll into a natural 20! You kill the Ghostlord! Now roll to have sex with the princess!

>"My wizard just reached level 20, ahuk! *pushes up glasses and snorts inhaler*"

>you each gain 7 experience

I read that in Sheldon's voice.

>GURPS
>Normies

>I roll to charm the king
>NAT FUCKING 20
>The king just gave his wealth and status, I am king now

>he doesn't unironically wear a helmet to his games

My DM brings specially trained midgets to the games, dresses them as goblins and we unironically fight them to determine the outcome of battles.

>Yeah a lot of normie shows seem to think that's how people always refer to their characters
It gets the point across better than vomiting out the whole backstory for your snowflake Lizardman chicken herder/fighter/kensai gestalt.

>drinks excessively
and/or
>hits the bong (Dude weed lmao always play blitzed bro)
Then.. .
>forget my character sheet. Again.
>get through roughly 1/5th of the session, spend the rest on my phone, talking over the DM, and showing other players Facebook memes
>NAT 20 BRO NAT 20 I WIN THE GAAAAAAAAAME

Authentic normie experience.

>*puts on IRL helmet*

Fuck it, i'll play that map

>Tiger-Headed Opium Nightmares

Naw, not really. That sounds dope.

>he doesnt run every group through a jungle where they get fucked on bad food and fight their imagination

Next youre gonna tell me you never let your party fight a beholder. Even though thats an iconic creature

The thing I hate more than anything is the assumption that a natural 20 can do anything and a natural 1 always produces some kind of slapstick or something to do with poop.

Yeah it unironically looks like it'd be a pretty fun place to adventure through

From mostly playing with recruited normies, they generally know less about it than you'd think.

They've kinda caught on that costumes aren't normal and that you use dice and some kind of spreadsheet of numbers to fight monsters in a dungeon.

The stereotypes (scronny kid, fat ponytail, smelly guy, etc) still persist but have softened up a bit. Now it's less "all nerds are shitty" and more "most nerds are shitty but -my- nerd is okay".

More likely to play something really cliche but be super into it just because it's still kinda new and fun for them, but equally likely to play something really stupid for giggles.

My personal setting is actually just more-or-less the European portions of OP's pic, but with the timeline advanced about 200-300 years and being a little better at taking nonhuman races into account. Hang on...

>Aldedos - Portupanish conquistadors
>Aolos - United petty fiefdoms
>Chelusar - Stabilized crusader state
>Draconic Freeholds - Nations ruled by dragons
>>Alsharan - red dragon dictatorship
>>Eshanna - brass dragon merchants
>>Nebitsaba - silver dragon kingdom
>Draulor - Regressive dwarven kingdom
>Haraskan - Goblin empire
>Jaandyr - progressive elves
>Malmagor - Undead anarchy since the lich king disappeared
>Meropis (not shown) - Merfolk kingdom
>>Erikan - Merfolk surface viceroyalty.
>Moraan - Collapsing dwarven kingdom
>Nimrinyr - Elven illuminati
>Orcish Domain - Orcs fled here after the Last Horde was defeated handily
>Osturgard - Vikings eploring the New World
>Riyyahid - A-ra-bian NIIIIIGHTS...!
>>Buddhir - Astrolabes & alchemy
>>Haian - Sorcerous island
>Rhydel - Poncy knights becoming poncy musketeers
>>Athil - Fancy magic town
>Rovonnia - Vampire civil war
>Sybenn - Tentacles & the Outer Dark
>Sydrigg - Civilizing Vikings; may have a Snow Queen
>Thellyr - Isolationist elves
>Three Cities - More untied petty fiefdoms
>>Cylordath - Merchant oligarchy
>>Drakenmoor - Big crimey crapsack
>>Karadale - Farmer's moot
>Valarene Empire - Collapsing evil empire since the Emperor was killed last year.
>>Escara - Chaotic Evil warriors
>>Etralier - Lawful Evil knights
>>Galinde - Incest & Intrigue
>>Meoch - Evil crusader state
>>Navine - Dark magic city

I've been coming to Veeky Forums for a couple of years now and I still don't know what tabletop is like. I'm here for the comfy creature/lore threads.

From my point of view, you just roll dice at every opportunity while the DM/GM (I still don't really know what the difference is) puts on silly voices to play NPCs you can't see, in a place you can't see, so you can player characters you can't see. I honestly don't see the appeal.

>inb4 people get angry about it

No, they're different, congratulations, you're paranoid, welcome to the club.

You might enjoy wargames like 40k or Infinity.

DM/GM is an arbitrary distinction between Dungeon Master and Game Master. Some other games liked GM better because it made them less like D&D, or they wanted to emphasize that it wasn't all about dungeons.
>can't see
You're supposed to use the power of imaaaagiinaaaation, but is probably right.
>roll dice at every opportunity
That's just shit games, which there are a lot of. Ideally, you should only roll for things that matter. I'd tell you to go try it out, but it doesn't sound like you'd enjoy it and finding a good group is fairly hit or miss. Hope this clears a few things up.

I'm not angry, but I am confused that you apparently can't engage with things you can't see.

...Do you see the appeal to audiobooks?

These cliche maps got tiresome after the first one because they don't say anything.

Are people supposed to start putting the icy poles on the equator and deserts at the tops of the world?

...

Oh boy. Normie trash shows. Everyone loves it when you quote normie trash shows. Keep pretending to have good taste.

>opium
>dope
You slut, you did that on purpose. Keep up the good work.

That was a Halloween session for us, we passed through a mages "nightmare field" and had to fight our worst nightmares

I play with an online group so it's basically like a real-time novel or something to me.

I love that "Drowned Kingdom" and "So Not Atlantis" are both on the map, in roughly the same place.

>try to lock pick door
>roll nat 1
>door becomes a wall
>you no longer know what a door is

This shit may be generic but I think if I set a globe trotting adventure my players would unironically enjoy it.

The Drowned Kingdom is, of course, Lemuria. But I would still play the hell out of that map.

>is obnoxiously into metal
as someone that lives in an area way up north, i have met so many of these bastards in RPGs, clubs and daily life.

I'm too spoilt by video games, I guess. Earliest I can remember, I had a Sega. Now we've got so many RPGs, both online and offline, I don't see the appeal of imagining a world when you can just play one.

But no, I don't like audiobooks. Podcasts are alright, but there's something about having someone just reading a story out to you that puts me off. It feels like you're not in the moment.

(the players surround a table in a candlelit basement, dressed in black robes. The DM's seat is empty)
Now, let us convene this session of Dungeons & Dragons. It is time to summon the Dungeon Master!
(One player picks up the family cat and slits its throat. Satan himself manifests beyond the DM's screen with an evil laugh.)

>I CAST FIREBALL!!!!!!
>ROLL FOR ATTACK!!!!
>NAT 20!!!!!!
>YOU KILL THE ORC!!!!!!!!
>YAY I DID IT!!!!!!!
>*Everybody at the table gets up and cheers and screams in joy*
>*They then sit down and eat more pizza and drink more fruit punch*
>LET'S PLAY STAR WARS NEXT GUYS!!!!!!

that's gotta get expensive after a bit, unless you're constantly going to all those free kitten give away. Does Satan at least get rid of the corpse for you?

Wait, is this not what happens?

I only do this because my skull is soft and not wearing my helmet is dangerous.

how do you ironically fight midgets dressed up as goblins

They usually think it's a childish activity and is nothing more than nerds just playing a crude game of make believe.

How on earth they can lap up whatever is on Netflix or the current year's sports/movies with an air of superiority is beyond me.

Do you really think a show like that would make a reference to gas chambers, or are you just pretending to be retarded?

okay OP, I'll bite
>have friends
>like nerdy shit
>play fun game
>have fun time
>eat good snacks
>see each other next week
this is contrast to 85% of Veeky Forums whose ttrpg experience exists in theory only

Made me spit out my fucking apple juice

I always imagined that's how Americans actually play.

Just pretend your not into it

Link to the generator?

I'm weirded out that you keep coming here for over a year and still haven't figured out more than the barest assumptions about what roleplay is like from the context alone
but if you don't care then I don't care to explain, either

I take one look at that map and all I can think is
>fuck's sake, I don't caaaaaare

My character didn't grow up to be some kind of globalist demon omniscient know-it-all. Tell me about the region we're going to be playing in. Tell me about the immediate surroundings he grew up in.

His parents got killed before he could form any memories, he got hit by a sleep spell and woke up in a world he didnt know as an adult. He has yet to discover his surroundings

So why the fuck am I watching a world map with a neat cultural legend beside it?

If you want to be an 'artiste', paint a cool picture of the place I wake up in, because that's going to be my main concern.

And when you've done that, let me know what you, as a DM, expect from a physically adult human being with no conscious cognitive development beyond about the age of 4, because I'm about to play him out as a completely deficient 'tard and I don't want our expectations to clash.

>seconds after waking up, a strong wind picked up the adventurer and lifted him high in the sky. He oversaw this picture, for some reason he saw a neat legend appeared. A wind spirit told him that he should know this map well, for he would wage countless wars on the mountains and fields it described. The spirit then set him down and he fell asleep. In his dream he turned into a spirit which spend a year in each cultural sphere learning everything.

>rolls a 1
>"Oh no, I trip and fall on my blade, killing myself!"

For me it's less about the stupid geography, but about what's on the map and how it's always the same cliches that don't have any relation to each other

kek

>He oversaw this picture, for some reason he saw a neat legend appeared
Unless I was some sort of mutant toddler, I can't read and that's useless to me
>A wind spirit told him that he should know this map well, for he would wage countless wars on the mountains and fields it described
Ha. It's making sounds and moving. A boo a bloo a ga-ga doo?
>In his dream he turned into a spirit which spend a year in each cultural sphere learning everything.
I don't want to play Doctor Who in fantasyland. A walking wikipedia. Can't I just play a character with no godlike knowledge?

>for his continuous insolence he was cast into the pit
>this was all he saw

Riveting game. My only choices are mentally scarred omniscient freak with no motivations or prisoner of a nothing dimension.

Show me on the doll where player agency and appealing, human characters ever touched you.

>you suddenly see a bright shining doll in front of you, you do not understand, but you feel it is significant for someone, somewhere. What do you do

Do you have brain damage or are you just an immense newfag?

Scream. My life so far has been a living LSD nightmare.

...

or you could just say "I'm going to attack" like normal people.

>I don't caaaaaaare
you don't even know what the campaign is like. Why are you trying so hard?

85% of Veeky Forums's anything is just hating everyone and not having fun because the DM is talking about elves.

>you scream, you feel a bit better

While I don't exactly agree with his attitude, I have to say I kinda see where it comes from. Partially this is because generally selling your world-building efforts is hard as fuck, partially because when I look at the load of utterly meaningless made-up words on that map and the list of random combinations of random genre clichés at the bottom, it s really nearly impossible to figure out why should anyone care about it. It's meaningless and there is no reason to assume it stands out from everything else the genre has to offer.

Which does not mean that is bad. It may be actually a brilliant settings for all that I know. It sure as fuck won't look like one if you present it like this. It's mostly just either literal made-up words, or cliché tags we have seen a million times.

Im a 12th level Dungeon Master

Better how? I have a few dozen cultural mores knocking around in my head with no framework to call my own.

What is 'good'?

I feel like I should rip this doll apart because everything is pain, so pain must also be everything, right? Right, mommy? Where are you, mommy?