Oh no user! A kobold is attacking you...

>Not chasing away kobold away with vacuum cleaner and keeping free clothes

Pleb

>"Large Assortment of Rope Lights"
>Child car seat
>Mini Pig (yes, an actual 4mo pet pig named Ms. Piggy, complete with potty training)

Have Ms. Piggy distract the kobold, then use the Rope Lights to tie the kobold to the child car seat. I'll high-five my loyal animal companion afterwards.

Yeah, those size 2-4 women's clothes ain't gonna do shit for me, man. I'd rather make a new kobold friend, maybe the kobold and I can have adventures together or something, anything to get me somewhere in life.

>Wood pallets
>Busted leather couch
>Copy of Sega Football '95 for the Genesis

>Aboveground pool
>A couch, TV, Loveseat and an industrial hose
>An old water pump, tank, and a countertop
It's easy. I set up the tv and couches in the deep end of the pool, trick the kobold into sitting down and watching it, and then start the pump and flood the pool!
If it gets out, I bludgeon it with the countertop.

>Hot Tub Lid
>Arm Chair from the curb
>2 captain's beds

make a barrier with the beds, hide behind it, then leap out and beat it with the chair and or lid I suppose
or I just push the beds together and seduce the kobold with my new smelly chair and the lid which implies ownership of a hot tub, but does not actually mean I have a hot tub

Dress up as a trap, lure the kobold in with some sensual piano music, then suck em' up with the vacuum.

>radiator
>calculator
>cat climbing tree
Using the calculator, I activate the power of MATH and INFINITE SERIES forcing the kobold to attempt to traverse an infinite number of finite distances to reach me. While she's thus occupied, I set up the cat tree and turn on the radiator. Being cold-blooded, the kobold now seeks the softness of the cat tree and the body-temperature heat of the radiator. Once sure that's her main motivation, I end the paradox with an integral, letting her cross the full distance to relax on the cat tree.
A while later, I now also have a kobold friend.

Or, with a different but also nearby one:
>L-shaped bed
>cardboard boxes "of all sizes"
>piano
Trap the kobold in a potentially infinite number of cardboard boxes. Wait for her to settle down a bit, pass the time by practicing The Entertainer or learning Don't Deal With The Devil (side note: playing the piano is hella fun). Invite calm kobold to rest on the bed and discuss things, or place sleeping kobold on the bed and take my leave. Give her a few boxes to play with when she wakes up, too.

>dress up as a trap
Wrong kind of trap. You're trying to lure a kobold? Pretend to be a pit trap, or a hidden arrow shooter. And anyway, when you suck a kobold, you use your mouth~

Seems like a lot of us wanna fuck a kobold, can't say I'm surprised

I mean, I sure would. Kobolds a cute.

Wouldn't you want to split a romantic mulch dinner with a kobold?

>A washing Machine
>6 dining table chairs
>150 wooden pallets

Guess my PC is a ECW Wrestler

>suck em' up with the vacuum

I have a very good dog, a cabinet of unremarkable make, and that "cloudy bitch, Tina"

In the traditional vein of Veeky Forums, I allow the kobold to kidnap Tina, and go on adventures with my dog after selling the cabinet for some adventuring money.

>Handmade knife, end table, comedically large tophat

Fantastic

>Used Tractor tires
>TV
>Shelving unit
....I guess pushing a shelving unit onto it would do the trick. The pic isn't from a close free section but I got a kick out of it.

>Dobson

>Nothing found for that search.
fuck you nigger wizard

What the hell is tina

Literally only one offer in my city for hookups, kik for details.

This isn't even free stuff.

>Sofa, empty beer bottles/jugs, and a barn.
Yeah, I can make this work.

>who

as the ad says "She needs to get away. Come take her off my hands"

Going to page 2
>sofa
>dishwasher
>trophy collection
Club kobold over head with a trophy. Stuff in dishwasher. Wash kobold.

>money
Kinda useless
>chickens
Guess they'd make a good distraction
>big ass CRT TV
Now we're cooking with frog grease

A whole barn?

>cathode ray tube, a large hamster cage, a 6 1/2' artificial christmas tree.

I'll make it work

Wait, there's money on the free listing of craigslist?

People give away money on Craigslist?

>black baby piano
>christmas tree
>snowblower

A fucking snowblower. I guess the walls would look good painted red.

A lot of piano being given away on Craigslist it seems

>king-sized Ikea bed
>a couch
>two boulders

Maybe I can make a catapult out of the bed and the couchsprings to hurl the boulders at the kobold?

Not free per se, one of those work from home deals that someone posted in the free section.

Also, considering the neighborhood I'd say it's na trap.

God what city do you live in

A desk, a german shepard mix and a backpack roller. I think I can beat the kobold down with the desk drawers and backpack roller. The dog looks sad.

>hundreds of beer bottles from beer bottle collection
>two different posts for moving boxes
I'll hide in one box and put the beer bottles in the other, in an obvious spot. When she's opens it to look I push her in and she dies due to an over dose of bottles.

>pill bottles, a plasma lighter, and a pianola

Well, I guess I draw her in with the magic of a piano playing itself, smack her with the lighter, and bottle the piss to sell at bar frequented by hunters and rangers.

I punt it. then stomp it into submission.
I don't need no craigslist kill a kobold

>A freezer, a cable bike lock, and 4 fish

I'll make a club out of frozen fish using the bike lock for grip.

Fuck the fish, you've already got a little baby flail. Just use the fridge to keep the fish cold and beat it with the chain

Use the fish as bait in the freezer and then lock her in

>3 different cars that have obviously been stolen and stripped for valuable parts
Obviously I'd try to fuck the kobold like everyone else in the fucking thread otherwise whatever I'd rip a piece of metal off a car and beat it to death or something.

no

lock her in the freezer, and have a nice meal

then take her out before she dies and fuck her to bring her body temperature back to normal

There's surprisingly little attempts at lewding the kobold here. Besides the mulch of course

>Not recognizing the crop
Shame on you.

I think he means the search on Craigslist

Pitbull/rottweiler puppy
A Windows XP tower
5 goats.

we druid now?

He's still a degenerate for not living in a city big enough to have a Craigslist free section

Okay

You lure her in with the delicious smell of roasted goat, and throw her off gaurd with the puppy to distract her while you tie her up. Then you sit her in front of the tower to sit through windows xp catching up on all the updates it missed, because you did a factory restore to it's original state.

That's extra evil in that I live in nowhere, USA. The rural DSL caps out at about 90kb/s.

Imagine how fast that puppy could run XP with that much ram.

Males goats are billies. Your pun falls short and puppy should piddle on you.

>The dog looks sad.
Its owners are offering it for free on craigslist. Even crackwhores get better than that.

Well it was found

>>An eggplant
>>A couch/love seat
>>An office desk
>I will fuck it into submission

That's nice user, but you still haven't told us what you're gonna do to the kobold?

Are you having mulch dinner?
bitches love mulch dinner

I'm just not confident I'd be able to rape a kobold without done external means of restraint.
If I can seduce her, though? Mmm, scaly fever~

>romantic mulch dinner

>king size box springs
>cedar boards
>free couch

i get on the couch and cover myself with the other objects
the kobold will never find me

Nothing. I fight the kobold with my bare hands.

Ok, lessee here...

aboveground pool
medical exam table
3 issues of english/chinese bilingual magazine

Allright, looks like ill ask her if she wants to go for a swim (while speaking on broken chinese/english) and see if she wants to play doctor later.

>free cardboard moving boxes
>60 steel tube
>corks, odd sizes and good condition
I laugh in her face regardless because FUCKING KOBOLD
AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

>hot tub, candy molds and a couch
Looks like I'm making some chocolates and attempting to seduce the kobold

>FUCKING KOBOLD
That's the idea, yeah.

Some wooden chairs and dirt delivery. Guess I can pin the kobold under the chairs and dump dirt on top until he suffocates. Hell

A cloudy bitch, so I assume a female dog composed entirely of clouds.

>Upright Piano
>Children's clothing
>Elliptical

Offer kobold clothing to escape. Use elliptical to get yoked. Invite kobold over for activities. Drop piano on kobold.

>tfw had some good walls to block her creatures
>wizard clears my field and instants and gives me shit cards to defend
Fuck you, now my kobold gf gets to swing face for essentially free. What a broken card, what was WotC thinking?
haha I'm reinterpreting "attack" to be in the context of a manchildren's card game I'm so funny

Chair, and two piles of lumber. I can beat it to death with a 2X4

Technically it was an ad for barn wood, but it pictured an entire barn so I have to assume you're allowed to take the whole thing.

>Garage Cabinets, Firewood, and Dirt
Load the wood and dirt INTO the cabinet and bludgeon the fuck out of the monster.
Or die trying.

>a pool
>a medical exam table
>three issues of a Chinese magazine

I might be able to drown it in the pool.

A China set, wood chips, and $50 for opening an account for some pyramid sceme.

I roll diplomacy, using the China set to make coffee, and reason with it. With just a $100 deposit you could be making serious cash, and each kobold you refer (and you probably know a thousand kobolds just in your clan alone) will be making you another $50. Soon you'll be rolling in money, I'll even throw in the wood chips for free, since you'll need bedding for all the hot kobolds pussi you'll be pulling in with all your new income.

>medical exam table
Are you kidding? You're one of the few people that actually found something that would help you fuck the kobold.

FULL-size spring mattress
20,000 pounds free remotes
Free Sony 60" projection tv and Xerox copier

>TV stand
>20 railroad ties
>and these sad looking dumplings that were colored with permanent marker.
I charisma to convince the Kobold to take these kittens and leave me alone.

Aww, Did the description say what happened to them?

It said they were colored and used as bait for dog fighting.

...

> leaves
> railroad ties
> office chairs

Set up the railroad ties in a doorway so the Kobold trips and falls into an office chair which then slides accross the room to where I hide under the leaves. Club it over the head with a railroad tie then proceed with high impact sexual violence.

>3 fucking tables

>firewood
>mulch
>free massage for women

A long night of cuddling and handholding by a fire.

>A toddler bed
>A dog
>3 piglets
Looks like I don't have to do anything, my beast horde will protect me

>A trio of entertainment centers, a stack of old tires, and 300-400 old books

Looks like I'm using blunt force trauma.

>twin bed
>desk
>dirt
Lay, the lizard, not slay the lizard

>Freezer
>Bookcase
>Two sets of jumper cables
Huh.. i guess i could rig some sort of a home-alone style trap

A couch, a metal trashcan, and some firewood. I think I'll be ok. Use the trashcan lid as a shield and a piece of firewood as a club. If kobold is chill, we can hang out on the couch, I guess.

A broken bedframe, a free dog, and some kombucha
I guess I will smack it with bits of metal from the bedframe while having the dog attack it.

I don't understand, it's a kobold.
A human can kill like 3 of them without any weapons at all.