As much as we'd have loved to sit and watch our ex-boss' remains smolder in the hive-light, there wasn't time. The ambush had only taken a short while (only about a dozen or two "rounds" as us professionals call them), but the Secret Police had to have reinforcements on the way, and they probably wouldn't call things off just because their boss was dead. Even more worryingly, the combead Tink had given Bane was completely dead, and we could overhear chatter about SOMETHING leaving the Arbite's HQ at high speed.
It was time to get moving and, if possible, avoid dealing with any freakishly powerful secret agent types until we'd at least had time to patch ourselves up. Sarge, with a bit of support from Ivana, led the way back towards their side of the Interchange, where the faithful cargo truck had been stored. As we moved the noncom put in a courtesy call to Sciscitat to let him know Angelica was dead, but didn't get through, so he had Doc leave it with the Surgeon instead (no mention was made of any spooky Liber things though). We were just entering the stairwell when a high pitched whining sound drew our attention up towards the top of the interchange.
An Arbite Eagle shuttle, pouring smoke from its engines and weaving a tad drunkenly, shot down out of the sky, caromed off two walls, a support pillar, and a truck full of mattresses in a physically improbable manner, and skidded to a halt in the general vicinity of the maintenance closet. From the far side of the traffic, we heard a distance, surprisingly heartfelt-sounding
Yeessssz yesssss dick is hard enough to penetrate terminator armor!
Michael Davis
Welcome back!
Owen Gonzalez
>slow night at work >shoggy post thank papa
Thomas Wood
OH shit, first time I caught it AS it's starting.
Adam Hall
aw yiss motherfucker
Leo Edwards
Fuck Yes!
Josiah Jackson
Hey. You've used mash gifs a few times, so I'm assuming that you are some sort of fan.
Well, David Ogden Stiers just died. Just thought I'd let you know.
Adrian Allen
>David Ogden Stiers F
Brandon Cook
>caught one just as it goes live yee BOI
Carter Myers
Catched it alive. Praise be!
Oliver Johnson
F
Ayden Edwards
Shit literally happened 2 hours or so ago, damn
Charles Howard
>And now for the thrilling final conclusion of The Return Of Bane Johns
Fair warning guys, this is just a 12ish poster, and it's going to be slow since I'm still struggling to get the last five or so into actual readable shape.
I do not recommend this thread as a primary activity tonight unless you've got a blue-ball fetish.
Carter Nguyen
Watching The Punisher, not a problem
Oliver Ortiz
you make my balls so blue
wont you make their dreams come true
Nathan Roberts
Take your time. We can wait.
Owen Phillips
F
Sebastian Moore
...
Joseph Edwards
modding the shit out of fallout 4 on my shitty laptop, go ahead dude take as long as you can
Camden Foster
Eh, need to sleep anyway, I'll read before work tonight
Caleb Ramirez
Awww shit, I preferred Burns overall, but Charles Emerson Winchester III had some great moments...
Parker Cox
And now the thrilling conclusion.
Dominic Morales
Fuck you shoggy we love any amount of love you are willing to post. For shoggy story time is always best time.
Leo Reyes
So no shit, there we were, standing just across the street from a grief-stricken psychically-superpowered (self-proclaimed) secret agent. A man who'd killed at least two Inquisitors, single-handedly blown up an entire warp-ship, tackled an Ork Freeboota with nothing more than a pocket-knife, and had just spent the last hour shooting up the planet's Arbite HQ FOR FUN. A man who may or may not have been a daemonhost, and was shacked up with quite possibly the most dangerous woman we'd ever met, until she'd been killed. By us. Very, very thoroughly.
We decided it was time to start running.
The plan was still to kill Bane of course, it was just that we didn't particularly feel like doing it RIGHT NOW. We felt like we deserved a few hours off to grab a bite, get some light medical treatment, and maybe catch a quick nap; the universe felt otherwise. As we piled our way into the stairwell Bane's dramatic moment was cut short by the arrival of a squad of Arbite float-bikes (two of which spontaneously collided mid-air), and a very one-sided gunfight started moving straight towards us.
Still though, we could think of a dozen places we'd rather duke it out with Bane than the middle of a packed highway covered with burning sewage (and directly underneath a MASSIVE pile of explosives), so we started sprinting up the stairs anyway. We pushed our way past a few confused emergency services types, including a pair hauling a broken-legged maintenance worker, up to the level that led to the garage where we'd parked. At this point Tink did some quick math, called a halt, and informed the rest of us that it was time to ditch our more unreliable assets before they became a liability.
A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
Gabriel Perez
So, after last weeks Grey Knight reference, I got to thinking....
>Kaldor Draigo vs BANE JOHNS >Cage Match of the eon
Jason Morris
Burns was just awful , Charles was a character
Christian Peterson
>A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
>A dozen levels below us, Bane Johns kicked the last of the Arbites through the maintenance door, and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
Austin Smith
Smart. Probably should have tossed the plasma gun too, but I imagine that's a line Tink will never cross.
Brandon Mitchell
First the consolation bouquets to Angelica and now a Sorry card/grenade pile to Bane. I never knew Twitch was such a charitable soul.
Connor White
That is some nice timing for the grenades
Aaron Brown
Nice. Sorry I didn't throw an edited chapter at ya, Shoggy. Slipped my mind.
Nathan Barnes
My money is on the group gets caught between Bane Johns and Traffic Warden Dread before the night is done. Any takers?
John Gray
Yep. It'll be over the shuttle Bane crashed, rather then all the dead fellow Arbites
Evan Roberts
Yeah don't even joke like that.....i got 40$ on that though. Seeing as dread has the same probability powers or being a perpetual.
Asher Bennett
Just want to let you know that I have been hooked on this show for as long as I can remember. You are the absolute best.
Adrian Baker
Oh, that's tough. I'll come down on Dredd surviving at least, dude's too Lawful Angry to die.
Brandon Cook
I thought that was the plan all along
Jackson Long
Probably. Illegal parking of a stolen Arbites shuttle in a government interhive fast lane has to carry a hefty fine.
Throwing this out there because I won't get another chance. I expected Sciscitat to recruit Dread, who woudo then give a critical piece of mission Intel moments before slapping the entire Inquisition team with a fine for Running A Covert Operation Without Filing For A Permit or something.
Evan Gonzalez
...
Luis Scott
Oh shit it barely started. Oh well, if the pace is slow I'll read it tomorrow, fucking timezones. Anyway, thank you for this shoggy, my magnificent dude!
Evan Diaz
>Bane to the left of me, Dreadd to the right. >Here I am, stuck in the middle with you guys.
Nolan Edwards
Finally caught it live! Love your work Shoggy, you’re an Emperor-given gift to us
Austin Ward
A live one! After all this time! Fuck yes!
Pic unrelated.
John Young
>and entered the stairwell at about the same time as 37 assorted grenades reached his level.
upon which his psyker bullshit transformed them into 37 grenade pins
how does he get away?
HE CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT
Jace Hernandez
I think thats the plan to kill him. Its all psyker powers, so if he's forced to keep using them, then he will eventually fail a "roll" and earn a Peril of the Warp.
Ayden Sullivan
The vast majority of the grenades either overshot, undershot, failed to detonate, or somehow bounced out the door past Bane, but judging by the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing sounds, at least one of the flashes must've hit the target. Not that being blinded stopped the man from opening fire, and somehow managing to hit the back of Doc's helmet, a tank of fire suppressant on one of the first responders' backs, and the crippled maintenance guy. Twice. Twitch hastily moved his explosives-filled pack around to his front side, and led the retreat down the foam-filled hallway (until Nubby passed him).
Nubby found the exit into the parking garage blocked by even more emergency service guys and a fire-truck. Time being of the essence, rather than ask nicely, the little trooper bellowed at them to make a hole, kicked two in the shins, and left the rest to Ivana and Sarge, who scattered the stragglers like bowling pins. As he passed, Twitch tossed his pack to a particularly nervous looking fireman and instructed him to "RUN, FOR THE LOVE OF THE EMPEROR, START RUNNING!" The guy took one look in the bag, started screaming, and did.
Our trusty cargo truck wasn't parked far away. Most of us piled in and started swapping gear and doing field repairs, both on our kit and ourselves, as fast as possible. Tink, looking around and taking in the number of explodable vehicles filling the garage, decided that this was just about the second worst place to fight Bane, and got in the driver's seat instead. Those of us in the rear were abruptly thrown to the floor, then the wall, and then the other wall, as Tink attempted to "drift" the six-wheeler down the garage's exit ramps before Bane finished whatever the hell he was doing to those poor fire guys.
Luis Bailey
"lit"
William Hernandez
Yeah but knowing him he's still going to get something positive out of it. Like, he could totally just turn into a Daemon Prince and I wouldn't be surprised at all. At the worst, he'll probably get dragged into the warp, where he can bang Slaaneshi whores all day for millenia.
Ryder Morris
I'm eagerly awaiting traffic cop of doom
John Bell
...
Jason Ross
If Bane's a daemon host... can a daemon even roll perils of the warp?
Ethan Green
>mawp
Bentley Russell
Daemons and anything with the From Beyond trait can't Perils in DH. Of course, if Bane is likely just being his broken as shit self, so in theory this should work. No telling if his luck effects Bad Stuff tables though...
Juan Thompson
I'm curious, if a parking garrage is #2 what would the #1 worst place to fight Bane be?
Luis Robinson
>judging by the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing sounds Earballs!
Samuel Wood
I figured the "Deamonhost" rumors were just because no one could understand his powers and they just made assumptions
Asher Adams
Probably where ever they end up fighting him.
James Myers
I almost feel bad for taking a post but- fuck year Shoggy!
Jeremiah Walker
OB, obviously.
Henry Brooks
Probably the place they just left with the "MASSIVE pile of explosives" directly over it. Bane could easily make a missed shot hit an explosive and cause debris to miraculously kill our our heroes while leaving Bane himself unscathed.
Nathan Collins
They can and are affected. At least in later versions where the psy system isn't a bunch of d10s.
Gabriel Collins
Clearly the Atlantis expedition mistook him for a Replicator.
Joshua Allen
OH shit yeah, probably suffer a total geller field failure at somepoint. That is if the OB wasn't trying to kill bane as much as it does everybody else.
Jeremiah Smith
Nah OB would be a great place to fight Bane. There's tons of dangerous shit Bane would have to burn warp powers on and with all the warp taint on the ship it'd make it much more likely for Bane to have his powers go haywire. Meanwhile our dudes know all the secrets of the ship and would be much more likely to successfully lead Bane on a chase.
Benjamin Reed
I love this sequence, so many great things to pick from. >the swearing and faint "mawp"-ing sounds >The guy took one look in the bag, started screaming, and did >Tink drifting
Leo Diaz
That could happen, but based on how his powers work, they've upgraded themselves to Main Antagonists in his eyes, I think. That means they're more likely to end up in a climactic final showdown thing and not just be wiped out in a single boom like most of the mooks he burns through.
Carter Perry
I thought it was pretty obvious that Bane was a Daemonhost, though?
I mean, his luck aura has always beeen bullshit, but he was pulling blatant supernatural batman bullshit when the Party met him at the Vault, which is way beyond the Super Lucky Agent Bullshit he was pulling off when they last encountered him.
Also this is my first time catching All Guardsman Party and I'm super hyped to be involved. Love you Shoggy!
Benjamin Lopez
How is Bane Johns handled mechanically? Crits are hits and hits are misses?
Kevin Sanders
>which is way beyond the Super Lucky Agent Bullshit he was pulling off when they last encountered him. I think that has more to do with him having a "handler" to direct him in the form of the now very burnt ex boss then being full Daemonhost.
Leo Morgan
If Bane were on the OB I'd be genuinely concerned he'd get tainted or corrupted then you'd have an INSANE vapid secret agent with no sense of right or wrong on your hands.
Xavier Morgan
So, Bane Johns
Hudson Bell
misses are hits, hits are crits, and crits are perils of the warp targeted at a selected party member?
Lincoln Walker
Worse. Bane as he is now is a party animal who thinks on some level he's in an 80s action/spy flick and the universe just plays along with it. Bane on Chaos would be the above, played by The Joker.
Dylan Garcia
Nah, Bane genuinely believes that he is acting for the greater good. He's just dumb, horny, and alcoholic, which makes him easy to manipulate.
Oliver Rivera
Not to get sidetracked, but the gist of it is he's shaving numbers of the rolls of anyone near him and adding them to his own. There are limits of course, but that's the core mechanic we twigged to back when we did the first mission with him. I'm sure you can see why we wanted absolutely nothing to do with that.
Daniel James
And with that I have to go be a responsable adult for the rest of the evening. Thanks a million for the story time Shoggy, it's giving me something to look forward to come the dawn.
>there will never be a daemoni-servi-knarlo-titan-lucky-psyker
Ian Richardson
Jesus Christ how did you beat him last time ?
Jaxson Johnson
They didn't. The survived him.
Grayson Martin
They beat him via untouchable
Colton Sanders
As we hit street, shedding the last of our explosives (and very nearly Doc) behind us, Tink took a second to congratulate himself on his genius and floored it. He then yelped and attempted to floor it even harder as a burst of static arced along his hands, the radio spontaneously played a 7-note sting, and the frickin firetruck burst through the parking garage's walls four levels above us. Bane, hanging out the door and driving one handed, grinned madly at us as he opened fire.
Fortunately his aim was a bit off: instead of pancaking us, the firetruck came down in the opposite lane, smashing directly into an oncoming truck and setting both off in a disproportionately large, purple-tinged fireball. His bullets were a bit wide of the mark too, or at least that's what we thought until two of our tires exploded. Tink swore and tried to maintain control, but only managed to hold for a few seconds before Bane, having somehow been propelled OVER us by the blast, took out both our front tires as well. There were a confusing and bumpy few seconds for those of us in the back as the Techie narrowly managed to avoid sending us over a looming drop all the way to underhive, somehow skewed us between a pair of oncoming busses, and finally plowed our sturdy vehicle through the side of one the buildings lining the road.
Having unanimously decided it was time to get off Mr. Tink's wild ride, we disembarked and found ourselves in some sort of warehouse. Twitch hastily inspected the markings on the nearest crates for any warning stickers, didn't notice anything more sinister than "Munitorum-Grade Taco Substitute, Substitute", and declared the warehouse as non-hazardous as we'd get. Sarge gave the order to take up defensive positions.
Two minutes of tense waiting later, Tink made a "get on with it" gesture at Sarge, who just glared back. Ivana sighed, rolled her eyes, and announced that "Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now". The skylight above her exploded inwards.
Grayson Evans
How did they survive then ?
Isaac Rivera
Both times they "defeated" Bane (as in temporarily captured him) they had the assistance of an untouchable.
Brayden Edwards
We chickened out. We were supposed to fight him after he killed the Ork Freeboota and all that, but we were just like "Yeah, no, let's see if he'll just forgive us for the whole 'beating the shit out of him and firing him at an enemy base like a torpedo' thing."
The GM grudgingly allowed this, since it sort of fit in character, but I'm sure you can see that he was a tad reluctant to just throw out his lovingly crafted boss mob.
Mason Sullivan
He's such a fucking Diva.
Lucas Kelly
>"Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now".
Carter Ward
>Ivana sighed, rolled her eyes, and announced that "Not Even Bane Johns Could Stop Us Now".
Ryan Smith
>Having unanimously decided it was time to get off Mr. Tink's wild ride, we disembarked and found ourselves in some sort of warehouse
Anyone want to bet this is the secret warehouse that all the bitch interrogator's stuff is in?
