Every time I play a barbarian I start off as an honerable warrior steeped in tradition and end up as the friendly party...

>Every time I play a GM the game inevitably gravitates toward a sinking feeling that I cannot roll above a 7 at any given time

>being that contrarian

>Make a creepy compulsive liar
>End up as the most honest and friendly party member because the rest of the party has no concept of diplomacy
>Make a soft-spoken nice guy
>End up pissed off and preachy because the rest of the party lacks a moral compass
>Make a judgmental moralizer
>End up as the kindest party member because the rest of the party doesn't understand the concept of mercy

I need to stop surrounding myself with sociopaths.

If everything around you smells like shit, you might want to check the bottoms of your shoes.

Yes I know that feeling

He's right though. There's no particular reason you can't refluff the tribal stuff. And not all tribes were primitives. Nobody thinks of the biblical tribes of Israel as being primitives during their time as a nation on the levant but they were tribes nonetheless. And totems are just natural and spiritual symbols of a group.

Plenty of civilized characters fit the abilities of barbarians just fine. You must be one of those guys who can only play !asian monks because of the ki points or something.

>make a quiet get in and get out type rogue
>end up being party face because no one else has the balls to make a fucking decision for the party

I hate my group

With my group, I literally am forced to make my character concepts with being a face in mind, or else the games grind to a screeching halt. Too many shy or quiet people at my table.

>The other DM's GF who always makes a quirky lol-so-random concepts which he allows cause vagina
>The shy chick who mistakes "Charisma" for "Snark"
>The former DM who never makes sessions and always plays edgy minmax characters
>The otherwise good roleplayer that always wants to play furry homebrew races
>The two lovable morons who still haven't read the handbook after a year of playing and never bother writing a backstory and then get mad that their character doesn't fit in the story.

I love them all IRL but DMing for these guys is a nightmare. At least when me and the other DM trade off I give him a reprieve and play something relatively normal.

Never underestimate the friendly party retard.

>honerable
congratulations, you're retarded

Every time I play a Paladin I start off as the party's moral compass and end up being a "stick-in-the-mud" because I'm the only one who takes things seriously and always have to remind the party not to steal.

ah, shit. story time.

What if superman had dr. doom build him a time machine powered by cosmic paradox to go back in time and stop Lex Luthor from killing Lois Lane, the Justice League, and the Kents?

What if he was willing to do this after policing the world for a century, ensuring no harm befell it and gradually growing more bitter towards humanity?

Cue the rise and downfall of Ultima-Man! The hero of the future, now!

So we were all c and d listers who were able to talk, bribe and sneak our way into the closing ceremonies of ultima-city, the city state housing the ultima-league, home of the greatest heroes in this sector of the galaxy.

Ebenezar McCoy, master of time and space, able to teleport most things, somewhere and generally on the lookout to prevent paradox saturation in real time environments.

Nightshade was a pixie who knew Vulcanist, the high druid and member of the ultima-league and casually wandered in past security.

Freddie. The Lab Rat. Actually a team of super criminals compressed into the body of a relatively morale burglar via some sort of weird science. His arguments with himself were legendary, as they sometimes descended into fisticuffs.

Last but not least, was Hector. Hector was a victim of devil fruit consumption, taken from a distant goddess in the amazon after she had grown it for a thousand years on the sacrifices of her flock. He was hungry and it was right there. His player jokingly referred to himself as Luffy once, and after that all bets were off. We couldnt not consider him in the same light as his name sake, to the point the player grew irritated with our inability to remember Hectors real name.

I'll tell the short version here now that introductions are done.

Cont.

I want to do a doppelsoldier as a barbarian

>roll a cleric
>you really want to be a cleric? We don't need heals
>1 combat session later
>good thing you picked a cleric user

Hector was played very close to his namesake. He was relatively oblivious, but cared deeply for his friends. He disliked casual cruelty and loved to fight.

We go on many adventures where we grow as people, a team and learn to understand the true depths of Ultima-Mans madness.

The machine ultima-man had built wasnt for travelling through time, it was for igniting certain super-powering events in populations. The last one (according to our timeline) that occured was in 1950, shortly after Ultima-Man showed up.

The super-powering event ruptured space time, and our time travel was more misfortune than anything and we were sent back to 1916 europe.

We later learned that the paradox had eroded our timeline into nothing, causing it to cease to exist. We were stuck, and there was only the future to look forward to.

Each major pantheon of gods arose due to a super empowering event, a fair number of wars and power struggles, and eventually ascension into yggdrasil, where they would direct humanity until the next empowering event occured, and the new wave of heroes would take over. The old gods were kept in a stasis like state, basking in memories and worship. The tree of life, was a cosmic seed and capable of much.

Than ultima-man attempted to destroy the tree.

We were being cleansed of some chronal parasites that had attached to our memories, and thus, timeline when he busted through the cave wall into the root system. He must have tracked us, and had arrived ahead of his army of super-turncoats.

Hector, realizing what was at stake, stood up to him.

Rubberman versus Ultima-man.

His first blow lands, and knocks Ultima-man off his feet, through the bedrock and into the magma below, somehow having penetrated his invulnerability.

shit, I gotta go, sorry folks no time for stories right now.

Every time I play paladin the character ends up dead because they never bend in their belief and their belief is to fight for the faith.

Every time I play barbarian it starts out as a berserker and ends up a cold blooded murderer