Your party encounters a giant ancient alligator snapping turtle, how fucked are you?

Probably not, but that's why they hired a snapping turtleologist.

We're fine. Gator snappers aren't active hunters. If it were a COMMON snapper however we would be fucked. Those bastards give chase and are a shit ton more aggressive. You ever see how quickly a common snapper can shoot out it's neck? Haunting shit OP.

It has a "you done fuck up kid" face

>it's just a slow dumb turtle says the bard
>i know, i'll yank its tail to taunt it
youtube.com/watch?v=-etGu9Y8blM

>he doesn't have a swamp Druid/ranger party member
It's like you WANT to die horribly in a godless marsh.

I just went for a wild ride of turtle watching user, thank you.

He's completely within that thing's kill zone.

it's a cr2 beast i transform into from time to time

Did that fucker just jump at the dude with the camera? Clearly he would have deserved it but now I'm trying to imagine this fucker scaled up to the size of an actually gator.

That and the thought of hillbilly knights in snapping turtle armor is amusing to me.

they're nasty little cunts aren't they?

>giant and ancient modifiers
>cr2

>Gatorman Warlock starts doing the "New Warbeast Get" dance the second he sees it.
>Everyone else just stares, knowing this is going to probably end like the Blackhide did, with the Warlock needing to recuperate after it nearly tore his leg off.

My PC is a giant alligator snapping turtle. I am fucked in the literal sense, probably.

>Big
>Long-lived
>Rare
I guess the wizard has a new pet.

only as fucked as the ones training them.

because if we live, we'll be after them.

I just know that one of these fuckers will try to see if he can stick his dick in its mouth then pull out before it clamps down.

>How Can My Giant Ancient Aligator Snapping Turtle Be So Cute?!?!

>this kills the pineapple

I keep wondering why the Ironback Spitter doesn't have something like armor piercing on it's bite attack.

your party encounters a giant ancient rhinoceros beetle, how fucked are you?

fucking die, we're barely level 2

>Turtle Troubles in the ER | Untold Stories of the ER
>Man with turtle stuck on his neck
>Bo and his friends will go to jail if the turtle dies

I laughed a lot harder at that than I should have.

kek

When I was a kid, I had one of these as a pet.

>beating palawan
Not possible.

He is about to have his entire body bitten off.

>Poking a wild animal with a stick until it attacks
I thought only cartoon characters were that stupid.

This is a non-issue. It's an Alligator Snapping Turtle, and last I checked they don't chase prey; they just wriggle that "worm" in their mouth and let prey come to them (their mouth), before snapping down.

Since my party doesn't consist of 4INT retards, we would all recognise it for the turtle that it is and leave it alone. It isn't likely to attempt to chase us down, considering a) we're tiny and unlikely to be worth the effort, and b) it's not that kind of predator.

I'm no expect, but it doesn't take a genius to not walk into the mouth of a colossal animal.

What if the Turtle is waiting for prey to come to it in the middle of a road like pic?

Most likely because they want you to march it through stuff instead of having it stand and fight, what with Back Plates and Ornery.

Have the front ranks of our soldiers form a shield wall while the rest pelt it with throwing spears, telling them to aim for the eyes. Once they've blinded it the PCs move in and and stalt alternatively baiting it to give each other openings until one of us manages to land a killing blow.

Then we bury the followers who died, the preist holds a short service in their honor, and we finish the day with a double ration meal of turtle soup.

Once we're in private, I berate our """leader""", again, for picking this shitty route through this shitty swamp full of ghosts, elves, spiders, spider cultists, and, apparently, giant goddamn turtles. The roads go wide around this place for a reason, cutting through isnt a shortcut. its been a fucking month since my feet have been dry goddamnit.

SNAPPED

>how fucked are you?
quite

>cleric spams channel energy
>sorceress shoots at it
>rogue attempts to acrobatics oh top of it
>barbarian, not fully understanding the possible consequences faces it head on with brute strength

I love that dragon

Pally probably behaves like a dumb fuck, throwing her hammer at the turtle and giving me a reason to finally kill her.

...

Last session our paladin reduced a huge rune slaves giant to a smoking corpse in 2 hits and My Inquisitor turned a flying necromancer stone giant into a fine paste

Does anything challenge you guys anymore?