"Hey GM, can we hire a camp follower? Some NPC to do things like cook meals and do the laundry...

Who wants a fucking waifu
I just want to make the DM role play as the dwarven cook

>Why would they rape an ugly male dwarf?
Maybe they're from /d/

Yeah that'll keep 'em safe.

>Party doesn't cast alarm spell
>Party doesn't hide the camp followers for a few hours
>Party doesn't use their animal companions to protect the camp followers
>Party doesn't summon monsters to protect the camp followers
>Party doesn't turn their camp followers into stone
>Party doesn't turn their camp followers into small animals
>Party doesn't hire guards protect the camp followers
>Party doesn't plane shift the camp followers
>Party doesn't have ransom note prepare incase camp followers get kidnapped by bandits
>Party doesn't make a safe spot inside the dungeon for the camp followers to camp out
>Party didn't kill everything within a 2 mile radius so nothing will eat the camp followers
>Party can't teleport to the camp followers when alarm is set off

It's real amateur hours. Want to know a tip that will help your party, but piss off the DM and Veeky Forums?
Make sure your party takes forever to prepare camping and making sure everything is set to protect them.
Make sure your party takes forever to make up a plan for the camp followers incase something happens to them.
Once he sees how paranoid you guys are with the safety of your camp followers and see how much time is wasted
He won't even dare mess with your camp followers, knowing that it will waste his time and the dungeon won't be touched until next session.
Kind of like how if a DM fucks with you about food and water, your party roleplay the hell out of finding food and water and cooking it.
Once he will stop keeping track of hunger, because he knows it's a waste of time and his DM career is on the line.
If he ever mess with your camp followers again, you repeat the same thing until he learn his lessions. Remember, you players are in control.

This. I like to DM, but I'm also a player, and I know that there are not a lot of things more frustrating and infuriating than having a dickass DM fuck over your hard earned investments and having your items disappear just because he thought he's being a clever little dipshit.

The Quads have it. The single kernel of usable knowledge that can be found in this thread.

Although from Role-Playing perspectives the camp follower is either going to be scared, flattered, or confused.

>Kind of like how if a DM fucks with you about food and water, your party roleplay the hell out of finding food and water and cooking it.

If you wanna do that, I'm game. But there's no excuse for not bringing adequate rations and water on an expedition, guys.
I also don't care if you go into the dungeon, or which of my dungeons you go into, for that matter. That's your party's business, I'm just here to figure out what happens when you do the do that you do.

DM forgets that the party will learn and adapt to your bullshit

so hire some mercenaries to protect your camp when you aren't there.
Don't you want to have a small army marching about with you?

>there's a good chance that they'll end up getting killed or raped while you're exploring."
In a wild setting, you have to protect your non combatants. If you're gonna get some camp followers, you either have to give them a way to escape, defend themselves, or hire another NPC as a guard to keep them safe.
Or you can just keep them out of the way.

d20pfsrd.com/gamemastering/environment/environmental-rules/#Starvation_and_Thirst

Unless the party is going to be in the dungeon for the days, there is no point of keep track of food and thirst. If they spend the night in the dungeon and leave by noon, don't worry about it.

I know, right? It's like they don't even want to mount a proper expedition into The Dark Forest Full of Big Scary Creatures That Will Flat Fuck You Up™.

>Okay. It'll cost money, and if they get murdered they get murdered and you'll be less likely to be able to hire another one unless the payout is grand.
Literally this. I'm not gonna fuck with your dudes if you don't leave them easy to get fucked with. Unless there are actual armies marching about, the followers should either be behind you and move a short distance away at the first sign of combat or be at a secure campsite.

>pathfinder

Please. This ain't a trip to the supermarket. Some of the more remote dungeons will take three or four days to reach across rough wilderness full of nasty things, and one of these dungeons is 12 levels deep, and we're using B/X dungeon exploration rules where they actually MIGHT be down there a couple of days. It's a brutal dungeon crawl, not a merry dungeon jaunt.

Never. The world must always feel as real as possible. When you make concessions like that it suspends belief into the depth of the world, and it kills any story suspense posed with the risk of a party follower being in danger.

This. A good DM should be careful to portray a believable, consistent world. If you put your thumb on the scales in one situation, you'll be pressured to do it again in another, and again, and again, until any semblance of fairness goes out the window, and any tension with it.
Set up the rules, let the players know what the risks are, and then let the dice fall where they may.
I personally would leave rape off the table, though. Too dark for me. Kidnapping would be fun though

>The world must always feel as real as possible

Go LARP then.

Low level parties are too fragile to do several days of dungeoning and high level players can store huge amount of food/water or even create them.

>Implying in a fantasy world that /d/ would keep them male for very long
Everything /d/ touches turns to futa, you know this.

Sure. You can store huge amounts of food and water if you're prepared to buy wagons and attendants and set up an expedition. At which point a camp follower to cook is only a natural addition.
You have to be a level 7 cleric in B/X to make enough food for 12 people and their mounts for one day. A level 8 can do 24, which will probably allow the expedition to be sustained without expending its rations until they reach the dungeon and he goes inside.

>Hey GM, can we hire a camp follower?
I'm now picturing an adventuring party accompanied by their own personal hairdresser, mincing along behind them.

That feel when your party will never even consider hiring followers. I love the idea, and have some fun/comfy, nonbullshit ideas id use with it if they did.

But alas. They will never consider it.

...

Hey man, a bard's gotta do what a bard's gotta do.

>playing DnD in the first place
The quality of the games I play in and run has exponentially increased ever since I stopped playing DnD.

Probably because DnD lends itself much more to dungeon delving than to anything else and I was miserable with the party simply delving into dungeons over and over again: but hey, that's my tastes, and opinions.

What I cannot condone is GMs, specifically Burning Wheel, saying that nothing is sacred and every NPC should be targeted.

Especially if you aren't playing DnD, you should not target the NPCs of the background of the PCs. Why? Because it's been done to death by Terrible GMs for cheap drama and it makes players who have been confronted with said idiot GMs become more distanced from their characters, making them plain orphans with no attachments to anyone. Aka "boring murderhobo"

Don't kill off the party's family/background NPCs, guys. Just don't.

>not hiring a full cadre of followers and mercenary hirelings to both guard your camp and accompany you to dungeon
What are you, some uncultured murderhobos?

>"Hey GM, can my artificer make an unseen servant from an at will item but give it a personality and also appear as a maid with silent image? Should only cost 1,500 GP for both items joined together

>sure, magic can do everything

Magic: shitting all over martials and nonmagical folks forever

Quads of truth!

>Once he sees how paranoid you guys are with the safety of your camp followers and see how much time is wasted
>Kind of like how if a DM fucks with you about food and water, your party roleplay the hell out of finding food and water and cooking it.

As a GM, I can confirm both of these. Just like ammunition, you will just stop caring once you realize the sheer amount of insanity the party will pull off just to make sure they never run out of these things.

While it depends on the system, I guarantee you that most of them provide enough cheap magic items/spells that create endless amounts of food and drink that the only way the party risks starving is if they're either poor or lack a spellcaster.
And even then, knowing players, they'll strip the wilderness in a 2 mile radius of the dungeon of all life and stuff their bags full of consumables before going in if that's the case.

>"If you want one, I'm giving you a fair warning, if you want one, there's a good chance that they'll end up getting killed or raped while you're exploring."
>or raped
>raped

fuck this guy
OP, just do it

everyone here telling you to then be an autistic asshole thereafter is 100% correct

>While it depends on the system, I guarantee you that most of them provide enough cheap magic items/spells that create endless amounts of food and drink that the only way the party risks starving is if they're either poor or lack a spellcaster.

Some systems do that, but I don't run those specifically because they negate a big chunk of gameplay that I feel is important to the themes I'm going for. Same with the kind of shit is talking about.
They might, as you say, try to pull off some insanity at first, but they will settle in to a healthy level of effort after a while. Especially when spending too long out in the wilderness screwing around trying to "strip the wilderness in a 2 mile radius of the dungeon of all life" means the possibility that they'll be out hunting when a warband of 10-60 orc raiders comes up on the wilderness encounter table.
I mean sure, you can hope for a good reaction roll, and maybe even hire some of them on, but a bad enough reaction roll means you're all in deep trouble.
And for what? To avoid checking your ration count before leaving town? It's silly, and any player worth his salt will figure that out pretty quickly.

His DM may be fucked up, but two wrongs don't make a right, user. And two That Guys don't add up to one mature adult at the table. I doubt the other players want to be at ground zero for an autist fight.

>calling a DM's bluff

Ballsy.

Create Water is an orison and creates 2 gallons per casting. Just buy, like two weeks of travel rations and some mugs and you'd be fine for weeks on end.

If you want a run a 'gritty, survival game' just run a zombie game or use a system that is not Dnd 3.PF because starvation and thirst aren't REALLY a concern 99% of them so long as the party isn't nothing but fighters.

>Create Water is an orison and creates 2 gallons per casting.

On the contrary, Create Water is a fourth level Cleric spell, and creates a magical spring with enough water for 12 men and their mounts. You need to have an Elder, aka a sixth level Cleric, in your party to be able to use it. And it's only good for your crew while you're travelling, he can't cast that for them if he's down below in the dungeon. Also you'd better bring enough water to get back to civilization with if he bites the dust down there.

>Dnd 3.PF

See, there's the problem. I'm not using that, because it sucks for this kind of stuff. B/X actually has wilderness survival's challenges not be constantly undercut by a surfeit of powers and abilities.

>Four fours of truth

Having a goon or two to handle mundane tasks preempts 'realism' buffoonery about camping and resource gathering, paying upkeep for their benefit is unobjectionable loot tax to prevent overflowing coin purses devaluing currency, and they're easy plot tools for the DM.

As long as it doesn't devolve into a cold war of players and GM trying to abuse them, I always try to work them in to games.

>no herald to announce your entrance with full titles and deeds

How tragically plebeian

I'd say get rid of the personality and it would be fine

maybe bump the price since their guidelines not rules

This

Time to secretly plan with the party and shoulder check the DM.

>sure, magic can do everything

Only when the DM wants it to.

>Wizard: "I cast disintegrate on the monster"
>DM: "It doesn't work"
>Wizard: "What do you mean it doesn't work? Does it have spell resistance?"
>DM: "Yes. Roll."
>Wizard: "Got a naturally 20"
>DM: "It fails"
>Wizard: "I'm casting teleport next turn, clearly we're fighting something beyond our level."
>DM: "You can't cast teleport, it will fail."
>Wizard: "I haven't cast the spell yet! WTF!"

Nothing like playing with a "Mother, may I?" DM.

>false dichotomy

>true dichotomy

>superpositioned dichotomy.

>submitted dichotomy

>autoerotic dichotomy.

>manually erotic dichotomy!

fractal dichotomy

Now fuck.

What a terrible fucking thread.

>I personally would leave rape off the table, though. Too dark for me. Kidnapping would be fun though

Pussy GM detected. I rape my players all the time.

WTF

Indeed

>they made the narrator older man hot
>his voice is already incredibly attractive
Oh no

Does his voice really sound hot

it is to me.

If you're in to slightly older, weary, possibly British voices, yeah.

fuck off

>why? because it has been done
you sound retarded

>It is likely that players will be desirous of acquiring a regular entourage of various character types, monsters and an army of some form.
(From OD&D Book 1: Men and Magic, page 12)