Tell me about the time your character ended up naked

This was an ERP game wasn't it

nope! totally straight long term game. Team leader had just seen it in a film though apparently.

My shadowrun physAdept has a side business as a stripper and, if she really like you, a prostitute. The joint she dances at has become something of a unofficial off-duty bar for the rest of the team just to tease her. To her our bodies are just a shell for the mind and spirit within, so she doesn't really mind showing off what she has if it means paying rent for another month.

>BTBPg359Word
Try searching the filename

>Be paladin of the god of fire in homebrewed setting
>Going to a gala to protect noble from getting assassinated ( and the whole party had some degree of noble blood, so that helped too)
>Trough various shenanigans and the party's dragonborn Mage inability to dance waltzer we manage to frustrate the the assassin into showing himself
>start a manly fistfight ("hon hon, nobody is allowed weapons to the king's gala") against the assassin
>I'm soloing it while the rest of the party sends the nobles in the hall away, bc we didn't want to pay any reparation in case of dead noblemen
>Assassin manages to stab me a couple of times, no big deal
>Tries to grapple me, fails
>I try to grapple him, success
>I make out the most of my devotion to the god of fire by spontaneously combust, while being myself immune to the flames
>Neither the assassin nor my clothes are immune tho
>GM is amused but not pleased
>By the dice rolling behind the GM screen I can tell he was going to pull s big """prank""" on me
>Yippie fucking yay, now even the hall is being set on fire
>OOC the party was already planning to make an escape after I get out of the hall, as it is evident we won't get our pay after this fiery stunt
>GM fluffs the assassin as getting insta killed by the flame explosion
>I gotta get out fast, and indeed I do
>Party sees me naked
>Dwarf player jokes about the size of my junk
>GM is amused and pleased, makes me roll a D10 for the length
>Praised be the Fire God I actually get a 7
>I'm given some spare clothes to cover myself as we steal some horses nearby to book it

And that's how we got into an adventure on the seas arc to flee from said kingdom, as we, with me in primis, were wanted for burning a good chunk of the king's summer residence.

S-sauce?

...

Had a dm once who, after one too many boasts from a character about his cock size, made the males roll to settle it.

D6+cha modifier.

My Barbarian is pretty much naked all the time. Only wears a wolf-skin loincloth with fur breeches and boots because outside of his tribe this thing called ‘indecent exposure’ exists. Last time he was naked was when he went for a swim in a lake we were camping by, the elf bard insists on suddenly being somewhere else whenever he does strip off

I can guess who was the unlucky chap that dumped charisma

To get the length in centimetres or inches? Mine was in inches

My wizard was packing a fairly impressive 5 inches thankyou very much.

The drow girl in the party did get more interested in the sorcerer after it was determined he was hanging 9 inches though

>the time
>the
Being naked happens more that being clothed.

I did have a berserker chick once who just went full frontal 24/7. So same

Are you not supposed to be naked in a bathhouse?

>visit barbarian tribe
>player barbarian speaks with chieftain and gets us access to the commune
>explains they avoid a bit of inbreeding by having strangers impregnate their women as part of an entry fee
>have to get naked in the tent and wait for the women to arrive
>everyone in the party does this except the barbarian who said he'll wait in the chieftain's tent
>bunch of armored men and women come into the tent and apprehend us all while naked
>bandits pretending to be barbarians to avoid suspicion
>our barbarian was speaking as if he knew these people but he was just repeating what he just heard from the bandit chieftain two minutes prior
>all in jail and barbarian explains he thought the jail was the waiting room and thought it was standard procedure

>Rolling for penis length without using a bell curve
It's like you don't even know basic statistics.

You are, and it was women only, but he busted in and pinned a bogus charge on her after she got into a fight with the wrong aristocrat

to be fair. That is a nice trap your DM laid there.

True. I mean who wouldn't jump at the chance to shoot a few loads into some hot barbarian chicks?

Probably when he last took a bath

only leads back to this thread via the archiver

Fucking brilliant.

Her vagina is mostly hidden in the original image anyway.

Streaking is an effective tactic for distraction and luring away guards.
Bonus if you paint yourself first like some king of gaelic stripper

To get the team the blessing of this gross but incredibly influential crime boss, my dark elf rogue had to strip fully nude for him to admire. He wanted to add her to his harem of exotic races of women.

You know, this isn't /a/. You could just give the artist name, or just tell the sauce.

"By the book", webcomic, tickles so many of my fetishes it's insane.

My Goliath Barbarian wrestled an Orc warchief for the right to speak at the Moot of Clans, as outsiders were forbidden from speaking at such a grand gathering unless they had at least one of the twelve warchiefs vouch for them.

Our GM thought we would go the diplomatic route and run errands for one of the more civilized orc warchiefs to earn his respect, but my barbarian felt we didn't have time for fancy diplomacy so she challenged the biggest, meanest orc warchief to a wrestling match, Orc rules style. That meant inside a 10 meter diameter circle, in the nuddy, no weapons, first to be thrown out of the circle, tap out or go unconscious loses.

After a grueling match my barbarian won by choking out the warchief, though it was a very close call as had i taken more punch my barbarian would have hit the dirt face first. While my barbarian was in the fight of her lifetime the rest of the part either
A) stared and drooled at 2+ meters of muscles, tits and ass going toe-to-toe with a orc that was 110% muscles and scars.
or
B) mooched around between the other warchiefs and telling outrageous lies to hype up my character's reputation.

>in a three person party in a Star Wars D20 campaign
>we were all hired thugs working for Jabba the Hutt
>one guy was a Mon Calamari conman/gunslinger who had a ton of languages and skills
>second guy was an Ewok jedi who was turning towards the dark side
>I played a Wookie mercenary who punches everything.
>we were ordered to kill the owner of a cantina in Mos Eisley who pissed off Jabba
>we arrive there
>see him tending the bar with one of his henchmen
>our Ewok runs him through with his little lightsaber and kills him
>Bouncers draw their blasters and aim them at us
>our Mon Calamari guy persuades them not to retaliate. After all, nobody's going to pay them anymore to risk their lives over it, right?
>we convince the bouncers and one of the Bith from the cantina band to join our crew
>we shoot the other band members we didn't want.
>Ewok jedi suggests we should actually try and run the cantina for the night
>everyone agrees
>Mon Calamari guy butchers the dead band members and is trying to make a broth with their flesh
>stormtroopers come in to see what the hell is going on
>we kill them too and put them in the broth as well
>DM has no idea what to make of this
>no patrons yet
>send droid out to drum up business
>twi'lek couple arrives
>mon calamari tells them that our terms of service state that all patrons must strip themselves or pay triple their bill
>roll persuasion check
>success
>twi'leks agree to get naked
>my wookie is in the kitchen preparing their order
>we serve them
>turns out they can't afford the bill
>mon calamari tells them we will not charge them if they will be willing to let us record them performing sex acts
>he rolls persuasion again
>fails
>twi'lek lady gets indignant and heads for the door
>my wookie bolts towards door and grabs her

cont.

>some more stormtroopers enter cantina
>see the butchered corpses
>see naked twi'lek man sitting at table
>see distraught looking twi'lek woman trying to get away from a wookie
>run back out cantina and try to call for backup
>mon calamari digs out stormtrooper uniform he took from a dead guy
>greets the stormtroopers and spins some bullshit about being on a secret mission from emperor palpatine
>rolls deception
>succeeds
>stormtroopers call off back up
>mon calamari invites them inside
>we get cameras ready
>we tell the bith guy to play music
>we film us and the stormtroopers taking turns with twi'lek girl
>we head back to jabba's palace
>we show jabba our movie
>he likes
>we leave tatooine
>plan to go to nar shaddaa to sell our porn
>realise we gave our last copy to jabba
>DM asks us to never mention this again

TL;DR
>we were supposed to be bounty hunters, but we became pornographers

I played a warlock in 3.5 who was a total magic groupie. Loved magic. Loved everything about it.
She joined the campaign late, so I got a money allowance to buy items with so she'd be roughly comparable to the rest of the party. Since she was a magic groupie, I gave her a bunch of permanency spells stacked on top of her just out of love for magic. They weren't plot important, just there to emphasize how much of a magical geek she was.

Anyway, it turned out I had misread spell prices, and my DM had only skimmed my sheet, so I actually had way, WAY over my character's worth for spells applied to me. Like maybe three times the wealth allowance. And this was several weeks after she had joined when we finally discovered this.
So my DM starts freaking out, because he thinks this is a big deal, and finally I say, "Look, I happened to also buy a scroll of Reincarnation, why don't we just conspire a reason to kill her, then we'll reincarnate her and all the old enchantments will get left on her old body."

So we're using a house rule that familiars get a couple skill points on level ups, and mine has UMD ranks so it can cast scrolls. So we have my character go off on a solo mission, she gets murdered by the Big Bad's Lieutenant offscreen, her familiar escapes with a finger and the scroll, it all gets woven into the plot very nicely.
The party finds out and swears revenge, it's great.

But then the Druid, whose character had grown attached to mine, decides she's going to scry and find the familiar, and then the party's going to teleport to her immediately. Not because it's important, just because they want to see her ASAP.
So there's a short delay, and then they show up to find my character, newly alive and trying to stitch together a cloak out of leaves because REINCARNATION DOES NOT COME WITH PANTS, screaming because she's fucking naked.
And the druid doesn't care, because "animals are always naked! It's the same thing!"

NO IT'S NOT, BRELLA. IT'S NOT THE SAME.

I'll give a (You) and 2 hungarian florins for things that never happened, Jim

You were called an animal, I suppose you are some kind of furfag player.
Or God forbid, an orc player

My character was being used as a lab rat by an all female society. They were cutting him open on surgical tables and putting him through experiments like you would with lab rats. So mazes and social interaction experiments. I never understood why they kept him naked though.

The other time was at the beach where an ally female wizard pantsed him just to check the branded rune on his butt. Apparently it was magical. He got the rune by sitting on a deity's altar.

This isn't half the insane fuckery we get into, i just picked this example because it fit the theme.

My wookie also killed darth maul in one shot as well, i'm dead serious.

user, please. I don't think most of the things in this thread happened.

Eh, not really, druid was just a hippie sortof gal who didn't see the difference between humans and animals. Raised by druids in the wild. Obstinately refused to see what was weird about this.

You'd think this would cause problems, but druid animal companions tend to get pretty huge as they advance in hitdice, and a wolf the size of a bear will ward off a lot of those.

By the Book. Its a webcomic full of ecchi and furries.

>CHA
Dick size may increase confidence but confidence does not increase dick size. It should be Constitution, if anything.

thank you kindly

Your GM must have real jolly happy then, or he just stopped giving a fuck

Touché

I dunno. A lot of characters have high CON since it's useful to everyone and good enough to make your 2nd or 3rd highest stat. Must be a lotta big dicked adventurers out there.

just like in my chinese erotic picture novels

It is fantasy, after all. I think one of the physical stats should be tied to it considering it's a physical attribute. Charisma is purely mental and it makes no sense for it to have an influence on your physiology. Dexterity doesn't make any sense for being related to dick size, so that leaves Strength and Constitution.

Giving it to Strength might be enough to finally make it not the worst stat, though.

sure, use strength. Makes sense for warriors and barbarians to be big and for wizards to be small.

>the barbarian's dick gets bigger every 4 levels

>drink potion of storm giants strength
>dick doubles in size

> There are spells that directly or indirectly make your dick size bigger
> Shapeshifting is an almost mandatory fetish for wizards
> Orcs get a +2 bonus to dick size

You don't even need to roll, just make your dick size be straight up your Strength score in centimeters.

Not any worse than Charisma

>The Whos down in Whoville say the Bard's dick grew three sizes that day

>Warlock's pact with a Great Old One grows stronger
>he suddenly feels his pants grow tighter

>The Paladin doesn't actually give a shit about faith and devotion and is just in it for the sweet dick gains

>Str score in cm
Dragons must have a lot of trouble with the copulation thing. No wonder they're so rare.

>he thinks the average man's dick is 4"
Chinese?

I'm sure everyone gets a multiplier for their size category.

Adventurers work on a different scale than the general population, of course.

Technically my character has been naked since they met the party since they're a shapeshifter along the lines of a much weaker Alex mercer, though I don't think anyone has put together in character that the clothes I wear are attached to my skin except a now dead NPC pickpocket.

They went to a bath house. I however was playing kobold. As such he had no sexual interest in the female characters. So he had a good swim while the others perved out.

>baby born with MASSIVE dick
"Well he's gonna be an adventure, how are we going to break this to the mother"

>he still thinks the average man's dick is 4"
Korean?

3d4 or nothing.

Isn't that more of a job for puberty? Works well as a call to adventure for fighter types.
I still have no idea what you're implying. Adventurers don't make up the majority of the population.

>he wants adventurers to have babypenis to compensate for his own
Mr. President?

If you're playing a male character with less than 14 strength, you deserve what you get.

Oof, good politics meme friend. Much funny. Very topical. "Lol him Dondal Trumby", what a guffaw I had. What wit, sir!

>I still have no idea what you're implying
I believe he's talking about commoners having 10 strength and thus a 10cm or 3.9 inch cock. Commoners are the average person so you're basically saying the average cock size is 4 inches.

>Tell me about the time your character ended up naked.

Our DM pulled a "You are all captured, stripped of armor, weapons, items, and clothes, and chained in a dungeon, because of reasons and no saves" more times than I could count.

Consequently, it's why I usually always played a monk.

>Pakistan
>Orange
This was a self-report survey, wasn't it?
As I recall, Pakistan is one of the world's largest markets for tiny condoms.

>This was a self-report survey, wasn't it?
If it was then I doubt america would be on the lower end of the scale. I think it's all a mix and the map was just put together with whatever sources they could get, legitimate or not.

Never, though I did play a character who wore amazing shirts that he didn't want to get ruined by fighting with monsters, so at the start of a fight he'd tear off his shirt and pants and fight in his golden underwear

>Mon Calamari guy butchers the dead band members and is trying to make a broth with their flesh

Oh it did

>Mon Calamari here

I actually ran this one, instead of being the player who experienced it, but one door in the temple/dungeon was supposed to be all forbidden and stuff. So the scrolls said that those who wanted through must "abandon all badge of office and edifice of pride" or some bullshit.

It was meant to more or less be "you can't bring in your armor and weapons," or holy symbols or spellbooks or what have you, but an oblique mention to other badges - like sandals for a messenger or a robe for a monk - led the players to figure that someone had to be naked.

This ended up being more severe than it sounds, what with the dungeon also hovering around -20°C (0°F). They had to find a scroll of Protection From Cold in order to be able to actually get through, unless they were keen on rolling saving throws on a roughly per-minute basis to prevent frostbite. In the end our wizard volunteered, and was exceedingly glad to discover that the room past the door was only a small treasure chamber containing one of the relics they'd been sent in to find in the first place.

Infiltrated a suspected Pleasure cult, got caught in the black sabbath, hit a level of horny so high we fucked donkies, horses, satyrs and the demonic host of the party.

I mean, yeah, the incense burning was actually a boiled baby in a magical pot, but still.

Was playing some old Dungeon Magazine article our GM changed to Pathfinder.

My wizard realized he had to mind control the giant half dragon/half demon thing, so he grabbed enough diamonds for three limited wish castings, stripped all his gear off so that if he died and woke in his clone his party would have his stuff, and flew up to the thing.

several castings of Emergency Force Sphere and Limited Wish/Geas later, he took control of the creature, all while naked.

Last time it happened was a Shadowrun campaign where (during prep for a run when we were unarmed) a very enthusiastic gang shook us down for everything we had, clothes included.

We did get them back. Four runs later.

Got captured and raped by futa orcs as the DM's way around an encounter that ended in a TPK that we really should have beaten, let go afterwards with what was left of my PC's pants,
was mistaken for a flatchested girl by those who brought us back to town

Party got captured by drow and were put in separate torture rooms. My character ended up stripped down and strapped to a lab table with a drow lady debating on whether or not to cut off my whole arm or just my hand.

Managed to talk her into just taking a finger instead.

During a classical wrestling competition, dicks went a floppin'.
To be fair I played a mixed breed ogre monk and only two opponents ever became dangerous, an equally large lizardman and the current standing champion Goliath. That display made the halfling cleric of our group grow quite infatuated with him apparently.