Fascist Italy accidentally invades Mordor instead of Greece

I don't think you understand how bad Italy is at war.

>army is spearheaded by italians

Something tells me the Rohirrim can go home and rest

The orks fall before endless swarms of adorable tankettes.

>tankettes (Italian)
I think you failed a spot check.

so no change?

Are you saying i got the wrong picture or italy did not use tiny tanks.
Because I know they used the tiny tanks.

I can't believe a third of my country was once under Italy.

I’m saying that Italian tanks can’t into war.

Somewhere in spain you hear a short man let out a looong sigh of relief he's not allied officially with the clowns

...

Mordor wins.
As much as people are saying Jackson Mordor would lose, Even their incompetent asses would win because Fascist Italy cannot into unassisted war victory.

Seriously, even the Jackson orcs won at osgiliath. The Italians lost to Ethiopia. Eritrea is barely a country and they can do better

>When you like Fascist Italy in Hearts of Iron
>Know they suck at WW2

At least Mussolini have a nice jaw.

Churchill gives the orcs a favorable reference in the house of commons.

Sauron now rules Italy.

the italians run out of water a quarter of the way through an retreat.

One does not simply goose-step into Mordor.

>Churchill gives the orcs a favorable reference in the house of commons.

Orcs now require an increased water ration to cook their pasta.

Even though the canned pasta came with its own pasta sauce included, in which it was supposed to be boiled

I love you Veeky Forums

They crush they're conventional forces while establishing a base and searching for food. Eventually the more powerful elements of Mordor come out and start mind fucking them until they fall under Saoron's control.

>What happens?
They lose because the Germans can't come bail them out like they did in Greece

DON'T FORGET THE INVASION OF ETHIOPIA!

Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns

So was the Pasta Water Ration a real thing? Did they actually have the sauce to boil the Pasta in and not figure that out?

Orcs counter-invade.

An armistice is signed which lets both sides claim that they won.

A generation later, Orcs eat pasta, speak passable Italian, and ride Vespas. Sauron's master plan is now hopelessly mired in bureaucracy.

We got over being an empire when Rome fell, thanks. Since then we've discovered that it's a lot more profitable to let other countries invade us, then assimilate them culturally.

Also, you can put a bazooka on a Vespa.

>Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns
I'm pretty sure the Russians supplied the Ethiopian forces with weapons. Still pathetic on Italy's part, though.

>Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns
Much like the British, except the Zulu's were literal spearchuckers whereas the Ethiopians were a semi-civilized kingdom that actually had acces to guns, the Italians were outnumbered 10:1 and still managed to inflict about 2000 more casualties than they suffered. And that's ignoring your biggest blunder: this was the FIRST Italo-Ethiopian war, under the Kingdom of Italy during the Scramble for Africa. The one under Mussolini was the SECOND Italo-Ethiopian war, which resulted in the annexation of Ethiopia, rising tensions on a global scale and apexed with Italy (and Germany) leaving the League of Nations.

There's one thing more ridiculous than the Italian army, and that's your knowledge of history.

it truly is astounding how Italy can't into war

Except they did figure it out, nigger. Hell, the Italian army still gives out pasta as part of its standard rations today. You don't need extra water.

I don't think Italian cuisine refers to pasta...

glad somebody got that.

>What happens?
Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Mordor"!

Luigi Cadorna was an idiot, but he ended up being celebrated as a great general anyway for some reason.

He is from my hometown.

There is this very Necron-looking tomb on the lakeside for him.

The karyatids are soldiers of various branches of the Italian armed forces when the monument was made... plus a Blackshirt. Every year someone tries to deface the Blackshirt.

Italians manage to fuck up, so the Germans have to bail them out. When faced with German troops, even Sauron is appalled at how much of a control freak those people are.

>LOOKS LIKE RISOTTO IS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS

Didn't someone make a "Nazis in fantasyland" quest suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Nazi Quest Ah, there it is. Now I'm tempted to resurrect the concept.

There's a lot more giant faces on Sauron's architecture.

Also, how do you fuck up fascist architecture, in Italy of all places?
This doesn't look menacing, it looks dumb as hell, and there's so much good roman stuff to take inspiration from right fucking *there*.

Discount Bioshock

Also, because fascists were idiots, except maybe for Gabriele d'Annunzio.

Ah yes, anyone else remember how quests don't belong on Veeky Forums? I sure am glad they're gone now so we can make room for three more amazon threads.

It worked out OK for Cristoforo Colombo, which is why we are having this conversation at all.

A* reference

We did use tiny tanks. They were pretty useless.

And really crazy looking airplanes (you may recognize this one from Hayao Miyazaki).

And really weird heroic actions just for the sake of doing it.

Turns out real life doesn't work like anime.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savoia-Marchetti_S.55

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_over_Vienna

Important question is, are the trains on time? And is Littorio still best battleship?

That was just a campaign ad put up on a pre-existing building for one of the staged plebiscites, actual fascist architecture was just a more boring version of Roman architecture.

>but he ended up being celebrated as a great general anyway for some reason.
What the fuck are you talking about? He is the laughing stock of every italian and i nschool we spent more time talking about how much he sucked then every other bit of WW1 combined.

oh la tomba la pago' il governo (dell'epoca) e se ti prendi la briga di andare a leggere libri di storia di epoca fascista lo trattano come un genio. (sono verbanese e abito a circa 2km da villa Cadorna, se non altro gli eredi hanno finalmente tolto le statue dal cancello)

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_over_Vienna
>In WWII America carries out the Doolittle Raid, where a group of brave men fly deep into enemy territory to drop bombs on the enemy capital, scoring an important propaganda victory
>In WWI Italy carries out the Flight over Vienna, where a group of brave men fly deep into enemy territory to drop untranslated propaganda leaflets on the enemy capital, making them look like complete idiots
Can Italy do anything right?

Pensavo parlassi di oggi, ma scusa è stato destituito durante la guerra perchè faceva schifo al cazzo, com'è che poi l'hanno revisionato in essere un buon generale?

>spot the italian

boh..

To be fair the simpler version of the leaflet was translated (not by d'Annunzio, who refused to do so)

And it was a pretty daring operation.

Just not very useful...

>Columbus gets lost and finds middle earth
>enslaves the hobbits before Sarumon can even get there

They would switch sides each time they get beaten faster than they gobble down a plate of pasta

Well we can't bring it back...
Or can we?

Although desu, merging the boards back together would probably cause more problems than it's worth

Mordor? Don't you mean Mora-Dora?

I can't decide whether or not I like this.
Either way it definitely doesn't scream fascist, it wouldn't look out of place alongside lots of mid-century American buildings.

Italians are nto japs user, you add the a at the end, not between every couple of non-vowels.

Italy in WW1 actually managed to blow the fuck out Austro-Hungarian army so hard that it actually stopped being fighting force and the A-H Empire had to sue for peace. All it took to happen was the removal of Cardona from his position.

In war? No, we stink at it.

But we excel at civil protection.

Granted, we are talking about the Fascist army, not the modern army, so... yeah, you have a point.

nytimes.com/2014/10/18/opinion/beppe-severgnini-the-italian-military-to-the-rescue.html?_r=0

Forgot to link on the battle that did it.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vittorio_Veneto

All it took was the fact that Austro Hungaria was an outdated state on the brink of collapse, the surprising fact is that Cadorna managed to not win the war himself, not that the war was won once he was fired.

Italians designers where into futurism when Mussolini took over and it seems to have appealed to him due to themes it has.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Futurist_architecture

Just shows you how much of fuckup even by WW1 standards Cardonna truly was, when he can't even win a fight against enemy that is tripping over his own issues.

>Ethiopia
>almost only actual kingdom on the continent
>tribesmen

>almost only actual kingdom on the continent
Not exactly hard when everyone else is a colony.

Pre- or post-Ethiopia 2?

Because Pre-Ethiopia 2 they got all the shit ready to invade sombody and with Mordor they got nobody giving a shit about the mayhem too.

So it's a highly mechanized army dropping sarine gas on everything that looks vaguely humanoid with the US industry being in a full frenzy about Fascist Italy buying shit nonstop for reasons nobody can fathom.
They'll probably just barb wire up the couple of entrances into Mordor and then gas the shit outta the place.

Thread theme

youtube.com/watch?v=czTksCF6X8Y

God damn spaghetti speak.

Those rules about french warfare apparently apply to Italy as well.

It can't make things worse. Different kind of shit but not worse.

France has been pretty good at warfare; they just fucked up really twice; Franco-Prussian and WW2.

I think he misspelled trench warfare, otherwise it makes no sense.

No I mean this
albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html

Jesus Christ I didn't even know that site was still alive.

Or at the beginning. Sounds better in this case

You know the largest battles of the American War of Independence were fought outside of North America thanks to France, Spain and Holland declaring war on Britain during it.

>is Littorio still best battleship?
yes

>Previously, critics of D'Annunzio had said: "He writes but does not act." Because D'Annunzio's Italian text was considered ineffectual and not translatable into German, Ferdinando Martini quipped: "Now he acts but does not write."

Its called comedy user. Exaggeration is a big part of it.

Why don't you use a proper list instead.
militaryfactory.com/battles/french_military_victories.asp

>Be a Nationalist poet
>People keep saying you're a bitch for not doing anything .
>Decide to do something extremely ballsy.
>Refuse however to translate your leaflets because you're such a fucking queen, thus rendering your entire act mostly pointless.
>Still be considered a laughing stock.

Ah right. I assumed you were an intelligent person who made a typo. I assure you that's a mistake I won't make again.

Because that list isnt as funny.

No it's called propaganda against one of the US' oldest allies because it refused to follow in Iraq over flimsy claims and accusations.

*teleports behind your battleship*

When the fuck did Veeky Forums get so autistic they dont find things funny anymore?

Yep, that's d'Annunzio.

For an encore, he conquered a city. By himself with a few friends. After the war was over.

It's at this point you realise Italy was a plant by the Allies during WW2. Told just to fuck with Hitler for shits and giggles.

You must be an American, because only in America could flaunting ignorance and ridiculing loss of human life (but 9/11 is sacred!) pass for a joke.

When it became nu/tg/pol/ about 3 years ago.

Australian actually. Now take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up son. If you dont find it funny, fine, but dont become a sanctimonious prick on this site of all places.