Be you, a player

>be you, a player
>buying your starting equipment
>don't buy a shovel

What, do you just shit on the street, you ape? Bury that like a civilized member of fictional society.

Our DM doesn't track bowel movements.

I play in sensible games that abstract boring, mundane bullshit

>>be you, a player
>>buying your starting equipment
I went for very mundane 300 sq ft apartment fresh after reconstruction with good traffic accessibility to both my work and city center. Bathroom included.

I can already open portals up different dimensions, so why bother with a shovel?

I just hired a pack of rodians to carry a refresher around after me.

Nobody goes to the bathroom in my settings.

Why spend good gold on a shovel when a decent stick in the woods will
A) Dig a hole
B) Hold your TP/TP Equivalent/Good book
C) Fend off potential wolves
D) Fill in the hole
E) Disposable
F) You don't look like a fuckwit, carrying extra weight you don't need

We used to have bathrooms but then the party TPKd each other over it and now excretion doesn't exist.

But surely your Ranger does?

>What, do you just shit on the street, you ape?
N-no, of course I don't...

Sounds like a shitty DM, user.

Story?

>not buying a hori hori
>not combining your poop hole digger and your offhand weapon into a single tool
>not stabbing your opponents with it while using sword and dagger techniques and giving them sepsis
i shiggy to the diggy

>E) Disposable
I'd be the kind of guy who's keep a good stick to use for burying shit. If I played my cards right, it could also be used as an improvised weapon, because it'd be hilarious to say "I hit the monster with my shit stick".

Sounds more like a Shitless one.

Three words: Bag. Of. Holding.

Or one word: India.

That would be use C)

But disposable is a great quality in a shitstick. You don't want to be running from orcs with your pants down & regret leaving a costly shovel.

I make it a point with my character to put all my arrows bodkin down in the nearest latrine of whichever town we visit

Just keep track of which bag you use to do your business. Someone is bound to pay you for it eventually...or someone gets bored and makes a nightsoil golem.

> not wearing spiked brawling armor and dousing yourself in shit before every combat

Go hard or go home

the setting is based on hindu mythology OP

>get tiny scratch during battle
>fucking die
on that note though
>noit chewing shit and then exclusively biting enemies
weakling

>Not consuming exclusively poisonous and volatile poisons and herbs
>not blasting your foes to death with your boiling-hot, high-velocity shit spray

Do you even?

what is constitution bonuses?

>not filling your wounds with shit so much that you basically become a living infection
>not stabbing yourself with doubled ended blades, razors and broken glass and then hugging enemies with your diseased body
do you?
ask that again when your arm starts rotting away and pus comes out of your mouth when you try to speak
Get a bad enough infection and you'll wish it could kill ya fuckboi

>not defeating the ancient humungous red dragon at the end of the dungeon by doing that and crawling down its throat then flailing around to cause massive internal hemorrhaging and level 99 food poisoning

Fucking loser

Are they drinking while shitting?

>Tfw had a fellow player who made a point of shitting all over the place in character
>Tfw we were being tracked by enemies with the instructions to "follow the trail of unburied turds"
>Tfw he goes ballistic and ultimately leaves the group because he feels like the GM is punishing him for roleplaying.

>crawling down it's throat
m8 it basically evolved to eat heavily armored knights and their horses
it wouldn't feel the glass and razors
In fact, they'd probably be shoved deeper into your skin due to how thick and tough it's throat would be
now, if you were to climb up it's cloaca...

Cloaca, eh?

>not having the wizard cast enlarge on you so you can fuck the dragon into submission and gain a submissive, super-powerful mount/henchman

Why play?

>not having the wizard cast enlarge on you while inside the cloaca
Reddit is that way btw

>wasting a red-hot dragon pussy

What are you, gay?

There is some serious Nurgle worship in this thread...
We need us some purging

>There are poomen in who stalk adventurer parties and shovel up their shit in order to use it as a form of fuel
>It's an ungrateful job but it pays really well

>there is an entire dimension filled with anons shit

im playing a humansized dung beetle

Shitting on the street is still looked down on even if you bury it, user.

Man, what's with all the pot-holes in this road...

Those aren't pot-holes... Those are shit-holes!

>Guillermo del Toro will never be your DM.

Those are called slaves, your party should at least have two or three, I've played characters with six or more slaves to help with various jobs.