Do elves shit?

I mean, imagining Galadriel taking a dump does take some of the awe and grace out of her character

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They’re vegetarians. They take HUGE shits.

oh hi GRRM, any further with book yet?

not if she does it gracefully

I will give you a better question.
Have you stocky rockphiles managed to craft hygiene yet?
We have the same bodily functions, you armpit licker. We just don't like shitting on the streets and then digging a hole to hide our feces.

Yes, but due to their dietary habits they shit large pellets much like a deer

That must be how they keep the forests so well fertilized

Please don't lower yourself to communing with stonesuckers. Now come with me to the gay bathhouse

>Do women shit?
>I mean, imagining my crush taking a dump does take some of the awe and grace out of her

>Being in awed by your girlfriend
Soy content off the charts

I cannot find a comic about eldar poo crystals I've seen somewhere on the web.

I've seen my wife take a dump, that doesn't take any of her grace out of her. And elves are children of nature, they shit just like any deer or wolf.

I honestly hope that you are taking this sarcastic reply as just that and also feel that OP is a fagot.

but imagine her standing over you peeing on you:D

It's been a while OP

Glad to have you back

Do you think all those families hiding in the caves behind Helm's deep had a designated shitting corner ?

No, they didn't - they shat their bloomers during the siege.

Due to the process of elimination, every organism poops somehow or has some sort of waste by-product if they consume something. Even plants. Think about that for a minute.

Plants. Poop. Do you really think that's just air you're breathing in?

So they don't wipe?

I imagine that they don't but they never need to. Like, y'know those poops where it's clean the first time you wipe? it's like that, but every time for elves.

Is that because they're anuses are so loose?

Shrimp do not.

Maybe they have horse anuses.

Now that's the true magic

What if that's not only about anuses? What if their long ears also resemble those of horses?

>soy
To the containment board with you.

youtube.com/watch?v=QmKhGqWcJGY

alex jones needs to make some filter to lower your soy intake asap.

Tolkien's Elves are vegetarians only in Peter Hackson's imagination.

If you play an ERP and want to avoid scat and watersports you could just say that all the feces the elf produces get magically teleported away somewhere. There has been a greentext about some That Guy that made it a core part of their character in a normal campaign.

Him being obnoxious aside, the idea of having an enchantment on you that makes it so that you never have to shit and piss again seems pretty rad, actually. Not only for sex, but also long rides or court sessions, eating something that would guarantee to get diarrhea or just drinking with your buddies all night long without having to get up to take a leak.

To be fair, they squat, so they don't get shitty messed up guts like modern men do.

That Said, having hairless bare always moisturized asses probably also helps.

Then there's the Druid ones that do the shit buttplug thing that bears do.

The turds come out as smaller galadriels that slowly dry up and coil and turn to shit like the movie franchise did

That aside, I was reading Fellowship on the bog the other day and reading about Lothlorien made me wonder along similar lines. A far as the book goes Lorien elves mainly live in treehouses and platforms high off the ground, reached by way of exceedingly long staircases. So, assuming they don't just shit through the window, there are only two other options - either they can run down stairs really fast while holding it in, or they shit in buckets and some elf somewhere has the job of collecting these buckets and carrying them down to the river. Urination poses similar conundrums, especially in a people who like their wine.

Which brings me to the real question. Who is that elf? Who is the miserable sod whole lot in life through the long ages of Arda was to haul shit and piss around, to gut pigs and peel potatoes for Elrond's feasts, shovel manure out of the styes and stables and rub skidmarks out of Glorfindel's pants after long campaigns.

They probably wash themselves with water.

>either they can run down stairs really fast while holding it in
Elves can probably hold it in a really long time.

What if they work with nuclear fission?

Magic is nutricious.

All the gay sex suddenly makes sense. They're training their sphincter muscles until they become inhumanly strong, able to contain a rising tide of watery stool for weeks on end while lesser men have to find safe rooms to squat down in.

The elves do hunts and shit all the time, especially the elves of Mirkwood. The idea that they only eat greens is nonsense.

So a literal control rod up their arse?

Should females have hairy armpits and legs? I'm sure shaving them wasnt common until the 19th century.

If it would look out of place in a heroic saga then it is irreverent to the story. Hence no tax policies.

That being said maybe they took it in turns. Everyone does the worst jobs for a century then it's some other bastards turn.

Do elves fart?

Yes, but they prefer to do it in specially concealed farting rooms. That's why they're so good at spotting secret doors.

How else would they hold themselves up above everyone else?

depends on the culture and relative level of wealth, lots of parts of the world even now youre not gonna find hairless women

Godammit I didn't want to fap today

MIRACLE OF EVOLUTIONARY ENGINEERING
i don't have it saved sorry

That would be terrible.

>kill an elf
>its body melts down into the earth, poisoning the land for generations

Cateposting is probably more /tv/ than Veeky Forums.