Why is it that Gnomes attract That Guys like catnip?
Every single gnome character I've ever seen has been a fucking quirky lolrandumb alchemist/illusionist of some sort. Every single one, without exception. And they're always played by dumbasses with a reddit/9gag tier sense of humour, they think it's fucking hilarious to act like retards and derail the campaign, the only "roleplay" they contribute is unfunny quips and at worse flat-out griefing.
There are plenty of races that attract cringy faggots (Drow and Tieflings for example) but with them you can at least find a few examples of good roleplay if you look hard enough. But Gnomefags seem to always be Teehee Maccaroni clones no matter what. Why is this?
If you're a DM I seriously hope you ban Gnomes forever.
Gnome hate thread
I ban them in Forgotten Realms, but Eberron does them right. They mostly live inside their personal nation, the government of which is run by the gnomish equivalent of the CIA. They viciously maintain a monopoly on a type of magic that binds elementals into objects to enchant them, this magic is entirely necessary to maintain the infrastructure of the nations on their continent, every economy everywhere would collapse without it. This magic is also slavery for the elementals. The gnomes are pretty much what /pol/ thinks of when it thinks of Jews, except they have a much lesser emphasis on money and a much greater emphasis on information warfare.
my gnome uses ghost sound to fill rooms full of the masterbatory sounds of louie anderson
>louie anderson
why not louis ck?
Teehee Maccaroni is the bane of my fucking existence.
Every fucking campaign that my GM runs inevitably at some point involves running into an NPC named "Teehee Maccaroni," who the GM affectionately describes as "an epic level sorcerer who's also a retarded nudist gnome."
Teehee Maccaroni wander the countryside with a unique Rod of Wonders powered by "retard magic" shoved up his anus, and he casts the Rod of Wonders by diddling his penis. He says nothing but his own name in different inflections and the phrase "I like-a the goodberry, gimme gimme the goodberry." The GM thinks it's hilarious to have this character show up during the middle of encounters we're struggling at and start jerking off magic everywhere.
But the worst part is his chant. He wanders around chanting his name, so when he's about to show up the GM will start low;
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
>Tee-hee-hee, Maccaroni Maccaroni
And then get louder and louder until he's fucking shouting
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
>TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI!
And the table loves it! The other guys I play with think this is the best shit! Teehee Maccaroni has been our table's de-facto inside joke, our signature "running gag" for six years now. When that chant starts up, everyone else joins in like a ritual; the whole table is expected to start chanting "TEE HEE HEE, MACCARONI MACCARONI" by the end, and every fucking time I refuse because this is some embarrassing circa-2002 Penguin of Doom shit, it's always the same thing; "There goes user again! No fun allowed around user! user's just a big grouch who's getting angry because we're making him touch Teehee Maccaroni's penis again! Why won't you just let us have fun with this character, he's just here for dumb fun, you stick-in-the mud!"
These motherfuckers are all over 25 years old.
Teehee Maccaroni is going to be the death of me.
stale
>enter thread for the purpose of inb4'ing this pasta
>it's the posted 2 minutes before I can reply
JUST
>the lolrandumb gnome is the DMPC
I can't imagine a worse fate
My human fighter got elected King of the Gnomes. Now he lives in their flying city which is basically a giant gypsy caravan
Because you very rarely see anyone drawn to playing a Gnome because of the majestic nature of the race, their sheer grit and determination or their everyday everymanness. Gnome players won't encounter the hidden wonders of lost gnomish halls, the long and deep backhistory of ancient Gnomish factions or even a cozy homliness of good gnomish food and a comfy chair to rest in. Because Gnomes very, very rarely have anything approaching good fluff or a coherent background to come to the race as a part of.
No, the only way you'll be drawn to playing a gnome is generally a)'I need to take a Gnome so my racial bonuses can buff X and Y' or b)'Hey giays lets see how utterly RANDUMB I can be ROFLWMDW!!'
I'm not saying there aren't a very few exceptions to this generalisation, but on the whole nobody picks a Gnome for good roleplay reasons.
i play a gnome barbarian who is extremely jock/chad and bullios nerd, unfunny cliché gnomes
I play a female gnome barbarian
She's a jock and a chad and bullies all the unfunny, cliché-y gnomes our DM puts near our party
...
Down with Longmen and their gnome hate
This, even at their least awful gnomes don't cover any ground that isn't already covered by dwarves, elves or halflings. I gave up on finding a place for them in my setting because I just didn't see a point to them.
Fuck people who don't know what gnomes are actually about and just think they're capricious, fast-talking, spasmatic shorties. Also, doubly fuck those that just lump all short races together or think they're all the same thing with only slightly variations.
what are they actually about?
It's funny how so many people on this board take pride in saying shit like this, when really, it's just a show of their ignorance and lack of creativity.
I'm playing a gnome witch who's also evil. I'm still that guy but I'm a different that guy than what you are describing...
4e did play on that normal view of gnomes into a race almost enitrely dedicated to being stealthy in a more mental than physical sense. Generally being hidden and more about defusing situations than "lolrandumb"
Standing watch on lawns.
Those are trolls you retard.
Gnomes are good for slapstick, it depends on the party whether goons chasing after the party and running into imaginary doorways is hilarious, or groan inducing.
Meh, I've never had that problem. All the gnomes we had in a party so far were crazy, but dead useful tinkers, campy bards or mercantile conspirators. Stereotypical, yes, but not that bad, not nearly as bad as treacherous chaotic elvis and whiny edgelords.
But fucking Kenders must die. Any player wanting that is That Guy, make no mistakes.
Not really, gnomes as a race really don't have any reason to exist.
I play my Gnome wizard like a hybrid of Gandalf and senile hermit Yoda. A heavier emphasis on the "Senile Yoda" I wouldn't really describe any of his actions as "randumb" I did once convince a party member to eat a bar of soap. But that was really just an attempt to get some roleplay out of our Murder-hobo friend.
>play senile yoda
>somehow not randumb
>Why is it that Gnomes attract That Guys like catnip?
The same thing that attracts That Girls to Female Elf Rogues/Assassins.
i play a gnome divination wizard because i originally wanted to play a dorf divination wizard, but my powergaming tendency was too strong. so my gnome is the least gnome-like gnome in existence, a foul-mouthed Scottish bastard with a fuse so short it might as well not be there and a love of glassing people, both with bottles and with magic nukes.
YAR, GWINE WITCHAR, YE DIRTY WEE CUNT, I'LL BITE YER LEG OOF, I'M HARD FROM BRIGHTBURROW
I usually go for slave race Gnomes. It's very rare to find a well off Gnome, they're all pretty much slaves and even in areas where slavery is outlawed, they don't fare well, living in poverty.
I pretty much make them Dragon Age City Elves. They've lost a lot of their connection and often rely on stealth. Some nations employ them as assassins and spies due to their tendencies to be overlooked and ignored, especially on the streets, their height and their natural affinity for sneaking.
Even with appearance I prefer the more fey looking Gnomes like pic related to the kind of big nosed super small wacky hair colored Gnomes.
Hackmaster gnomes are pretty brutal. They're like dwarves with magic and a belligerent fey attitude. They use illusion magic to aid their commandos. Their idea of pranking people is kicking them in the balls or bashing their shins with a mace. Gnome clans are srs bzns. They're kind of like Spriggan, but more organized and with the malevolence dialed back a notch or two.
I played as a gnome druid that only ever used earth-like or subterranean creatures and elements as his shapes.
He grew up on a quarry and was taken prisoner by a drow raiding party and kept as a slave, learning from the various creatures around him he managed to escape. he was a skilled stonemason and construction-worker and quickly made himself useful to the party with his knowledge of architecture. He tries to remain light-hearted and fun to cover up for what he has been through but you can see a ruthlessness and hatred within him when cornered.
the only micro-race are discworld gnomes. the rest i'd cheerfully feed headfirst into a wood-chipper, kender, hobbits, gnomes, goblins, purge every filthy midget.
oh one exception. the ghetto gnomes from monster hunter, they're entertaining enough to keep, but the rest of them are better dead.
Came here to post this.
based
gnomes are the small race of the feywild. they are kin to elves but much more fascinated with the trappings of the prime material plane.
their small stature, in combination with being outside of their element in a foreign plane, requires them to rely heavily on craft and guile. brainlets will confuse this with lolrandumb
player tendency to rely on memery does not nullify an excellent fantasy race. git gud and show your table how it ought to be done, or stfu and kys
My one and only gnome character was indeed an illusionist, but I played him seriously as a career criminal with somewhat justified pretensions to being Robin Hood. It was Planescape.
There's literally nothing wrong with kenders, why does Veeky Forums hate them so much? I honestly think they're hilarious and use them in my campaign all the time. I'll have them show up in huge mobs and surround the players, sticking their fingers in all the players pockets, and if the players make their spot checks fyi that will never happen, since I give my DM kenders a lore friendly +10 to sleight of hand they have to just laugh and accept it. If a player ever gets angry at my DM kenders for pick pocketing them I remind them that it's just part of their racial background to steal and they don't mean any harm and then I dock the player XP for ruining the game.
Almost every typical adventurer related establishment in my campaign world is run by kender, inns, temples, prisons, general stores, weapon and armor smiths, that miscellaneous magic shop which the DM never gets around to explaining how they can possibly keep such extravagantly expensive magical stock knowing that they will make sales at best once every few months, but the players don't question it because they need access to their magic items dammit, and the local salt mines.
Kender are a fun race that enhance every single campaign they're in.
+2 Int
I played a gnome fighter in 2e because they didn't have a strength penalty and having a 3 foot tall gnome with 18/87 strength was fucking hilarious.
You are stale
A cutesy race based on nothing but theft, harmful pranks and other assorted griefing is fun? What is wrong with you, man? How do they even run all those facilities with non-existent decency, inability to make any complex designs or calculations, rampant theft and attention spans of a dung fly?
We had a DM like you once. Twelfth time blasted rats tried to steal (and twelfth time they've died trying it, as our wizard was born paranoid and been cursing all of our storage equipment to hell and back) from us we dropped everything and launched planes-wide extermination champaign.
He is being sarcastic shitbird
Also Gnome Titans gain an automatic proficiency in groin stomp.
I hope you're right. Anyone who'd like them is either deeply disturbed, malicious manchild, or paedophile.
>> 57588484
I have experience only of one gnome character in our group, and another on a concept level, and I hardly find them lolrandumb or silly.
The one that's actually been played for quite a bit, is LE alchemist artificer, who has been deeply traumatized by a freak encounter of wild magic and eldritch horror, losing many things there and then. He turned his gifts into a life of security systems and trapmaking, where he soon started exhibiting violent tendencies where applicapble in the form of insidious traps and mechanisms. Industrious, no-nonsense businessman with an obsession over security.
The other concept unplayed yet is a something neutral fighter, who is an actual professional soldier who took up the life of adventuring to rise up to new challenges. Nothing really wrong here either.
You just seem to have had a really bad run with your luck when it comes to co-players I guess.
>Invite my mates girlfriend to come play
>"I want to be a warlock"
we begin playing
>"I can't do anything"
>mfw
Better yet, why is it that Monks attract That Guys?
I've never seen a monk player who wasn't an asshole.
Beat me to it.
Being baseline superhuman, requiring even less brains than a fighter while being more fun to play. The monks I've met were aright, the real scumbags are rogues and their assorted variants. Also the guys that scream mages-clerics-druids are overpowered, while toting a sheet of worst powergamey bullshit thrown together.
How do you even fuck up a monk?
Make him ass-screeching muslim or the kike, prolly.
>kike
Should be "like", although bringing any Abrahamic religion into the roleplay ends badly, trust me on that.
I'm laughing my ass off imagining the GM doing this cringey shit and giggling to himself obliviously while the players sit there grimacing, having endured this many times before
so thanks for that
You can't be a bully if you're a midget.
Anything they say will be replied to with "I can't hear you from down there."
you know what they say
the bigger they are
the harder ill hit them in the shins with a battleaxe
...
kender = That Guy confirmed.
assuming this ever happened and that you ever ran a game
>not making a badass kike monk
Senility can manifest in consistent ways.
Old people don't just do completely random shit you know.
Can you elaborate a bit more on this?
So how did that extermination campaign go?
i don't understand why peoples don't simply treat them as shorter elves, like what halfelins are to humans
Short of it: burned down a couple of nests first, liberated stolen goods, got attacked by 'heroes' few levels higher and better equipped than us, forced DM roll openly as we stopped trusting him at that point, still kill 'heroes' thanks to wizard pixie familiar (another PC, wizard''s little sister that DM tried hard to persuade into a kender), appropriate their shiny gear, rocks fall, and then unfall cause wizard, rocks try to kill us, fall again cause druid, some jackoff of a god tries to smite us, wizard quickdraws and cleric acts like living lightning rod, dies, but wizard ports us to secure demiplane. Start planning further. DM ragequits, cleric steps up as the new DM. Repeat previous process, now with much better DM. Pixie makes a decent Incantatrix along the way.
It's realistic to have the smaller, weaker races be slave races, but even then there's no reason for them to be gnomes instead of halflings or goblins.
This looks like pasta but I haven't seen it before. Is it OC?
No, it's pasta.
Halfers are lazy and dim. Gobbos are dim and disruptive. Gnomes are intelligent, submissive if you train them right, resourceful and driven.
>smacks said asshole in the knees with a mace
On your knees, you're not so tall.
at first I thought that was one of the guys from dice tower, not keemstar
rate
Whoreson Johnson
Deep gnome
Born and raised in a brothel, One day goes to forest founds fey, likes and stays (for booze and sex) learns instrument and goes andventuring (for booze and sex in unkwon places)
>I am gnome
>sorcerous charlatan
>flamboyant and chaotic
> am constantly wrangling grimdark that guy who is some Egyptian soul wizard that spams the same spell, leans over table rule lawyers DM and bitches about it being cold cause muh dessert.
Not all gnomes are bad OP
I'm a dm, and my party's first social NPC encounter was with two gnomes in a tavern. They were fighters, one with a greatsword (shortsword for humans) and the other with a small tower shield, both in knightly armor. they work in unison and make a living escorting people from town to town.
It was the party's first experience with social interaction ending positively, since they finally found people who knew how to take a joke, so gnomes will not be leaving my table anytime soon.