Worst DM Thread

Anything involves DM fucking over players or being cringy

Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.

Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."

Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.

But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!

And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"

These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.

Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.

One time, he let OP play.

im now gonna make a wizard with the name tee hee maccaroni, thanks for the inspiration

It's old, but I'm still mad about it.

bad copy pasta

made us play tomb of horrors.

Shit, I am mad just by reading this.

good copy pasta

The amazing part is, the GM could have denied the scroll without going full retard... yet he did so anyway.
Or even just said "you know, this guys has an arbitrary Strengh, he cannot be grappled even by indestructible force tentacles anchored in the very fabric of reality"

Ok here's the logs from our game. Why tell a tale when you can directly post it eh? Pic related- it's the target numbers for Fantasy Age.
>>>>

Oren
Ok I'm gonna exit the field and walk to a boat worker person etc, ill try to be subtle/stealth too tho slightly. dark cloak hood up etc

/roll 3d6+4 Oren rolled *10* + *4* = *14*

Votig
gonna follow oren but kinda keep distance

/roll 3d6+5 Votig rolled *13* + *5* = *18*

Oren
ye

Eliam
I'm gonna put on my fancy winter cloak we just bought then and hopefully no one will notice anything off

/roll 3d6 Eliam rolled *7*

GM
>It's been a busy day by the river. The farmers have been traveling back and forth, and fishermen have been carting the catches of the day back to the town inns and restaurants for evening meals.

>The party begins tiptoeing softly toward the harbour to slip onto a boat. Oren leads the way, hood up, quietly moseying as though he belongs, and doing a very good job of it.

GM
>Votig follows, Chompy discretely at his heels on the opposite side of his body from the guards. They walk quietly and thus far have not seemed to attract attention.

>Carelessly forgotten in the middle of the road is a slippery fish that one of the fishermen did not notice had fallen from his net. Eliam gives his full attention to the guards and fails to notice the fish. He steps on it, slipping loudly to the ground and propelling the fish forward. It flies through the air and slaps a guard in the side of the head.

Oren
dude i dont even stop

he can talk his way out of this idgaf

Votig
same

GM
>The guard turns to look at the road. He spots Eliam and begins moving toward the road.

GM
>Votig ducks his head and turns perpendicular to the guard. The guard steps past him and Votig immediately turns and moves toward the boats again unnoticed.

GM
>"Hey! Hey, you!" the guard shouts, advancing on Eliam. "What's the big idea?"

Eliam
"I'm so sorry. I accidentally slipped, I didn't mean anything by it sir."

GM
>"Slipped on a *fish* and it hit me in the *head.* ... *Really.*"

Eliam
"I.... It's been a very long day. Oh god, you have no idea. I was innocently walking along, and this man just started screaming at us?! and this _cult_, some insane _cultist_ attacked us? Do you have any idea how hard this day has been? Oh god, I just want to go home and have a nice warm meal, and now _this_ happens" I am just crying and babbling to this man

GM
>"...A cult, you say," he answers you slowly. "Go on."

GM
>"First, you tell me about this cult. Then you tell me about your 'us.'"

Eliam
"There was this man-- some kind of mage? He had a robe. I was on a date with a _very_ nice young lady, and he yelled at us for walking near him, then summoned some old man in a cloak tried to summon monsters at us."

GM
Communication (Deception) please, Robin

Eliam
/roll 3d6+5 Eliam rolled *12* + *5* = *17*

GM
>He grabs Eliam by the cuff of the shirt. "I don't think I buy your story, mister," the guard says. He shakes Eliam a little. "Now give me what you know about that cult. Spill it."

Eliam
"I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth! Back in that alley, there's proof they were there. I don't know anything about them except that they're terrifying."

GM
>"What will I find back in that alley?" he asks you suspiciously.

Eliam
"Some kind of weird swamp monster, made of plants. I've never seen anything like it."

GM
>He begins to drag you toward the area you're indicating. "All right, come on, then. Let's go see this proof of yours. Silvak!" he shouts to the other orc. "You're on duty alone for a minute! I'm going to see what this clown's up to."

I've posted this before, but I'm still pretty mad about it.

>Playing a bard that specialises in disguise and infiltration, have special feat from DM that lets me perfectly duplicate mannerisms and voice if I study target enough.
>Role in mission is to impersonate local crime boss in order to break into his lair
>Local crime boss is essentially the crime boss from "Snatch", including accent
>Spend one in game week spying on the crime boss.
>Mission rolls around, put on my disguise, assured by DM that I've studied him long enough for my feat to work
>Walk up to boss' henchman and start talking to them. RP a conversation with them with the DM
>DM asks for deception roll. Get 23.
>DM: "Well that's a good roll, but you forgot to use a cockney accent, so they instantly saw through your disguise. Everyone roll initiative as they move to attack."
>mfw

Okay copypasta

That sounds like a fat load of crap and I'm sorry user.

I dont know copy pasta

>Playing one-shot in D&D with new DM
>during travel, we find remote tower
>we decided to check it up, and spend the night there
>doors are close, but we manage to enter anyway
>we stumble around empty rooms for gods knows how long, searching anything about tower's history or previous inhabitants
>whole session took almost six hours, at 3 AM we're so tired that we decide to finish it next week
>during breakfast, DM tells that tower's mystery was that
>prepare
>IT'S JUST MUNDANE, ABANDONED TOWER WITHOUT ANYTHING SPECIAL

recently the group of level 1-2 adventuers 6 in total were trudging through the woods when some homebrew dinosaurs appeared in the way. initially we saw 3 at first but we saw movement in the grass. we decided to surprise them with range then let them get in close. there was 16 in total each had 3 attacks close range and a 30 ft. range spiting attack. needless to say we were a bit overwhelmed

I can see this as more, "The DM rolled for an abandoned tower on the travel random encounter table and wasn't able to improvise something interesting." Still bad, but for a new DM it's not a mortal sin.

Of course, if they actually did waste 6 hours to setup an un-reveal punchline, that's a dick move.

same guy the week before
we managed to piss off the local mob as we relaxed in the tavern one of their number showed then immediately ran off to get some friends. me being admittedly a little too cocky went out to meet them in the streets while the rest of the party was panicking. the DM gave them a surprise round on me even though i expected them and none were rolling stealth. his reasoning, i was surprised by the number, it was only a group of 8

>>we stumble around empty rooms for gods knows how long, searching anything about tower's history or previous inhabitants
>>whole session took almost six hours, at 3 AM we're so tired that we decide to finish it next week
I've been known to thrown in the occasional mundane ruin, or landmark without any great significance for the sake of keeping players on their toes, but that's a bit ridiculous. Not being able to improvise is one thing, but I'll never understand why so many people will lead their players around by the nose like this for such long amounts of time. I can't be any more fun for you as the DM as it is for the players.

Honestly, a big one for me is eloquence and speech generally. I'm a very easy-going player because I DM 99% of the time and I know what it's like to sit in that chair. I try to be a good player and roll with the punches... however, a DM speaks a lot, and if they're not good at speaking then it quickly ruins it for me. I know one guy who DM's a lot but who I don't want to play with anymore because I can't stand his strange speech patterns and awful pause-sounds.

>Always wanted to DM
>Have absolutely zero confidence in myself when it comes to speaking coherently/in any sort of inspiring way

You can do it, user!

It takes practice, is all. To be a good DM you have to start off as a not-so-good DM and then work on the areas you're weak in. You already recognize one of those areas, so you're off to a good start.

Yes indeed. I know a weakness of mine is reverting to English. It's difficult to not use English because all the source material, terminology and all the discussions are in English, and sometimes I don't know what a given thing is called in my native languge.

Being aware of the problem makes it easier to fix, or at least easier to work on. I also add totally random adjectives which sometimes messes with my players' imaginations...

>Playing Sine Requie
>Due to the fact that the original Cartomancer had gone through a serious illness that made him rather religious and uneasy in using tarots even for a game, he retires from the game and lets us take his rulebook and tarots.
>After some discussion, we decide to let a player GM.
>And this is where trouble starts.
>We all want to play Holocaust of Terror, but the Cartomancer wants to play with the Soviet expansion
>We try to mediate, deciding to set the campaign in Eastern Europe, so that there's a chance to stumble upon the Soviet Metal Cities, while also keeping the more "outlander" feeling of the Lost Lands.
>The Cartomancer agrees.
>First two sessions are alright, we play as the last Poles on Earth trying to find a place where to live out our days in peace.
>We escape from a Rostock factory and go eastwards to our homeland.
>Cartomancer acts suspicious with the deck every time we make Orientation checks.
>I don't think much of it.
>Until the third session
>It turned out we had somehow waltzed past Stettin, Danzing, Koningsberg and other major centers without ever meeting more than a couple of Larvae and a Simplex, and arrived in Riga in under a week.
>We are miffed that he has forced us to do a campaign with only the Soviet expansion, but we go along and enter the metal city.
>Inside, we're treated with an awful spectacle.
>Not corpses being ground down for food and security
>Not the utterly impersonal and squalid conductions
>No: it's the fact that the city is somehow not completely under the control of CZAR and it is in fact split between Communists and Nazis.
>Combat encounters feature either fat women with absurdly-dyed hair literally rolling like balls to attack, screaming "I'm a genderfluid pansexual minotaur otherkin!" or scrawny men in frog masks armed with torches using clicks and a vocabulary that consisted of various inflections of "aryan," "cuck," "Kek," "nigger," "troon" and "beta" to communicate.

>DM doesn't know how to play D&D
>DM says "the rule are just guidelines"

Fuck that shit

>At first we take it as a joke that's gonna stop soon.
>However, it soon becomes clear he's not planning to stop anytime soon.
>By this point my character has killed more "soyboys" and "centipedes" than actual fucking zombies, and yet somehow he hasn't gone insane.
>CZAR doesn't seem to even exist in the city: the Communists are just doing all of that in their part of the city all on their own.
>Meanwhile, the Nazist part of town is a graffiti-covered slum where apparently obstetricians carry around a revolver to shoot at babies that are ever-so-slightly darker than snow; and they routinely draw Japanese girls to which they publically masturbate to.
>It's clear that the player has no idea on how to set a tone to save his life.
>We decide to tell him that his game, frankly, sucked.
>He throws an hissy-fit and declares us all utter morons for nor appreciating his humor.
>We decide to quietly drop out of the game and try again elsewhere.
>We never managed to find another Cartomancer.

After the players did a quick look around, the DM should have just said "There doesn't seem to be anything interesting here." and let the them take the hint.

Our GM isn't super awful terrible, but he just wastes our time, some examples from the most recent "adventure" we were on.

>Adventuring around.
>Fight this giant spider monster that was sent by one of two feuding deities
>Tough fight, eventually beat it.
>Character who is a cleric of one of the goddesses involved has a vision to take the fangs of the monster.
>Later, gets another vision to bury them in a vaguely described place that we do figure out.
>Bury the fangs
>Within minutes, two fully clothed, armed, and adult men spring out.
>Start spouting religious gobbledygook at us, but the gist of it is that they're going to build a city on the location, which will be blessed by the goddess and prosper.
>Leave, since nothing is immediately happening
>Stop by several times as we travel, and it keeps getting bigger
>One particular visit has us seeing the temple, where we get accosted by one "Wally", who is an architect.
>He does not seem to have anything useful to say to us, beyond thanking us for making this possible, all he seems to know about are building designs.
>Not sure why the GM even created him.

Or another one in between parts of the above story

>Do a short mercenary stint in an army of one of the major powers in the game world.
>Get assigned to this "Fort Calsade"
>Fort Calsade is a glorified bandit suppression staging post, barely a fort.
>We get under HEAVY attack by a rival country.
>Fort falls, but we manage to escape, but are driven waaaaaaaaaay off course trying to dodge their patrols
>Eventually make it back to friendly lines, about a week after the fort was lost.
>Report back to our liason
>Oh, we thought you guys all died or were captured when the fort fell.
>Why don't you come back in a few days, we might have some assignments for you then. But go away now.

Like, why even have us see him if he's just going to shuffle papers at us?

>You have to play by the rules.
>Yes all of them
>Even the completely arcane ones that are hidden away in some chapter about cheesemaking
You sound like a fun player.

mediocre copypasta

maybe the GM should have let the boss be grappled just long enough for user to get away before ripping the tentacles out

There's clearly a difference between ignoring all the rules and ignoring the rules no one knows.

Rules are rules.
Setting information is like guidelines.
I've lost count of how many times I have to tell players that I use 5E for the system. Hell I barely read the lore outside of class background.

I once had a DM obliterate a city and most of the party because our characters knew something we didn't, he didn't tell us, and we didn't know to ask the specific question.

>homebrew rules light game
>DM has super defined rules for everything in his head, keeps firm control of power levels and other shit
>game ends up playing more like a slow burn slice of life than the high flying adventure we expected and built for, but everyone's on board with it
>as a consequence of this and the game going for years, everyone gets super invested in their characters and their stories
>DM has generally odd ideas about how powers and people work, and ignored phenomena when he felt like it, but everyone accepts it as his game
>it's not like we grew complacent either, we were constantly asking questions about everything so we could understand how and why things were happening

>the party gets to a city run by a wizard council, while looking for information
>at this point some friendly jostling and rivalry is going on between some PCs, which continues well into the week
>one day one of those PCs goes off alone and buys a enchanted chest, a Chest of Holding, to store the souvenirs and stuff he was accumulating while on the trip
>throws his stuff in it and stores it in his hotel room, goes to do something else
>the party Enchanter coincidentally wanders into the store the other PC bought the chest from, talks shop with the shopkeep for a few hours, including about a Chest of Holding he sold
>two members of the party go to the wizards' tower to consult them, the rest are either wandering the town or staying in the hotel
>but two party members, looking to prank the guy who bought the chest in revenge for a different prank, enter his room
>they decide they want to decorate his room with the things they know he's bought, making him have to go through the 15 minutes of effort putting it all away again

Holy fuck

it's your group's fault for not deciding to turn the tower into your new base.

Ok, so I rip and the scroll once we are outside so we can read it.
>You rip the scroll in half, the magic is lost.

Ok, I run into the other room
>The door was shut you run full face into it.

Lets launch the sub
>You didn't say you open the baydoors, the sub crashes. Its badly damaged

>No one said they were putting their seatbelt on so you all go bouncing around the car when it crashes.

100% true

>but all that's there is this chest, and it's locked, so they bust the lock

>and the entire fucking town disappears into a singularity

>turns out, if torn into, X of Holdings collapse into a singularity of random size
>potentially destroying up to the entire fucking world
>Enchanters know this, including the party Enchanter
>Mages in general can know this, most of the party
>The Shopkeep knew this, but didn't even bat an eye at selling at both having and selling it
>The Enchanters who made the item knew this, and there are still thousands of the things in the world
>Bags of Holding are routinely carried by adventurers, who should all know this
>And everyone is perfectly fucking fine with knowing the world might randomly end because Jimmy Nobrains did something stupid
>and apparently accidents never fucking happen either, and nobody in the world even begins to feel nervous about the possibility
>except us, we fucking died because we didn't specifically ask "What happens if you break a Thing of Holding?"
>"What does it do in this setting", "Are there any limits or restrictions to it", neither of those counted

He wasn't just sick of the game either, because he tried to keep it going with new parties, but it fell apart regardless.

Please just stop posting this, guys.

Me and my friend jump into an ongoing game of Mechwarrior 2nd ed as a pair of DEST Commandos

DM has this Super Mechanic Waifu Bait Character and I, having not yet devolved a good Oh shit Sensor, took the bait. So, in my first deployment I had jumped on top of a Commando in a Raiden and was preparing to blow the hatch into the cockpit with a det charge when the Mech got hit with some LRM fire. I fell off, but made a roll to plant my Vibro Katana in the the things torso and hang on.

Since we all know Vibro Katana's are just like lightsabers and totally long enough to go through an entire mech, the GM rulled I slid down the front of the mech, breached it's reactor and it Stackpoled.

I woke up the med bay. Super Mechanic Waifu made me a new suit of power armor. GM picked up the Bubblegum Crissis RPG book and started reading off stats to me.

wat.

Oh, but there's more! See, I was too stupid and too desperate for a game, any game, that I only arched an eyebrow at that.

Our second deployment involved a hostage situation. One of Theadore Kurita's cousins was being held hostage by Terrorists, so in me and my buddy go. We opt for the flashbang and clear solution. But some asshole had a gun trained on the VIP and she got winged. Noting serious, a scrape on her arm. But aparently that was enough for us both, a pair of Taisa, to be summoned directl before the Coordinator.

Theo fumed at us for a bit, and when it looked like he was about to call for our Seppuku Mechanic Waifu's dad walked in.

DMPC.

Has an inter-dimensional corporation and more money than GOD.

And since he's not about to let the Coordinator of the Draconis Combine order his daughters fuck toy to off hiself, he starts throwing Theo around the room.

With the Force.

But he's not evil...no. He's a Grey Jedi.

MFW.

Yeah that kind of shit infuriates me. I played with a GM who was like that for every social check ever. Played a bard in that campaign for two years, I don't think I ever was allowed to succeed at a bluff, intimidate, or persuasion check the whole time.

I don't get these stories. Because almost every time the game seems to be going perfectly normal and okay, and then out of the blue the DM does something as transcendentally pants-on-head retarded as killing the entire party and the surrounding city in a singularity. Always makes me wonder what flips the switch.

30 mins of not finding anything why didnt you leave retard.
Running away is always an option
Talk to your GM, ask if you can have some mild control of the game too. Like talk about what the tavan looks like. What this troll looks like. What the weather is at the moment . Shoot try and run in your own language or pepper in parts of your own.
Sounds like your a shit player. Tons of plot hooks that you are just ignoring
Your right, if you don't even know how combat works in DnD then you shouldn't be running.
Shoot, if you want rules lite play FATE, its like 4 pages if that.

What am I looking at?

I cannot even imagine how awkward this must have been im sorry you had to live through that user.

>implying that shit ever actually happened

90% of Veeky Forums stories are made up on the spot, user.

...

>have a Dungeon Crawl Classics game that I play in for four months
>the DM uses pre-written material only, even sharing the one-page dungeons she has used
>There is That Girl, who cannot be kicked on the basis of also being DM's gf
>That Girl refuses to ever go along with any action unless given 1000 PSI of pressure to not split the party
>Rest of the party manages to have some decent banter and good group cohesion in spite of That Girl being a stick in the mud
>Last couple of sessions
>The dungeon that was the basis for the game up to that point has been completely cleared due to magic™
>The DM has been reading SkerPosts™ and decides to start taxing the party
>Spend a whole session traveling to the city (which is Marlinko, which I can recognize despite never even reading it) where we're going to go sell the shit we found and evading taxes
>Next session is a shitshow because we have arrived in the city and now no one has any reason to stick together
>attempt to get something done in the city, but half of the session is That Girl faffing about and doing nothing
>Next session is the exact same way, but she tries to get people in the party to do carousing
>end up in an alley with a corpse and no clothes after smoking crack because the roll was bad
>at this point I begin to suspect that the DM has a bias against me
>we manage to get decent and find our way to a bathhouse
>my character has spontaneous diarrhea and is put in prison for not having a "public defecation permit"
>100 GP fine that I lie my way out of by using a fake name and getting assigned to one year of indentured servitude that I will easily be able to just cut and run away from
>Now I know that the DM is just fucking with me
>Enter a fairly nondescript dungeon
>I leave the game following that session
>She is chimping out in discord now about something else
>Side with the man being chimped out at and enrage her
>She ragequits the server and takes her cancer with her
>Thot Begone

You seem like a little faggy bitch who can't accept his "secret weapon" didn't work

Lmao @ the soyboy

>have a Dungeon Crawl Classics

There's your problem.

I've played the system afterwards and enjoyed it.
The problems I had were a DM that didn't know shit, but the rest of the party was fun to play with so the bullshit smelled like roses whenever That Girl failed to show up (and she was passive enough that it was easy to ignore her and have fun.)

The more I read this the more retarded it gets, I can't even reason it as worldbuilder's autism because he clearly didn't care about internal consistency enough to think of a reason why people would be allowed to deal with pocket dimensions if they are so dangerous, he just wanted to feel clever by fucking you over with something you didn't know but made perfect sense in his head.

Imagine being alpha enough to want to say “soyboy”

During a One Shot with the DM being the normal that guy of the group
>Our party comes across a group of dudes in armor
>The biggest one wants to kill our monk for kicking this little girl npc that had no reason to be there whatsoever
>My character being skilled in negotiation attempts to convince the man that they dont need to fight
>Roll a 30 on persuasion, no good
>Monk wins initiative, slides underneath the hulking man and rolls to attack his groin 4 times
>First Attack 23, miss
>Second Attack 24, miss
>Third Attack 25. miss
>Fourth Attack rolls a natural 20
>"You still miss"
>Everyone in group visibly upset
>"Okay you hit, but the man shows no signs of distress"
>Session ends with the monk getting chopped to pieces, wizard commits seppuku, the rest of the party flees
>After the session I glance at the character sheet he had wrote up for the big dude
>Erasure marks on the AC with 26 being the current number
In our regular sessions he was notorious for increasing his rolls and doing dumb things.

They're GM's who're trying to 'win'. The players come up with a plan and the GM is like "OH HELL NO!" and tries to finda way to 'beat' the players.

The opposite is the players who try to 'beat' the GM by intentionally avoiding plothooks and derail the game with their autism.

Boring copypasta

Clever girl

Don't worry too much about it. As a fellow non-native english speaker, if you are gonna play D&D, there is literally no way to not end up with some confused mess of first language/english-hybrid because all of the game terminology and shit is in english.

My longest-running game, with a good group of buddies, has a house-rule that English means you are speaking in-character, and all the NPCs speak english when they are directly conversing, while out-of-character talk, rules clarifications and other stuff is all in danish, which is our first language.

It works, and I'd even say it helps somewhat with roleplay.

Sweet copy pasta

He slipped on a fish but his roll wasn't that low and the game doesn't have critical failures anyway. Then he gets a really good communication roll and still gets arrested when he didn't even do anything wrong.

The 5e rulebook explicitly states that rules can and should be changed to better suit the table.

Rules lawyering is for shit players.

It probably was that guy's cringiest moment, but we were just annoyed more than feeling awkward.

Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni Copypasta

...

Slipping on a fish isn't exactly a crit failure. It's just fluff around failing your stealth check. Failing the Deception check is a flub of the GM, but it's hardly WORST GM material.

It's not a switch, it's a plot point where the GM expects the group to ask questions and push it forward. If they're not curious or actually expect all information to be fed to them, then doom will just creep up and swallow them whole. I made this mistake plenty of times because players just made assumptions and forget every single thing even though NPCs reminded and asked about details.

Although this GM probably tried to be patient but never thought of giving a hint. If the shopkeep knew, then he could've said: "Huh, don't keep these two too close, they might go off!" So that the players can ignore that as well.

I secretly watch these kind of threads fearing one day someone will post a story that sounds like it was from my table.

The party was in a weird abstract encounter. We all were in our own personal ordeals we had to overcome mentally. Everyone else got challenges that matched their characters' flaws and strengths and were flavorful. The DM was pissed at me for some reason that day, so my ordeal was basically overcoming homosexual urges.

>The barbarian killed his wife in a fit of rage
>The Paladin wrestles with his own failing faith
>lol dude u gay

What said, he wanted to feel clever.

We asked questions constantly, including "What do Bags of Holding do in this setting?" and "Are there any restrictions or limits to it?" But since neither question was "does the fucking world end if we break it?" He didn't share that with us, despite our characters fucking knowing it.

But I don't need to explain that to you, since you're just baiting.

I take solace in being so unremarkable that even if a story from my table was shared here it wouldn't get any (you)s.

>dont even have a game for stories to be shared from

Was your dm Rian and did you play star wars?

Yea I should have just told the whole tale, we wound up getting arrested for crossing the street essentially. And he killed the dwarf's pet

Just spice it up a little!

Dead meme copypasta

pasta its prime

>playing the starter set with myself, two players and a DM
>get to the last room of the last dungeon
>boss fight
>we win handily
>DM reads the conclusion of the campaign written in the book
>just for shit, I say "oh, my character grabs the jewels from the statue on the way out"
>DM: "Oh, all of you get crushed by rocks from the ceiling and die."
>no rolling damage, no death saves, nothing
>DM: "That's just how the campaign ends."
>start to argue with him that it isn't fair
>DM starts to get visibly offended
>mfw

Oh, that's bullshit and you know it. I was just trying to make a lighthearted campaign instead of the usual "muh Trump analogue; muh Holocaust; muh über-pharaos that win all" tripe.

>Not sure why the GM even created him.
Educate yourself.

>you forgot to use a cockney accent,
Murder your DM, make it look like an accident.

>make it look like a cockney did it

What are you suggesting he beat him to death with a can of Pimm's?

Can you repeat the question pasta

No, knee him in the cock.

Wouldn't it come in a bottle, anyway?

FUCK HE'S LIKE THIS!!!

My brother is the same way. He thinks every encounter should be extremely dangerous. So if something misses 3 or so attacks then they'll start to hit critical hit after critical hit....

Until we're low on health then they will begin to critical fail every attack.

Why do people tolerate this kind of stuff- why do you play at that table?

>ignore all plot hooks
>consider events transpiring in a breathing world to be useless
Nah, you guys are just dense or shitty players. Your GM is precious and clearly works hard on your game, please treat him well.

>Be permissive about character developments with my PC
>So far it's been discovered that my paladin is Gay/Bisexual, hated by his church, and apparently not orthodox enough for the oppresive regime that he's lived in as a paladin for his entire life
>When I set him up as basically an orwellian inner party member
>Take constant flak from the party and NPCs IC for being such a Lawful Asshole paladin

>DM still says that my paladin's fear IMMUNITY doesn't work on the end boss dragon's fear aura "because he said so"

>Playing D&D in the Underdark. There is a mist that fucks with spells, can make weird shit happen or make them fail outright.
>DM runs a dungeon that is full of the mist. Spells get randomly fucked up DM rolls on a table to see what happens.
>Okay...cool. That's reasonable.
>One player casts a powerful spell that will probably kill one of the monsters we were fighting.
>DM: "You cast the spell but notice it does no damage."
>No roll on a random table or anything. DM fiat, it does no damage.

But it doesn't stop there...

>Later fighting elementals in the Underdark. No mist to be seen anywhere.
>Wizard comes us with a great use of spell that is rarely ever used.
>He casts a Magic Circle against elementals around the party, meaning none of them can enter the circle to attack us
>DM: "Just as you cast the spell, the mist starts to float into the room and basically dispels your circle. An elemental is coming in to attack you now."
>The mist doesn't mess with any other spell during the entire fight and never interferes with enemy spells.

Well-Aged Pasta

I, too, enjoy tabletop rulesplaying games.

Pretty short, but our DM wanted to do another campaign besides the one we were halfway through, because he "didn't like the pacing" and decided to have all our characters killed off by dragons outside the game.

Please tell me you left after that

I did 4 years in prison after that, and because of that.

On a brighter note, I have a game starting soon on roll20. It's a little post-apoc game I whipped up. Iterested?

Sorry, I'm playing a shadow of the demon lord game on roll20. Post a new thread so people can see, because I would also like to know more.