This is so sad...... Why the hell didn't she use a fucking revive spell even though her character is a cleric?

This is so sad...... Why the hell didn't she use a fucking revive spell even though her character is a cleric?

Other urls found in this thread:

suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=left beyond
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pumaman
tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/LeftBeyond
britannica.com/topic/Diana-Roman-religion
boolean-union.com/Chick/LastGeneration/LastGeneration.htm
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

Revival magic only works if the person wants to come back. After playing DnD I'd consider myself better off dead too.

Only Christ has the power of the resurrection.

Her friend wasn't worth the diamond dust, obviously, dem teenage girl crocodile tears

Only the Lord can resurrect the dead not those heretical demons and sorcerors of Satan

>You didn't HAVE to do that!
I like the emphasis there. It's like she's saying that, while suicide wasn't the optimal choice, it wasn't entirely off the table.

...

Who would stupidly name their character Elfstar?

A geeky wiccan teenage girl,duh.

Why would a cult worshipping Diana would have men in it?

Because fuck you you devil worshipper.
In all seriousness did you ever expect that much from a chick tract?

Dude, did you expect to see something made by Bible Thumpers that accurately reflect an actual D&D game experience or do you expect them to lie to scare young teens to Jesus? The person who wrote this likely never cracked opened a rulebook once, instead using only their outside knowledge and brainwashed perception to write this.

Where was she going to get diamonds worth at least 10,000 gp?

mug a catholic rabbi?

You’re assuming that Jack Chick even knew the first thing about Dungeons & Dragons when he wrote this infamous piece of crap.

You’re giving him far too much credit.

Was Jack Chick the greatest writer of our time?

>You’re assuming that Jack Chick even knew the first thing about Dungeons & Dragons when he wrote this infamous piece of crap.

Hey, at least he glanced through the source material.

the DM made sure she'd never get those diamonds. she WANTED Marcie to die! wake up sheeple!

Jack Chick World would actually be a pretty cool setting to run Paranoia or CoC in.

Of course, /qst/ has already done it. suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=left beyond

... This is amazing.

Also, HAROLD PENISMAN!

> cat lord

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pumaman

...

Obviously it wasn't off the table. That's the choice she went with.

The true joy of a Chick Tract is just how willfully ignorant he was about literally everthing.

I kinda want to do a setting with the craziest ideas available on the internet. With the following factions:
> Jack Chick true christians(tm)
> Mandatory World governments/illuminatis/etc
> New age "spirit science"
> Space jews
I guess it would take place on a flat earth, but that is somehow hollow too.

Im more of a Nyarlathotep guy than a Cthulu one

/qst/ did it last year. then people wrote fanfics of it. for serious.

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/LeftBeyond

>Enslaves humans to harvest more souls for Hell
>Alignment: Neutral

needs Harold Penisman

only featured Harold Penisman in a cameo

I'm getting a real Shin Megami Tensei vibe from Harold.

It took me ten minutes to realize I wasn't supposed to read these right to left.
Fuck.

Because she's the sort of person to change classes behind the GM's back as well.

She goes from being a wizard to a cleric.

Also, is this version of D&D the real caster edition, since you only learn to cast real spells from being a magic using class? Are martials out of luck?

he sure doesn't do it very often.

Repent now heretic or i will show you a fate worse than death

He would be chaos aligned

ill repent for nothing, ill live with the choices ive made and nothing that call itself god will ever make me submit

I always thought it was the other way around. DnD made the characters in response to Jack Chick's comics.

Mastema burn this unrepentant sinner!!!

Yes along side Chris-chan, Tommy Wiseau, Neil Breen and Derek Savage

Matt Ward

>Why would a cult worshipping Diana would have men in it?
Lots of Greco-Roman cults had men in the important positions, including Diana's cult.

britannica.com/topic/Diana-Roman-religion

Ward has not reached their level of surrealism. Not yet at least.

Do you mean Old Man Henderson

She was a hunter goddess, user, and men were hunters.

Kaldor Draigo is a ripoff of Samurai Jack seriously im not kidding

I love how he even has fucking scars like some comic book villain.

>I always thought it was the other way around. DnD made the characters in response to Jack Chick's comics.
Nope, Jackie flipped through the Monster Manual and picked out some entries that he thought looked particularly sinister and had his artist copy them to prove that D&D was satanic.

I suppose the idea was that your parents would see the Chick Tract first and then raid all your D&D books, find the MM entries, and gasp that they were exactly the same monsters that the tract was warning them about.

>is God
>can't even give himself a facelift

The only wiccan I ever met was a fat hairy dude

Don't worry he already has one

So Jack Chick was also a plagiarist?

Because it is one...... A christian fundamentalist one

I'd love to say "let's do Call of Christhulhu" but /qst/ has already done it.

tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/LeftBeyond

Oh derp, it was already posted. Worth a read.

>tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/LeftBeyond
> "Children, here is the thing we don't want you to know about."

I guess The Real Power doesn't include resurrection. Kind of false advertising, honestly.

Guys, guys. Resurrection doesn't work on unwilling targets.

>HAROLD PENISMAN!

What if you first resurrect her character?

>The Queen Of Heaven.

did he mean this

You are now existing in a world in which jack chick tract's stories, absolutely all of them, in every detail, are 100% totally true and non-fictional.

How completely fucked are you?

Free drugs. World Brotherhood. Secular Wicken Hindu Nazis who militantly practice veganism.
Not that bad.

I dont believe in a group who both show up and give a shit about their characters so I sadly roll out of bed into the shite that is reality.

You guys think we'll get another religious scare?
I think the existence of the internet would make another religious panic intresting.
Part of me believes its possible,

It's like a modern megacorporation, except with pitchforks and maces. I like it.

Did you just assume their gender?

It's impressive how he regularly updated his tracks to keep up with the changes in boogeymen, from commies to UN/WHO, israel and so on.
Sadly only the latest version is available on his website, I fear the old ones are lost forever.

I think both NWO shills and Christian conspiracy theorists are both bat shit crazy

I don't think it'll happen for at least a generation or two. The Satanic Panic was able to happen because both sides of the religious, social and political spectrum were pretty calm so when the Religious Right suddenly sprang into action it was able to pull just about everyone into their narrative one way or another. You have to realize that they've never settled down: they've been declaring war on shit like Magic, Pokemon and Harry Potter for decades. The general public finds them boring so they can't get much attention unless they protest the funeral of a homosexual or something.

Nah. If you look at religious forums they're way too busy arguing internally.

The HAROLD PENISMAN tract is available in both versions at

boolean-union.com/Chick/LastGeneration/LastGeneration.htm

It's just a job m8

>It's impressive how he regularly updated his tracks to keep up with the changes in boogeymen, from commies to UN/WHO, israel and so on.
Give me a few minutes and I can post the tract where he doesn't know what electrons are and claims that Jesus is the strong nuclear force holding protons and neutrons together.

Isn't that sort of the concept behind Deus Ex?

The original 1972 version is FAR, FAR superior to the 1992 remake.

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Is that a stand?

I might be getting a copy of this soon.
An old woman gave me a Chick Tract yesterday, the "Where's Your Name" one, and I asked her if she would bring me a copy of Darkest Dungeons next time.

This part especially. The 1992 version is just so watered-down compared to the balls-out NWO APOCALYPTO stuff going on here with the cannibalism and the ecology crisis... by 1992 fundamentalists had drawn a division between themselves and environmentalism (because environmentalism = hippies and hippies = liberals) that didn't exist in 1972.

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Did she give it to you in a "you need Jesus" kind of way?

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no

>That data was fed into your computer file.
>No wonder I can't get a decent job!
>Science will soon solve the ecology crisis.
>Uncontrolled crime.

Shit. The cuckoos were right.

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Kinda, she said something like "I want you to have this", not a "Ya'll motherfuckas need Jeezus!" way.

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I had to read this page so many times before realizing it wasn't an endorsement of Black Strap Molasses

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>tfw Jack accidentally ended up creating a pretty cool setting

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>Jesus Christ Superstar

Wow, really?

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I always knew that Tingle was up to some dark shit.

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Don't do it, Timmy!

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WTF

Who can write this with a straight face?

...couldn't he say yes and be accurate anyway? Jesus the son of Mary, who was married to Joseph. Joseph WAS his father, just not his biological father.